Now I feel bad for having inadvertently kicked this off... WG had every right to reply as she did, and I took no offense. I'm new to this forum, and there's absolutely no reason that I deserve her trust... I hope I will earn it in time, but there are many good reasons for her to be cautious. As others have posted, there are very good reasons NOT to trust other people. I find it astonishing that someone who opens their garden to others would risk the kind of theft that has been described, but I have to believe that it's true... very, very sad, but true. Personally, I'm one of those naive folks who believe that gardeners are a species unto themselves, and I tend to treat them as trusted friends just because they're gardeners. I hope that they will be enthusiastic, willing to share successes and failures, and willing to teach and learn, depending on the circumstances. Above all, though, I expect them to be 100% honest with each other. Hearing that others have had experiences which cut into that trust does not make me think less of the person involved. It just makes me sad that such caution is necessary. Whitegarden, please understand that I took no offense whatsoever from your caution... I understood it fully, and accepted it as a perfectly reasonable response. You're under no obligation to trust anyone just because they are taking part in this forum... period. Hopefully some day I'll earn that trust, but in the meantime, please keep contributing... your wisdom and experience are absolutely invaluable!

DrPax- I am one to always suggest sticking it out, but with this one I am reluctant to do so. I'll give you a bit of my background to explain my reason. My father was a single dad from when I was 8 and my sister 10. I ended up marrying a single father. My heart goes out to you in many ways. Here are my thoughts: 1. Looking back, my father was an emotional basket case for two years after my mother. He wasnt there for us, checked out emotionally and traveled as much as he could for work. So I give you immense props for being there for your children. Post-trauma is when you need your "available" parent the most, I speak from experience. 2. Take care of yourself. You are still a man and dads need some adult TLC too! My father took care of us, went through many nannies before finding the "right" one (thatÂs an entirely different story), and then he began going out. That took 2 years, and by then, my sister had become queen bee, i.e. very territorial. So by the time he began feeling up to dating again, no woman was ever good enough and she was a nightmare (IÂve always been more mild tempered on that front)! Our children see us only as parents, so they donÂt get that we need to go out too. So, take time for yourself and let them know that. You are always there for them, but you need to be there for yourself too and they need to know that. 3. Single fathers are a great but extremely delicate category of human beings if you ask me. My now husband was so famished for affection, was so eager to love, but was so overwhelmed by everything concerning his children. It took much patience on both his and my part to find a balance with his childrenÂs demands and both of our needs as a romantic couple. If I can compare it to anything, it was like dating long distance, where you want to be with the person all the time, but you just canÂt Maybe, because I saw it with my father, I was willing to wait. But I also knew that being patient would pay off because I knew that I had fallen for a great guy. 4. When I first started dating my now husband, I did so much research with books and websites, I talked to any bio and step parent I could, but nothing (and I mean NOTHING, not even the blended family I was born into) prepared me for the actual reality of marrying with children (and I have it really good compared to most). The odds are against us second timers; but I truly believe it can be done. But if youÂre not ready, youÂre just not ready. Hence, point number one with a corollary, take good care of yourself. With your last post, it really sounds like you know what you need/want. 5. The "friend" introduction made me giggle. My father did the same thing, and we ALL knew that his friend was a Friend. Family dates worked best for my husband and myself and all the children. We went bowling, out to dinner, to the movies, brought the dogs for walks and by the end of it, it was OK. I was DadÂs girlfriend, and that was that. I then went to the house, and once I hung out with the children without my husband (I was a mess by the end of it!). My father was and still is so reserved and stiff when it comes to emotional things, but I just wished he had been more open and honest with all of us kids (bio and none). I knew what was going on, but my sister suffered tremendously for the lack of communication. She still calls it dishonesty, but my father just didnÂt know how else to handle it. Can I condemn my father? Can I condemn my husband for wanting to take it REALLY slowly when I was ready to marry him the day I met him? No. I have much empathy for both as I do for you and really, any single parent out there. Your girlfriend sounds like a well-intentioned person, but if you arenÂt ready, you just arenÂt, and there is nothing to it other than that. If she is willing to take the time, then I wish you all the best, but maybe you need more time to get on your two feet, no?

Hi Nougat! I also have a BF with an 8yo (only his is a boy). I call him A__ on here because "my BF's son" is pesky to type out all the time. My BF and his ex both work some odd shifts, so sometimes it will be two or three weeks between when he has A__, but sometimes it will be two weekends in a row, three or four days on each. Usually it's a night or two each weekend. So, I see my BF's child a lot more than it sounds like you will, but I know about the long gaps and that they can make things more awkward. One thing I try to do with the long gaps to provide a little more consistency "Next time you and I see each other, we'll read this book / watch this movie / teach you how to fall so you don't hit your head on the ground when we wrestle / go to my lab to look under the microscopes / extract DNA from bananas / etc" and then I make sure to do the planned activity next time we see each other, whether it's later in the week or three weeks from now. A__ seems more relaxed when he knows what the weekend will hold before he arrives. Plus, these are good bonding activities for us. The closeness level depends on the people involved - you, her, your BF, her mom. A__ has a HUGE heart and loves like you wouldn't believe, but other kids are more reserved. I love kids and have a nephew his age, so getting to know him was pretty easy for me, but for shyer people or people who are less comfortable with kids, I think it's harder. My BF thinks it's important for me and A__ to get along (to be frank, because it makes his life easier) and that helps a lot because he facilitates our relationship. A__'s mom is quite dismissive of me, but doesn't seem to mind my interactions with her son, so I don't worry too much about stepping on her toes. I like the advice someone gave of checking with BM before taking your BF's DD along to your family outings. I, luckily, didn't have to do that because she was fine with my BF's exGF's family, fine with my BF's SM's family, takes A__ along to her BF's family functions and has told my BF that whatever they want to do when they're together is fine - by past precedent, it was OK by her. Your family should be accepting of her and treat her like any of the other N&Ns. Although, of course they have to get to know her! If they exclude her or treat her differently, I think you're perfectly within your rights to tell them to smarten up. A__ has been to several of my family gatherings. He and my nephew play together, he sits with the other kids for birthday cake, my family had presents for him to open at our family's Christmas exchange. They accept that A__ is becoming part of my family, and therefore becoming part of theirs. My one brother and my one BIL don't really care for A__... but they also aren't keen on my nephew who's the same age and almost as high energy, so that doesn't really bother me. Plus, they're nice to him, so that's all I can ask! As for how she close she gets with your family, I think that boundary is up to her. IMO, she has to be nice to them and treat them with respect, and if she's comfortable giving hugs and kisses or calling them Auntie and Uncle, then great. A__ seems to be getting quite comfy with my family now. I noticed he took quite a shine to my SIL (my nephew's mom) right away - presumably because she provided cake and had the most interactions with him the first time he met everyone. After that, his level of interaction and affection seemed to correlate with whose name he could remember and who sat down on the floor to play with the kids. Basically, my opinion is that as adults, you all have to open up your hearts and minds so that she's comfortable and secure getting close to you. She has to be nice to everyone, but should be allowed to set the pace in the relationships.

I am another who thinks the cross posting feature Houzz pushes so much is a huge detriment to the forums and I routinely flag as "miscategorized" posts that show up in forums that have nothing to do with them. It is confusing at best and I personally find it to be a huge irritant. btw, there is no compelling need to cross post - it is an option only. You only have to pick a single forum to post in - the other two choices are not requirements at all! If you do choose to do so, at least pick forums to which the topic is related!! It is also not winter yet and based on the activity on other gardening forums, there is still plenty of interest going on outside. But if you want to engage in a non-gardening discussion, please do so in one of the proper discussion forums!!