I have given up driving at night because of failing eyesight...not a phobia. i am the only one of my group who will drive out of town any more.

As one ages, it's not as easy to drive as it used to be. We know our reflexes have slowed, our vision is not as acute, and with the increase in traffic everywhere, going someplace new is indeed nerve-wracking.

I often feel that way, and I LIKE to drive, LOL!

I bought an SUV in 2017 after spending almost 18 months reviewing and test driving various cars. When I finally chose one, I knew very specifically the features I wanted, which included all the latest (at the time) safety technology.

In order to get the exact model I wanted, I had to order it from the factory which took almost 8 weeks. Goodness knows how long it would take these days!

I am so glad I bought that SUV. The safety tech makes a world of difference. Well worth the expense and wait time. Makes driving safer, absolutely.

I definitely agree I dislike driving someplace at night that is new to me, and if bad weather is forecast, chances are good I'll decline.

However, I live in an area where driving is pretty much a necessity, despite the convenience of having most things delivered to one's doorstep. I've also noticed that a lot of wives give over driving duties to their husbands, but then are stuck when (as all too often happens) the husband dies and the wife now has no choice, even though she's freaked out about driving again after years of being a passenger.

No phobias about driving. I have always enjoyed it. My proudest driving achievement was driving the Teton Pass coming from Jackson Hole Wyoming in bad weather. Fortunately I was driving a big rented SUV and that thing really stuck to the road.

Unfortunately now I can only drive at night when the roads are familiar and very well lit, so I rarely do it. I hate that limitation. It means I cannot go to concerts and shows unless they are in the afternoon. Fortunately I can always take the train downtown and even to NYC.

I still drive on highways but have not been into the city in a long time. I also tire more easily so I would have to break very long trips into two days.

I think you are wise not to drive when it makes you uncomfortable.

Locally and where I am familiar I am ok, but driving is not my thing. If any one ever offers to drive, I always accept.

This is me as well. GPS has lessened this somewhat for me, but I still prefer others to do the driving. We have pretty decent public transportation here, and it's free for seniors, so I usually take the commuter train rather than driving into the city (I live in a close-in suburb).

schoolhouse, is it possible for you and your friends to take Ubers to and from the concert? Split three ways the cost might not be too bad.

with the advent of GPS (i use WAZE or google navigation), i have driven in places i never would have attempted in the past. i remember the days of using mapquest, printing out the directions to both my destination and my return home but it's so much better now.

driving at night is problematic to me because it seems that lighting isn't as good as it used to be and the state of illinois doesn't feel the necessity to stripe the roads anymore. the markings are so faint, they can hardly be seen during the day, let alone in the dark. it isn't just my eyes, i have heard others say the same thing. i avoid it whenever possible.

A friend of mine did, and now, almost 20 years later, she still won't drive on the highway and doesn't even like to ride in a car on the highway. I don't know if she realized, but it coincided roughly with the birth of her first child, and I wonder if that had something to do with it.

I had a big phobia moving to major cities. I'm finally getting over some of it thanks to Google Maps and me getting a bit more familiar with traffic and major roads. I'd like to say I'm become a more assertive driver, but the truth is, I do a lot more cussing. We have a lot of bad drivers and it can be a challenge just to leave the neighborhood at certain times. One of these days when we finally move, we will move away from traffic and school zones.

What helped me see at night (and during the day) were cheap dollar store reading glasses (1.0 ?) . I don’t know why they work, but they do. (I’d almost call them miraculous)

As bookwoman suggested, what about using Uber? (not that I even know how to use them..)

No phobias about driving and if we're going anywhere, I'm usually the driver.

I have had "ptsd" of sorts from near misses on the roads which I have had to work through (one of the reasons I dislike being a passenger).

I will comment though on my subaru which we got with so many safety features mainly because, as I get older, I'm not becoming a better driver. Here are the key ways it helps:

• headlights at night automatically dim so I don't have to worry about it and can pay more attention to driving
• headlights will turn with the steering wheel so it lights where you are going if you turn
• eyesight warns if I'm getting too close to car in front or if I'm approaching to quickly for how fast that car is going...it will auto break to prevent a crash
• back up camera with warning if a car or person is behind me
• anti-lock brake system
• side light warnings if a vehicle is in your blind spot on either side
• lane change warnings...wheel will wiggle and it will beep if you change lanes without signaling (great for drowsy driving)
• beep if the car in front of you has proceeded and you haven't yet
• warning light if outside temp drops below 37F and surface may be slippery
• eyesight works in cruise control and allows you to set the distance between you and the car in front...if you approach a car going slower, it will slow you down to keep that distance until you pass that car and then it will return you to the set speed
• you can check your car tire pressure from a switch on the dash

I'm probably missing others, but having the car watching out for you makes you feel more secure.

No phobia, but I noticed on a recent long distance driving trip that my night vision isn't what it needs to be. I definitely need some eyeglasses for night driving.

I have hated cars my whole life. I don't even like riding in them. I never wanted to drive but it was a rule in my family that we had to get a license before moving away to college. I keep renewing the license because it's a good ID and has a flattering picture. In 1982, I moved to a city with excellent public transportation and was thrilled not to deal with cars. I married a husband who already had a country house two hours from the city, in the middle of a woods, in the middle of nowhere. We used to go for an occasional weekend and I was so nervous in the car that I rode the whole trip with my eyes closed. Then, starting in March 2020, we spent twelve long months there and I re-learned how to drive. It was so rural it took half an hour just to get to a little grocery. I made myself drive exactly 10 times before deciding that there was nothing I wanted badly enough to get behind the wheel. During that time, my husband put me on his insurance and it actually lowered his rate because I have an absolutely clean driving record.

schoolhouse, I think as we get older, we don't drive as much, especially when we retire. Also, eyesight issues and slowed down reflexes give us pause in getting behind the wheel. I'm not sure I would call it a phobia (though close), but I've driven on the thruway maybe five times in five decades. It just makes me nervous how fast people drive and I don't feel confident in my response time. I didn't start driving until I was well into my twenties. Growing up in CT, there was always a bus or train that took me to school and work or shopping. I make it a point lately to drive, as we've gotten into a habit of DH driving all the time.

AnnieD....I totally agree with you on the safety features of our Subaru. I love it!

I drive. Daytime, night time, in all kinds of weather. Only now that DH is retired he's often with me and at the wheel - and a slightly more cautious driver than I am I think, especially in heavy traffic. Worst of weather he insists on driving me and takes his truck - which is very nice, comfortable, has great visibility and as many bells and whistles as my SUV. A couple of more in fact, his seats not only heat, they cool.

But he's telling me he no longer likes driving at night very much. Thats difficult in winter when its getting dark at 4 PM. We went together for eye exams last Spring and the eye doctor said there is no physical reason either of us should not drive after dark. But yet, DH would rather not.

I have one phobia (or close to it) and that's one particular bridge. I can ride across with someone else at the wheel without even an increase in heart rate. I force myself to occasionally drive across it myself so it won't get the best of me (I start talking out loud to myself about 5 minutes before entering its approach ;)). It doesn't come up often, but there are things I enjoy doing on the other side of that bridge. My only other access to those than crossing that bridge adds more than a half hour to my trip.

I can't remember that last decade either of us have had a traffic ticket. We've both had them for speeding but many years ago. I would be pulled over and warned, where he would be pulled over and ticketed. I always tried to convince him the difference was mascara which he doesn't wear ;)

Well, I was going to list all the things my Outback Subaru does but Annie beat me to it. lol In fact over dinner tonight my daughter was saying her co-worker just got one and was describing features my husband didn't even know we had. It definitely has a ton of safety features. I love it when the car ahead of us goes when the light changes and we don't, the car beeps and says pay attention.

Schoolhouse, something from your post just reminded me. Dh's brother who is my same age married a young woman I became instantly close to. They had two baby boys together. Her mother, for reason she could never quite explain to any of us, completely quit driving when her only grandchildren were toddlers and two hours away. So quite inconvenient.

What she would say was, she was returning home and crossing Seattle's 520 bridge. Those of you who know it will agree its long, low, and its not unusual in a storm to take a wave across the 'bow' of your car. She had a panic attack in the middle of it and could barely finish crossing. She parked her car in the garage and never started it again. She was 50ish, widowed, and quite active in politics, community happenings, entertaining. It meant she always had to count on someone picking her up, taking her home. Gone now, but she was a young productive woman who could not make herself drive ever again.

not yet

Not at all. I love taking road trips by myself. The only thing I've noticed is that I have to take more frequent breaks. I used to be able to drive right through for 5, 6 or more hours without a problem. Now I have a tendency toward highway hypnosis after several hours. So I make it a point to stop and walk around a bit for the safety of myself and others every couple of hours or so.

Yes, I have a real phobia about driving. I never really liked to drive but I did it because I had to. I am retired and so is my husband, and he drives almost everywhere. I am OK with driving very short distances, but I get very nervous when I do have to drive. My fear has really limited me because I live in a city where driving is almost a necessity.

Not really any phobias but I'd prefer to not drive at night. I live in a funky little semi-rural community that shuns streetlights. Except for a very tiny 4 block stretch downtown, there aren't. any. And it is d. a. r. k. !! Encountering the lights of oncoming traffic is distracting and the pervading darkness seems to make them all the more brighter. Not as much of a concern in our northern summers when it stays light until 10 or later but no fun in winter and with winter bad weather.

Otherwise, I am happy to drive anywhere and often undertake extended treks for my business. But less frequently now than before the pandemic and gas prices skyrocketed. I just don't go out and about as often and don't have any compelling need to.

I had a phobia when I was in my younger 20s. Two coworkers and I took a hour long trip to visit another coworker who was recovering from an injury. When we left her house at dark to return home it was just light snow flurries. The closer we got to home the flurries turned into a raging blinding snow storm. Cars were sliding off the road and into each , and scattered stuck on hills. It was snowing so hard you couldn't even see an exit ramp to stop at a hotel for the night. I think the only way we made it home that night is because I had a old heavy 10 ton gas guzzling car. After that trip I was petrified to drive and wouldn' t drive in any snow until i I realized I live where it snows and I couldn't avoid driving. So as scared as I was, I forced myself to face my fear and drive. It took awhile, but I did it.

Luckily, I live somewhere that driving is rarely necessary and I haven’t done so for over a decade. My night vision has been poor for years and is now non-existent. Even walking at night needs concentration. I keep thinking I should get back to driving .... just in case. But now we have an automatic car and I have only ever driven a manual. When I did try it I was constantly braking because I kept using my left foot on a non-existent clutch.

I am fine on country roads, daytime or night, but I can't handle highways, daytime or night. I've always been nervous on highways, but now it's pretty much a phobia. I just can't handle all the traffic, the exits, and the terror of missing my exit and being whisked off at another exit onto another highway and being unable to find my way back. Bad enough on a trip that I know, but to go to a new place---never!

I have no vision problems that would affect my driving, and driving at night in general does not bother me at all, but I do simply hate to drive, and I consider myself a bad driver.

A few years ago, I got a jury summons in December that said I was supposed to go to the downtown Los Angeles courthouse and arrive at 7:30 AM (or some unreasonable hour), which meant that I would have had to leave my house in the dark and drive through rush hour traffic for an hour (at least) to get to the courthouse, which was about four blocks from the parking garage. At that time, I was experiencing some arthritis pain in my right hip, and this made driving and walking somewhat painful. Since I was under 70, I needed a doctor's written excuse not to go to jury duty, but my doctor gave me one, based not only on my pain, but also my anxiety with driving, especially at night and in L.A. rush hour traffic. If the jury duty had been for a closer courthouse (such as the one in Inglewood), I would have gone, but the prospect of having to drive to downtown L.A. in the early morning darkness was too much for me.

Driving scares me, and I do live in a huge city with horrible traffic, and so I take routes that avoid freeways whenever possible, but then so do a lot of other people here. Since 1994, I have lived on the beach (west) side of I-405, and I try to stay on this side as much as possible for most of my driving. I can get to my doctor's office in Pacific Palisades without ever having to use the 405, and that makes getting there much more pleasant, and I do like the views along PCH. I will take the 405 to get back home, as southbound traffic is generally light after my doctor's appointment.

For the 12 years that I lived in San Francisco (1972-1984), I never had a car and used public transportation, which was quite good. At some point, however, I felt that I was spending too much of my time waiting for buses/streetcars, and this made me want to have my own transportation. I seldom took taxis because I thought they were too expensive (unless I was part of a group), and this was decades before Uber and Lyft. I was only mugged twice in public transportation in the 12 years in SF, but that did cause me some anxiety.

After I left SF and starting driving again, I totaled three cars since 1986. That's less than one per decade, which I consider not all that bad. It would be less bad if the accidents had not been my fault, but I do realize that it is better if I do not drive, when possible.

I think where you're driving makes a difference. When we head into the city, the traffic gets denser, the driving gets harder and requires a lot more attention. When we head back home, it's like a weight lifting as we drive along as the roads get more open and the driving much easier. Certainly the near misses and accidents I've had have all been on highways or busy streets. I was driving in Cambridge/Boston area to visit a friend and as soon as I left her little street it was a total zoo, no matter what time of day. Not fun.

I have to hand it to my old great aunt, may she RIP. She learned to drive when she was 70...it was after her husband passed and she wanted to be able to visit his grave every day, which she did until she could no longer.

Several of my friends have never had driver's licenses. Not everyone is meant to drive, and some people simply cannot do it. I tried to teach a couple of my friends how to drive, and it was disastrous.

DH used to drive everywhere we went. Just always did, not sure why. Now I make it a point to drive at least one way. If he drives to, I drive back.

2 years ago we replaced my tiny 3 door Saturn with a subaru forester. Incredible difference! I will never own a ""car" again. It will always be an suv. I agree that all the bells and whistles and safety features on my subaru are fantastic and a must as far as I'm concerned.

I am leary about driving at night, especially in the rain. And driving in heavy traffic. Haven't driven in city traffic for years and years. We are very rural, far from any big city, which is just fine with us.

I am more cautious about driving but in fear that the day will come that I can no longer drive for whatever reason. That would be horrible.

I love cars & trucks, all the gadgets in general....but....rush hour in the city is brutal! Up North of town it's mostly pine trees, herds of Elk, horses & longhorns in the pasture.....for those drives...I LOVE to just be a passenger. When the roads are slick...or parking lot traffic....I get a little nervous about other peoples' driving skills.....

What a great topic. We did not have a car growing up. Living near public transportation, it wasn't that much of an issue.

When I met DH my lifestyle changed. I had to learn how to drive. I got my license at 30!

For years, I didn't have any issues, Long drives, Girl Scouts packed in the car, driving on highways at night.

It all changed a few years back. I started to not feel comfortable driving friends, I was okay with my daughters. I since gotten past this, but I have difficulty night.

My biggest issue is merging onto a highway. Why now, I don't have clue.

Glad I see I'm not alone in this.

GPS was a life saver.

Retired and no driving phobias here, but we do avoid night driving, there's no real need to drive after dark anyways. Day driving is not a problem but we do avoid morning and evening rush hour driving. Vehicles are steadily increasing in number but the roads are much slower to expand, add in drivers being distracted by their various gizmos, road rage, etc and it's not as fun as it used to be.

No phobia here, but I hate driving in this area - traffic is crazy and so are many of the drivers! It's even worse at night, since that's when more DUIs are out and about.

FWIW, DMV here tests your ability to turn your head to see behind you. My late mom took the test 3X and failed that part each time, so she had to finally give up driving.

And yes, thank goodness for Google Maps - so much easier than what it used to be like 😃

I like to drive. According to the examiner at my last DMV test, I'm exceptionally alert. I owe it all to my first speeding ticket, at 16. I've had one other moving violation, for rolling through a stop sign on a residential street in the city -- where a cop was lurking as I tried to avoid down-shifting -- in a sports car with a suburban sticker. (Another educational experience.)

DH is a Very Cautious Driver. I'm a better one, and glad that he has recently been happy to have me drive -- the little we do drive.

I don't want to drive in downtown Chicago. It's no longer familiar to me. The streets were not built for current traffic. Many are one-way, and pedestrians flow like water through the maze -- including tourists. If we have a medical appointment, we drive to DS's home on the far NW side and he takes us the rest of the way.

I'm fine on expressways, going with the flow, merging, dodging the young males racing one another and their lane blocking elders. The self absorbed are as plentiful in traffic as everywhere else in today's society.

It's only smart not to drive if you're uncomfortable doing it, and statistics show that accidents have increased tremendously now, after decreasing during pandemic. I'll be watching myself more and more carefully. Nobody's reflexes are as fast past age 80.

Not a phobia but I was a little paranoid when driving for a couple months after the only at fault accident I've ever had about 15 years ago.

I was also a little paranoid when I recently had to start going back into the office 3 days a week (80 mile round trip) and the drive to work is in the dark. Luckily it is almost all divided highway so there are no headlights beaming directly in my eyes on the drive. I hate that!

I just remembered something. When I started to learn how to drive and was anxious, I went to discuss my issue with a therapist. He reassured me was not phobia, that it was logical because it certainly could be dangerous. Somehow this made me feel better.

So true, eld - I get stressed out for good reason!

We live in a remote place - not many people on the outer Cape most of the year, and not much traffic. That changes drastically in the summer when second homeowners and tourists come for the season. I tend not to drive in the summer. There are serious and deadly accidents. The roads are crowded, people don't know where they're going, a lot of drivers are distracted by their devices and some are under the influence of alcohol or drugs. People get impatient and aggressive - some locals have bumperstickers that say "I am not on your vacation".

I also do not like to drive in the dark, or the rain or snow. But I do drive - although when we go somewhere together DH ususally does the driving. I would not want to get to the point where I was dependent on someone else to take me places. My dear mother turned 91 last month - she lives in Columbus, OH. She still drives! But she admits to sticking to surface roads now, doesn't like getting on freeways and doesn't like to drive in the dark, and certainly not in the snow.

Annie and lily, the hardware and software you describe having in your Subarus are indeed useful but are not exclusive to Subarus. There are a number of large companies that develop and sell these components to a long list of car brands. I have two European cars with similar features as you describe, and I suspect these may be produced by the same accessory supplier for my cars as for yours.

Car companies have more than enough to do than to concern themselves with developing capabilities that are easily purchased from others. Just as an example, if you remember when it became known that airbags produced by the Japanese company Takata could be defective, the list of makes affected included most Japanese, American, and European car brands.

Did I say they were exclusive to subaru?

" the hardware and software you describe having in your Subarus are indeed useful but are not exclusive to Subarus "

True, but every car company will have different combinations of available safety features - not all companies will have the same amount, or same specifics.

Yes, of course, not as the comment and the second could be seen to imply.

I absolutely know that my Subaru's features are not exclusive. My daughter and SIL have three Audis and they have basically the same features.

I've gotten paranoid about parking. At the beginning of the pandemic, I started making sure I didn't park directly next to someone (which was easy since fewer people were out. I was going as early as possible to anything I was doing), that I've gotten used to easy parking, no one on either side. Now, I always easy park, even if it's further away, where no one is on either side. I have a mini panic attack when I MUST park inbetween cars. I had sort of already begun that when I parked downtown in Nashville. It's increasing so much, I am leaving my car at work for an event we're having in three weeks, Uber-ing to the event and back to work. The last time I Ubered downtown was different. We wanted to drink ;) So it's not every time. Just sometimes. But it's getting worse.

" elmer, just to be clear, you are ..."

You're always right.

"You're always right."

Actually not...there was that time in 1983 when I thought I was mistaken, but I wasn't...

:)

I love driving especially on highways.

But both of my sisters have had driving phobias.

One was 20 or so years ago when she was a trama nurse. All of a sudden 6 months or so in she realized she was close to a full blown panic attack when she'd drive to and from work. She had a 40 minute commute of highway driving. She knew logically that accidents weren't likely to happen but after seeing the unlikely day in and day out it got to her.

My other sis had a full blown panic attack while driving and tapered off afterwords. She doesn't even own a car now.

Bridges are a real problem for me, because I am afraid of heights. They seem to be getting higher and higher.

My former sec'y's husband was so afraid of big bridges that the only way they would cross them is with her driving and him in the back seat laying down with a towel over his head.

My mom was phobic about driving over the Sunshine Skyway bridge, and my parents would always fight while driving over it.

To be fair, tho, my mom was in a terrible car crash as a young woman that killed her friend in the front seat while she was sleeping in the back. She was in a coma for a week. This was well before seatbelts and other such safety measures existed. She never liked to sit in the back and was always a very nervous driver - with good reason, IMO.

While I can’t recall being afraid to drive, there have been times I was concerned due to weather, afraid of getting lost (that was in Germany before GPS), or just tired and not really feeling like I should be driving. The safety features are the best thing that has been added to cars in a long time, and it’s a shame they are not standard on most cars and trucks imo.

Funny, someone mentioned Mapquest. I can clearly recall diligently printing out directions before heading out on solo business trips when I needed to get from an airport to a hotel or some business. GPS navigation is wonderful in so many ways.

One thing I do not like as I’m older is a lot of traffic or driving at night in unfamilar places. Our city has grown by leaps and bounds lately and an influx of people from all over the US has changed the drivers one encounters on the road. We try to avoid peak traffic times but sometimes you just can’t.

edited to add to the OP, no need to feel ashamed of not wanting to drive. I fully believe there are many who should be commended for recognizing they should not be behind the wheel unless absolutely necessary (an emergency). I hope you convince your friends you are taking everyine’s safety in mind in making this decision. You can always offer to buy gas or reimburse in other ways.

I don't know how old you are, but I am 70 (almost 71) and I hate driving in unfamiliar places or at night now if I am on a busy road. Forget nighttime in the rain-yikes, that is a nightmare. I had cataract surgery on both eyes at the end of last year and thought that might help. Not really. I also fainted while driving 5 years ago and that scared the daylights out of me. Didn't hit anything, but that was just luck. Went through cardiac tests, but everything was fine. Nothing since, but I have avoided highway driving which isn't easy since I live in the DC area.

I remember being told when I was a child that my grandfather had a slight fender bender in his 70s, walked in the house, put down his keys, and never drove again. He said it would not have happened unless he was slipping a bit and he wasn't going to risk something worse. He was a brilliant man. I think he made the right call and I hope I will do the same someday.

No reason to feel ashamed. You are being wise. ETA: I do love to drive, always have. Oh well.