Marie: Glad I could make you laugh :) It really is a classic thread, someone needs to archive it before it is lost forever.

Lisa, who has made alfalfa tea, but none like pappau's...

The stinkiest thing I've ever made is fermented comfrey "tea." I put the fresh green leaves in a bucket, filled with water, covered, and let it sit for a couple weeks. Whenever I opened the cover to check, other people at the community garden wondered where the sewage leak was. I diluted it and used it to feed my plants, and once it was diluted and in the soil, the smell went away. Maybe an open barrel of greens and water -- but then you'd get mosquitoes breeding and west nile...

That's a difficult situation. What would you do with that corner of your property if the squatter weren't there? I like the idea of pretending he's gone.

I like the idea of photographing him. He will think you have consulted a lawyer again! That combined with poison ivy. I have areas on my property that I won't even go near because there is too much poison ivy.

Just don't forget that this sort of thing can come back to haunt you.

I live near some chicken houses and on the right days the smell can make you choke. my second idea takes the urine idea further, just make that corner your personal urinal. third idea: eat taco bell food all day, stand near him and well, you know. fourth idea, insect warfare! leave termites if his whathaveyou structure is wood, or leave sugary sodas out to attract bees. fifth idea, make that area a vomitorium. those are do for a comeback

Collect road kill. Sure the rodents will eat it, but do you think he's going to sit next to road kill, dog doodoo and used cat litter all day? Be sure to add rotten seafood/fish, and then clean your freezer.

Remember-- not a brown in sight.

set up a beehive

anisten's idea "set up a beehive"

Now there's an idea! You could also plant clover all around that area!!

if you want foul smelling, and benefits from it, make sure to add chicken parts and anything fatty to the mix, and don't turn it but maybe once in a blue moon. The smell will make you want to puke, I have. However, I agree with Mr. Claymore, if the prick is trespassing, and you have it posted that trespassers will be shot and prosecuted, and survivors will be shot again (and again), I suspect the dipwad won't come around. I had trespassing problems with a few 'neighbors' on my ranch, and some not-so-neighbors from other parts of the county (I have good hunting on my land). I resolved the issue by inviting some of my NRA members up a few months in a row for 'free big arms' weekends. I supplied beer, and a place to stay, and a range of some 300 yards, and they shot up a bunch of stuff on the property, hauled it away afterwards, and the following years nobody even comes close to the property any more. I can see why, for some of my buddies have class 3 arms licenses, and are arms sellers/distributors in the US (licensed of course). The sound of some fully automatic weapons going off regularly for a full weekend sends a clear and present danger to those considering trespassing. Its fun, its legal, and it is effective. The animals come back after a few months, the people do not.

I really like the beehive idea. You can pretend you aren't doing it to be nasty, it will benefit the area, you can always take it out when you don't want it anymore...no downside, really.

Another vote for the beehive. Nobody can blame you for wanting to make honey.

Pudgy you are quite the advertisement for Texas.

So he likes to drink beer there.Get another chair.Drink with him.Lots.If he always has to buy,maybe he'll leave.Maybe you two will develop a rapport.Put the used beer in the compost pile.

Some plants to try:

pretty but stinky:

Stinking Hellebore

Stinking Benjamin

What Died? odors:
Warminster broom

Auvergne broom

California privet

Lilium auratum

Here is a link that might be useful: Rank and Nauseous Plants

First talk to the local law enforcement people, follow-up with a dated letter mentioning your problem. That documents a starting date. You need to know exactly what is trespassing and what isn't. They need to know that you are having a problem. They can first talk to him, then warn him, then cite him. Expect retaliation. He is displaying passive-aggressive behavior.
Put up a human shaped target. Practice on it while he is there.

Build a campfire, when the wind is blowing his direction.
Then toss into the fire some posion ivy. That put two of
my kids in the hospital, on one of our camping trips.
Norm

Oh c'mon people. We don't really want to put anybody in the hospital, do we?

Go to a wholesale club, buy the biggest bags of dried pinto beans you can find, soak them in buckets/barrels for a week (probably won't take that long)then go throw the whole thing on the ground nearby or into a compost pile. This is GUARANTEED to be THE worst stink that you can imagine. Get enough beans to equal the mass of a human body and it will smell like ten rotting carcasses. I know one tiny tupperware container of beans left in my fridge for a week can stink up at least 800 square feet when I dump them down the disposal...STink of rotting flesh without attracting buzzards!

I actually have very nice neighbors but once a year they have a big yard party. The continual amplified playing of "God Save The Queen" drives us indoors where we slam the windows shut and turn on the A/C.

"God Save The Queen"

The Sex Pistol's song, or the English anthem?

These Ideas are way to complex. Just pile some chicken manuer pack there. The reek will drive anyone away.

Tell him you never noticed how ... fascinating ... he is and that you'd like to take your relationship to the next level. Offer to teach him about better, more expensive beers. Tell him you understand there's a sensitive, wonderful man beneath his gruff exterior and that you'd like to get to know that man better ... much better. Tell him you know he hurts, and that it's OK.

oh dude, do I have an idea for you!!!!! it will work and stink to high heaven and worse.

You know what Milorganite is? (Lowes and maybe Walmart carry it). Well, get a bag of that stuff, and sprinkle it on the lawn there, then water. That stuff is dried up sewage sludge, so it will smell exactly like wet sewage sludge. Ew ew ew ew ew. Or, you could start a batch of "compost tea" in a rubbermaid bin, close to that neighbor's beer drinking area. Ingredients: a coffee can of Milorganite, a couple gallons water. Make it shallow so wildlife can't drown in it.

A long while ago, I actually made "compost tea" with Milorganite, to revive a few barely alive plants. They grew like CRAZY. But the smell of that Milorganite "compost tea"... it's not for the weak of heart. Trust me, that stuff will repel anything and everything.

Any updates?

The first thought that came to my mind was to make compost tea with blood meal. Although a better option would be to raise up a large fence on the property line, if he is really over the property line with his structure you can take a chainsaw and cut the parts that hang over off, if hes there hes certainly not going to attack you with a running chainsaw in your hands, although that could lead to legal problems, you may have to give him some sort of warning or something, but buildings are fixtures on land, anyone know a realestate lawyer?

Finally, Black currants smell like BO, so do some elderberries when cut, its not a huge issue, but its enought to make you uncomfortable and make it hard to pin down the problem. If he does realise that its a BO smell that may inspire him to shower more, which may inspire a female to take the problem off your hands.

Have you ever watched the TV show "Dirty Jobs" on the Discovery Channel? Great show with plenty of stinky opportunities. In one episode he was at a whatever you call a company that cleans the bones of animals and turns them into standing skeletons for classrooms and museums. They do it all big and small - from whale bones to mice. For small animals they soak the dead critter in a plastic tub of water for several weeks until the meat falls off the bone. I recall his reaction to the room the tubs were stored in, and his task was to remove the bones and wash them. First thing he had to do was pour the contents of the tub through a sieve. As he started pouring the company rep warned him "Here comes the smell" and almost instantly the guy turned green because that thin layer of water over the carcass actually did hold back the worst odor.

The dry blood meal can be used as a stealth weapon and he will never know you did it. Just sprinkle it lightly around the area. You don't even need to make a pile. It will stink for a while.

Moisture seems to really increase the odor. If the ground isn't damp, put some mulch on top.

I put some of the powder in my hand once to sprinkle it on the ground. I washed my hands probably a dozen times each day for 3 days. My hand still stank. My dog couldn't figure out why my hand smelled so good. Sniff, sniff. Doggie perfume?

I put some around some caladiums about a month ago. Last week my daughter said, "I think something died again in the front yard." It's the gift that keeps on giving.

Well you could copy bad westerns and smoke him out. Smoke some meat using a leaky smoker. It might smell good but the smoke will probably make it unpleasant to be there.

Also I don't know the laws there but my mom always said "Let the punishment fit the crime" and "Be careful what you ask for". He likes to watch you from his property line? Nudism. Every time you see him wave, and I don't mean with your hand. Think loud rock n' roll music and dancing. It worked when I had a neighbour who used to look into our apartment from there balcony.

Here is a link that might be useful: If all else fails...

This is foul: a 50 pound bag of corn meal gluten left open, soaked by rain over a two week period. It not only reeks, but it is a permeating undescribeable odor, and the flies cover it, and most probably lay eggs in it. It will be even more vile in a a week when it is covered with maggots.

These posts are great!! I almost wish I had a bad neighbor just to try some of it on ;)

My favs so far are the beehive and the rotting beans. I've made the mistake of leaving some black beans and lentels in my fridge too long and it's pretty bad. Plus beans are cheap to buy so might be a nice fix ;)

Funny thread - how is the OP doing since April? I had a wretched person for a neighbor and can sympathize greatly.

The worst smelling thing I've brewed up is alfalfa tea with banana peels and bloodmeal mixed into it. Oh my lord, it was the worst smelling concoction but it was good for the plants... There was an old thread on the rose forum about a person who made alfalfa tea, and instead of adding fish emulsion threw in a frozen fish, and the stench it created is legendary on the rose forum. :-) I still make tea, and when the whole patio suddenly takes on an unbearable odor, it's time to dole it out. Bleh.

Cheers,
Michelle

Here is a link detailing nick_1212's problems with his neighbor:
http://www.joespc.com/carlos/redneck.htm

Make sure you check out all of the photos, and you will understand why he is upset.

My heartfelt sympathies.

I haven't done this, although I'm thinking of trying it with my own neighbors from hell who sit on their back stoops pointing and laughing and getting drunk.

Get a yellow jacket trap and put it back there. I've heard that they really attract wasps and hornets. He may find it unwise to stick around.

Plant stickler weeds. They're really invasive, and they hurt to touch, even through gloves.

Can you build a fence? (Expensive, I know.)

I know...dead topic...but I just wanted to add something that might be useful anyway.

send him a letter with delivery confirmation or something similar...Have in the letter that you will be building a fence on YOUR property, however his building is in the way and you would like it moved. Give him a date to get it moved off your side of the property and let him know that if it is still on your property it will be moved/disposed of/demolished...whatever.

If it isn't moved off your property tear down whatever part is hanging into your side. if he has a problem then *he* can call a lawyer...he can also tell them why he built it on your side knowingly and why he didn't move it when you asked. :)

Now now. I had a neighbor that built a dirt bike track, about 500 feet away. Every day, for 2 months that summer, a dozen or so teenage kids tore around the thing on dirt bikes. Most of the time, the prevailing blew all the dust just north of me and out across some other neighbors pasture. A dense, non-stop cloud that blocked out the sun. Every now and again, the breeze would come out of the NW, and would bring the cloud my way, a 1/4 inch of dust all over everything; all my vegetables, trees, the roof, the rugs (if the windows were open). I actually had to climb the roof and clean the mud out of the bottom of my swamp cooler. Some days they would start about 10 am, others days at 4 pm, but always go on until dark. The only relief was when they traveled to competitions.

No noise ordinance, no zoning, no nothing legal out here in the Land of the Free. I complained one day to one of the Dads. They moved their practice skid turn track, otherwise a plowed, tilled arena used for barrel racing, and ran their bikes so the skid and dust was thrown directly across the road and into my garden. In other words, 'Up yours'. Oh, and one of the Sheriffs kids was one of the dirt bike riders.

This, of course, didn't set too well with any of the neighbors who lived within 2 miles of the place, and there was increasing concern that somebody might do something violent and drastic. I'm still not sure what happened, but suddenly it all stopped after one neighbor went over there with an iron bar and offered to do something or other.

So, things could be worse.

Another neighbor who has an outdoor Karaoke Pavilion, so I sympathize.

In Australia we have this stuff called Dynamic Lifter - I don't know if you have similar in the USA - it's made from chicken manure and really stinks.

Another successful deterrent would be dog poo - train a dog to do his business there or go around the neighbourhood and collect the doggie eggs and place them where you don't want the bloke to stand. Nothing worse than noticing the smell and finding the sticky stinky stuff on your shoes.

forgot to mention the plants - some actually look good

Rhus (Toxicodendron succedaneum) most people are allergic to this plant and symptoms range from a mild rash to death.

prickly pear - the prickles will get you (and you have a benefit - your know about the prickles so can be careful when you pick the fruit)

or check out http://www.ansci.cornell.edu/plants/ for a list of the worst of the worst

It is now April 2008 and I just joined and read Nick's post and all the followups. I am sitting at home with a bad cold and I laughed so hard that I was crying. Thank you to all for a GREAT read, and thank you for not using the "bad language" that some other sites use. I actually WOULD like to know what has happened and if Nick has survived this neighbor from hell. (we have one too! maybe they moved to Florida across the street from US?)

Any kind of retaliation (while fun) is just sinking to his level. The best suggestions so far have been to ignore him, or secondly, sit down and have a beer.

Have you considered what his own issues might be? Why does he want to get away from his own house, what has he got going on that has driven him to this behaviour?

Retaliation is fun... but don't be obviously trying to hurt or discourage him, it will just feed his ego.

If your bold, hang around that area naked! I bet he wouldn't want to stick around if you sat down on your own property to "relax" in your birthday suit where no one can see (but him of course).

I wouldn't swear to it, but you may even be able to buy skunk scent. that would scare me away

Oh I vote for this one!

Your neighbor will not even know you did it! The area will just STINK!

Every couple of days, go splash some more skunk scent on his building or around your yard.

Building a stinky compost will just incite your neighbor. Nasty without him knowing where it came from is better.

Put bread in your compost. Let him know just what kind of nutcase he's dealing with.

If you have electric out there put up one of those blue bug zappers. After a while the blue light will get to him along with the smell of burning bugs. Or another thing you can do is spinkle bird seed on his in the area and let the birds come. They will crap all over everything. There are some bushes that are really good at attracting bird so put one of those there and feed them on his side and let them get busy dirying up the place. Can't blame you that's nature. But I really like the bee thing. You can even benifit from that.

How much beer does he drink back there? To the point you could call the police on him for public intoxication? Does he litter (beer cans cig butts?)
Good luck, and I know the feeling---I have a neighbor who thinks a car sterio should rattle dishes in my cupboards!

Plant mulberries. Let the local birds do for you what you so desperately need (and deserve to be able to do) to do for yourself, if only justice weren't so misguided.

Your neighbor's bizarre behavior sounds like a nut case. No telling what a crazy or dreadful thing a nut case might do in retaliation. Obvious that he wants to taunt you. For a long term peaceful solution (assume that you are not willing to move), just totally ignore him. He will give up eventually as he realizes that no one is watching his show. Then, hire a bulldozer to level the area, and erect a chain link fence just inside your property line. Resist the temptation to punch out his lights etc. Not worth a trip to the courthouse or hospital.

On second thought, a completely passive but highly effective and naturally green solution would be to plant a bamboo thicket along your property line.

Here is a link that might be useful: {{gwi:243702}}

Protein and amino acids is the key to smelly compost--especially ones with sulphur. I save up spent maltted barley from homebrewing beer and put it out in the compost pile. Everytime it gets wet it smells like death for weeks!
Sorry this post is late, but surely you know someone who brews beer...

Before you plant a bamboo thicket, be sure to look into how aggressive and/or invasive the runners may or may not be in your area and take any necessary precautions. For some, that means an impenetrable barrier six feet down.

Don't be surprised if this thread comes alive again. The New England forum is looking for cold-weather laughs and knows it is here!

my vote is for the wet grass. It's just about the nastiest smelling stuff on the planet & super easy to find!

you can also install a big surveillance camera; it doesn't even have to work--could just be a big dumby-camera that looks real pointing directly at your neighbor's backyard.

I have no smell suggestions, but I hope you talked to your lawyer about the continued presence.

In many states, if you stop objecting to someone's presence on your property, they can adversely possess that bit o land. Litigation may cost you some now, but that's probably better than actually losing part of your property.

You may be able to use some zoning issues, like structures have to be X feet away from the property line.

Hey, a statue of Jesus on the mailbox, a karoke party, disco ball? Light up and live free. There's one in every neighborhood, no matter how new.

Build the compost pile, while pleasantly explaining the benefits of it to the earth and your garden. You'd be glad to put his food waste, stale beer and clippings on it too. Then it's a neighborly gesture. Course he might get the great idea to build a pile of his own right by the house, which YOU smell.

Marshmallow, marshmallow, marshmallow. As my husband likes to say.