I was on Lexapro for about 3 years. It helped w/ anxiety & sleep problems, however I wanted to discontinue because I didn't cry anymore, felt I was having some brain-failure moments (I made some mistakes at work), brain zap feelings & my husband and I both agreed I was a little too unconcerned about things. Anyhow, the shrink who prescribed said any withdrawal symptoms were 'in my head'. I tried weaning myself and was so nervous, I finally made an appt w/ a psychologist so they could sort of hold my hand thru the w/drawal. She was great. She saw me as needed and said she had heard about this many times. My withdrawal was tapered & slow. I negotiated 3 weeks off using sick time w/ company nurse, however never used it. I recall my bothersome symptoms include involuntary leg movements as I was trying to go to sleep and headaches. For about 2 months, I had some crying episodes at work. I would cry for little reason. Finally had to explain to coworker who sat next to me--- I wanted her to know I hadn't come unglued, it was the meds. Don't remember much else - it's been a few years, but it was definitely a big deal for me.

It takes two to make a marriage work, and right now, from what you've said, you seem to be the only one trying. Your efforts are commendable, and it sounds like you're doing many of the right things. But frankly, they don't appear to be working. Your wife seems to be holding back from you and directing her energy in other directions. I think it's time for a long talk. Try to stay calm, not get defensive, and really listen to your wife. Make a list of the things that concern you - boil it down to 3 or 4, then without accusing her, tell her that you're concerned and ask her where she's coming from. You need to know if she still wants to be married to you, and if so, why she's been acting the way she has. But things definitely need to change for this marriage to endure.

Sometimes you can figure out and work with their obvious strengths. Clubs, social organizations based around religion, culture, or hobbies for example, or even running their own business can really help for people who have a lot of (apparently misdirected) energy. In the family, where people wrestle with contact or no contact and there doesn't seem to be much room in the middle of those extremes; a good therapist (you might have to try a couple or more) might be able to work with you and your fiance to figure out how to encourage the changes you need from your mother in law. Off hand, it's good strategy to communicate with the people she talks to you about, just to make sure you have your facts straight. She is in charge of her behaviour, and part of what drives her behaviour will be limited by her genes, part will be based on her past life experiences and education, and her current environment (internal and out) will also have a significant influence. It's her project to undertake if she wants; in case these problems are widespread or in case she herself experiences some of her normal and seemingly natural behaviour as 'maladaptive' in some hurtful (to her) way. (Some people don't know that they can change. Some people don't know that resources and help do exist for this. And, depending on her view of her social and family experiences, she may not be interested in change even if it could reduce some pain that she feels.) A counselor can even be helpful for you sorting out questions like you put at the end. 'Should I feel bad that my son isn't seeing her because that's his grandma?' That question alone covers a lot of ground. Who gets to define the 'shoulds' and why? Is there some point where a person's presence in another person's life is detrimental (even if that person is an 'adult' and a family relation)? These kinds of basic issues are extremely personal, and counselors are a confidential source of help for sorting things out and learning management strategies for 'difficult' people or life situations. The project (and it sounds like it will be one) of how to allow and foster your fiance so that he can communicate meaningfully with his father (and avoid problems with your mother in law for you) is something else again. It sounds like you have an increasing awareness of your mother in law's style. That can help you predict 'problem areas' in terms of conversational subjects for your husband and his father. If the nature of their marriage relationship (his father's and your mother in law's) is such that she ends up knowing about conversational particulars, that needs to be considered prior to any conversation. You and your fiance need to work out reasonable conversational boundaries you both can manage and work within. It's difficult because in a more perfect world, of course a person could just talk to their parent without having to edit their thoughts or conversations-- things could just flow. Your, and your fiance's situation however sounds like more discretion will be required in order to avoid or minimize some predictable problems. I think there is a point at which people's contacts to even close family can become detrimental. But, it is important that people work out this point, and any particulars around it (what kinds of behaviours or other factors can lead to that for instance) for themselves and their own situation.

How did Mrs. Nosy find out about the lapband surgery in the first place? Did Kim tell her? If she found out by overhearing the staff talking, then Kim has a right to complain. If Kim told her in a patient to patient conversation, then it puts a different light on the whole topic. My guess is a lot of this started as friendly conversations in the waiting room and now it has gotten out of hand with a lot of jealousy thrown in. I can tell you that in the NICU waiting room, there is a lot of parent to parent conversations and comparing of babies and their conditions that goes on. When parents get together with one another on a daily basis, they get quite familiar with the medical conditions of each others babies. It isn't the staff that is telling them. They have eyes and ears and do get nosy too. It does become a problem. We don't know that the staff has conversed with Mrs. Nosy about Kim. They may have reminded her that they can't discuss Kim. We also don't know that the staff knows what is going on in the waiting room. If it were me, I would say to her, "You know it really bothers me that you continue to criticize how I look when I am really feeling quite well. Please keep these comments to yourself as my health is private." If it continues, then I would take it further. My only other suggestion would be to ask if your dialysis times can be changed so that you don't run into her.