I was surprised to see this thread come up again. I see why, now. I am so sorry to hear about your Mother, Meriaux. I know it's small comfort at the time, but the thing that helped me get through it was knowing that people have done this before. A lot of us here have been through it. I absolutely understand how you feel, I lost my Mom in 2002. I have no brothers or sisters and not much other family so I understand feeling alone. The fact that you were so close makes it all the harder to go on without her, but you have her memory to guide you. The torch is passed. You know she would want you to do your best. At least you got to know your Mom, and she loved you. Some don't even have that much. I know your Mom would tell you should in NO way feel guilty about your premonition. Premonitions don't cause things to happen, any more than the weather forecast causes it to rain. Death is just a part of life. It will happen to us all one day. Your Mother was close to my age, and I hope you don't think it irreverent to talk about, but if I had to pick a way to go I'd want to go quick. It would be a shock to the survivors, though I guess, with no time to adjust. But it's heart breaking to have to watch a loved one suffer, sometimes for years. Mother's Day wasn't that long ago. Things are still really fresh for you. Trust me, it will ease with time. There have been many words of sympathy and comfort that have been written. I kindof liked this one.I hope y'all don't mind if I include the poem I picked for my Mother's holy card (or whatever they call them these days). (I knew she'd want one for the funeral as that's what she believed in) I chose a more modern picture of a kindly Jesus embracing someone who has just "come home"... Don't think of her as gone away Her journey's just begun Life holds so many facets This earth is only one Just think of her as resting From the sorrows and the tears In a place of warmth and comfort Where there are no days and years Think how she must be wishing That we could know, today Now nothing but our sadness Can really pass away And think of her as living In the hearts of those she touched For nothing loved is ever lost And she is loved so very much. -Anonymous

Oh you all are the BEST!!! we are all fine!!! I asked Al how sad he was, he said not at all, he said that she was so mean to us and treated us all so bad that you couldn't be sad, -(how terrible for a child to say that about a parent, i couldn't say that to him, though), she was not a nice person, other than the family yesterday and the 3 sisters, Al and an Uncle and our families (spouces, and children, and our own friends) only 2 of her friends showed up, so i can now see that i did nothing wrong at all it was the way she was. she was cremated and the family went to the cemetery --it was -31 degrees with the wind chill, my comment was she's paying us all back - lol. ds came home for the rest of the evening. and things are back to normal. i have learnt a valuable lesson from this woman though, that no matter what, you should try your best to be nice to everyone who passes your way, the payment in return is priceless! thank you again for all your prayers, debbie, trying to keep warm again in this cold,cold weather.

Fairlight, what a beautiful way of expressing your Mother. What a good daughter you were to her. My sincere condolences to you. My Mom has been from this earth 26 years, and I still miss her. But what she taught me, I hold dear. Jan

Hi Joanne, I am so sorry about the loss of your mother. I could have written your post a little more than three years ago. My mom had the same symptoms as your mom. She kept complaining about shoulder pain for months and even went for ortho surgery on her shoulder. After that she still didn't get better and her appetite was non-existent. When she was hospitalized for shortness of breath, the ER doctor ran a CT and found a mass in her lung. She was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer and passed away 3 weeks after her diagnosis. I wrote all this to tell you to be careful about your grief. I went thru a very hard time after my mother's death. I think part of the reason was the suddeness of her loss and being caught totally off guard and the guilt that I didn't realize how sick she was. My complicated grief evolved into a severe depression. I too tried to go through daily activities such as work, shopping, etc., but 6 months later I only felt more devestated and sad. I sought the help of a grief couselor who recogized the symptoms were more than just grief.You don't have to wait until you find you can't deal with it to get help. I believe a grief couselor is always helpful to guide you through a severe life trama that can result from losing a loved one. It will always be hard but you do get stronger and the joy will come back to your life. That's hard for you to believe but it will. I will keep you and your boys in my prayers. Hugs, Barbara