Actual letter from someone who farms and writes well!
I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in
a stall, feed
it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat
it.
The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I
figured that,
since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem
to have much
fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes
come right up
and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of
the truck not 4
feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up
to it and
toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it
and transport
it home.
I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with
my rope.
The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed
well back. They
were not having any of it.
After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up -- 3 of them. I
picked out a
likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the
feeder, and threw my
rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me.
I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so
I would have a
good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but
you could
tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope
situation.
I took a step towards it...it took a step away. I put a
little tension
on the rope and then received an education.
The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may
just stand
there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are
spurred to action
when you start pulling on that rope.
That deer EXPLODED.
The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer
is a LOT
stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that
weight range I
could fight down with a rope and with some dignity.
A deer--no chance.
That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There
was no
controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it
jerked me off
my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it
occurred to me
that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an
idea as I had
originally imagined.
The only up side is that they do not have as much stamina
as many other
animals.
A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as
quick to jerk
me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It
took me a few
minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the
blood flowing
out of the big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost
my taste for
corn-fed
venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the
end of that
rope.
I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around
its neck, it
would likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the
time, there was no
love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I
hated the thing,
and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual.
Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots
where I had
cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my
head against various
large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could
still think
clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance
that I shared
some
tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were
in, so I didn't
want the deer to have to suffer a slow death, so I managed
to get it
lined back up in between my truck and the feeder - a
little trap I had
set before hand...kind of like a squeeze chute.
I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I
could get my rope
back.
Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million
years would
have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was
very surprised
when I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer
grabbed hold of
my wrist.
Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a
horse where
they just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and
shakes its head
--almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.
The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably
to freeze and
draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead.
My method was
ineffective. It seems like the deer was biting and shaking
for several
minutes, but it was likely only several seconds.
I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be
questioning that claim
by now), tricked it.
While I kept it busy tearing the tendons out of my right
arm, I reached
up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose. That was
when I got my
final lesson in deer behavior for the day.
Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear
right up on
their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder
level, and
their hooves are surprisingly sharp. I learned a long time
ago that,
when an animal -- like a horse --strikes at you with their
hooves and
you can't get away easily, the best thing to do is try
to make a loud
noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This
will usually
cause them to back down a bit so you can escape.
This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such
trickery would
not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a
different
strategy. I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and
run..
The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and
run from a
horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that
it will hit
you in the back of the head. Deer may not be so different
from horses
after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as
evil, because
the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of
the head and
knocked me down.
Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does
not
immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the
danger has
passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up
and down on
you while you are laying there crying like a little girl
and covering
your head.
I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer
went away.
So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a
rifle with a
scope to sort of even the odds.
A friend of mine sent this to me and had I not actually seen him this morning at coffee, I would swear that this might just have been something that he did, and wrote, himself. See, this is the kind of stuff these cow boys actually do around here for fun. And then they'll sit around my kitchen table for years to come and laugh about it over and over again. That's what you call self entertainment. Now my friend likes to hit the cooler, in the back of his pickup, pretty hard now and then on a Friday afternoon as many cowboys do, which I think is pretty obviously what took place here(!). And if I knew for sure who really did this, I'd wait till his head cleared a bit and the bleeding stopped, and then I'd have to call him up and let him know it was all for naught. See, he said so himself, that the deer were already eating the corn out of his cattle feeders. All he really had to do was shoot one. Ha!
Have a great day!
MeMo
DYH
schoolhouse_gw
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