equinecpa, Do a little night hunting with a flashlight. I don't think the game warden will mind. I'll bet it is snails, I had trouble with them this spring. they ate the heads off most of my Daturas especially any color but the white ones. I did not get 1 yellow or purple flower plants. pa

Hunlin, I'm so sorry to hear of the latest development. Your BIL isn't OCD, he is controlling and an abuser. I could write a book about everything you've described, but it all boils down to one thing: HE WILL NEVER CHANGE. Sure, things might get better temporarily, but they will always go back. And every time it happens, your poor sister will become just a tiny bit more desensitized, and eventually it will seem normal to her. I will just touch on a few things: >He brings friends over to discuss their marriage, things get better. (Trust me, this is very temporary.) On the surface, it might seem like he really wants to work on things, and has brought these good friends over for heartfelt advice to repair the marriage. In actuality, what he is doing is forming an alliance against your sister to keep her 'in her place'. He is manipulating your sister as well as the friends. From the friends' standpoint, they are flattered that he has consulted them, and see him as a good guy so very concerned about his failing marriage. From your sister's seat, she grasps at the tiny straw that maybe this time, things will really change. Plus she now has the unspoken pressure from their friends....if she rejects the advice and leaves, she is the bad guy. How could someone be so horrible to leave a man that really wanted to work on things? Then there's the simple three against one, which makes her question if she's being unreasonable. These are classic things that abusers do. >He doesn't 'let her' buy or do certain things. Another classic abuser trait. From the outside observer, this is ludicrous. Why does he get to make the rules? And why would someone go along with them? It makes no sense, especially because 'the rules' are so ridiculous. But it's not the rules, really. It's the effect of the rules. They go to further diminish your sister, and make her question what is right or wrong, and maybe things make sense in a way, but even if they don't, making him mad is to be avoided, because then she pays in a different way. By the way, she does not 'make him mad', he chooses to be mad, so he can manipulate her and control her. That is what abuse is all about, control. >He doesn't speak to her when she does 'something wrong'. That's control again, using passive aggressive tactics. Not speaking to someone is a manipulative and very, very hostile act, disguised as someone who is 'hurt', or 'upset'. Your sister is normal. By being normal, your sister does not know quite what to do, because she's dealing with someone that's NOT normal. She's never run into someone who acts like this, so she doesn't have the tools to deal with it. She expects that the man she married will love and respect her and treat her as such. He doesn't. Your sister does all the normal things that normal people do. People in conflict discuss, listen to each other, and agree or compromise. Those things don't work with a controller/abuser. And all the stuff he does to her keeps her off balance and confused. Because sometimes he's really nice to her. Throws her a bone. So she keeps trying. And the way he twists things around to make it her fault makes her question herself, somehow makes her see 'his side'. It's really hard to understand, if you haven't been through it. It's got nothing to do with how smart your sister is. Abusers are really, really good at what they do, and they do it so subtly that you don't even realize what's happening. They chip away at your soul tiny bit by tiny bit, so you don't even realize what's happened. A favorite analogy about those who have suffered mental/emotional abuse is this: If you put a frog into a pot of boiling water, it realizes it is in trouble right away, and immediately jumps out to escape. If you put a frog into a pot of cool water, and very slowly bring it to a boil, the frog will really not notice, and acclimates itself to the small increments of rising temperature and not realize it is in trouble until it is too late. Don't give up on your sister. Don't believe her when she tells you that things are all better, and he's really changed. She wants to believe that, and she probably does because she wants it so badly, but it's not true. I guess by now you have figured out that I lived this life too. I was with him for 15 years, and wasted 10 of those believing and hoping that he would change. I feel so stupid for that, and it's very hard not to hate myself for it. Not only did I lose so many years, but lost precious time with my family, (he did his best to isolate me from them, with some success), for which I'll never forgive myself. Linked below are some books that might strike a chord with your sister. I don't know for sure that your BIL is doing all of the things covered in this book, but I kind of suspect he is, and your sister is either too embarrassed to tell you about it, or simply doesn't recognize what is really going on. The ones that she would hopefully read are: Controlling People The Verbally Abusive Relationship Verbal Abuse: Survivors Speak Out Most people who read one or all of them feel like the author was secretly observing their marriage. I really, really pray that your sister finds the knowledge and strength to leave. It seems so obvious to everyone else, but I understand all too well why she might stay. Whatever her choices are, now or in the future, just keep talking to her and listening to her. Gently point out things when you feel she is receptive. The fact that they have a child makes things even harder for her to make the hard decisions, so keep that in mind when you get frustrated with her decision to keep trying. (((xo to Hunlin and sister))) Here is a link that might be useful: Patricia Evans Books

Had to get to Photobucket through your other thread. Jeri: I don't see anything wrong w/this, except, maybe you could put the tess closer together so there wouldn't be so much grout. If I were doing this, I'd mix up about 1 1/2 cup - two cups at a time, put down a little puddle of tess about as big as your piece of tess, push it in, then on the next little puddle right close to the first one, push and move the tess as close to the other piece as possible. Don't spread out a whole bunch of mortar at a time. Just do a little area at a time, push/move close and so on. YES, use gloves. Then when you're ready to put the screen down, put just enough mortar to lay it down and mash it in so the mortar oozes up into the screen. You w/have already self-grouted, so there shouldn't be any spaces for it to ooze up into. Hope this makes sense. This shouldn't be that hard. Just a piece at a time - a spoonfull of mortar, push in the tess, next spoonful, push in and move close to the last piece.

I totally agree with those suggesting moving the time back by half an hour! I do it with my dearest husband ALL the time! He has to take me to medical appointments fairly frequently...his idea of being on time is to slide into the parking lot with one minute to spare. My idea is to arrive fifteen minutes early. Recently, my strategy backfired on me. We arrived an hour before we needed to! (My fault for misinterpreting the orders.) Instead of being irritated with me and bored, he started a crossword on his smartphone, read me funny emails, laughed at videos I showed him on my Kindle Fire. When I was called to my appointment he said, "Already? " Isn't he something special?