I was not aware of your loss and I am very sorry for it. I agree with the comments that tears and laughter are very much intertwined and present at funerals and mourning.

Rob333, you are loved! My condolences also, even as I smile at your shared giggles. And the food sounds fabulous, everyone's favorites! Take care of yourself and your mother's loved ones in the coming days.

Michele, I'm sorry for your loss as well.

My father's mother always insisted she be buried with safety pins. Seems they split the clothes up the back to make it easier to put them on, and when she was resurrected, she wanted to be sure to have pins so she could cover her backside!

Lasagna AND potato salad! I am sorry for your loss....yes I see the mixed up food as a tribute.

Thank you all for your kind words.

We are all pretty much at peace. Of course we miss Mom! She was so kind and loving our whole lives, that we do not regret anything. We always laugh, and are finding comfort through laughter. When they asked us about the songs, yesterday, my brother suggested her favorite drunk song (she's been a recovering alcoholic since I was 13 and I'm now 55. So no worries it was a long time ago), Drop Kick Me Jesus Through the Goalposts of Life.

We will muddle through, clinging to each other, surrounded by so many people that loved my mom. For instance, she has girlfriends that she's had since she was 12, and this year they're 80. They probably have been the people that have bolstered us through her decline and through the last couple of days the most. She made so many friends everywhere she went, and they have all been so kind to us. I will imagine when they hug us, that it is you guys sending your cyber hugs this way.

Don't worry about me, I really am laughing through the tears!

Deepest condolences. I don’t think you are irrevrent. You are celebrating her life. I know you’ll miss her. I still miss my mom many years after she left us. Thank you for sharing.

Another of us newly 'orphaned', eh? If we can say we "laughed until we cried", why not the reverse? I'm glad you have family and friends to share the loss with you. Please count us KT friends among those sharing the sorrow.

I'm very sorry for your loss. I'm glad you're surrounded by people who cared about your mom and you.

My condolences to those of you with recent losses. So hard to say goodbye to our parents.

I dont think ive ever been to a funeral where we did not end up laughing, with the possible exception of my sister who died too young. Of course we save our laughter until later.

My dad’s wife had his surgical instruments cremated along with his body. If anyone needed surgery in the afterlife, he was prepared. He was a surgeon and loved his work.

Rob, Im sure your mom did not want to go commando to heaven. Good job. Now get ready to carbo load on lasagna and potato salad.

Rob333 - I am so sorry for your loss. And I don't feel that your attitude is the least bit irreverent but rather healthy. :) I know you will miss your mom but if the little funny things remind you of her and what she was like, then why not?

But that's what we were like when my dad died 25 years ago. He was in a coma and we were all laughing, including my mom, at all of the stories that us kids were remembering. about our dad. We figured he could still sense us so why not? I still miss him.

Deepest sympathies. You celebrated your mom's life, which is surely something we can all hope for as we are remembered.

(((((Hugs))))

So sorry about you losing your mother. I remember some of the "interesting" foods that I have seen being given to the family. One friend recounted that her family received many of the casserole called funeral potatoes and two packages of cookies.

I do not know if it actually happened but when my husband died I requested the funeral director to place the ashes of the dog that was his last companion. I even gave them the letter stating the ashes could be transported across state lines as my husband was being buried in another state where he mostly grew up.

I am so sorry for your loss. Sending hugs your way. Thank you for sharing your “giggles” with us. And enjoy the Comfort Food lovingly sent by friends. It doesn’t have to go together to make you feel loved.

(((((Hugs)))))

Please accept my condolences as well.

And I do so agree with Floral that nothing you've done seems inappropriate. We all deal with loss and grief in our own way.

My mother was cremated, so there was no choosing of clothing, but we did choose an urn we thought she would've liked.

My mother had pointed out the dress that she wanted to be buried in, several times, so I had it ready to give to the undertaker. But, I didn't think of undergarments until he asked for them also. I had to make a quick shopping trip then get them to the post office (she was being buried 115 miles away from my house.)

I had a small bottle of her favorite perfume that I sent also, to be included in the casket. The scent of that perfume always reminds me of her; she always wore it when my parents were going out for the evening.

I’m sorry to read of your loss; hope you continue to smile, laugh, and giggle at your memories.

Carol’s mention of urns reminds me of a few laughs we’ve had. When my father died we picked an urn and last minute my mom requested, ”Get me one, too!” I run into that every now and then, shake my head and move it; I’m not very organized so it’ll be a miracle if I find it when her time comes. But, back to the one we did use, leaving for my father’s burial we’re backing out of the driveway and my son yells, ”You forgot Opa!” We always laugh when we think of that story. It’d be fitting for me to be late to my own funeral but my father, not so much!

I too am sorry for the loss of your mother. Just lost my Dad in April. He was 94 and "past his best before date" according to him. We laughed a lot more than we cried as my Dad always had a great, irreverant sense of humor. One of the last photos my sister took of him, he is holding a Tim Horton's coffee cup and flipping her the bird. It truly summed him up and I know he would have preferred laughter over tears.

sorry to hear that your mother passed, but glad to hear you had some giggles to balance the sorrow! glad you left out the bra too! I don't know the song you posted but will look it up. 1 song I want played at my funeral is 'Going away party' by Jeff and Sherry Easter. tho losing a loved one in this life is sad and a great loss, it's also a time to remember the good times and joy we had in this life with them. that's what I want for my family - hang on to the good memories.

Rob,

Sorry for your loss. I do get your giggles. My Mom had picked out her burial outfit and undergarments. She wanted appropriate undergarments so she looked put together! Not to mention she chose one of my dresses to be buried in. It was one of my favorites too. It was just her way of getting the last laugh in. I giggle every time I think about it.

((hugs))

Dh's father's mother was an incredibly bright woman but made life so difficult for both of her sons for their whole lives...and she lived until 106! At her funeral, they'd painted her nails a pale pink...she *never* wore nail polish and would've hated it...somehow I viewed it as something karmic. When DH's Dad died, took us awhile to figure out what to do with him and found out there was space on his father's side at the family plot. We put him there. Had we buried him next to his mother, the seismic activity would be continuing to this day!

Rob, I am so very sorry about the loss of your Mom. I’m quite sure among your tears and giggles, there is a huge hole in your heart.

Last Friday a very dear friend of mine of around 40 years passed away. She was at home under Hospice care and had not been really sick very long, just under a month. Her daughter is of course devastated they cannot have another conversation. When we talk, we cry and then we usually find something to laugh about. The past few days we have found a gray cat sitting outside on our window sills. One day by the garage, yesterday a different window, this morning outside the bathroom window. DH also found part of a lizard and a frog on our front porch, gifts I’m sure. He said it’s E…. visiting us. I really don’t doubt it.

I have known your mom was on borrowed time but I am sorry she is gone. I suppose when a person passes is when we really get to start missing who they were rather that what they had become. I agree that what ever it takes is the right thing. Maybe start a new trend of being honest about the whole process and how we really feel.

I'm happy to hear your take on death with humor and stories, she sounds like an amazing person. I'm very similar, yes we will miss them but, if they are in agony like my sister for many years, I feel happy that she died. She was my very best friend and I miss her at times but still am happy she died. She messaged me at eleven pm and said I think I will die tonight and I hope to God I do. She did.

I am sending my condolences. Your mother sounds like a wonderful person who left you with loving memories. It must be very special to have her friends near. I struggled selecting an outfit for my mother including all the proper undergarments. Selecting an outfit was something I had not ever considered. I felt very pressured to make the right selection.

On the other hand, my MIL purchased a lovely peignoir set and slippers as her burial outfit which she carefully folded with tissue paper between the folds and placed in a Lord & Taylor giftbox. She made sure to tell me where she stored it and her wishes. Maybe 20 years or more later, when she had to move to AL close to my home out of state. thinking that a wake and burial would take place in her home state, I gave the box to my SIL, who lived there, to keep until the time came. But my MIL passed away during Covid which snafued all my carefully thought out plan. So instead of transporting her to a funeral home in her home state who would have dressed her, the local undertakers needed to prepare and dress her before they drove her directly to the cemetery in the home state. Consequently, my SIL had to send the outfit which we prayed did not get lost in transit. When it arrived, my husband had to leave it outside the door of the undertaker as a precaution against Covid. I live near Washington DC, so this felt like part of an espionage plot. My MIL lived until almost 103 years old. Interestingly, she used to tell us about the devastation of the Spanish Influenza when she was a baby. Flu pandemics turned out to be bookends of her life.

I'm sorry for all that have lost other family members. (((Hugs)))

So the weird part of this is I had two things happen to me that shouldn't have. I had a premonition the night before that she was going to die, that I would get the call the next day, and it happened. I actually FORGOT to put on mascara. I've never forgotten mascara, but it was good I didn't wear it since, all I did all day long was cry.

The day after she died, I woke up singing a song, and my sister suggested that same song at the funeral home... because my mom told her that it was her favorite hymnal. My mom listened to all kinds of music, but I never heard her say anything about this song. We took that as a sign and it's in the program.

Shrug?

Your mom is close and you carry her with you.

When it comes to laughter, I think of how Mom would've felt...she would've never wanted to be the cause of our suffering and would be hurt if her passing took away our joy as her goal in life was to share joy and laughter with others. I'm sure your Mom would feel the same way, robb. So laugh through the tears and cry through the laughter...it's all ok.

My condolences on the loss of your mother.

I think the laughter is very cathartic, I think you have to think of the humorous times as well as dealing with the sadness. It's life, and not irreverent at all.

We buried my mother without her dentures (she was uncomfortable wearing them) and with a pack of her cigarettes. We thought she might be happy with that. She was wearing a very comfortable nightgown.

I'm glad you can laugh as well as cry. We need to laugh as a release.

Mom had a great sense of humour as well. She absolutely loved getting hubby or my name for Christmas as we were so easy to shop for. Everything from Dove soap to polo-shirts and puzzle books. She'd forget things that she bought until he was taking them out of his gift bag. She shopped sales all year long. One Christmas he got 9 polo shirts!

When I was opening my gift bag for my birthday, she went upstairs and brought down one of Tom's polo shirts that she had set aside for Christmas because "she didn't want him to feel left out." Good grief! We split a gut over that one.

Recently I was walking with my friend and I said how mom would burst into song in the kitchen for no reason. I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, and knew all the words. I didn't know the words but she sure did. Always made us laugh. My friend had an ear worm after that. ;-)

Mom died in the hospital, and they took her to be cremated, so she had a hospital gown on.

Tom had to have underwear on to be cremated which I was surprised. We were discussing what he wanted to wear. We knew it was going to be jeans, and he looked so nice in cotton long-sleeved shirts. He remembered his Ride for Dad long-sleeved t-shirt, and he wanted to be cremated in that, "so I'd be able to find him".

Shrug?

Nope, not at all. Both were gifts.

First the undertaker almost dug the wrong plot, and we found out just in time. There were no Jewish coffins available so we got the plainest box they had on hand, which was way larger than Dad needed. When they went to lower Dad's casket into the ground, they lowered it a bit, and lifted it back up, lowered and lifted. It wouldn't fit in the hole! So a couple of guys with power tools came out and removed the handles. They had to pop the lid open to get at them. My brother said he looked over and there was Dad sliding around. The funeral director ended up giving us a big discount, which Dad would have loved! Also, he always enjoyed attention, and I'm sure people are still talking about his funeral.

I didn't know that any religion has its own type of caskets. Is that true for other religions too?

Laughter and love go together.

i was at the funeral home to decide on my Moms funeral plans with my DS, Db and DSIL when they asked us what kind of box for her to be creamated in I said cardboard. The others were shocked! I said Mom recycled, but we ended up with a wooden box!

Elmer, I don't know about other religions, but a traditional Jewish casket is supposed to be a simple wooden box, constructed with only wood pegs, no metal hardware.

Rob333, sorry about your mom. I think it's nice that you wanted her to rest in comfort.

Hmm, jupidupi, that's interesting. Is this something that varies regionally? I had a colleague who sadly died in a bicycle accident some years ago. I know that he was Jewish but I don't know how active he was. In particular one thing I vividly remembered after the funeral was how shiny the brass-colored grab bars the pallbearers held on to were and the baseplates they were attached to were the same.

Not all Jews are strictly observant of their religion's rules - not all Christians either.

Jewish tradition calls for no embalming as well, so funerals may happen rather quickly.

I've not heard about no metal on the casket for Jews, but only the description of a "simple pine box".

Yes, simple pine box (as in ashes to ashes as simply as possible) and the deceased is also dressed only in a burial shroud..

The burial is supposed to be within 24 hours, though no funeral or burial is done on shabat. Nowadays people do seem to bend the 24 hour rule sometimes if family needs to travel to attend, but generally the funeral is as soon as possible.

I remember for my uncle, when they had to select a coffin, his kids repeated his request for the cheapest, plainest one available. He told them if they had one of paper like an egg carton that would be fine.

To add, in Israel, they do not use coffins. They are buried in the shroud.

When my mother expressed sorrow to their attorney when his brother passed away overseas he explained there was a ceremony used in special times where dirt was sprinkled on the face. I seem to remember a cloth may have been placed on the face before the dirt but it was years ago when I was a child. That allowed the deceased to be returned to their family if they died too far away from home to be buried within 24 hours. As a child having been taken to too many funerals I was amazed.

When one of my former bosses was buried he was in a metal casket when he was carried to the grave site. Unknown if he was in a plain box fitted within the casket. Different groups have different customs.

The irony continues! The theme of the evening was everyone in Nashville knows everyone in Nashville.

My mom's favorite cousin dated a bunch of my mom's girlfriends in high school. One of them ended up being my mom's brother's professor. What? Yep.

My mom's cousin married Joe. Joe's brother graduated from the same high school, the same year as my mom. And we just now found out. I published the name of the high school in the obituary is what caught his attention.

My pastor who grew up in Memphis came in and was talking to me about his friend whose roommate is going to The Language Institute. Led him right over to my dad, who also attended The Language Institute. It's an elite school (at the Presidio), and not everybody gets to do it. https://www.dliflc.edu/

It's not even six degrees of separation today.

Rob, I'm sorry to read of your mom's passing, though from what I remember, she was not in a happy part of her life. I hope you are doing alright.

I am doing all right. Thank you for asking.

She has been right by our side the last few days. The last irony is, one of the three children's car was not in the line for the procession. My child and I had been listening to Neil Diamond on the way to the funeral home for the funeral. Mommy's favorite! I was trying to cheer up a little bit before I had to greet people. I asked the ousted sibling to come in my car, because there was no way in heck I was letting a family member tag along behind. My sweet sweet child had the presence of mind to play the song that meant the most to them. So we all sang Neil Diamond on the way to the gravesite. Would never have happened have they been left out, the way it was.

Others may not get this, and I don't care, there's more joy than sorrow because we know that our mom is home. She is with her parents, her grandparents, her cousins, making new friends, and getting ready for us. It does hurt. But if I look at it from her eyes, she's released, she's at peace, and it will be but a twinkling of an eye before I see her again.

So sorry to hear of your loss. Take care!

I love to hear someone at peace with a passing. We all have to go and people who cling can make that hard for those on the cusp. A peaceful passing is what we all should hope for. It does sound as if your mother got what we all want. No pain, no fear, just a happy expectation. I dont know myself what we will get when we pass but I love to hear of people who do know. Peace.

Rob i haven’t checked in here (houzz) for over a week (or just about)

That sounds really great about the car ride and music….

perfect….

❤️

we know that our mom is home

Yes, this! Hugs