Piffffllle on all of you. I have to wear reading glasses now if I really want to read the fine print any more. I can't do all the tilling, hauling, spreading mulch and digging holes in the garden any more and I really don't want to. I stopped cleaning gutters and blowing leaves off the roof before I moved but I was up the ladder in a New York minute the other day when My grandson confided in me that he was afraid of heights after I had him climb up there to remove a tree limb. He finally did get the limb off, I'm sure because he didn't want to be outdone by his grandmother. I'm checking with the hospital about mixng up babies because MY grandson surely wouldn't be afraid of heights.:0) I still cook all the time if that counts for anything, and I can still chase dust bunnies with the best of them. I never used to have backaches but just spent most of last week and this weekend taking muscle relaxers and lying on the heating pad. Lord luv a duck, I feel like such a wuss compared to the rest of you. I talk to myself a lot but haven't talked to any trees lately. I did bend my bumper on some bricks but if you had to try and manuever your car out of my backyard with all those trucks parked back there you would have dented your bumper to. I don't even think that counts because Neil still doesn't know I did it, sometimes it helps when ones spouse can't see anything. The more I think about it, I do pretty darn good chasing our 4 pound ball of fluff all over this house to retrieve all the things she tries to scarf down that she isn't supposed to have, like twist ties from the bread, a nickle, broomstraws, strings, her poop, well you get the idea. I must have crawled under the sofa, bed, chairs a million times today to get the little squirt's ball for her. Shoot! now that I think about it, I'm getting around like a spring chicken and maybe I have a few good years left in these old bones. Marda, I couldn't even stand up on a skateboard so my hat's off to you. Sheila, I have that book. Suzy, I've had thin fine hair all my life so I expect to go bald any day now. Do they still make wigs? I'm going to bed now, it'll take me all night to fall asleep and tomorrow I may just try out a new skate board. Yeah right!

I have had Therese Bugnet for several years, and she has always been in partial shade (maybe 4 hours of sun per day). She has a wonderful spring flush, and is finally, since last year, repeating a little here and there. The only problem is she is more prone to mildew there, and some leaf spotting (antracnose/cercospora?) in late summer/early fall. I love her though....she is the first to bloom in the spring, and her fragrance, after a long, cold winter does wonders for the soul. Judith

Ladyvixen, we were in our 30's in 1985 when we bought our 1898 house. Looking back, we were very young. Neither my husband nor I had any skills or knowledge at all about how to work on houses. All we knew was that our house was nearly intact, was very inexpensive, and that we loved it. I had always wanted an old house, and had been buying things such as light fixtures, hardware, etc., for years before we bought the house. We bought the house "as is". Fortunately we were both employed and had no children. We had to hire almost everything done, and it needed a lot of work. We did not take a vacation for years. Then came a time of around a year or two that my husband was either unemployed or underemployed. During that time, the house just didn't get worked on. We didn't care that we lived in an unfinished house; in fact, I thought it was beautiful from day one. We have a corner in the dining room where all the little balls the cats play with end up, but you don't notice the slope otherwise. It has taken us over 25 years, and we are almost finished, but still have some work to do. We should have it finished by now, but are in our 60's now and do like to take a vacation now and then. Also we sometimes didn't have work done even when we had the money, because we were tired of the mess of having things torn up. We lived with a practically non-existent kitchen until about 2004. I said all along that this house was my dream house. People would look at me funny, but it was and still is my dream house. Don't let others talk you out of your dream. Make the decision based on what you want and what you think you can handle. If you think you can live with an unfinished house for years, go for it. If you have to have everything finished and perfect, you shouldn't buy an old house. I have the ablility to not even see the unfinished stuff until we get ready to do something about it. I meant this to be an encouragement to you, but reading back on it, maybe this will scare you because it has taken us so long. Don't let that scare you--you can do it faster than we did! I will try to attach some pictures if I can.

SS11 has gone through several stages like that. He's in one now, actually. Our approach has been multipronged: - We remind him that he wants privileges (such as being allowed to go to the store alone) but that privileges come with showing maturity and responsibility. Lying doesn't show those things and makes it hard for us to believe he is ready for the things he would like to do or have. - We've had him write apology letters or write a list of 5 reasons that lying is wrong. None of the reasons can relate to getting caught or being punished. - We've explained to him that we greatly prefer to trust him. It's easier and happier for everyone if we don't have to police his every move. We've presented it like this: "A__, you don't like when we nag you and check on your every move, right? You like when we trust you and give you your own space. Well, when you lie to us about simple things, like brushing your teeth, it shows us that we NEED to be nagging you and checking on your every move. If we could trust that you'd brush your teeth when asked to, we wouldn't have to pester you about and it wouldn't turn into a fight. If there's no fight, then everybody is happier." Then he sees that our actions (nagging him) are a direct result of his actions (lying to us) and is more willing to change his actions. - We issue rewards for completed tasks. If he wants to watch a show that will be end a bit later than his usual bedtime, so we say "If you are ALL ready for bed BEFORE the show starts, then yes, you can stay up late to watch it. So that means you have to have your backpack ready for tomorrow, be showered with your teeth brushed, and in your pajamas. If ANY of those things aren't done by the time the show starts, then no show. Deal?" He knows that we mean it. If he skips something, he won't be watching and it will be his own fault. - This one is underhanded and a bit manipulative. We don't use it regularly. SS is always really worried about what other people think - he doesn't do well in social situations or make friends very easily, which is too bad because he's a nice boy and I've seen that he is a loyal friend. So we've reminded him that people don't like liars. We've said "People don't want to be friends with someone who lies to them. No one wants a friend they can't trust; they want a friend who will be truthful." For this case, we thought a little peer pressure might be a good thing, although it isn't a technique I'd usually advocate. - For personal hygiene issues, we've shown him pictures of gum disease and so on. He also doesn't like to brush his teeth or bathe. We explained that we don't tell him to do these tasks to spite him, but so that he is healthy and well. "Yup, brushing your teeth is a pain in the butt. But we don't make you do it to be mean to you or to think up clever ways to torment you. We make you brush your teeth because it's important for your health. ~Insert explanation of gum disease, complete with photos, here~. Now do you understand why it's important for you to brush your teeth?" We've had to do this roughly once a year since he was about 8. - And, of course, we try to praise and be positive for the things he does when asked and for telling the truth. To be honest, I get a bit frustrated with having to tell an 11yo that he did a good job because he put his dirty clothes in the laundry basket, or praise what a very good choice it was that he told us the truth about something... But he needs it, so I do it. I think it will continue to be an ongoing battle for us, for the same reason you just mentioned. SS doesn't really understand cause and effect or that actions cause reactions.