An occasional poster but mostly lurker here to say I'm glad to see the OP has had some success blocking the ads. This has always been one of my favorite forums, for the warm and friendly tone of the exchanges as well as the subject matter, and I hope things pick up again soon. I've been shamefully absent lately, since in mid-October I "died and went to heaven" ... I started a job at a county park which is a 57-acre horticultural park dedicated to the home gardener. WooHoo! Such a beautiful site, in all weather conditions in all seasons, and, a former private residence, has an interesting history. Also still trying to finish the front yard makeover as well; with about a dozen or so plants to go (there were over 100 perennials and shrubs to be moved, and 6 cubic yards of mushroom compost to distribute and work in), there's not much time for the computer these days. It's warmed up to about 43 now, a few more degrees and I'll be back outside. Just want to let you all know you've been a source of inspiration and encouragement over the years and I hope this forum will continue to be so for others for years to come.

Many women have told me that when they were single and had a career, that they would see a friend or relative who was not working, (stay at home moms of babies or toddlers) and they thought they were lazy when their houses were so messy, and chaotic. Only when they had children of their own, and walked in the shoes of a stay at home mom, did they understand how hard it was to take care of babies and toddlers, and keep the house clean and meals prepared. While working, they could not imagine why their friends or relatives could not get things done, because they thought they were just sitting around all day long. Only when they too became mothers, were they able to grasp how exhausting it can be, with each child needing soooo much from them. Perhaps if you could imagine yourself as the spouse working, and supporting your husband who is home all day, you can imagine how you would feel if you walked into the house after working all day, to find the place a wreck, and chaos, and perhaps no dinner ready. You would be really angry and disgusted with him too. Because you would feel like you not only had to earn the income by working all day, but that you would be expected to do his job too! And so it is with perspective. That explains where he is coming from. But for all those women who have walked in your shoes, you are only one person, and a new baby and toddlers take enormous energy, and you are living the reality that almost every mom with such young children experience. A grumpy husband who has no ability to imagine or grasp what your day entails. I imagine that this senerio is played out all over the country. And yet, you and countless other women walking in your shoes "get it". Can you understand that things will get so much easier as your children get a bit older? You are in the midst of the harder times that take sooo much energy. Hang in there. It would be too hard to be a single mom having to earn a living and care for such young children on your own. Perhaps before your DH is due home, you and your older children can put some music on, and play the clean up game, where you make it a fun game to get everything back in its place, as best you can. Crock pots are a great way to have dinner ready when you have the energy in the morning, instead of when you are so tired at night. Pull up 5 star crock pot recipes on line. Find a counselor that will help your DH understand how hard this time is for new moms. And help him to understand the importance of supporting you during this time. But I want to encourage you that it does get easier as the kids get a bit older. Have a heart to heart with him when he is in a good mood. Tell him that you understand from where he is standing what it looks like. But that he needs to understand that at one time you may have thought the same thing about someone else. But that the day to day reality of a stay at home moms role with such little ones, is so much harder than you ever imagined it would be. And that you both will get through this, and life will get so much easier as your little ones grow up. And that you need his support, and you will do what you can to try and do this for your family. Tell him that yelling at you only makes you want to give up on your marriage. And that these children deserve a family that is working together to make it. Remember, you are in good company and are not alone. When you are struggling, remember the young moms all over the globe that are walking in your shoes, and struggling right along with you in the same senerio. Hang it there and take it just one day at a time!

Rhome, thanks so much for reviewing this. You've raised some points with which I've been hassling. So here are my arguments. Please rebut if you want. Re: pantry door Bifold doors take up too much side-opening space when open, and are a pain to close completely. Same for accordion-type. A curtain would be difficult to keep clean (think dirty hands and dirty/dusty clothing from the workshop), and also would get in the way of a step stool used for reaching the higher shelves. The solid door allows attachment of door shelves/racks (term?, the wire thing that screws into the door and holds foil, plastic wrap, and other skinny things). I need that door rack. But I'll try not using the one in the present pantry and see if I can get by without it. BTW, those wire slide-out thingies that slip onto fixed shelves would take up shelf space that, in my case, would be better used for foodstuffs. Re: snack bar sink I agree for the need for a sink, but don't want to give up counter space and under counter drawer space. For hand-washing, we can use the half-bath or the utility quasi-mud room (off the den. There's another entrance into the house from the deck.) For cleaning, I might use one shelf in a wall cab for a spray bottle and towels and keep a small canister on the counter for trash? Dirty glassware would just be left there until I get around to moving them to the sink. I don't want to extend the wall to the den so that a longer counter would fit. Making the wall longer would obstruct the view and screw up the den-living room symmetry. Extending the outside wall is not an option. I need to think about this. Re: oven I put the oven where I did so that I could watch what's going on in there while I'm cooking. The height is a compromise among bending over, microwave reach, and frig landing space. If the oven were placed at standard counter height, I may as well get a range instead of a wall oven. If the oven were placed at a higher height and along the long wall, the counter would be broken up, I couldn't watch what was burning, wouldn't have the counter space for making and rolling dough (for example), enough landing space for sorting groceries. The mixer is on that long wall and I want to leave it there instead of putting it away when I'm finished with it. BTW, a toaster oven is also on that long counter which I hope to retire if and when I get the single/double oven. The toaster oven has given me some insight into problems associated with having an oven on that counter/wall. As far as traffic pattern is concerned, there may be no good place for the oven? Ordinarily, there's not much traffic in the kitchen except for the dogs. Anyone I'm feeding would just have to wait until the oven door is closed to get by. Re: landing space The base cabinet is ~27" deep, or else 24" deep and pulled away from the wall so that the counter is ~28 1/2" deep. I need the 15" deep wall cab to house items that are, say, 13"-14" deep, and to hold the microwave (small countertop size). The ~12"high landing space is high enough for frig items. The 12"height takes into account the UCL rail/strip. The microwave is elevated to avoid hitting what's on the counter when the microwave door is open. Dunno. Another difficult choice I'm debating for the frig wall is cabinet depth. Use 24" deep cabs and pull them from the wall so that the frig looks built-in, or bite the cost bullet and use ~27" deep cabs and gain storage space. I'm leaning towards the latter. Please continue to make suggestions. If you want, I will provide vertical sketches for usage in the proposed layout.

I think that you have the 4-day stomach flu. Both my wife came down with at the end of September - can't keep anything down - Have to be careful how much water you drink at one time. I was very sick for 3 days, then began to recover. Lost 5 lbs. And I had a flu shot 3 weeks before this flu. Apparently, its a much different flu than the ones the shots are for. By all means, do go to the doctor. If your boss gives you a hard time, ask him if he'd rather you'd come in and Urp! all over his desk! and expose everybody. A note from the doctor's office will verify how sick you are. In fact, if you call the doctor before going in and describe your symptoms, the doctor may advise not to come to his office. If its the same stuff that made the rounds in my neck of the woods, the gestation period between exposure and getting sick is 4 to 5 days. Your ability to "think straight" diminishes as you become dehydrated, and you'll become dehydrated if its the same thing I had.