After picking up food for his daughter's cat, George spied a new bowl for the pet and grabbed it too. "Shall I have the cat's name written on the side of the bowl?" offered the store owner. "No, don't bother," replied George. "He can't read anyway."

When I was a new father, one night our infant was crying in the bassinet next to our bed. I groggily got up and picked up the crying baby and got in the rocking chair. For some reason, our baby was still crying and those cries didn't sound close enough to make sense. That's when my wife noticed and said, "Hey, you know you're rocking the dog...?" I looked down and sure enough, our Boston terrier, who liked to curl up in the baby's bassinet, was looking up at me as if to say, "This is weird but I'll allow it..."

If you plan to "swim" sometime while you're still alive ... ... better make sure you know which way is "up" - as in "breathable". ole joyful

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Russian, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, Two Kiwis, a German, and American, a Cypriot, an Egyptian, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Romanian, a Dane, an Israeli, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Greek, a Norwegian, an Ethiopian, a Nigerian and a Chilean walk into a nightclub. The bouncer steps in front of the group. “Sorry, I can’t let you in without a Thai.”