A dog accepts you as the boss. A cat wants to see your resume.

I think the reason we are born with two hands is so we can pet two dogs at once.

OK, I can't get the meme to post, so here it is: A Higgs Boson walks into a church and the Priest asks it to leave, The boson says, "But without me, how can you have mass?"

I have no idea what arcy's post means or why it's here, but it did remind me of a joke my Mom used to tell all the time. A daughter tells her mother that they can't seem to get pregnant. Mom advises, "Just take the longest thing he has and stick it in the hairiest thing you have." Months later, daughter complains to her Mom that it doesn't seem to be working. Mom asks if she's doing as she was told. Daughter replies, "Yes. We've been sleeping with his nose in my armpit for months!"