Well said, Lynne and *Amen*!!! And you're right, I have typed many of those responses myself and unfortunately, didn't delete enough of them!
And, yes, it is pointless, but I hate for someone to feel we are all in agreement to unkind things said or misunderstandings created.

I'm just a "fixer" at heart, but I need to let someone else do a better job of *peace-making*! It never seems to work when I try, anyhow!

I just HATE conflict and seeing people get their feelings hurt or feel rebuffed or feel as though they are not welcomed! This is not any one person's
place to reign or rule! We all are a part of what makes this a really great place to *hang* or none of us are!

What happened to *kindness*, *courtesy* and *respect* for other people? None of us, know anything, or have anything unless it was taught us, or given to us! We all come into this life naked and ignorant. We don't put clothes on till someone else does it for us the first time, and we'd stay ignorant if someone didn't take the time to teach us what we ultimately come to know!

I'm really tired tonight, and probably shouldn't even comment on this thread--but then again, I am, and I will probably regret it because I'm sure it could be misread by someone thinking I have singled them out, when I have no ONE person in mind, at all--just the "spirit" of what happens here all too often, of late!

janice

Interesting.......I was in Indy last week and just checked back in here after being gone for a number of days. Yep - same old stuff.

Lynnem wrote:
"And I hate it when a select few act like they own the forum. I've seem more of that type come and go over the years."

Well Lynne - we can always keep our fingers crossed and hope that happens in this case.

I'm glad to see we have so many new people posting. I hope they stay longer than just the summer.

Teresa - who after touring 16 gardens never wants to see another hosta again! At least for a week or so! lol

Lol! Teresa! Phil

Teresa, it's like we have hosta hang-over!!

I swear, I can ID most hostas right now at more than 50 paces!!!! Everything hosta fits the 10 foot rule. LOL I have never stared at so many hostas. It was crazy but really fun!

Jen - hosta hangover. That's exactly what it feels like! lol

Hosta hangover?! Perish the thought...how can you get tired of hostas? LOL!! Glad you all had a great time. ;o)

Yes - and if 16 gardens last week wasn't enough I am touring another 4 this Saturday. The MHS garden tour is this Saturday and I helped organize the tour and am one of the bus captains!

Hope ths doesn't get me kicked off BUT since you asked-
Being fairly new I was kinda hurt when I posted a question about my FW shrinking and got only 2 responses - then saw where someone else asked basically the same question a week later and got "tons" of responses - What like my hosta don't matter?

OK I'm done now

Ah, lotsahosta, it was just timing...

lotsahosta--it had to be timing as Lynne, suggested. No one knows you here, besides you posting so what
would be the reason to not answer you question other than it was posted at a time, not many were checking
in? Not to worry--we are a varied lot, to be sure, and it takes almost an *act of God* to be rejected here!

You're right Lynnem - Sarcasm is rude! We're all just "peeps" (people) (Ken's word, I think it's cute) trying to learn more about our beloved hostas and to share what we know, (especially pictures) with other Hosta-holics.

Not being professional writers (actually I guess some members might be), sometimes our written words take on a life of their own and get interpreted in ways we did not mean. Words seem harsh without the smile or gestures that might accompany them if they were spoken. The idea of forums is great but it takes NICE people to really make them work.

Gosh I hope I haven't inadvertently offended anyone - I try to live by ""If you haven't anything nice to say - say NOTHING""

:~) June

I know what that person is feeling.
One of the first times I posted I got the "check the Q&A".
Hmmm I thought but went and checked and I'm still here.

But, yes, it can hurt someones feelings.
Or when a simple question from a novice gets a response that only a science major can understand. Sometimes it's overwhelming. But if asked it can be educational.

Lotsahosta I'm sorry you got few responses, I understand your disappointment. I saw your post, but didn't respond, because I didn't have an answer. Many of the posts that I start are only responded to two or three times, which is okay if at least one response has some good advice. I got used to it after awhile. I think the mega-multi-posts are more conversational than factual, where someone shares pics. We love pics.

And again, welcome, its great to have you here posting!

Donna

My peeve is posting a response and someone assuming I'm talking directly to them and telling "them" what I think "they" should do. And wearing their feelings on their sleeves causing the forum to be a study in diplomacy rather than a free flowing conversation with strong feelings, humor, opinions etc and what I really want knowledge. Sorry I just want to tell some to grow up. But then my manner is more like a man at a bar talking about a football game which of course leads to fights. Anybody want to take this outside?

I do think that many don't use the value of the forum, which is the collective knowledge. I see to many subjects not vetted, few questions and answers leading to a clear understanding of what is said and meant.

Esample; I've planted more divisions than you can count by this method, put the spade in the ground and leaning it back creating a little slit in the ground then droping the division in and stepping on the ground closing the slit without paying any attention to the height of the crown or the position of the roots. Many would ignore this and others will say IÂm crazy.
To me a proper question would be "really, are you serious."
Yes, I swear.
How many do you lose?
Never counted but very few, I donÂt think more than one percent but I usually do it when there is ample ground moisture. If it turns off dry I water and thatÂs it.
How many times have you done this?
Maybe 1-200 times, really never counted, BTW this is exactly the way many commercial tree growers plant trees.
I think you are crazy.
Have you ever done it?

At this point there have been enough questions and answers for anyone to understand and act as they see fit. Guess I could have gotten upset when they called me crazy but I know that, just trying to survive with my ailment.

Like a kid proudly announcing that he stole 2nd base and having to drive all the way back to the ballpark to put it back.

Ps IÂm just messing with ya!

Lotsahosta....if your question was answered with only 2 answers....what difference does it make?
Were you asking a question to see how many replies you got?
These forums are not in competition for follow-ups to postings. But, as EO says, it's a venue for learning and transfer of information.
And if you don't want to hear what others think, don't ask the question.
Linda C

lotsahosta - ignore the rude responses. There are no stupid questions. And if for some reason you feel your question is not answered you can always go to the home page of some of the more helpful members and email them directly. I would be happy to help, Ken_Adrian, playinmud, ademink, Hey J, and caliloo among others would be happy help without being hostile in the process.

Teresa

Please People

If you can't say something nice- DON'T say anything at all.
Please don't trash me in public then email me something nice.

K

I can't believe how rudely Phil, hosta_freak, was recently treated after posting pics of his Moerheim, which also showed a small hosta some suspected of having HVX. Several tried to defend his right to keep his Gold Standards and Golden Tiara, while not necessarily in agreement with his choice. Others were not so kind.

Much of the commentary was abrasive at best, and downright rude and cruel at the worst. Going back through his posts and trying to find contradictions, and wanting to him to "eat crow" was especially offensive.

I think of gardeners as being laid back folk, and never mean. I don't frequent other forums nearly as often as this one, however I do read and post elsewhere occasionally. I haven't ever run into the kind of vitriol that pops up on this forum from time-to-time. It really needs to stop!

I hope Phil hasn't been offended so much that he will no longer be a part of our group. He has much to offer, and will be missed.

~Nancy (Bunnycat)

Bunnycat,
After awhile you get use to it and just start to ignore the ones that think there crap don't stink.

Oh my, Nancy!! I just went back and read through his thread and I'm appalled! Why is it
so many people are spoiling for fights anymore?? Am I the only one whose seeing that?
It must be the stress of living in 'our day' I suppose!

And poor, Phil! I hope he comes back!

"So What" if he has 2 or 3 hostas with HVX and chooses not to toss them. It's nobody's business. They may be like pets to him, not just one more item on a list in his "collection." As I understand, as long as he practices safe hygiene, he won't spread it to his other hostas. It might be safer to isolate the infected plants if he wants to keep them, but once again, it's his choice, his business. He's not selling on eBay, not trading, so they will just sit in his yard.

I really think he HAS left. If you look at any of his posts, all of the links to his photobucket shots are gone. I think he cleaned house and left. "Poor Phil" is right...he got dumped on, didn't deserve it, tried to defend himself firmly but politely, until the abuse was just too much to take. He is... or was... one of the nicer guys on the forum.

Road rage, people yelling at cashiers and store clerks for no good reason (especially at teenagers), parents yelling at teachers and coaches, etc., etc., it goes on more and more all of the time. Very depressing.

Okay, that is just sad. Why do some people act like it is their personal buisness what someone does with their plants?? Like they have a personal stake in it? does any of you all have Cannas? Do you realize they too have a disease similar to HVX? I collect a certain few type plants, cannas are one of them, but lots of people who just get a few for something different may not look into them like the hostas and never know that they too have a infectious disease, you could lose the whole patch before you knew they were sick.
I have a Night Before Christmas that just popped up with what I am sure is HVX, and guess what, I am keeping it. It is seperate from the rest, in fact it is on the other side of the house from my "special" hosta gardens. No one would of ever known had I not said anything, so I guess what we all should do when we have a hosta with the dreaded disease is to just keep our traps shut about it if we are planning on keeping it. You know I seem to remember someone else posting about some hostas they had last year that had HVX, can't remember who it was, but I don't remember anyone jumping down their throat about it, granted I remember this person saying they were going to get rid of them later, but what is the difference if you are knowingly keeping a infected hosta for any amount of time?
not that I wanted to see this person be attacked as Phil was, I just feel no one should be convicted of a felony for making their own choices with their own plants.
sorry for venting so much.
It is late, I can't sleep and I have to work tomorrow so I am a little on the grumpy side.
THIS IS ALL JUST VENTING NOT SPECIFICALLY TALKING ABOUT ANY ONE PERSON.
Wait. Someone don't like caps, should I correct it? naw I am feeling a little on the spunky side.
I really hate seeing people getting ganged up on, what has happened to this place? It used to be really friendly, but I honestly don't think it is any more. I do like this conversation side however, think it is the better side by far.
(not that I have ever been attacked or put down, but I am sure that is coming)
*disclaimer*
less then 5 hours of sleep in 3 days?????? Please don't yell at me??

Oh Meesh!!! Why aren't you sleeping? And now this, stress, too? I know, it's very sad! Maybe we could email Phil and tell him we want him back!!

I don't know, it IS sad! I wonder if the internet is for many people a platform for them to release their stress by saying things they'd never dare say to people if they were face to face. I almost sense that some people even take on personalities not normally their own, sort of alter-egos of sorts!
Oh well, I'm certainly not qualified to be a psychologist, by any means!

Maybe, I'm doing what my daughters accuse me of doing, making excuses for down-right bad behaviour. Maybe, there's no good excuse for it! And, I'm not speaking only to Phil/Hosta Freak's thread either. There's another 'Phil' who posted some time ago, and as I recall, he got trounced pretty badly in his case, as well!

Come on folks--lighten up--whereas we all LOVE hosta, people are far more important than plants! A plant can be easily replaced, (in most instances) but friendships can be easily lost for good!!!! It's just not worth it!!

Drink less coffee, perhaps???{{gwi:889879}}

P.S. So glad, to see you posting again, Meesh! Saw you on another thread, yesterday, and was glad to see it!!! :o)

Wow, how awful. I had no idea, I didn't read through the thread. I love Phil, his wonderful pics and his great advice. He's helped me a lot over the past two years.

Donna

I feel like a person hiding in the bushes,but I guess you all know I might be still lurking on the forum! I didn't say goodbye because I wanted sympathy,but I do appreciate it anyway. I do still want to be a part of the forum,but,from now on,I will only stick to things hosta. My main gripe is too many people want to think of hostas,only in black and white terms,and they are not that way at all. What works for some does not work for all. You can't say,for instance,"HOSTAS WON'T GROW UNDER MAPLE TREES",because we all know they will for some people,and you can't use the dreaded HVX term,every time you get a hosta leaf that looks different than the others.It just isn't so! My garden,as you all know is on the side of a hill,or if you will,a mountain. Hill gardening is a lot more difficult than gardening on flat ground. All we have here in western NC is red clay. People are always saying dig in compost and manure,and amend your soil,but that's not what I do here. I guess what I'm getting at,is everybody does things a litle different. Sorry for running on so long,but I have to say something in my own defense. I will,in the future, talk only about hostas and the growing of same,and not anything contraversial,lest I get jumped on again. I grow hostas for enjoyment,and not for profit.(If I did,I'd be starving)! Why can't we grow our favorite plant for that reason? It is supposed to be the friendship plant,isn't it? Thank you all for your support,and once again,I don't mean to be nosy,and look in on your conversations! I guess I need to deveop a thicker skin. Phil

Glad to see you are back Phil.

Teresa

Hey Phil!!! You have come to the right place, or side to be conversational!! Don't worry about
what others think--so much. I had to learn that the hard way, myself!

"You can't please all the folks, all the time!" Many of us have had to learn that hard lesson
ON A HOSTA FORUM, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD??? That was hard one for me,
I can tell you! I just couldn't believe what brought out the "icky" side of people so easily,
and it accomplished what they had secretly hoped, I bet, for SOME reason--it made me feel really awful, for awhile!
But then, we are not in 'THE' Garden, anymore--are we!! We all have our 'stuff' that is best left stuffed
inside, but unfortunately on the internet, people feel more free to let it fly, on occasion!

So, come *HERE* anytime you feel like 'talking' about stuff you might get trounced on
for saying on the 'other' side!!! :O)

I humbly think two of the peeves are closely related. I, for one, actually appreciated being reminded to search for what I was asking. I realized, eventually, that the questions that get only one or two responses are, more often than not, a question that has been asked repeatedly, and often answered quite well by people very much in-the-know.

That's great, deeb--I'm glad you weren't offended!
Hopefully, when someone pointed to the search engine, that many miss seeing is available, it was done nicely, and it must have been in your case!

I think, mostly, people don't mean for their responses to be cryptic, when they mention the 'search engine' or the FAQ--but, that's the problem with communication on the 'net'! It is devoid of voice and facial expression!! That's why many of us try to temper the sound or effect with the LOL and :o), just to be sure it is not taken harshly said!!

Glad you're posting with us on this side!!! And, thanks for taking the time to give us your view on some things others have felt offended in!!

By the way Janice,and Teresa,I never got any E-mails from you all. I checked many times,even before I typed this. I guess it still isn't working that well. Try my other E-mail address: hostavista@verizon.net,if you want to send another one. Again,I'm sorry if I offended anyone by my rattling on! Sometimes things just get out-of-hand,and we say things we shouldn't. Love you all! Phil

Gee Phil, I sent you an e-mail this morning too. I wonder what's up with that?

And by the way, I have red clay and it was you I followed on how to plant the hostas....I don't amend the soil at all and they're growing like weeds. Thanks Phil for all of the advice and encouragement you've given to me in the past 2 years.

Donna

I also tried to email last night, but my forum mail not going out is par for the course.
~Bunnycat

Some may know the story of Victor Frankel (Viktor Frankl)

Dr. Victor Frankel, a Jewish physician, became a prisoner of the Nazis in the early 1940s. They took away all his personal things, shaved his head, then tortured him, and killed his family in his presence.

Dr. Frankel determined that whatever else they took from him, they could never take his choice of how he felt.

Butch; I seldom give anyone the power to effect how I feel, I further suggest that to do so puts me at the mercy of those who would attempt to hurt me. I seldom worry about another personÂs underlying purpose and focus on the value in what they say.

I further attempt to listen empathetically for intent then intellectual content. I first look for humor, more valuable than plants to me then content and finally intent. If I find nothing of value in the last two I will still accept humor.

I feel and felt that Phil brought his feelings on his sleeves and took everything personally and told him so. For me, it was an act of kindness to speak "my" truth to him in love. This last part comes from my training as a "Stephen Minister", to do otherwise would not be "my" honest truth.

Bunnycat said on a recent post that she almost laughed but finally chose to take what I said as "cutting" and "mean-spirited". From my life experiences and faith I think it is sad when someone sees a choice of laughing and feeling cut by a mean-spirited remark chooses the later two.

Phil has chosen to only talk about hosta at a social gathering, this forum is a study for sociologist. One aspect of a society is the condition where someone starts to chase a rabbit then all the dogs start to chase the rabbit, that is what I felt was happening to Phil so I attempted a little humor and affirmed that it was his garden and he could do what he wanted and not to worry about it. DonÂt know if I did that but that was my purpose.

Hey E.O.! Glad to see you visit "this side" some time! And glad to see your perspective and intent in posting and reading what you do! It's difficult communicating this way, isn't it, at times.

I think, if we all take care of our own business, and quit trying to 'straighten' others out so much--less will be misunderstood! I suppose coming to a forum where advice is so freely available, we sometimes forget that unless advice is asked for, perhaps it shouldn't be given, and if we feel 'compelled' to give it, make sure it is done in such a way as to not make ourselves look so "elevated" and others so ignorant! Sometimes--that happens and in some cases, I know, that is not intentional, but in some cases I believe it definitely seems to be the intent!

Some people are just quite naturally more sensitive and we should be able to recognize that in folks that post here for awhile and then be careful to be sensitive and RESPECTFUL in our of handling them. Kindness is becoming a lost character quality and it's turning us into barbarians, in so many ways in our culture today!! Don't get me started!

Anyway, I think we all need to settle our 'feathers' down and keep on keeping on, and it wouldn't hurt for apologies to be offered where needed, either. I've yet to ever reject an apology, myself, (not that I think I need one BTW), when I sense it to be genuine!

Oh, and Phil--I also sent you an email very early today!!! What in the world is happening with that? I've never thought I had a problem sending folks emails? Have you received ANY from the GW site?

The weird thing is,Janice, Teresa,Donna,and Nancy,I get all other E-mails,and especially ads! I get 200,or more from them,every day! Even correspondence from my medicine provider comes through OK. It has to be something with I villiage. Who knows? If you all read the post awhile back,you can send E-mails that way. Phil

Phil-You should have mine by now--I emailed you directly to the address you provided!

You'll have to try that E-mail again Janice. MSN sent me a message a little while ago saying there was a temporary problem sending and receiving E-mails. Probably,right when you were trying to send one. Sorry! Phil

U got mail, Phil--hopefully!!!

I sent you a e-mail last night as well, probably just as well you didn't get it, I was fuming pretty good there for a bit.
Janice, I don't know why I am getting no sleep, well I do, stress, but don't we all have a little of that?
good news is after I got done posting I went to sleep and slept til time to get up, then when I got home from work today I slept 2 more hours:) I feel much better:)

Glad to hear you're sleeping better, Meesh! Keep it up--yeah, I know, it's not your choice always!!

Stress does take it's toll on everyone, especially these days, it seems!

Happy Everything!!

some where saying they can't see the rest of the page, so i'm just posting to see if this works :)

Using Firefox I can get here but I tried accessing this post using IE and couldn't get past the line "Posted by goldedger"

Hmmmm. Looks like I messed up using HTML.

Sorry :) June