Usually gifts for destination weddings are delivered to participant's home (or designated location) prior to the wedding to avoid having to ship gifts from the actual wedding location.

Is there a registry other than the suggestion for the honeymoon? That one always leaves me 'meh' too. I say take the trip they can afford. I'd rather spend on something longer lasting than a private chef making dinner in their suite, diving lessons, or a helicopter tour.

I understand with 'only nephew' you'd like to be as generous as fits your budget, but without knowing anything about the bride, their life circumstances or tastes, it's very hard to advise you!

I was in a similar situation with my niece and an Italian wedding. I was the sole member of the family to remain home, as I had recently broken my foot and was also the designated dogsitter for two bunches of pups (plus my own).

I sent a gift after the fact, once life returned to normal. I believe the convention is within six months?

The groom is pretty down to earth. The bride likes labels. Pretty upscale tastes. I am appreciative of the advice to send to the home after the wedding withing 6 months.

Hmm. I have a bias against so-called "destination weddings" that are out of the way or expensive to get to.

I think people should by all means pick wherever they want to go to get married. Hopefully in doing so, they don't seriously expect everyone receiving an invitation to be interested, willing and able to shell out $5K per person just to attend. Or, even most people. How selfish are these folks?

And for many people, after spending so much money just to be there, they expect gifts too? A donation to their honeymoon? After a wedding in Italy, they're returning home or going elsewhere for a honeymoon? Another personal choice that shouldn't burden others.

Heck, have the wedding where people can get to with modest cost. Doing otherwise takes a lot of nerve.

I would do what gardengal suggested.👍🏻

Annegriet -- I like gardengal's advice too.

How is your father doing? (You had asked for advice here.) Did you find help for him -- at home, or away? It's on my mind because a relative is leaving rehab after three months, insisting he will be 'fine' at home. As if.

I agree to send the gift to their place, but before the wedding. IAC, I would do a combo...a contribution to the honeymoon and something that can be used as a keepsake ... fancy toasting glasses perhaps, silver candlesticks...

Think about how they live day to day - if you know them well enough - and then think of something that is more than just ordinary to use in that life. Say, if they like to cook, perhaps a selection of spices and spice blends (from Penzey's?)

Check out Wirecutter (New York Times) - they often feature gift ideas and other recommendations.

I've never understood why people won't do what is suggested? That's what they really want. I understand that's not what you want, but isn't it their wedding???

You're not required to do anything. I realize, anything you do is kind. I don't mean it poorly. But if you know what they want why not just do it?

I agree with rob333. Just do as they ask or make a charitable donation in their name to a cause, maybe an Italian one, you know they support. In the nicest possible way, I don't think youngsters today are thrilled by candlesticks, fancy glasses or anything else they haven't chosen for themselves. Tastes are so personal you don't want to lumber them with stuff they'll feel bad about. (DD named a charity in lieu of requesting gifts. DS requested nothing but we did contribute to the wedding, although he didn't ask us to. Nephew and niece asked for nothing, in fact niece specifically said her gift was the family all travelling to the location and partying with her.) If the honeymoon is them staying on in Italy perhaps you could cover their car rental, insurance or some tickets for something they want to do. Not exciting but more useful than knickknacks.

The gifting and wedding business can get ridiculous. Give a gift and pay to attend the ceremony on teh other side of the ocean? Maybe if you have a generally well off/rich family. But, for most of us that is asking an awful lot!

Hubs niece got married three times. The first was an imprompt surprise ceremony in her parents house. It was supposed to be a wedding shower (another darned thing!) but they slipped in an official home wedding as a surprise. They had to get legally married because the planned destination wedding in Dominican Republic would not be legal.

Then some of the faimly traveled to DR for the "destination wedding". The ones who went did have a good time.

Then when they got back there was a third ocassion...a wedding reception.

Too much! We were all over it by that time! Enough!

It does not make you anything special to get married.

With some of these weddings you would think they consider themselves royality that were merging empires and intending to create a heir to take the throne.

Dress the bride up like a giant wedding cake and some man "gives" her away to another man.

It is high time that we reconsider this! That is such an archaic notion and hardly relevant to our modern life to do such things. I like that some young ones are doing differently now and lightening up on it.

When two grown adults get married in this modern world they are likely to be older than in the past and very likely that both have jobs or careers and are basically on their own. It is not like in past decades where the girl stays home with her parents until Dad "gives" her away to someone who expects her to come with gifts and she is expected to be schooled on how to make a home for him and have his babies. The people of the community/family give them things to get them started in life. But people have so darned much already, anymore!

Times have changed, but so many of these things are straight out of the past and so need to change.

Most of these venue weddings are much the same as all the others with the same music (very loud) and silly dances.

I truly hope that I am done with any of it.

A good friends son is planning a wedding and I have already told them that we wont be able to come. It is out in the country at night in one of these venues that have become big business around this genteel part of the country full of horse farms and converted wineries, and there are no hotels around. We cant drive at night like that. And what about those who will be drinking?

Heres the clincher......the bride wants a ren fair style wedding and is having a dress made for herself, and that is fine. But she wants the guests to dress up too! Not gonna happen! The relationship with the furture inlaws is already on shakey ground and this is not helping.

I did the mostly traditonal thing with our daughter, but our son and wife went to Hawaii alone and got married. I had a small reception for them later that I was able to self cater.

I think that one sobering thought about weddings is that, once the couple are married, the parents are no longer the next of kin. That is hard to let go of, the notion that you have some say so about your adult kids. Now any life decision is up to the person that they married.

We have all heard stories about this, for sure.

That is a sobering transition and it could be seen as "giving away" not only the daughter, but also the son.

The challenge with wedding gifts today compared with 30+ years ago is that often couples have established adult lives today when they get married. Fully stocked and furnished homes. I know when I got married I did not create a registry or expect gifts because we just really wanted to have our small list of guests just be there with us when we said our vows but didn't want anyone to feel that they needed to buy anything for us.

I do think that nice things for the home always seem appropriate for wedding gifts. Do they like to cook or host? I'd look at some of the top registry picks on Williams-Sonoma.

https://www.williams-sonoma.com/shop/gifts/gifts-wedding/

https://www.williams-sonoma.com/shop/registry/registry-favorites/

This is a wirecutter article on some interesting wedding gifts. The portrait of their home or themselves seems fun if you can get a hold of photos.

https://www.nytimes.com/wirecutter/gifts/wedding-gift-ideas/

My brother & his wife had a BIG wedding in the states, where "her" parents lived. Everyone else had to "travel" a fair distance. They received sooooooooooooooo many gifts it was insane! I got them something NOT on the list....a one-of-a-kind piece of art. A sculpture, with the artists information....and his thought process in his design. It was a BIG hit! If you know them well enough to know their high end tastes....send them a gift not on the list.

I have just come off of a similar situation. We did not invite our relatives and friends to the out-of-state wedding of DD2, which took place where she and my new son live. I thought that the expense was too much, plus everyone is pushing 80. This past weekend, the bride and groom traveled up, and we hosted a daytime event at a local restaurant and had a fun time. I think the relatives appreciated it, even though most of them had to drive for two hours to get here.

Sue. THank you for asking about Dad. I havne't been online much. Busy. He's at home with a caregiver 12 hours a day M-F so i can go to work. I do nights and weekends. It's grueling. I just can't seem to pull the trigger on memory care. He's fragile and the memory is bad but we are hanging tough. It's the hardest thing I've done in my life.

Thanks for the update. I had hoped you would have come to a better arrangement. I know it's hard, but consider how long this could go on. What will happen when YOU are worn down to a nub and YOU get sick? For now, you can still make deliberate decisions; not so when you get to the entirely pedictable emergency -- or series of them. I can't believe a loving parent would want you to sacrifice your life to be 'caretaker', not daughter. There are people trained for that work.

Good call on the wedding gift!

I used to cross stitch many years ago and I would make a pattern of a wedding poem with the couples name and date of wedding.