Lilyfinchâ¦We had the arbor already. Here is a pic. We widened the beds and added a curvy grass path. To left of arbor we moved my reblooming lilac bush and to the right of arbor, I already had climbing roses that we planted last year..so maybe by next year, they will start climbing over the arbor!

Thank you for your thoughtful replies. I am breathing a sigh of relief, despite not being 100% blameless. Carla, you're on point. Our getting lost did not account for all 3 hours, perhaps only half of it. As I mentioned in my (long) post, I anticipated being late based on Katie's attitude and comments. I agree that I chose the wrong friend to bring to this event. The funny thing is that she is punctual in her personal affairs normally. Finally, I came to the same conclusion this evening before reading your answer; John was grateful that I came, and was very busy with company before (and after) I arrived. I know I would be thrilled if he made such an effort for me -- late or not. Honestly. Regarding the engagement gifts, I'm at ease about it. My cringing was primarily due to my late arrival. The table full of gifts just compounded my guilt. NancyLouise, I must confess I did not meet his parents, my hosts. The engagement party was huge and it was not obvious who the parents were. John met me and gave me a warm welcome when I arrived. He immediately rushed me over to meet his fiancée. I was surprised that he didn't mention meeting his parents. Normally, I would have been eager to seek them out and introduce myself, but arriving 3-hours late made me want to keep a low profile. Cowardice? Yes, I think so. (I am cringing again now.) I sent them a hand-written note on nice stationery, saying what a beautiful party it was and thanking them for sharing such a special occasion with me. I suppose I should have commented that I wished I had met them, but I don't think they know or would remember who all of his friends were anyway. It was THAT big. Let me off the hook with this one, please? [laughing] Well, if any of you think it's best to mention something about not meeting them, then I can rewrite the card since it will go out in today's mail later this afternoon. (My goodness, this is a complicated mess I've made!) I also sent John an email (again, it's our primary means of communication, although I know it's not normally proper), saying how welcome I felt and how happy I was for him. I think I will leave it at that. I have learned a few lessons from this experience. First, have firm boundaries with friends. I knew I wasn't being principled when I let Katie dictate when we would arrive. Second, go solo if bringing a guest complicates plans. Third, don't beat yourself up for not being Miss Manners 100%. Sometimes the heart means well, and to a true friend, it's what matters most. I appreciate your feedback and guidance, ladies. It helps.

I occasionally lurk, but this reminded me of an experience I had over 30 years ago. We had a pot luck for Thanksgiving at work, & one of the 'girls' brought...I can't even remember what it was. She worked in my unit, & she was temperamentai & unpredictable, so I was very aware of her sitting right beside me at the luncheon. Whatever it was was wonderful, & I praised it to her, adding 'I'd love to have the recipe'. (not that I ever, at that time of my life, cooked anything that required more than a microwave; I was just being complimentary) She looked down her nose at me & said, 'Why should I give it to you?' Some people do just have a bug up their butt, & the best way to handle them is to treat them like asbestos: stay away from them if you can, but if you can't stay away from them, at least don't stir them up. 'sour cream, cream cheese, cream, cheeses of some kind, noodles, and some some vegetables.' sounds wonderful without any more ingredients or instructions!

Chisue, The walkway width is 3.5ft, we considered making it 5ft wide but now we are thinking that 3.5ft will do. Stairs are also 3.5ft wide. Ours is a ~2200 sqft house, 2 stories, with first level footprint of ~1150 sqft, and I think at this proportion we do not need 5ft width (any thoughts?). JDS, Currently my idea is to have a bench or floating shelf like in the image I am attaching here. If not then we will keep a small stool there. The closet will hide the shelves for shoes.