The problem with saying, I shoulda stayed in bed.... it's never said until the end of the day. Yesterday, was pathetically irritating. I awoke from a nightmare of trying to get dressed. I was going to court? and I needed to get LF there too. In the dream, finally, I gave up and begged off for LF and my mommy? helped me get dressed in matronly clothes? (she doesn't even dress for her age which is 25 years older than I am). I was so so so frustrated. And I ended up sitting in bed too long, and had to try and get dressed. It was like reliving the dream! Normally, I don't let things like that bug me, but it bugged me. Normally, I back up, take a deep breath and think ok, "Now is a new moment. Let's try to revive the good attitude dear.". And it works. I spent the whole day trying desperately to revive my attitude. Mostly, my day was in the dumper.

I was to leave work early in order to 1) go to Slick Pig and get hickory smoked wings because I haven't had any in a year or so, 2) sign on to a lab computer on campus and move files from one directory to my own file, 3) get my upper division form discrepancies straightened out and signed, and last, most important, 4) file my intent to graduate with the signed upper division form. Sounded simple to me and with them all in one spot, if I timed it right, I could have it all, even the relaxing. Parking was so bad, I just chose to park my car and leave it where it was, and gave up on Slick Pig. I could not find a lab computer that was free. At all. I tried the Poly Sci office since that is my major. Taken. Went to the Business complex and it was full. The Library, full. After walking a mile, I finally decided to beg for mercy and have the instructor open the normally closed Poly Sci office during the break at night class,

I was crying at this point after being thwarted in the morning, at the parking lots, my Prof friend was too busy to talk, and I was getting farther and farther behind in a class where the material builds. I wanted to eat an entire chocolate cake or drink a shot of something. I knew I wouldn't do it, but it was sounding dang good. Wrong kind of therapy. Focus. Deep breaths. I decided it was a sign to find food and solace for a few minutes. Being on the diet has freed up going out to eat money and I've been saving it for new clothes or pretty things to decorate the new me. There was a stand right in front of the student union selling jewelry. Now was as good a time as any. I wanted a necklace. I knew that. I was drawn to this shiny one. Calling me. It was a dragonfly. Now I was crying with other emotions. The symbol for reincarnation. Me, a student back after years of withering away, reborn into the graduating senior. I thought, Happy Graduation Robin! I strung it on my neck and bought matching earrings. I thought about it some more as I drank my milk. Butterflies are about breaking out of the cocoon; I'd spread my wings many years ago. A phoenix rises out of the ashes. I had really crashed and burned, so that didn't fit either. Yep, dragonfly. I felt better and went on to my bigger objectives, test wether or not I could graduate without having to take other classes.

I realized I didn't have a copy of my transcript. I've been forgetting things lately. Major things, like shaving one leg, but not the other. Trying to start the car without putting the keys in the ignition. Clouded mind. So off to the library, yet again, to print it out. I never could get it to work. Gave up and went back to the Poly Sci office... yep still filled computers and can't do the file transfer... went down stairs into the courtyard to bide my time. After meeting with my new advisor, he couldn't get the computer to justify all of my classes to the current catalog. His assistant told us it would have to be done manually. Another big setback. I wanted (no needed!) to know today; thwarted again. And it took so long I couldn't turn the forms in. I never accomplished a single task I'd set out to do, except have my form signed (and that only took 30 seconds).

I went to class and many others were where I was, never having completed assignment number 1 and no files transferred. We transferred on break. I was beginning to feel the fog lift some. Class let out a bit early. Early enough to make it to Slick Pig. And I went. Jerry wanted to know where my baby was. He really meant baby. I told him he was almost nine. His saucer eyes popped out of his head, and he said, "I might've guessed five". Yes, hon, we're getting old. It was good to see an old face. I left for Nashville, sucking on hickory smoked wings and tasty potato salad, all in my convertible on a soft summer night. I was glad to live in the South.

Then I saw the electronic highway billboard warning, "traffic to one lane 2.5 miles before Harding Place". It ended up being 4 miles before Harding. So late at night, there were tractor-trailers to the left of me. Tractor-trailers to the right of me. Tractor-trailers to the front of me. Tractor-trailers to the rear. All in all, I sucked in about ten gallons of diesel fuel and had my ears blown out by diesel engines for an hour. It reeked. Finally totally frustrated, I called mommy. Ate more wings and potato salad, wishing I could get in bed, and getting more claustrophobic from not being able to see (boxed in from trucks!) for so long.

I really like my necklace/earrings. The moon shining down so beautifully ended the night well. I wondered if the man was watching me, laughing his rear off.