Last night, I wished I was drinking coffee. This morning, I got to drink coffee. Follow your dreams people.

An old, blind Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things: 1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat. 2. The bouncer is a blonde girl. 3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate. 4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter. 5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?' The blind Marine thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.' Rusty

It is strange how a body covered with fabric...not distracting, but covered with tats? Distracting. Part of what's so distracting for me is the black ink. They do give white ink tats too which are far more subtle, but my cousin doesn't like them as they don't show as much. He says, for all the pain you go through, you want it to show. I have a scar where I had a schwanoma removed from my leg and it's in a perfect location on my calf for a tat. I've thought about getting one to cover it, but then I read about how the inks migrate into the body. Seeing as I already have 2 autoimmune disorders, I don't want to aggravate my system any more. But it might be fun to have him draw something on there with a flair sometime just to see how it would look.

A woman went to the emergency room, where she was seen by a young new doctor. After about 3 minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant. She burst out of the room and ran down the corridor screaming. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was; after listening to her story, he calmed her down and sat her in another room. Then the doctor marched down the hallway to the first doctor's room. "What's wrong with you?" he demanded. This woman is 63 years old, she has two grown children and several grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?!!" The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said: "Does she still have the hiccups? Rusty