Nothing better than "growing your own" is there? We're not much for squash and zukes around here, but a mess of homegrown green beans with fresh picked tomatoes and some homemade cornbread just can't be beat! My beans got knocked out early by Bean beetles, but here's some toms I picked the other day. Ponderosa Red, Black from Tula, Striped Cavern, Beefmaster, what I'm calling "Mystery Grape" (as I don't know what it is), Sweet 100's, Jeff's Mystery Pink Oxheart, and a green Grandfather Ashlock (in no specific order). Abby

Rebekkah, I'm so sorry. I hope you will read some of the posts on this forum, including old ones. You will see that you are most definitely not alone. Your mother was young, but not everyone lives to an old age. Many of us lost parents when we were quite young. I was nine when my mother died. I remember thinking similar thoughts to yours: I wanted to take back some of the things I said to her. I can tell you this, though. Not being about to take back things said in anger made me very cautious about what I said to people after that. After the age of nine, I never said anything in anger that I regretted afterward. I'm particularly sorry that you had to witness the medical efforts to save her. If these images persist in your mind, please see a therapist, someone experienced in helping those who grieve and particularly those who have experienced trauma at the same time. Re fairness, try to remember that life is neither fair nor unfair. It just is. When you think about what goes on in the world, it's easier to accept that statement. This was nothing you could have prevented. It's absolutely not your fault. Please try to live as your mother would want. She will guide you for the rest of your life. What would Mom want me to do? is a question you should ask yourself often. At some point you should read Motherless Daughters and Letters From Motherless Daughters. Good books. Finally, keep your heart and mind open to possible signs from your mother. They may or may not come, but if they do you'll want to recognize them. And some night she may come to you in a dream. Keep us posted, Rebekkah. Susan

Well, here I am! Late to this party, as I got home last night. First things being first, we cleared out the dog crate, food and treats by packing them up and walking them over to different neighbors who knew Luna. (She had a lot of friends in the neighborhood.) Delivering news like this is hard, but right this minute I think the hardest is having such a quiet house. Packing up her favorite toys choked me up, but it's done. Working my way backwards and starting with OKC, I regret we didn't get to meet David or Sally, but I'm anticipating there will be another opportunity. Having the extra time allowed us to blow on so I could visit my mother. We drove 4,603 miles in three weeks, so you might say it was a whirlwind (tornadic in places), and we were ready to get home. Meeting Donna and her friend Debbie was fun. We met for breakfast in Albuquerque and I really enjoyed it. It's so nice to have the CF in common, and there were no awkward moments in the conversation. In fact, I'm finding it's so easy to talk to the CF in person, it's kind of hard to leave! I enjoyed every moment, and hope that with Donna, David and Sally, we have an opportunity to meet again. I feel pretty certain we'll see Karen (and Tom) somewhere at some point! (I think it must be easy to form a certain bond with the first people you meet.) I've tried for five GT's, and have managed two so far...The best thing is my New Year's resolution of meeting some of you is up and running! I'm loving it and at this point have TWO GT's under my belt and COUNTING. Thank you for your generosity in wanting to meet; it's so nice to feel a part of the CF in real life. I'll upload a few pictures when I can...

We were visiting my wife's family in Vermont which ends up being a large group, with most of her brothers and sisters, and their spouses and kids, and this year even several girlfriends of the kids. All told we were about thirty. Meals were split up with one or two people volunteering for each meal. New Year's Eve was my night. I was stumped at first as far as what to make, but the co-volunteer Eric (a foodie BIL) came up with the suggestion of top-your-own tacos. We actually went with tostadas, and made black beans, three different meat toppings, and about a dozen other topping options, with side dishes of Mexican-spiced rice, and homemade cole slaw. Logistically the meal worked well, although some people didn't realize that they were supposed to be able to pick up the tostada after they made it, and instead they buried it beneath a 2-inch deep mound of toppings. Also we forgot to put out the guacamole until after half the people had served themselves. Food wise, some parts of the meal worked better than others. The shredded chicken verde was good but would have been better with more of the tomatillo salsa, however the co-op closed early, and the normal grocery store had no green salsa. The beef/chorizo was good but could have used a bit more of something, Eric and I couldn't decide what it needed. The shrimp was a big hit, the only problem with it was it disappeared so fast, the recipe (as well as I remember it) for the shrimp is below. Chili-Lime Shrimp 2 lbs peeled uncooked shrimp (31-40 count -- cut into thirds) 10 cloves garlic (minced) 1 4oz can diced green chilies 2 limes chili powder canola oil Liberally cover raw shrimp with chili powder and the juice of 1 half of a lime, and let rest for 10 minutes. In small pan, heat oil over medium heat, add garlic and green chilies, until garlic is softened and fragrant. remove from heat. In large pan, heat oil over high heat, until it is smoking hot, add shrimp stirring occasionally to make sure all the shrimp are getting cooked, and none are burning, after about 2-3 minutes the shrimp should all be cooked, add the garlic and green chilies that you set aside, and the rest of the juice of the limes. Stir for about 1 more minute, and place in large bowl to serve. Overall the meal received rave reviews.