WARNING! Old Woman at it again!

15 years ago

Well, I knew it couldn't last! The Old Woman is at it again, and I want to warn the newbies about her. She'll take over your life, if you're not careful!

She's getting pretty old, and for some reason wants all of us to feel old and incompetent too. She shows no mercy!

Somehow, she makes you see an old woman whenever you look in the mirror. No matter how hard you try to make yourself look really good...she won't let you.

She causes you to lose things...I think she hides them. Important things too...like your glasses, purse and teeth!

One time she messed up the shoes in my closet, and I ended up wearing one brown shoe and one black shoe to church! It was so embarrassing! I tried to hide my feet under the pew, and was the last one to leave, but the pastor noticed.

She gets you to eat things you should never be eating, so you'll gain weight...like she did.

She even flirts with your husband...but if yours is anything like mine, he won't pay attention to her anyway!

And, I've noticed some of you have already had her put all kinds of stuff in your carts when you go to GW or the grocery store. Things just keep piling up in my workroom...and it's all her fault!

I'll bet she's been bidding on things using your passwords on Shop Goodwill and eBay too. How she got my credit card number is beyond me, but she sure has racked up the charges!!

She even managed to get in our family photos last Christmas. I'll post one of them here, so you know what to watch out for.

She never shuts up either! She talks my husband's ear off every night when he gets home from work. No wonder the first thing he does when he walks in the door...is pour a glass of wine!!

We're pretty sure she's putting something in our food or drink too, because we keep falling asleep while we're watching TV or reading! Sometimes, I read the same paragraph over and over and over...tying to figure out where I left off!

She's driving me nuts! For heaven's sake...she hasn't even made her bed yet today! The horror of it!

Watch out for her. I saw her drag her suitcase out from under her bed this morning, so she'll be off to parts unknown. You could be next!!

Good luck!

~Sandy~

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Comments (48)

daisydal
15 years ago
OMGOSH! That is so hilarious,(probably because its true!) I mean, uhh, true about the old lady. Darn her hide, anyway! thinkin she can get away with all of that stuff is absurd!! Well, we are onto HER! Just let her try and take my truck and go to the flea market tomorrow! I dare her! thx-Sandi for bringing her to our attention! blessings to all and have a lovely week-end! -sherri
Purplemoon
15 years ago
Well, I guess we know where the Old Woman is going tomorrow. Hope she enjoys the Flea Market with Sherri.
She was here last week and I was ready to check myself into the nearest Nuthouse. In one week, THREE things went missing and I was absolutely going crazy. My dad and DH and all the kids thought it was hysterical of course. The large box of Q-Tips went missing from the bathroom closet.
A key to my antique china cabinet suddenly disappeared (its kept IN the lock). And to really top it off, the kitchen sink drain thingy was suddenly gone!! I even waded thru 3 trashbags looking for this stuff, and every room and drawer in the house. Twice. Three times.
Ok, so now I at least know WHO took them. Just wish I knew what she did with them. I bought more Q-Tips, and a new sink drainer, but can't replace the key to my LOCKED cabinet. Oh well, I hate dusting all those little statues anyway.
Good luck with the Old Woman when she visits you, and she WILL, Just be thankful if ALL she does while visiting you is shop. Jeeez.

hugs, Karen
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susiesunshine
15 years ago
Ms Sandy:
That is TOOOOOOOOOOOO C R A ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZY ! ! !
I was just thinking about that
ole WOMAN ! ! ! and I was gonna W * A * R * N
ya'll............................
She went to the dentist..... with me last week...
and she told him.,.... we are in PAIN.... just
to get pain pills..... IT'S TRUE>>>>
then....
she wanted more... Kept saying her TOOTH was
killing her.....
& ask for more.... pain pills....
The dentist... said well................. if it is
THAT bad..... I better just pulllllll it...
& HE DID>>>> that dang ole woman.....

She went & let the dentist.... pull my
tooth out.....
Dang it... had to get a couple of stitches...
and that... mean ole woman thought he would
give her more...... pain pills...
but NO>>> WAY ! ! ! the dentist... says...
OH NOW THAT THE BAD TOOTH IS G O N E ! ! !
the plain Tylenol should.. work fine....
DANG OLE WOMAN>>>
* * * Don't she know..... DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Guess.... not....
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Lordy, Lordy, Lordy......
I might turn into a snaggle toothed old woman
just because that
old WOMAN wants pain pills....
H E L P ! ! ! !
I pray she leaves me alone for a while ! ! !
God Bless !
L@@K OUT EVERYONE>>>>> SHE CAN APPEAR with out
...................a moments notice ! ! !
SusieSunshine
luna_llena_feliz
15 years ago
I was laughing hysterically at your comments until the old woman over here reminded me how she hid the cord to recharge my cell phone and how she made me type the wrong numbers on a legal document at work! She is a sneaky ol' buzzard! And she thought it was so funny when SHE ordered a shake at Wendy's tonight. And then she left it in the cupholder in the car and I just had to take it in the house and drink it! I suppose she will get miffed when she finds out. But who would want a melted shake anyway?

I agree ladies, watch out for that old bat. She can really wreak havoc in your lives!
texasfern
15 years ago
Not only that, but she forgets the milk in the car in Texas heat. The jug pops open with a bang and smells like a bad nite in a bar!
I had to clean it up too!
Purplemoon
15 years ago
Bad night in a bar.........LOL, those were the days!!!
texasfern, maybe you better keep the Old Woman out of bars or she'll end up having all of us drinking again.
Tho that might be some party, LOL.

hugs, Karen
susiesunshine
15 years ago
L@@K out.......
That old woman....
might.... just might tape you...
and put you on U TUBE ! ! !
Watch out..... she's a sneaky one.....
& as for you....
use2bcapecodder Ms Sandy... If I saw mr Jim
Grumpy by choice... I might try to flirt with
him 2 ! ! ! !
WATCH out .... I'm starting to act like that
old woman...
OH MY>>>> THAT TEXAS HEAT & M I L K ! ! !
Dang.... she's a mean ole woman ! ! ! that's BAD BAD BAD ! ! !
Heaven Help Us !!!
God Bless !
SusieSunShine
texasfern
15 years ago
She lost my teeth today.
Purplemoon
15 years ago
Uh oh, Texasfern, now all you CAN do is drink.........
hope you find where she put them.

hugs, Karen
use2bcapecodr
Original Author
15 years ago
Ha...Old Woman or not...the way things are going here lately...as long as I can drink...who needs teeth!

~Sandy~
daisydal
15 years ago
I am splitting a side here!!!!You guys really know how to cheer a person up! God knew I needed this laughter today, so he brought me here to catch-up on the old woman. Well, she was here for lunchtime today!! She ordered a lalapalooza of a chicken salad w/ (real) ranch dressing just to tempt me,(she KNOWS I'm on a diet). And then, the old hag doesn't even show up to eat it! Well, I had to try and clean up HER plate again!!Of, course, I couldn't eat it all because I wouldn't of ordered the supersize in the first place!!! Guess I'll just put it in the fridge and I'll hafta finish it tomorrow! She is bad news, I'm tellin ya!
concretenprimroses
15 years ago
Don't worry Karen. Your key will probably turn up. What she does to me is put the lost thing smack in the middle of somewhere that I looked at the beginning, in plain sight. Which just makes it worse because my husband doesn't believe it was really gone and he thinks that I just didn't see it! Sooooo aggravating. But you know I'm relieved in a way that she visits all of you too. If she spent all her time with me I'd be in BIG trouble. Last time she went shopping she bought a bunch of dark chocolate (for my husband she said), and I'm having a hard time staying away from it!
kathy
use2bcapecodr
Original Author
15 years ago
So...this morning...the Old Woman says to me, "Hey, lets tear the fountain under your bedroom window apart, dig a hole, stick it in the ground and surround it with flat stones, so it looks more natural." I thought it was a great idea and frankly wondered who gave it to her!

So, I dragged out all the tools, tore the fountain apart, cleaned all the stones surrounding it...and the stones in it, dug the hole (Which was a whole wheelbarrow full of dirt!), leveled the fountain, put the pump and stones in it and fit the flat stones around it...so it would look natural. Then I planted some flowers and arranged some potted plants around it. When I was finished...and exhausted with both hips blown out...it occurred to me...the old woman didn't help at all! I looked over by the swing...and there she was...swingin' away and having a lemonade!!

I can hardly wait to see what project she talks me into tomorrow!!

Watch out for her...she's a real conniver!!

Now that I've washed the mud off of my feet and sandals, hung up my muddy soaked jeans to dry, had my shower, and poured myself a well-deserved glass of wine, I'm going out and chase the old bat out of my swing! The beauty of it is...I'm sure she's sitting there just waiting for me to make her dinner!! Huh!!

~Sandy~
daisydal
15 years ago
Sandy, you're cracking me up!!!
deedlesmom
15 years ago
OMG, do you have any idea how hard it is to read this at work and not laugh my A$$ off. My eyes started watering from trying not to laugh out loud!!!! The old woman comes to my work and makes me forget how to work my computer!!! Dang her, it's embarassing having to ask my co-workers how to do the simplest commands sometimes.....
Sheree
concretenprimroses
15 years ago
You won't believe what she did today. First she told me that my sick kitty had run down the road and I went running up and down the hill looking for him until my dh told me he was sitting on a dining room chair. Then we were going to meet my friends to go to the ocean, and went to get some cash. She had overdrawn my account and I couldn't get any! Went home and go cash from dh and headed out again. Went up the hill only to find it blocked by heavy construction equipment and had to back down. She told me it was safe to turn and my back wheels went into a ditch! Headed back and then out of town to the park and ride on the interstate, already at least 10 minutes late. She told me to get off at the wrong exit - and it was one that I couldn't get back on in the right direction, so had to take the back road. My friend had left the park and ride when I arrived 20 min late and gone to pick up the other friend. I almost cried. Luckily they called me and came back for me. Meanwhile, I threw old woman out of the car, and she's hitchen' down the road, maybe toward your house. Thank goodness, cuz we had a wonderful time in Maine! Hate to think what might have happened if she'd come with us.
kathy
Purplemoon
15 years ago
Concrete Kathy, you have me laughing so hard that tears are running down my cheeks. At 1 O'clock in the morning!! LOL.
I'm glad you ended up having a wonderful time after you dumped the Old Woman. But since you threw her out of the car, I sure pity the next person she is headed for. And I'm really glad she visited me already. Whew.

hugs, Karen
daisydal
15 years ago
Bring it, old Lady, I'm not scared of you!!!!......(How far is it from New Hampshire to Oklahoma???) er, uh, uh, I mean, uh, South America, yeah, thats it, South America, yeah, thats where I live!! signed, anonymous
luna_llena_feliz
15 years ago
You know what that old hag did to me? She diverted my attention and made me go right through a stop sign at an intersection! Luckily no one was coming or there wasn't a cop around. I know damn well she would have snuck out of the van if a cop had pulled me over just to make me look stupid if I said that she distracted me and he would see no one there. Keep her over there in Maine!
Purplemoon
15 years ago
LOL, "Anonymous", you can run but you can't hide!!!!!

Luna, lock that old woman out of your car, can't have her causing any accidents!!

hugs, Karen
akup_a
15 years ago
This thread is the funniest thing ever and I was enjoying all the tales til........ I caught the Old Woman sneaking up on me the other day. I didn't think she'd find me in po-dunk Texas!
akup_a
Purplemoon
15 years ago
Akup, as I said, folks can run but they can't hide from her.
LOL. What kind of mischief did she do now? Did you manage to get rid of her yet? LOL
Somebody tho, PLEASE check her pockets for my missing key and the Q-tip Box, and my sink drainer. I swear they are NOT IN this house. Heck, besides deep pockets, I bet the Old Hag carries a HUGE Tote Bag slung over her shoulder for all the things she confiscates!!

hugs, Karen
jeannespines
15 years ago
Hey, check those pockets or that big tote bag for my favorite comb that I've had for up-teen years! She must have swiped it out of my bathroom drawer when I let her "freshen up!"

And, those favorite pair of octagon-shaped silver earrings? (you know, Avon made those years and years ago!) Is she wearing those? Oh, for gosh sakes, she had to have taken them! They're o-o-oold favorites...no one else would want them..they're the color of her hair!

And how about that wicker basket that I carry my clothes to the camper in? DH has one and I have one...mine disappeared when I packed 2 wks ago! I looked in every closet, under the basement stairs...everywhere! I knew she took it...that old woman! But it was too big for her to put under her shirt (she's too old to look pg)... so...Lo and behold...she put it in my DH's closet in the camper! Guess she thought he needed 2 of em! She's always flirting with my DH...making him feel like he never does nothing dumb!

So, watch out, you GJer's... she's on the move! Maybe she's looking for that end of the rainbow! Is she in Florida yet? Jeanne S.
susiesunshine
15 years ago
OH..... Shucks...... YA'LL don't need to worry.....
That old woman is here in ILLINOIS....annoying ME ! ! !
My New Years Resolution....
CLEAN THE GARAGE SO DH will get off my back......
well since the Year was 1/2 over... I made an
EXECUTIVE DECISION to JUST DO IT>>> "GET 'ER D O N E !!"
welllllllllllllllllll..................................
Low and behold THAT OLD WOMAN keeps stirrrrring up
trouble.....
misplacing the roll of packing tape.... over and
over & O V E R..........
She is just stressing me out....
I try to make a decision to Throw something away...
put it in the trash... take it to the curb.... for
the trash man....
THEN I TURN AROUND>>>> S H E..... has gone and
taken it off the curb / or out of the trash and
put it back in the garage... SHE KEEPS SAYING>>>>
"But..... I was GONNA M A K E Something for the
Garden Junk outta that....
She is ticking me off.... cause that is TICKING
OFF DH..... and it is
just a H U G E PROBLEM>>>>
SHE is Just NOT FIT TO CLEAN OUT A
GARAGE>>>> ! ! !
THAT OLD TROUBLE MAKER.... ! ! !
I'm sure that she will stay here the
whole 4th of JULY.... cause that is how long
it will take me to finish this JOB....
SO YA'LL Rest easy....
ENJOY YOURSELVES ! ! ! ! I'll hold her here...
after all.....
WHAT ARE F R I E N D S FOR>>> ! ? ! ?
God Bless !
HAPPY 4th of JULY !!!
GOD BLESS AMERICA !! & THE W O R L D ! ! !
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
SusieSunShine
akup_a
15 years ago
Thanks SusieSunshine for volunteering to keep The Old Woman, you are a good friend. But, she slipped back down to po-dunk TX during the night, used my can opener & didn't put it back in the right drawer. I don't know why she needed the can opener, it's not like she cooks anything but she sure ate three helpings of supper!
akup_a ~ Vic
daisydal
15 years ago
Susie, what a luv you are, keepin that old hag at bay for us! You'd think if we all took turns, we'd wear her out, but noooooo, here she comes again, ready to reek havoc on us!!! (You make me smile, Susie!) blessings-sherri
susiesunshine
15 years ago
Well..... thanks.... friends.....
I'm just trying to suffer OUT LOUD ! ! !
oops... that was suppose to be in Silence...
sorry I get things backas**wards sometimes....

ANYWAY>>>. While trying to Loose the
OLD WOMAN>>>>
I must have dressed in the dark....
I have on somekinda of OUTFIT that is
just TOTALLY W * I * L * D ! ! ! ! !
I L@@K like an Explosion in the Fireworks
FACTORY ! ! !
That Woman is making me soooooooooooooooooo tired.... this is suppose to be a H O L I D A Y !!!!!!! Oh yeah................................................ \* H \* A \* P \* P \* Y 4th of ~~~~~~~ J U L Y ~~~~~ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bang Bang...!>>!>!>>!>>>! BOP !!!! BOP !!!!!! snaple crackle & Pop ! ! ! dang now SHE has made me Hungry ! ! ! Better go eat Breakfast.... ....That old Woman is BUGGING ME ! ! ! always wanting to take a "UNION BREAK ! ! !" God Bless ! SusieSunshine \* \* \* \* YEA !!! \* F R E E D O M !!!!!!!!!! \* \* \*
concretenprimroses
15 years ago
Thank you Susie! But you know, I hope I'm wrong, but I'm starting to get worried that there may be more than one of her. Otherwise how did she get over here in Maine and take the salad dressing out of my sil's shopping cart so we didn't have any dressing for the salad? And of course we didn't realize it until today when nothing is open. (Luckily my dh improvised with oil and wine). Its a scarey thought and I'm hoping she's just sneaky and fast moving.
kathy
Purplemoon
15 years ago
Kathy, I'm thinking she might have a sister, cause I quickly snapped her photo when she was here the other day.

{{gwi:127307}}
daffodillady
15 years ago
Wasn't Dan the mailman looking for a girlfriend? Maybe we could send her his way....lol!!
susiesunshine
15 years ago
S M O K I N G~~~~~~~~ AGAIN !!!!!!
I warned her..........that is bad for her health...
L@@K at her skin....
WHY>>>> OH WHY>>>>>>>>> Won't she LISTEN !!!!
Thanks !
Ms Karen.... perhaps seeing the SNAP SHOT OF HERSELF>>>>
will make her take a 2nd
L@@K at herself.................
Dang............
she L@@Ks much different than her HIGH SCHOOL PHOTO !!!
teeHee !!!!!!!!!!!!
God Bless !
SusieSunshine
* * * * She did mention that since she was
getting hard of hearing that the Loud Fireworks
did NOT bother her as much as USUAL ! ! ! ! (
luna_llena_feliz
15 years ago
SusieSunshine, I think she stopped here first and dumped a bunch of junk in my house. Why she did that I'll never know. She knows damn well that I don't have a yard to put all the garden junk she planned on making in! I have a bunch of glass pieces for totems and oodles of dishes for mosaicking with. Her purchases at the TSs are crowding me out of house and home! Thank goodness she is busy putting stuff back in your garage and hiding the tape from you!

{{gwi:127308}}
nonacook
15 years ago
She has been coming to Florida (I guess 'on vacation')
for years!!! She must be collecting china cabinet keys
because she has had mine forever! Several weeks ago she took my DD's pants that I was going to hem
for her, and this week she has run away with 2 large grapevine wreaths.
I got the flowers and everything to put on them and they just disappeared.
I tell you--she is a kleptomaniac....
Hope she stays away from here for awhile!!!!!
Purplemoon
15 years ago
OMG....a cigar-smokin' Kleptomaniac in a THONG !!!!
Well I better not find her fat a-- selling our stuff on EBAY !!!!!!!
susiesunshine
15 years ago
Lord have MERCY on US * A * L * L !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I shutter to think !!!!!!
I need a Valium ... for true !!!!
H E L P ! ! !
the unshine susie
use2bcapecodr
Original Author
15 years ago
Well shoot...I've been so busy in the garden all week...I didn't even see her sneak in and take off with my best cigar!!

~Sandy~
daisydal
15 years ago
Yeah, she sneaked in here, knowing Im a one-eyed Pete right now and took my cell phone and office key outta my purse. Thank goodness, DH had a extra set in his office! And she hid my eyedrops so I couldn't find them either!!Thank goodness I go back to DR. today, maybe she will give me some more and take this blasted patch off. I could find that old biddy then and give her a redneck whuppin!!
concretenprimroses
15 years ago
You all make me laugh! Thank goodness she's staying away from me for the moment. But the cigar explains a lot. I had thought our daughter was smoking again, but it must have been old woman that I smelled.
kathy
texasfern
15 years ago
I think we should devise a trap for her. Maybe something shiney on the bottom of the pool? I know she has been here, I woke up to a sink full of dirty dishes and a full ashtry on the patio. To top it all off she didn't hang up her wet towel!
susiesunshine
15 years ago
SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ~ !!! I think the old woman has taken a vacation !
ALL is
QUIET on the
Homefront.........................................
Praise God............
or else
someone has duct taped here to the garden gate....
L@@K outside.... everyone.....
is she there ? ? ?
SHEESH
I'm glad she
left me alone today !!!!!
SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
don't wake her if
she is
S L E E P I N G !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
she's a BEAR if she does NOT get her nap ! ! !
shhhhhhhhhhhh~~~~ ! ! ! !
God Bless !
SusieSunshine
(
akup_a
15 years ago
I'm tip toeing through the house so I won't disturb the 'ol bird! I have to go "check-out" a new Dr. while he's checking me out for my annual women's health care. So, I sure don't need the old woman popping in and causing mischief today. Once she hears how much I hate Dr.'s, esp. those that make you strip, she'll be up to something, like making me forget my list of prescription meds or my last mamogram, etc.
Susie, Shhhhhhhh is definitely the word!
Vickie
daisydal
15 years ago
I know why she is sleeping!! She is worn out from tagging along with me at the Affair of the Heart show in Tulsa this week-end! She made me shop till I dropped! And she bought stuff so big that one guy had to carry it out for us, that crazy woman!! I know I didn't need all of those birdhouses, but when I turned around, there was this nice lady behind the counter handing me the receipt to sign!!! That OW had used my Credit card!! And to top it all off, she made me get lost in Tulsa before the show looking for the right address to pick up an old sink that I found on CL. And I have a GPS!!!! Go figure!! My best friends mom was ROTFL saying, only one I know that could still get lost with a GPS has to be a Blondie!! But I know the truth, the OW was bumping my arm making me take the wrong road!!! So, let the old hag sleep, maybe shes had enough of Okie-homa!!!(will post pics of birdhouses later if she hasn't hid my camera, too!!) blessings-sherri
susiesunshine
15 years ago
I Told you to SHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Ms Sherri & Ms Vickie~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Just when you thought it was safe.............
OOPS>>>>>>>>>>> There she was............
But Sounds like the Affair of the Heart was good...
I just Love that... I use to attend the one in
Tulsa & OKC.....LOVE it..
but truly....now... Ms Sherri.... curb shopping on the
way..........I thought only I would do that...
I'm Dang PROUD of YOU !!!! You Go Junkie GO !!!!!!
Can't wait t o see the pics....
&.....
How about you Ms Vickie... How'd that DR appt go...
Now...
Ya'll watch it......
that old woman is still lurking 'round
somewhere......
L@@K both ways............
L@@K Up ^ L@@K down..........
She's A L L A R O U N D !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
God Bless !
SusieSunshine
(
coya
14 years ago
You know she's been bothering me for a while also. She shows up at the fellowship time after church and always leaves a pile of cookie crumbs in the cleavage of my bra. She also constantly leaves food stains on the stomach of my shirts. The other day my car wasn't running right and it cost me $70.00 to have the mechanic tell me the sticky note reminder she put on the control panel was covering the light that told me I was driving in low. She showed up at a friends house in South Dakota too. She told my friend that the news anchors were talking for days about the 1500 suitcases in the state. When she finally saw the paper she realized it was flu cases they were talking about.
Purplemoon
14 years ago
Coya, that's too funny about driving in the wrong gear. LOL.
And it was such fun reading all these old posts again.
i was laughing as much as the first time at them and OA's pictures.

hugs, Karen
concretenprimroses
14 years ago
Oh my gosh! She's at it again apparently. Karen did you ever find your key?
kathy
Purplemoon
14 years ago
Nope, my missing things never did turn up. That key is particularly frustrating since I'd like to get into that cabinet to add another statue I have for it.

OA has pretty much left me alone lately, guess she figured the key would keep me going nuts for a long time.

hugs, Karen
nonacook
14 years ago
My key is still lost too! The things in
the china cabinet are so dusty--maybe
I just don't want to find it-LOL
Good thing I don't ever use the things
in there...

WARNING! Old Woman at it again!

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