It's easier at home to serve appropriate portions and take a bit more if desired.

Other than offering guidance to not be wasteful of things in general, we had no special plate or food rules in my parents' home. I carried that forward, there were no special plate rules for our kids. Things in life get wasted - food, time, materials, money, opportunities, and on and on. Is one more important than another? A little care is often easy enough to apply without much inconvenience but sometimes not. Waste happens and what it is doesn't matter to me. I don't think it's something worth obsessing over.

When I was a child I was very picky and never forced to eat things I didn't like.

Throughout my teens and early twenties I could out eat a lumberjack and still stay at around 93-100 pounds. Ladylike? No way! DH was very impressed by my healthy appetite when we started dating.

Post childbirth I lost my metabolism, my weight struggles began and I had to leave the all you can eat club. I never have felt bad about leaving food on a plate and I absolutely won't take home food leftovers when dining out. I've never understood the point of taking home leftover toast and eggs or a soggy unfinished burger or sandwich. Occasionally I will take home some leftover steak or a chop of some kind I enjoy eating cold. At one restaurant that has excellent soup, I routinely ask it not be served, but be packed to go at the end of a meal.

There is a scene in the book, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, where the mother, who presides over an impovrished household, explains how important it is for her children to be allowed to waste something. That is such a very poignant commentary on what it means to have enough.

I never eat everything on my plate when we eat out. The portions are just so huge and I bring home doggie bags. At home, I serve myself the amount I intend to eat and sometimes don't finish that. I eat small portions and will normally eat around 6 times a day. DH on the other hand, will clean his plate at home and elsewhere because that is what he was told as a child.

"DH on the other hand, will clean his plate at home and elsewhere because that is what he was told as a child"

All who have raised children know that in steps as they reach ages and stages when they're able and permitted to make their own choices, or even when they do so beforehand, they pick and choose what prior advice or parental rules they follow and which they ignore. I'd bet most adults who clean their plates do so because that's what they like to do, not because some decades earlier when they were children having to do as they were told, they had parents who insisted it be done a certain way.

Zalco/bring back Sophie!: I too eat like a normal person. Some days I am hungrier than others. I cannot see putting on pretenses of how much you eat or don't eat. What kind of impression are you trying to make? It just seems phoney and a passive-aggressive criticism of others.

At home meals are served family style. Same when we were growing up. My parents grew up during the depression and always said "take as much as you want, but eat what you take". We've taught our kids the same. I'm the person at a wedding buffet who goes up a second time. Lol The first time I only take one bite samples and the 2nd time is to get what I enjoyed and will eat.

Eating out if I don't finish the meal I have no problem taking a doggy bag home. There are certain items I wouldn't take home because they wouldn't taste good reheated.

We did not have any sort of food rules at home. We could go in the kitchen and eat whatever, cook whatever, if it was there we were welcome to it. As long as we cleaned up the mess we made, nothing was said about it. And there was no push to clean your plate either. The only time it was an issue is when we went out to eat. My parents were for some reason opposed to bringing home doggy bags and my dad would get mad if he paid for something and we could not eat all of it. We stuck to buffets mostly to avoid the problem. For meals at home, mom (or me) would cook the food, put it, usually in the vessel it was cooked in, on the lazy susan in the middle of the table, and everyone served themselves. I do not ever remember my mother making a plate for me. I think that helped because we learned our own limits and how to portion food out for ourselves.

It was a bit of an annoyance in elementary school how they handled food. They would make us take our tray over to the teachers to "check our tray" to make sure we ate enough. Depending on the teacher doing the check, that could mean either a little left, a lot left, or a completely clean plate. Even at a young age I found that to be unhealthy. I remember one of my friends tries to hide the food she could not eat in her milk carton, which still had milk in it. The teacher doing checks that day found it and made her sit there and eat it, even though it was soaked in milk. They even started doing it to the kids that brought their lunch from home. I also remember an incident where a child got in BIG trouble because he did not want to clean his plate and this one teacher just stood over him nagging him to keep eating. He yelled very loudly something along the lines of he was not going to shove food down his throat because its there, and then asked if that's what SHE did to get so fat. (she was big and I tried not to laugh but she should not have been bullying a student to force down food when he wasn't hungry.) After that incident the kids parents got involved and caused a huge stink and eventually the tray checks were abolished. I think kids are naturally good at intuitive eating, and that adults often ruin the childs relationship with food by forcing them to eat more, or eat what they do not like, or use food as a punishment or punish them for food related "slights."

At home, when I cook I make the plate for SO and bring it to him. Its for no other reason other than its easier, and a sign of love from me. He often complains that I give him to much food, and I always say "eat what you want of it and leave the rest!" He must have grown up being forced to clean his plate. He did grow up in extreme poverty and I imagine waste was a mortal sin. He is underweight, and not a big eater anyway. He is 6 ft 5 in tall and around 180 pounds. He had to learn that it is okay to eat what you want and not feel bad about not cleaning your plate. Today I made him a filet mignon steak, which was about 6 oz, a small loaded baked potato and a small salad before I went to work. He ate around half of that, and as always, said he is "saving" the rest of it for later........

I eat how I want. If I want it all, it eat it all. If I do not, I do not. Leftovers or unwanted food do not really go to waste. There is always animals, both at my home and at my job, that will eat it.

I do not care what "ladies" do. I am a real *itch that does what she wants.

I don't recall having any problem cleaning my plate as a kid. Mom wasn't the fanciest cook but it was always tasty and nutritious. We almost always went back for second helpings. Was that because we were growing kids with a bottomless pit for a stomach, or (probably) Mom controlled our first serving size with an eye to not wasting food if by chance we didn't eat it all. I don't know. I don't remember ever being fussed at for it.

As an adult, both DH and I serve ourselves the portion we want for that meal -- hardly ever do we go back for seconds.

I really dislike it when people note the quantity of food other people eat, or who bring attention to the quantity they themselves are eating. Please yourself, leave me alone.

Waste Not Want Not, that's my motto! I would never, in good conscience, throw away food that I have spent good money on! I put what I want to eat on my plate, I figure at age 59, I've gotten a pretty good grasp on how much food I want to eat! At a restaurant, I will take my food home that I don't eat and eat for another meal. Why in heck would anyone throw away MONEY!? I figure food is pretty darn expensive these days and I don't have money to burn. I guess if y'all do then more power too ya!

I may be the last person on Earth who finds doggie bags extremely offputting.

Nope Zalco! As I said above, both my parents dislike them too! For what reason, no one knows......

If something is delicious, I don't want to leave any of it behind - I think many people feel the same.

No Zalco, you’re not. In the very unlikely case there’s wine remaining in a good bottle, I’m okay with taking it. Not anything else.

Amylou, I think that back in the dark ages, dining out was seen as a special thing to do, and not just a means for eating. Also, maybe it's similar to the whole leave a bite for Miss Manners idea. You don't want to appear famished. And while there are no such prohibitions today, and nobody is concerned with appearing underfed, there is still something off about doggie bags to me.

I have no interest in restaurant leftovers. They are not going to reheat well. Cold foods will be soggy. No thanks.

It does seem wasteful to see food left on a plate,

It's just as wasteful to eat so much that it ends up on your hips!

I haven't eaten out in a long time, but usually found most meals I ordered were big enough for two meals. I would get to not only save money, but enjoy a delicious meal twice. Very seldom did I find my choices didn't reheat just fine. I reheat and eat the leftovers I've prepared at home with no problem either.

“It's just as wasteful to eat so much that it ends up on your hips!”

I believe that would be ”waistful.”

Or waistfull.

I was also a picky eater when I was a kid, and I wasn't forced to clean my plate or harassed for not wanting to eat some things.

I eat less now than I used to. I usually eat one meal a day...along with a little something here or there. I was never overweight, until I started dieting. In 1973, due to a lot of stress in my life, I stopped eating and got down to 103 lb. I wore a size 1. Like a lot of anorexic people, I did not see myself realistically. I decided if I didn't have a big butt, I would look better. A size 1. ..so couldn't have been very big.

I started dieting, which made me become overly obsessed with food. Over a period of 35 yrs, I "dieted" up to 211 lb and a size 18.

I was on every diet you can think of and some very obscure ones. Finally, I decided to quit. If I want to eat something, I eat it I no longer drink diet soda or anything low fat. I recently cut out soda. I keep some here and if I want some, I drink it. But one will last all day...sometimes two. Sometimes I don't drink one for a few days.

When I stopped dieting, I started losing weight. I also don't weigh myself. Last time was 2 yrs ago at the doctor, and I weighed 135 lb. I know I gain a little sometimes and then lose a little. I may be a few lb over "ideal weight" but I don't care.

Often I don't eat everything on my plate. No guilt about it....there is some kind of animal here that will eat it...including couple of possums I feed in one of the barns.

I was made to clean my plate. I remember hating green beans and having to sit at the table for two hours looking at my plate while my friend Susan waited for me. Odd because I am 99% vegetarian now. My mother was a fabulous cook and baker. Luckily genetically both parents and their parents were thin or I would have had a weight problem with the meals she made always with a homemade dessert of some kind. >>When we eat out I almost always get a doggie bag. Our favorite place is an Italian restaurant and they serve a heaping pile of pasta which is even better the next day heated over.

Lars, you have written often of your childhood, and my heart always goes out to you for the painful and cruel things you experienced. It is a tribute to you that you persevered, and even as a child apparently believed in yourself and had faith that your life would improve as you got older and could move away from your toxic family environment.

"I do not care what "ladies" do. I am a real *itch that does what she wants."

Well, AmyLou, it appears I am much like you. This is my coffee mug:

So before the pandemic, I might eat out maybe a couple of times a year, and since 2020 not at all. At restaurants, I would order smaller sized items like appetizers and finish them at the restaurant. About the only time I've had restaurant food since then was takeout when family was visiting, and of course the leftovers were kept in that case.

I don't recall being forced to 'clean my plate' as a kid, but we were encouraged not to waste food.

I haven't heard the term "doggie bag" in years ... unless referring to the bags you can buy to pick up your dog's poo. What I do hear in restaurants is "box": "Would you like a box for that?" "Would you like that boxed up?" "May I have a box for this?" (Yes please, unless I thought to bring my own tupperware :-)

I don't recall ever being encouraged to eat everything on my plate as a child, although wasting food was not encouraged either :-) I DO recall my dad remarking that I was a member of the "clean plate club" if I did. Or asking if I had "hollow legs" 🙄

What I do remember is food that I didn't like as a child but I was never forced to eat it. In looking back, I wonder what it was that put me off, as the things that I detested then are some of my favorites now and I regret missing out on them!

Same with my stepkids growing up. The boys would eat anything and everything, so that was never a issue......keeping enough food in the house to keep them happy was. My stepdaughter was different and she had (still has as an adult) very distinct food dislikes. We only asked that she at least try something new - one bite - and if she didn't like it that was fine, she didn't have to finish.

My sister and I eat out often and I almost always bring part of the meal home. I can never eat much at a single sitting and typically have several small meals/bites during the course of the day and restaurant servings are often 2-3 times what I can eat at one time. I have no qualms about asking them to box it up and the servers typically ask me before I can ask them :-) There are very few things that are not as good the next day if reheated carefully. Our last meal out was pho and while delicious, the bowl was huge!! It made two more meals for me and was just as good as on the first night.

Yes, doggy bag is an old term not used in restaurants by servers anymore. I still hear it used personally though.

I don't see a difference between eating leftovers from a restaurant than eating leftovers that you cooked at home. Some leftovers taste better the next day.

I think it depends. With decent restaurants, I think you're paying for the dining experience and the food is just a part of it. The experience ends with the meal whether the food is finished or not, the only thing to take home is the memory.

When you buy food at a store or get takeout, you're buying food only.

We've avoided indoor restaurants (which we used to do at least once a week) though we've continued with frequent takeout meals. We've never done doggy bags. It's almost as if it conveys the sentiment "The dining experience was a disappointment, maybe I can salvage the experience by taking home some food". I guess it's personal choice.

My view is that the food is so d**m good from a restaurant, that even though I cannot eat all of it now, I want it tomorrow. Yes, most is better the next day, if you heat correctly. I usually order enough to take home for later. I do not eat fast food junk, I like real restaurants.

At most restaurants, unless the portions are very small, or sometime if it is a very special restaurant, I end up taking about half my food home. I can almost never eat the amount of food I am served. And I have never been in a restaurant, even a fancy one, that did not have containers, (sometimes really fancy ones) to take things home with you. (And the reality is if someone leaves a large portion of expensive meat or takes one bite of dessert, it's likely that when it goes back to the kitchen someone will cut around the bit you picked at and eat the rest)

I was taken care of by a Japanese woman, growing up, and my mother became good friends with this Japanese woman's friend, who also did tailoring, and she often wanted to feed me when I went to get things altered. I learned to take much less than I was going to end up eating the first time around because it was expected I would take at least 4 helpings or she would be extremely disappointed.

At home we were not served a lot of things we did not like, (there were a couple things that by mutual agreement between my parents my mom did not cook at home) but we were expected to try everything. Portion sizes were flexible and we were not forced to clean our plates. But we ate what was on the menu for the day, there were no special meals for anybody. When my dad was in his eighties he stopped eating certain things (mostly certain vegetables) and I asked him why because he had always eaten them before, and the answer was that he did not want to set a bad example or promote not liking something just because he didn't.

It worked for me, there is very little that I really dislike, I will eat any vegetable under the sun, I am not suspicious of unusual food or the way things are prepared, and no one else in my family is picky in that way either.

When I was a child, we were told to eat everything served, because there were "starving children in China" who would be happy for the food, even if we didn't like or want it. Once, as a teen, I offered to mail it to them. On occasion, one of us (siblings) was left at the table until we finished our dinner.

There's no question that what we're taught as children affects our relationships as adults - that's not only true for our relationships with other people, but our relationships with other things (food, alcohol, money, etc). Of course, what we're taught can be unlearned and/or overwritten, but it's there and it's real, and it often takes a lot of work to overcome the challenges our parents left us, whether wittingly or unwittingly. And a lot of people, whether fat or skinny, still have unhealthy relationships with food.

We were expected to eat what was served for the most part. My dad had very plain taste in food so most of what mom made was palatable to a child. We were allowed to have dislikes (peas and lamb for me) and were not served those foods, but just ate whatever else was being served. I practiced the same with my children, although my husband and I are much more adventurous eaters than my dad was. When the kids were old enough, if they really didn't care for what I was making, they were allowed to make themselves soup and a sandwich but also had to clean up after themselves.

Food and eating is complicated. I have been thin all my life. As a child my mother always worried that I did not eat enough. In those days, 1950's, adults wanted children to eat well. I was not a good eater and it drove my mother crazy. She was always worried about me and would push me to eat more. If I refused, she would make me sit at the table until I finished my plate. One time (that I recall) I slept at the table overnight.

To this day, I am not a big eater. I have certain foods I enjoy and others I won't eat. I'm 73 and have the same relationship with food I had when I was 5.

I do take a doggy bag at a restaurant for the meat only. I have a dog who enjoys a nice steak even if cold. I have no problem asking for one.

Jane

My mother was raised during the depression, and she said that they never had enough food. She did not force us to eat anything that we did not like, but forever told us about what it was like to be hungry. She remembered having bacon, biscuits, and gravy for every meal during really hard times. Thankfully I have never been hungry.

i have no recollection of being 'forced' to eat everthing on my plate/eat what i didn't like or try everything. the dinner was one the table and we helped ourselves to what we wanted and how much. that's how i learned to gauge how much i could eat.

if there were things i didn't eat, i just ate what i liked. i have a well rounded palate.

if i have leftovers from a restaurant, i will take them home. i have no issue with that at all. i paid for it, why go to waste ??!!

"why go to waste ??!!"

Yes, food waste is a huge problem, from manufacturers, restaurants, and homes. The amount of food thrown out would amaze most people. I worked with a food rescue group for over 10 years, and it never ceased to amaze me.

"theguy is told that one reason for his obesity is that he was always told to clean his plate, shows him eating at home and at a restaurant finishing every bit of the food."

That's just a silly excuse. I was told the exact same thing when I was a kid. Neither I nor my siblings are overweight.

We were always told to, "Take all you want, but eat all you take.". Mom and Dad also liked liver and onions and they liked spinach. I hated both and did not eat as a child. I love both now.

My kids were raised the same way. I did ask them to try one bite of something new, but that was all, they did not have to eat.

I think it is in my nature not to be wasteful in any way. So creating leftovers to begin with is not something I do. Unless it is a nice roast I can make a second meal from for example.

Mom never made us clean our plates- because her mom did it to her. When we were old enough to be able to serve ourselves, we did, and learned not to let our eyes be bigger than our stomachs... most of the time. Mom was a great cook and we all learned how to cook well. Dad had an adventerous palette, and mom would cook it- and we were all expected to at least try it before saying no. There wasn't much any of us really disliked.

One school I went to for a year did the clean your plate thing- they had the most disgusting hot lunch, tinned and wrapped in plastic then heated before lunchtime. You knew the time of day because of the smell of hot plastic in the halls. But if you got hot, they expected you to eat it. I was able to bring bagged lunch instead thank goodness. Plus milk money to boot!

As a young adult when my first husband died, I learned real quick about food insecurity and cleaning the plate. Thanks to my mom I was a good and resourseful cook, and had learned how to eat portions rather than eye-loads. So the last crumbs in the bag and the second cooking of carcass with the beans also helped keep me fed. Started really keeping my own victory garden.

Now it's years later and I've grown up a lot, learned, expanded. Became a little food obsessed, from seed to eat and histories. I'm not food insecure anymore, I'm really savvy, frugal, and green thumb. Went from is there enough to make sure there is always goodly enough.

Now that it's just the two of us and we are getting to the age where diet needs slow or change a bit I'm back to my childhood. Don't let your eyes be bigger than your stomach. Now the challenge is learning to make less. Cleaning the plate is OK, I don't need to make dinner for several or have lots of lunches leftovers anymore.

Growing up going out to eat was a treat. Still do that now. Since I do keep the house stocked and really like to cook- and also around here my cooking is often better- going out is still a treat. I'll take leftovers home depending on what it is.

Something a lot of parents do is the whole clean your plate or no dessert thing. That wasn't a problem for us, our household was sugar free. As in no sweets except rare for holidays or special occasions. Didn't like it much as kids, but I am happy as an adult to not have a sweet tooth.

"That's just a silly excuse. I was told the exact same thing when I was a kid. Neither I nor my siblings are overweight."

Hogwash. So since it didn't happen to you, it's not real? Seriously? So, if you smoked as a teen and didn't get addicted, it's a "silly excuse" that smoking caused someone else's addiction? Or because you watched your mother be abused by your father and aren't in an abusive relationship, that it's just a silly excuse for other women who do what they saw their mother do, even though they try not to?

Don't be ridiculous. We're not carbon copies of each other with interchangeable personalities and psychologies.

"That wasn't a problem for us, our household was sugar free. As in no sweets"

You have a very limited view of "dessert".......one of my favourites is stewed fruit or baked apples with fresh whipped cream.

No, not just me. Most people use excuses to eat. No one is discussing abuse - I never said a word about that. Don't be absurd. The hogwash is yours.

I think part of this discussion has highlighted how parents' misinformed or compulsive attitudes and extreme methods, however well intentioned they think they are, can leave unfortunate memories for kids.

I dismiss the suggestion that extreme or difficult rules from a childhood home environment are hardwired to carryforward into adult years. I've seen in myself, and in my own kids, that we all pick and choose what we like best to continue doing, and, more importantly, we discard what we don't like or prefer. Someone who carries forward unwanted unpleasant or negative attitudes and habits from childhood needs to speak with a counsellor.

"Most people use excuses to eat."

I presume you say the same thing for other addictions some people deal with, like caffeine, tobacco, shopping, gambling, or work.

"You have a very limited view of "dessert".......one of my favourites is stewed fruit or baked apples with fresh whipped cream."

Yeah, I know. That was a dessert for us. No stewing in sweet liquid, no baking apples with sugar, and for sure no fresh whipped cream. That would be special occasion or holiday sweets growing up. Fresh fruit was always good and sweet enough. Mom opted to cut out daily sugars as much as possbile because a sibling had some issues with sugars and cutting them out seemed to help. So the after dinner treat or sweet, or the after lunch/school cookies sorts of things just wasn't a thing for me growing up. I know it was and is a thing a lot of parents do as part of the clean your plate tatic.

Because restaurant portions are often over-sized, I often order an appetizer and a small salad -- resulting in no need to carry food home in a bag or box (which are usually going to become plastic or foam landfill).

Food issues from childhood are only a few of the things that can become detrimental to people for the rest of their lives. I'd encourage anyone to spend a few sessions with a psychologist as an adult -- discovering how certain 'facts' and 'truths' we accepted as innocent children are continuing to affect our actions as adults. It's amazing how much of what we think we *know* is based on that child-think.

After doing Weight Watchers many years ago, I learned to eat until my stomach was satisfied, not full, and certainly not "stuffed". Then I did Keto for several years and learned I didn't need to eat as much food at all *if* I ate the right food (very little carbs {mainly from vegetables]) and no sugar at all. Even though I'm not watching my weight anymore and do not restrict anything anymore, I still only eat until my stomach is satisfied which is how humans were born to eat. A baby knows when it has had enough. It is our parents who taught us to stuff ourselves. So we have to relearn how to eat right.

At home, my dinner plates are HUGE. They're to Corelle square plates (too lazy to get up and find out what Corelle calls them), so we usually only use them for Christmas, Easter and Thanksgiving turkey dinner. We use the sandwich plates for all our meals and because you don't get as much food on those plates as you do the dinner plates, you eat less. yes, you can pile the food on, or go for seconds, but we don't.