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jasdip1

My online dating so far

Jasdip
last month
last modified: last month

Last weekend I joined another online site. I got a few matches and went out for coffee Friday morning, after chatting for a few days.

Great guy! Met at the coffee shop, he opened the door for me, bought my coffee. Sat and talked steadily for 1.5 hours. Has a motorcycle and rides in the Ride for Dad!! Win, win.

Walked me to my car and we said goodbye

Next morning I got a text, saying that he hadn't heard from me, no flirtatious texts. Huh? I wrote that I expected him to write saying he enjoyed it, and to do something again.

He then asked me a specific intimate question and I said No. He said we can't be together then, because we're not on the same page intimately. The (S word can't be used here apparently as I wrote this all out last night and it disappeared.)

I was stunned and said he was willing to throw away a potential relationship on one thing that may or may not happen.

I was talking to some of my friends about it and when I mentioned where we went and where he worked my one friend immediately asked if his name was M. My jaw dropped and I asked how she was able to discern that.

That coffee place is his haunt to take women. He also is a charmer, until he gets intimate then he ghosts you. He's working his way through the women in the area. Notching his bed post.

Wow, did I dodge a bullet! Better to be bummed for one day than to be emotionally and otherwise invested and really be hurt.

I've since learned that a lot of women have given up completely on dating because of men like this. So many men take advantage; we are completely at their mercy. They have no qualms whatsoever of abusing women emotionally)

Comments (36)

  • User
    last month

    Oh, Jasdip! I’m so sorry you met such a jerk but I’m glad you found out what he was like before things went too far.

    I have no advice to give you except to not give up on finding someone if that is what you want. Maybe, take a break from online dating, just go out with your friends, have fun, and someone will come into your life when you least expect it.

    Stick to your principles!

  • yeonassky
    last month

    Oh my so sorry about your bad experience. I'm glad you found out without further interaction with the predator type person.


    Apparently online dating is on the decline and people are trying to meet people in person because of the drawbacks of too much false information and strange or se xual messages.


    In other words it's back to old fashioned meeting people at clubs and shopping centers and wherever else. Also meeting people through friends and acquaintances sometimes works.


    As far as I'm concerned it is worth the work of trying to find somebody you enjoy time with. Good luck!

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  • Jasdip
    Original Author
    last month

    The online was my last resort. I go out every weekend with several friends, dancing etc as I mentioned in yesterday's Smile of the day. I'd rather not be online, trust me.

    But it hasn't deterred me. (yet)

  • sushipup2
    last month

    Psychopaths are very charming people! You got out of that one, good for you!

  • nicole___
    last month
    last modified: last month

    Also, watch out for "grocery stores". Yes, you heard me right, that is not code for something else. Men troll grocery stores looking to pick up women. They aren't any nicer. :0) Do you have "Meet up groups" in your area for single people. Or...book clubs...or a shooting range, car shows, gym....ALL places single people hang out at that's not a bar. Maybe, volunteer at an animal shelter...dog walking. I try to hang out with single ladies wherever "I" go...so as NOT to attract attention. Men are less likely to approach a group of women.

    I was joggin "The Park", hubby was ahead of me, when I stopped to ask a woman with a Great Pyreneess a question about owning that breed. We walked for a few miles and she's also looking for a male companion...putting out the word in case I knew of any she'd be interested in. She says quote, "You have to F* a lot of frogs to find your prince." My husband has nicknamed her the Frog F*er." 😂You have embarked on a dangerous journey....but I encourage you to not give up!

  • Kathsgrdn
    last month

    I had similar experiences after my divorce. I guess that's why I'm still single. lol. I wish you better luck.

  • sweet_betsy No AL Z7
    last month
    last modified: last month

    Me too, Kath. All of them wanted money or other favors.

  • User
    last month

    Sweet betsy, not all! Just some.

    Most men are wonderful people

  • eld6161
    last month
    last modified: last month

    So sorry. Very frustrating I’m sure. What I find interesting is that he put it out there right away about what he wanted. So I guess the desparate would go along with what he wants.

    While true there are men that take advantage, you are not at their mercy. You are doing everything right!

    I was going to suggest MeetUp as well.

    I know quite a few people who met online, so it can work.

    Good luck.

    I also agree with the woman in Nicole’s post. Telling everyone you know that you are ready to date might get you a potential friend of a friend of a friend.

  • satine100
    last month

    I had thought briefly about trying on line dating but was detered because of many single friends who have been really burned by those they have met . There are some really nasty people out there . Im sure there are some good honest people who looking for a companion and I wish you luck.

  • Fran
    last month

    I met the love of my life on Match.com about 15 years ago. We were together for 8 wonderful years but unfortunately he died from cancer in 2020. Before I met him I met a lot of jerks. I think dating is a numbers game and ceertainly takes up a lot of time. If you choose to contihue be careful out there. FFer . Thats hilarious.

  • schoolhouse_gwagain
    last month
    last modified: last month

    Reminds me of a co-worker from my job of years ago who tried online dating. She said they arranged a date, but then he called to say his car was "in the shop". So she picked him up. For awhile all went well enough until he asked, while in the car going down the road, for some money. I don't remember what else caused it, but she became irate, slowed down, opened up the car door and forced him out. She was laughing as she told me she looked in the side (or rear?) mirror and saw, " all this gravel hitting him in the head". LOL

    I don't date anymore, not looking, but sometimes miss companionship esp. to go places with. However, I think joining clubs, letting friends and relatives know you're interested in finding someone, or even church is a better and safer idea.

  • chisue
    last month

    Quite the story, Jasdip! Sorry you were hurt. I would have been, too.

    I have to say, though, that the guy was upfront with his non-negotiable demand. IDK why women are often surprised about what (many) men want, first, foremost, always. I think males are simply 'made that way' -- you might even say "by the Creator". Some never mature past the primal. There's even a competitive aspect about a guy's self-perceived status as a man. Asked and answered was crude, but not dishonest, and you were spared investing more than a few hours in a false presumption.


  • Lars
    last month
    last modified: last month

    In L.A., women troll grocery stores looking for men, which I've noticed a lot in Marina Del Rey, and it is obvious by how they dress, starting with stiletto heels. When you enter Ralphs Waterside Marina Market on the right, the first thing you find is liquor and condoms. It's a very upscale market, and most of the shoppers are men, many of whom are buying supplies for their yachts. I've seen women wearing fishnet dresses in that store.

    I gave up on on-line dating for the same reason you did - no one seemed interested in relationships. I also tried video dating, and that was disappointing as well, but at least people there were interested in relationships.

    I don't know whether you are interested in it, but my sister met her husband at a Universal Life Church, which seems to be largely a social group, since it does not follow religious scriptures.

    I've met nice prospective partners at a hiking/camping group that I belonged to call Great Outdoors L.A. - however, I no longer go camping, and my hikes are much shorter than they used to be.

    Check to see if there are any foodie groups in your area. I used to belong to several when Yahoo had groups, plus there was another forum called Anothersubcontinent.com for people from India, and they would have meetings at Indian restaurants in Little India. More than half of the members were men.

    I do not know how large of a city you live in, but I do know that it is smaller than Los Angeles, and so your options may be more limited. If you play tennis, that might be a good way to meet single men.

  • morz8 - Washington Coast
    last month
    last modified: last month

    Jas, here's my little story from my SILs first dating experience after she divorced. A doctor. Sounded quite promising. They'd gone to a sporting event about an hour+ away, she'd met some of his friends and introduced him to some of our family members at the same football game. Rather than drive home the two hours after their late dinner, he assumed they could spend the night on his boat moored nearby, had no back up plan in mind. She said No, we are not spending the night together on your boat tonight. He drove her back to town in something of a huff telling her to call him sometime if she wanted 'an adult' relationship. She never saw him again 😊

  • Kathsgrdn
    last month

    I knew that online dating wasn't for me when Match.com matched me with my ex lol. He even used a picture on his profile that I had taken when we were still married.

  • User
    last month
    last modified: last month

    I was in Canadian Tire the other day looking for a long handled mechanic’s magnet. I had a guy come and stand next to me, chatting me up, and then he started helping me look for what I wanted. He seemed like a nice guy. When I discovered I was looking at builder’s magnets, I headed over to the automotive section and he came with me. There, I found the kind of magnet I needed. My husband then met up with me and the fellow smiled, chatted it up with my husband for a bit and then skedaddled. I don’t know if he was with anyone or not.

    I don’t know where this is going but, I’ve had more friendly conversations with men in Canadian Tire than anywhere else I can think of. Men love to be helpful.

  • Jasdip
    Original Author
    last month

    I know that's what men want. But this guy is a weasel, out for notches only. And not wearing any protection.

    There's a lot of flirting online chatting before even meeting. It's the norm.

    But dating now and what it was 15 years ago is a whole other ball game. My brother met his life partner on Match. Match and POF Plenty of fish.....people don't use them these days.

  • blfenton
    last month

    Oh I'm sorry to hear what a weasel this guy was. One of my sons, a niece and a cousin all met their partners on Plenty of Fish but that was all pre-covid by a few years.

  • Elmer J Fudd
    last month

    " I know that's what men want. "

    Be careful here. Most women are no different in this regard though their conduct in pursuit of the same goal will be different.

  • Sherry8aNorthAL
    last month
    last modified: last month

    Jasdip, I am sorry. I think that most of the nice men are married or are not looking. Church is NOT SAFE! Mom died in 1998. They lacked a couple of weeks to 50 years. They had been going to a little church and both liked it. She died and Dad started seeing the vultures. He picked the worst that sucked up to him She moved him to her church and removed everyone he knew. She took him for everything she could get. She was soooo sweet to his face, but she had all the judges, lawyers, and real estate people in her back pocket in the tiny little Alabama town that she owned. They had a prenup. Think that is good, boy are you naive. I was. The only thing he had left was the house that was to be split between my brother and me. and they sold it, so guess what, it was not a house.anymore? I was a signer on his checking account. We drove down to put a hold on it and well what do you know someone was trying to pull everything out of the account that same morning. She did have to split it three ways instead of taking it all for own. I gave him a portable phone, that he could receive and place calls on. She destroyed it. When he was dying, she never showed up. I was there for the entire 4 days.

    She got rid of everything that was my mothers and grandmothers. I did keep the cookbook, Her own daughter could not do anything with the b**ch.

    Just keep being careful. There are good people out there. I would not f**K a lot of frogs, but you might have to drink a lot of coffee, . In fact if f**king comes up anytime soon, I would cross that one off the list. F**king is fine, but that is NOT the first thing on the list.

  • lucillle
    last month

    "Hogamous, Higamous,
    Man is polygamous,
    Higamous, Hogamous,
    Woman is monagamous."

  • orchidrain
    last month

    Wow, at least you didn't invest too much time with him, before his big expectation reveal.

  • Elmer J Fudd
    last month

    Lucille, baloney. Someone asked to be intimate and was turned down, that has nothing to do with the specifics of single people who date actively and find intimacy an acceptable experience while doing so. This one person happened to have odd predatory practices, that's not a lesson learn to take away and apply to everyone she meets or even knows.


    A very large number of single people of all ages and both genders have relatively frequent and active private encounter moments with others. Whether it's relationships going on with more than one person at a time or those who prefer serial monogamy. Including seniors. Anyone who believes otherwise is 1) sheltered from the real world, or 2) extending their own personal views unwarrantedly to others, or 3) fooling themself.

  • OutsidePlaying
    last month
    last modified: last month

    Jasdip, the term used a lot here is ’you dodged a bullet’. It was surely best to find out that guy’s true colors early on, even though it’s hard to waste time on what you might first think it could go somewhere. I'm sorry, and wish you better luck elsewhere.

  • Jasdip
    Original Author
    last month

    Outside Playing, yes, I did say I dodged a bullet. 100%.

    Chatting with another fellow, Tooooo sappy and fake. C/P chat messages. He doesn't use my name and one line was "hope you're enjoying the long weekend" which was last weekend. I answered him back just to see what his gimmick/motive might be. More sob story about ex wife cheating and numerous other things and saccharine sweet words of how he wants a life partner.

    Mentioned this is a particular online group and someone shared her screenshot of what she received from him.. The exact same verbage and bs from this guy. Too funny!


  • lucillle
    last month

    Lucille, baloney.

    Of course, baloney. It is a famously humorous poem.

  • Lars
    last month

    Has everyone seen the TV series S*x in the City? I found it rather enlightening, although I only watched it in syndication.

    A good movie for comparison is Amy Schumer's Trainwreck, which I thought was very funny, but then I especially like Amy Schumer.

  • Elmer J Fudd
    last month
    last modified: last month

    " Of course, baloney. It is a famously humorous poem. "

    Apparently not as famous as you thought.

  • rob333 (zone 7b)
    last month
    last modified: last month

    I think some people are very sidetracked. Let's keep our eye on our friend.

    (((jasdip)))

    You totally deserved better.

    He should post his interest in his ad/profile if he's that adamant about it. It certainly seems to be defining characteristic for him. That way people can meet up with him, if that's what they prefer, or avoid him if they prefer not to. Playing games serves no one.

  • nicole___
    last month

    @Lars....I haven't ever...watched S%x in the City...or Trainwreck. I watched the Trainwreck trailer....THAT is hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link I'm going to watch it! 😂😂😂

  • amylou321
    last month

    I wish you luck. Honestly, online dating is no worse than just meeting someone in the wild. These days, by my observation, men are getting worse and worse. I am grateful I found a good one who doesn't need money, a place to stay or someone to mother him 15 years ago. If something happens to him, I am DONE. I wouldn't have the patience to try to wade through the sea of slime out there to find someone else. No one would compare to him anyway.


    When I started making and selling candles and soaps and things, my idea was that my truck drivers, who are mostly male, would want to buy something nice for their wives or girlfriends. What I did not expect was the sheer number of them that would buy multiples at a time, for multiple women, one for the wife, one for side piece #1, one for side piece #2, one for a potential third side chick and act like it was completely normal. Disgusting.


    When there are contractors from out of state during large turnarounds at my job, SO many of them try to hit on the women here. They are trying to sneak a fling in while their wife is at home in another state. And what's worse, some of them succeed with the women who are here from other states as well. Yuck and yuck.


    I am not saying women are any better. There are certainly those just out looking for a free ride, someone to use. And both groups have those that are just NASTY and cannot be faithful to one person, which demonstrates weak character. Pathetic.


    I hope you find a good one. Or barring that, perhaps another cat.

  • Annie Deighnaugh
    last month

    Oh dear, so sorry it didn't go well.


    I wonder if doing something like "meet up" where you can get together with people with a common interest and meet them in a non-dating environment with no expectations about intimacy...or bumming money off of someone...might be a better route...

  • floraluk2
    last month
    last modified: last month

    Don't lose hope. DD is married to someone she met on line. If I'd written a list of attributes for a perfect spouse for her I couldn't have imagined anyone more wonderful. The website they were on was run by a newspaper, so attracted people with a specific set of interests/beliefs, so maybe you could find a more targeted site? Something you're interested in rather a general one? A friend also found a partner on line. They've split up now but had several good years of happy companionship.

  • joann_fl
    last month

    that's the way things are now. The dating sites are the pits!

  • carolb_w_fl_coastal_9b
    last month

    Glad you learned his true colors before it went any further! I'd say you were fortunate.

    FWIW, my cousin met a really good guy through an online dating site some years back after a bad breakup with her longtime boyfriend, and they're still together.

    Trust your instincts.