In the interests of being perfectly clear, I'm going to be blunt here: OP - Your husband didn't lose interest in sex because he feared hurting the baby. He just told you he lost interest because he feared hurting the baby. He wasn't "not ready" to start up again after you had the baby; he just told you he was not ready. When he said "I've tried sex and I'm done with it! I don't like it and I don't want to ever do it again!", that may be the closest he's ever come to telling you the truth... Is he gay? Maybe. Is he emotionally damaged from his strange upbringing and psycho mother? Very likely. Does he know why he doesn't like sex and is desparate to avoid it? (Because he IS is desparate to avoid it.) Who knows? He might; he might not. (Though I'd be surprised if he doesn't have at least some idea, and it isn't you.) But if he isn't willing to take the emotional risk and leap of faith needed to explore this issue honestly in the company of you and a professional therapist, then your marriage is doomed. Quite simply, doomed. Which is a shame because you're both so young, and you've said nothing that would indicate that you don't love him, that he doesn't love you, or that he's a bad husband or father in any other way. Since you're the one who cared enough to post this question, take the initiative to find a counselor. Find out who's on your health plan and call around and talk to them before selecting one, (you won't 'click' with all, and better to phone-screen a half-dozen first.) and make the appointment for a time you think will work for him. Then tell him when the appointment is for, that you'll be going, and that you really, really hope he will go with you. Your marriage does depend on it.

EllenP123 , I have been mulling over what to post since I read the above last week. I am sure you did not intend it to be humerus but I laughed reading that you" went to bed 49 and woke up 100". I have been struggling with horrific leg pain for over two years. I daily think holy moly how in the world do people with chronic pain function.Although I have been dealing with my leg pain for months I am not going to categorized it as chronic. My first reaction to my leg pain was to see an ortho specialist who dx the leg pain as stress fractures since I had carried over 900 pieces of granite over a two week period. Yup I counted them. The M.D. gave me a few packets of celebrex that was given to him by the pharmaceutical sales rep. I told the Doctor I am allergic to Aleeve. Alleeve makes me swell and I gained five pounds after three doses. I was smart and had removed my wedding band . It took a good week to reduce the swelling since Alleve has a long half life. Those who are allergic to aleeve are recommended not to take celebrex. I questioned the Medical Doctor who assured me I was misinformed. I took one dose on the way home since the leg pain was horrific. Within two hours I was a mess. It felt as someone was squeezing my heart. I did not need to be hospitalized but monitored . I no longer take Motrin since this is a sister NSAID of celebrex and Aleeve. My point is there are some majorly hubris doctors out there who screw up at your expense. I have had a few nights where I cry cause the leg pain is horrible. No position soothes the ache . I have tried rest, aspirin, warm soaks, ice packs, massage therapy,accupuncture and a dose of darvocet . I came across a book a few years ago about how the body is aligned in two parts. While attempting to find a position to relieve the pain I massaged my toes, foot pad, achilles tendon, tibia ,fibula, knee,thigh, hip ,butt and lower back with a tennis ball. What I figured out is that the pain is in my knee area but when I massage the upper thigh and achilles the pain goes away. A few years a go I had tennis elbow from shoveling the driveway for five hours. When I massaged the shoulder blade and my pectoral muscle the elbow pain disappeared. Pain is not simple . One must identify the source. For me the pain is due to overused muscles and menopause. I am tiny but can llft 60 pounds with ease. If you gave me 62 lbs I balk. I think for some the pain we are experiencing is the lose of estrogen so our tendons get brittle. I too went to bed feeling great and awoke with the crippling pain. What i found that works is to take care of yourself. Take breaks when doing your chores. Swim. Stay active. Place down pillows under your hip and knees at night. Take calcium with magnesium DAILY eat bananas three times a week. The potassium helps with any cramps MAssage your legs from toes to butt with a rolling pin or tennis ball. Make sure you stretch the ham strings( the rear thigh leg muscles). So after two years of several medical visits, accupuncture treatments and masseuse visits for me I figured out what works for me. Some who go into menopause never experience leg pain whereas others are crippled. I was 45 when the periods stopped. My male ob gyn said this was impossible. Sorry but not everyone is a text book case. I have had some wonderful male physicians but at this point in my life I need someone who is informed on a women's life cycle. THe key is to enjoy life. Drink the coffee if it makes you feel good. You will need to experiment with your diet , and supplements. I found that black cohosh did squat. Eating the bananas and religiously taking my calcium with Mg helps. You are not alone. Pilates helped too!!!!!! My mind is racing since I need to get my chores done. A sip of wine at night helps some. For me a little rhum took the pain down a notch. My best solution is the stretcthing and staying active. I am still in pain at times but I can manage it.

Dianalo, I beg to differ. I did not judge a doctor to be "less competent" because of his office decor. We were ~then~ talking about how office decor can have a psychological effect on people. I said that with this opthamologist, the decor was so depressing and uncomfortable to myself and my daughter that I decided to look elsewhere. Our long-time family eye doc had passed away suddenly and unexpectedly and I was looking for a new one to take my family to. There are many equally good eye docs in our city; my goal was to find one that was not only a good physician, but that I thought we would enjoy for the long-term. I don't need or seek out high-end or fancy offices, but I do appreciate comfortable ones. This can be achieved with a little or a lot of money as long as they put some thought into it and make their patients' comfort a priority. You have to also keep in mind that physicians and dentists are like everyone else, some really enjoy creating a great atmosphere for their patients,their staff and themselves just as we here enjoy creating a great atmosphere in our homes and our workplaces for our family, our friends and ourselves. Some don't and that's ok, too, as long as it's clean and comfortable. But . . . you give me the choice between a few equally good, well-qualified physicians with a pleasant, caring bedside manners and who all have good staffs and I'll pick the doc whose office I feel is the most welcoming and comfortable. But, an office that is thoroughly depressing and uncomfortable to me, as this eye doc's was, with the wood everywhere that actually gave me a sliver touching the wall; with dim, gloomy (seriously) lighting; with a lack of enough light to read by; with uncomfortable no-armed plastic chairs, lined up one next to the other so that I was bumping elbows with the person sitting next to me; with too few end tables to give you space between the people and to hold reading lamps; with hardly any magazines and the ones there were old and looked ratty; with a patient bathroom separated from the waiting room only by a thin door that was right between two of the chairs . . . and let's just say that sound carried very well out there, I couldn't help but think that this guy was not very concerned about his patient's comfort! Was this guy a good doc? Yes, but as I have already stated, there are many other equally good docs in town. And his prices were no lower than the rest. BTW, he dressed very well and was a pleasant person. I didn't judge him by his clothes, his shoes, or that he didn't spend a lot of money with his decor. That is not the issue; lack of patient comfort and apparent unconcern for his patients' comfort was the issue. It was my call to make and that was my (very detailed) criteria for making it (LOL!). Now, let us get back to how different interior decor in medical/dental offices can have a psychological effect on people.I find it a very interesting topic! Lynn

I was a receptionist in a doctor's office for a while. I will say that it is very difficult to triage patients on the phone. I had people yell at me because I didn't consider (per doctor's instructions) their acne an emergency. And I had one fellow who asked for an appointment and when I offered him one two months out he accepted, then when I asked what was wrong (so I could tell whether to book 15 minutes or 30 minutes) he described a horrible painful infected spider bite. I insisted he needed to talk to the nurse so she could decide whether to send him to the ER or get him in that day. But he would have meekly accepted that appointment two months out. I was never offended when a patient asked to talk to the nurse (who was my mom). Because she actually had the training and if a patient felt I wasn't getting it right, I definitely wanted them to talk to someone with medical training. Most offices have an office nurse. So if you feel like the receptionist isn't giving you the priority you need, I would echo a comment above to ask for the nurse. If that doesn't work, I would again urge you to at least call around and see if another practice can see you sooner. Transferring medical records is fairly easy--they new office will probably have a form for you to sign and they will likely take care of sending it over to your old Doctor. No reason to stay with a practice that won't accommodate you when you are in pain if you can find one that will, IMO.