It's up to you. I just grow much more than I actually need, but those first few tomatoes are mine. After that I share freely with friends and neighbors.

Unless your husband shares the toil and sweat of growing these tomatoes, he should not, IMO, have any say so on giving green unripe tomatoes to ANY BODY. But you didn't say anything about the number of tomatoes these people demand. With the number of plants you have and an average of ten tomatoes per plant perhaps YOU could 'share' a few. A few, really. Sounds like a case of selfishness on the extended family's side...to me..

Unless your husband shares the toil and sweat of growing these tomatoes, he should not, IMO, have any say so on giving green unripe tomatoes to ANY BODY. But you didn't say anything about the number of tomatoes these people demand. With the number of plants you have and an average of ten tomatoes per plant perhaps YOU could 'share' a few. A few, really. Sounds like a case of selfishness on the extended family's side...to me..

In our house, when there is a shortage of anything, and we have to use the dreaded "Ration" or "Moderation" terms, everyone shares the pain equally.

So, if your harvest is half, everyone's ration is cut in half-- thats how we do it. It reduces the amount of time for negotiating worthiness, costs, etc.... a discussion with only lost time and bad feelings.

YMMV

d

Since you don't have as many as usual I think your friends and family ahould understand that and take less or none this year. Offer to help them learn how to grow their own. I always offer extra plants to friends and family in the spring. If they don't want to grow them themselves then they are stuck with what I have left over if any. If they liek green tomatoes so much they should grow some for themselves.

I agree with the trend in the previous replies. You are expected to do all the work but then reap none of the ripe benefits? That is NOT selfishness on your part, it is very inconsiderate on their part. So just smile and say no, sorry, not this year. Better yet, since it is hubby's family, he should be the one to say no.

As mentioned, if you explain that your number of plants is much reduced this year so your number of fruit is equally reduced. You simply cannot provide them with more than couple of green ones and have anything left for all your hard work. Surely they will understand. If not then they have some serious personal shortcomings.

Dave

Tell him you won't sleep with him if the family takes the green ones. If my wife said that to me I'd get the message.

Tell your family you'll be GLAD to prepare them if they'll bring the green tomatoes with them -- that they'll see you don't have them to spare this year since your family prefers them mostly ripe. Usually people will fall right in with a suggestion as long as you're self-confident and indicate your intention to do what you CAN to make them happy. It's just that this year you guys can't supply the tomatoes yourselves!

Look you'll come off looking bad if you don't give them tomatoes---but I am with you. I could not stand to have people pick GREEN tomatoes.

Can't you go to the market and buy a bucket of green tomatoes and come home and put them on a tray and say
sweetly 'I got these for you because I know you love green tomatoes--help yourself.'

If you have to give an explanation just say its been a lousey year and you want most of the ones on the vine to ripen. Tell them you will give them some ripe ones later.

I thought about you 'fibbing' and telling them you PICKED THEM for them but then every year they would expect more and more green tomatoes out of your garden.

But honestly I would rather take my own time and buy some green tomatoes for 10 bucks or whatever then have them pick my own green ones.

Why are you asking us when you've already answered your own question when you said "I know I am being selfish." You have to follow your heart and giving the green tomatoes is already in your heart; it's what you do. So, what you need is new plan. Someone above suggested giving a selection from just a few rows and I think that's fine. You can actually cordon off a section and put a "don't pick from htese please" sign on the cord surrounding the plants you want ripe fruits from.

My own feelings is that NO ONE belongs picking from your garden except you. No one helps you with all the work. No one else should decide what happens to YOUR tomatoes, certainly not greedy relatives.

I don't think your being selfish. Just tell them
that you didn't have time to plant that many this
year, ad you want them to get ripe for your children.
If they can't understand that, then they are the
selfish one's. It's a lot of hard work. I eat the
tomatoes from my garden first, and when I have surplus
I share with others, and I consider myself a generous
person. As are a lot of people on this forum.

How about you make up a big batch of fried green tomatoes to serve at the next function, and explain that the rest of the garden is going to be allowed to ripen.

I grow tomatoes for the kids;))

I consider myself a generous person and grew hundreds of seedlings for friends.

Whatever ripens on the vines is for the kids. Extras are for myself, DH and then others; especially the local food bank.

Save 'em for the kids.

Thank you all for the advice. IÂve been thinking about what everyone said. I have to admit that the last couple of days IÂve gone through a roller coaster of emotions. I realized that in 13 years only one person in the family has ever shared something from their backyard with us. DonÂt get me wrong, the family is very kind in many other ways but maybe they just donÂt realize what goes into growing your own vegetables.

DH and I have decided to be honest. This year is a bit different. We got started late, grew fewer plants, and got hit with disease early, so I donÂt even know what kind of crop we will get. So we will share but only what we can. Our little ones come first; after all they are working very hard in the garden this year! DH built the raised beds and did the entire heavy moving etc, I tend to the plants - so the garden belongs to all of us.

As a family we share, we have always shared, that is us. I realized that in all the years that we have always been the ones that give, and I think that will always stay the same. I want to share and I want my children to learn that too. ItÂs not just the family; we try to give to others too.

In the past I have offered to teach the family how to plant, there was even a year that my little ones started so many tomato seeds that we had 150 plants and we offered them to every person we knew. But I finally realize that not everyone wants to be a gardner :o

I posted the question because I knew that the people in the forums would understand, because you all know what it takes and how much work it can be sometimes. You also know how rewarding it is to share growing with the little ones, picking the ripe veges, and giving to others. I wanted to hear that it was okay to feel the way that I was feeling.

How can I expect them to understand, when they have never had a garden of their own?
This year theyÂll get fewer tomatoes and they will also get to hear about all the work and problems and diseases encounteredÂ.. in detail! Just kidding!

Thank you for all the advice and the great laughs!

I understand completely. If they take all the nicest, biggest, low hanging green tomatoes from your garden at this point in the season they are getting all the very best fruits that your plants will produce, and as a result your immediate family wait longer for ripe tomatoes.
You know, there is a difference between sharing and being exploited. If you don't feel good about it, draw a line. Only you can know where that line is and how justified it is. If your husband is not a gardener, there is no way he could understand how special those tomatoes are to you or how much work goes into growing them. I'd tell your husband this:
"I'll give them the same percentage of my tomatoes as the percentage of your personal income you give to your side of the family in the form of gifts and money in a year."
If he says that's different because they're "just tomatoes," you can tell him that his dollars are just "pieces of paper."
Those tomatoes are the "fruit of your labor" and nobody, not even your husband should be telling you that you have to share it with your extended family at the expense of having less for your kids. That is why you grow them, not for charity, not to be a tomato martyr.
Next year, you could expand your garden to accomodate more sharing, or give your family seedlings and try to help them grow their own, but this year, I think you should tell them very politely and without making excuses, "Sorry, I didn't grow enough this year to share." Or better yet, take preemptive action, go to the farmer's market and buy a bunch of green tomatoes for them, and when they arrive, rush to them with the basket and tell them "I know how much you like green tomatoes, and I didn't have enough this year to share, so I bought these for you as a gift!" They can't refuse a gift, and perhaps they'll receive the message better and leave your tomatoes alone.

Nice thread to send to our government officials.

d