so she expected you to store the shoes until & unless she called for them? How much was she paying you for storage? People are downright odd... my aunt gave me a sewing machine. she's 88 years old & she has a much newer model (this machine was one of the old heavy black metal Singers that sits in a cabinet). I couldn't get it to work right, but I figured I'd tinker with it when I had time. then my aunt called me & said, "sylvia, I want my sewing machine back." well... what're you gonna do? so I took it back. & she said that that wasn't her machine, & she wanted me to go get *her* machine. She refused to acknowledge that that was her sewing machine & that it didn't work right when she gave it to me! She told me she knew it wasn't hers because she had put a mark on hers (right, I always mark my heavy appliances & furniture, too), *& that this machine didn't work right*, & hers did. Now she's told her kids that I took her sewing machine & brought her this other one that doesn't work well. so everybody's mad at me. I should have told them the machine was broken & I'd put it in the trash. & my ex "gave" me a set of homemade stereo speakers & a big ugly waterbed that I couldn't stand (but he balanced the account by stealing several things). I traded the waterbed to the 15-year-old boy next door for yardwork. Then the ex showed up one afternoon & told me he'd come by "to pick up my speakers & the waterbed". & he was *offended* that I'd gotten rid of the waterbed! I let him take the speakers. What was the question? Take him a token sackful of baby clothes, whatever you can put your hands on fairly easily, & tell him these are the only ones you can find, if there were others, they must have been in a bunch you already gave to someone who needed them.

I've brought up lunches on occasion. I can't offer them the use of the potty, since it isn't connected into the septic yet .... (this is an inside/outside/full new house project.) Meanwhile, he (and his subs) drive down to the town works department to go, or to a community center (as do I). For the first 6 months, he rented a porta potty on his own dime (or maybe it was bundled into my dime, but I didn't care.) I'm sure a sub or two has found a bush to go behind... Would not surprise or concern me, actually. My GC is diabetic so I try to bring him healthy food. He likes healthy food, but much prefers the stuff that got him diabetic to begin with, so he gets the healthy stuff when I bring it. I eat the same stuff as I bring. He appreciates that I am a fan of spices and herbs. Anyhow, I don't feel obligated to bring food -- but simply occasionally it is a nice touch for me to do so. He/they seem to appreciate, without expecting it. In fact, one time I was up and the GC treated me out to lunch at a neighboring diner (which ONLY served the types of foods he shouldn't be eating!)

I don't think you were rude. I agree that it would've been a courtesy to let him know you had received his link and would get back to him, but I don't think you committed a faux pas by not doing so. It's not like you planned to ignore him. I swim in emails in the workplace. It's a nonstop barrage, and most of my day is spent answering or delegating them. I think it all depends on the particular organizational culture, but most folks seem to know that an email sent means it's in the queue and they'll receive a response within a reasonable amount of time. There are one or two individuals I've worked with who sometimes completely disregard emails from their colleagues that request a response or action, and I find that inexcusable. I truly don't know how people who don't grasp the cultural expectation of a place manage to retain their jobs. But I digress.

I skipped over some of the replies, but I have received flowers at home after a loss and appreciated them. When my SIL's father passed suddenly, my sister and I sent flowers to the school when she returned to work because the flowers were for her, not her mother or her mother's friends who I did not know (3rd marriage for my brother and I was introduced to SIL's parents once, briefly, at a reception). Maybe it is southern, but it is also more personal and that is never inappropriate. If a service is held in a church or funeral home, I'm sure they have greenery or some kind of decorations in the room when needed. Looking back -- I didn't even order a casket spray for either of my parents. There were no caskets. For my mom, the chapel had Christmas trees and poinsettias and that was perfect. For my dad, the memorial service was outdoors and I took too large urns potted with ferns and white flowers from my front porch -- the white flowers also being a remembrance of my mother who passed 5 months earlier. That seemed more fitting for the time, place and my dad than a lot of cut flowers. So my vote is do what come from the heart.