That trip seems just what you need. Always good to have something to focus on. When you said "But sometimes, if I am being honest, I just want to run away for peace and quiet." i can totally relate. Our ongoing care with my Dad went on for almost three years - a couple of those through Covid. There were plenty of days that I just wanted to scream into my pillow. You really, really need to find a balance between your caregiver self and yourself. From one who knows.

Wow. Amazing at how powerful that melatonin is...I can't take it as it made me dopey all day and that was on a minimal dose! Now that she's more awake, she'll be able to improve and it will improve her appetite as well. You are doing a fabulous job.

Sending you all more strength, courage, healing and patience.

jojoco, your mother is so blessed to have you as her advocate! And your siblings, they should be singing your praises from the highest mountain tops!

Being a care taker isn't for sissies.

Sending you lots of patience & endurance!

Frightening what goes on that you have to correct. Your mum is so lucky you are looking out for her. Glad you have a fun trip to look forward too. Some friends of ours are leaving on a similar trip next werk.

jojoco, It is frustrating just to read about the misunderstandings and errors made with your mom during this hospitalization; it has to be so much more so for you to be dealing with them on a daily basis. I hope when my time comes one of my daughters will be as thoughtful and caring as you have been. I'm hoping as your mom improves you can find more time for the beach or just a quick getaway to unwind. Sending you backrubs and a glass of wine!

You must be exhausted. I am so glad you sorted the melatonin problem.

JoJo, I know its not your goal but I hope you can find some contentment in what you've been accomplishing. It's important, it's her life - and their lives. And it sounds like you're doing it exceptionally well.

My mother couldn't take melatonin either. I know many who have had side effects from it and some of those side effects unpleasant.

Just causing her to miss PT was close to unforgivable.

I'm cheering for you. You're doing more than most would know to try.

The last time Mom was admitted it was without her hearing aids. The hospital had not hearing aids, but a head set that amplified voices and made conversation easier. I think some of the nurses had been mistaking hearing loss for dementia when Mom responded inappropriately or not at all. In fact, they sent the simple headset back to her senior apartment with her when released, it was a fast way for one of the care or med aids or even her housekeeper to converse with her if her hearing aids were still in the other room or she just wasn't wearing them at that moment.

I wonder how it might work for the bawdy roommate, if it would turn down the room volume at all. Peace Health can't be the only facility who has that...

This news about your mom’s condition is really wonderful.

(Take away all the irritating and frustrating parts of your update.)

Prayers continue.

I really had no idea melatonin would have this type of side effect, so I have learned something today if this ever ends up happening to anyone in my family. I hope she continues to improve and can get her PT and OT.

Sending continued support.

Morz, thanks for the hearing amplifier idea. I asked for one for my mom and it is a godsend. Thank you!

Doesn't it just get your goat that they started the melatonin, she became lethargic, yet they did not stop giving it to her!? It sure gets mine, and it sets her back several days for every day she was not getting up or having PT. She is so lucky to have you looking out for her best interest. Need to get her up and out of the hospital. So good to hear she is improving.

I can't even get a doctor or nurse prac to listen to me and I and not wipped out!

Sherry, send me your address and I’ll be right over 😊

Jojo, it is wonderful that you have something good/fun coming up soon. I'm so glad your father encouraged you to go too.

You're in this weird dance right now with your family, where they are all seeing you take charge - and doing a fabulous job at being in charge! It's hard work, and it's the rare family where someone else will battle you for the lead position. :)

It's great that you have insight to realize you're getting too tired to keep this up and I hope that the rest of the family steps up to pitch in. I've watched so many families go through these medical crises, and the dynamics which ensue over the longer term situations can be hard for everyone.

I've said this before, but the last few years of my parents' lives were the hardest thing I'd ever experienced. Maybe that means I've lived a charmed life? Aging eventually gets all of us, so maybe it's not all that uncommon for us to find ourselves "in charge" of our own parents. I don't know. I just know that the work involved in trying to manage my own parents in that situation was the most emotionally draining of my life. It just goes on and on and on because everything changes constantly - and you get some plan put together and then it all falls apart again. Rinse and repeat.

Hold onto that upcoming vacation!

Jo, did they say if they had tested for melatonin levels before starting the dosage?

My levels were below the norm when I was checked. (I’m on one 3mg pill a day, taken at night.)

Wow. That is really disheartening how much you are having to police what the so-called professionals are doing. You are a wonderful daughter, and should pat yourself on the back for being so diligent and observant.

How amazing that you have a special trip on the horizon to look forward to! Spending so much time in a hospital is absolutely bleak…the trip will be a happy distraction. When my mom was so ill in the hospital…I found myself relishing even simple trips away (like the grocery store!🤣)

Lovely mom and lovely daughter ❤️❤️

I am slightly heartened that the hospital gave your Mom melatonin instead of a narcotic but dismayed that they didn't notice it was too strong!

Sending good thoughts to you and your family.

When my mom was so ill in the hospital…I found myself relishing even simple trips away (like the grocery store!🤣)

My dad had dementia and was actively delusional most of the time toward the end. He also wanted me there 24/7, which was not possible for a variety of reasons. Anyway, one day he decided he had left a "little brown dog" at his house. He was very worried about this dog. (He hadn't had a dog in years, but he sure loved animals!)

So I, being the helpful daughter, told him I would go right away to check on the dog. I assured him I would collect the dog and take him to my house....

....and with that, AllyDe got herself a much needed break too. You take your silver linings where you can. :)

I've said this before, but the last few years of my parents' lives were the hardest thing I'd ever experienced. Maybe that means I've lived a charmed life? Aging eventually gets all of us, so maybe it's not all that uncommon for us to find ourselves "in charge" of our own parents. I don't know. I just know that the work involved in trying to manage my own parents in that situation was the most emotionally draining of my life. It just goes on and on and on because everything changes constantly - and you get some plan put together and then it all falls apart again. Rinse and repeat.

You expressed this so well. I'm just beginning to discover the truth of what you wrote, although it's been unfolding for over a year now. And it can feel like it hits - when it hits - all of a freakin' sudden, which leaves you very little time to get your feet underneath you. You just have to instantly get up, go, and do the things that must be done. I'm beginning to understand the old saying, "What doesn't kill me makes me stronger." But sometimes it feels like it just might come close to killing you in the process, doesn't it!

Oh, Jojoco, you express so well the frustration and exhaustion that comes with this experience. When my husband was hospitalized a few years ago, I too had to fight to get them to SEE him. In their eyes, he was 78 and a longtime asthma/COPD patient. Of course he was having difficulty breathing. One Dr. even rolled her eyes at me when I kept insisting he wasn't like this before the surgery. It was maddening. You know when they believed me? When he suffered a collapsed lung in the ICU and then suddenly it was all hands on deck, code blue, code blue.... Grrrrr.

Hang in there. I'm so glad you have that trip to look forward to.

Jo, you are amazing. Just as an aside, my two sons went out for a beer together Older son is six years older. The cute young waitress thought older son was the father! Younger son had never let him forget it.

So glad you have a trip to look forward to. Sorry to be a worrier, but be sure you have trip insurance. Hopefully you wont have to use it.

Hang in there sweet Ida. It doesn't last forever. One day it will be over. I know that is a sobering thought, it always jolted me when I realized that, "this too shall pass. It literally can't last forever...."

It's so hard when you are in the thick of it. All I can promise you is that one day when it's all over you will be able to look at yourself in the mirror and know that you did the very best you could for them. There were times I wanted to walk away, to no longer be in charge. Of course I never did that, because my parents were unable to fend for themselves anymore and what kind of person leaves their parents to the wolves?!

So, you do the best you can, you take your silver linings where you find them, and you find healthy ways sustain yourself for the long haul in the process. I recommend wine and good friends. :)

JoJo so great that you are still there still fighting for your DM! The hospital sure has not made it easy for you or for your mom. This is why having a family member plus a doctor oversee everything makes the most sense to me.

I hope you have a wonderful trip and you deserve it! (I think you might have some guilt about going though. Don't.)

Hugs to your mom you and your whole family! Still sending healing thoughts.

I agree with Ally De. I helped care for my terminal mother (with help and hospice), my dad who had to be moved to Assisted Living the last year of his life, and my grandmother who also moved to Assisted Living. Reading this thread has made me realize how very lucky we were with our doctors, hospitals and Assisted Living facilities and also Hospice. We never had such problems in the hospital! It's awful how they are treating your mom. I'm so glad you are there with her, although I know it is very hard. Ally is so right - in the end, you realize that you did the best you could do for your parents. Hang in there Jojo!!

You just have to instantly get up, go, and do the things that must be done.

This is exactly what I had to do after my father's passing when Mom was in hospice. You just do what needs doing and move to the next, over and over. We all have to do it in some capacity in our lives. If not, we have not lived a full life.

Well said, Ally De.

Your parents are so lucky to have you Jojo. I am so glad that you are going on your trip to Africa!