Why are we paying the USPS to deliver what seems like nothing but junk mail, only to turn around and pay the city trash service to haul it off to a landfill? We're literally paying to have trash delivered to our house-and then paying again to get rid of it.

Did a little mechanics work today. Put a rear-end in a recliner. tj

A 5-year-old girl spent every day watching the construction workers building a house next door. The workers liked her so much that they gave her little jobs and, at the end of the week, paid her $10. The next day, her mother took her to the bank to open a savings account. The teller smiled and asked, "And where did you earn this money?" The little girl proudly replied, "I worked with the construction crew next door." The teller laughed and asked, "Will you be working there again this week?" The little girl answered, "I will if those a$$hOl€s at Lowe's ever deliver the f**king sheetrock!"

What is a vegetarian zombie's favorite snack? Grains!