We've always moved for the job. Not all places we've moved have been desirable, but they were always a step in the right direction. Next move will probably be for retirement. Not sure yet where that will be, but we have choices.

It does not have to be low income people who feel they must have that family network to support them although it is more of a low to middle class thing. Think of all the people who have posted here who have moved to where they had family either when they had children or parents who were aging.

Being from the rural area of the midwest the first break from family often came when it was time to either go to college or military. Unlike today where there are online courses and community colleges seeming everywhere if you wanted to attend college many were in areas away from where you grew up. For many it was the first time away from home and it lead to different expectations of what they wanted from life. It also helped at least for young women that the freshman year they were required to live in dorms unless their family was from that town.

If I was in an untenable situation and had the means to leave I would.

Maddielee - almost 50 years ago we rented an attached 'apartment' that had once been maids quarters for $92/mo. One bedroom, bath, kitchen living area. A full basement where I could have a washer dryer and much storage. It was no longer connected directly to the house, a 'breezeway' style hallway had been closed off. Our landlady gave us half her garage in which to park.

I don't think we'll leave this area. None of the above are true here although we can sometimes have a vicious off-the-ocean storm. We've never lived low enough to flood, did have a tree on the house several years ago. What we are missing are shopping opportunities closer than an hour, and the same is true for a full service hospital. I haven't had a primary care doctor locally for years and have just begun to research connecting with one. No luck yet, the couple that sounded like a possible fit are not taking new patients.

I have no problem with moving but I didn't grow up in one area. Lot of people can't leave family and friends behind. I can kind of understand it but it never stopped me from moving for a better life somewhere else.

carol, the "discussion" you mention doesn't sound much like it was "economics" related. More like a sociological, psychological/relationships, modern culture topic.

We moved when the neighborhood we lived in became unbearable. When I first met SO he lived in a nice neighborhood. Everyone kept up their homes and yards. Then, when one of the bigger homes wouldn't sell they turned it into a group home for mentally disabled people. That was fine except it was not staffed properly, so the residents kept wandering unsupervised and being disruptive. Then the house next door to that home wouldn't sell so they owner decided to turn it into a section 8 house. Then another section 8 house a few doors down. The people living there and their multitudes of children proceeded to destroy both the homes they were living in and the neighborhood. Some of the brats ripped all my tomatoes and flowers off my plants and stomped them. Other neighbors gardens suffered the same fate. They threw rocks at my dogs, and at some of the normal,nice neighborhood kids at the bus stop. They were out wandering through the streets at all hours of the night,and these were not teens. We are talking 6 to 12 year olds. When my SO and some other neighbors went to discuss with the section 8 tenants the behavior of their uterine debris, it was not pleasant. When both tenants finally got evicted,and we saw new ones moving in, one with ELEVEN children,we left. I went to the bank called a realtor and we had a new home 45 minutes away in a month. And we made sure this one was on acres of land, no more neighborhoods for us. Peace and privacy. No regrets. I am not going to pay to live in misery. If I can, I would always get out. And I did.

I think the topic has gone far afield. What you or I paid for rent whenever isn't the question so much as, rather, how much recurring adversity is one willing to continue to face when perhaps an easy or not too dramatic move or change could improve things?

Someone who wants to continue living in a town solely because that's where they grew up, notwithstanding there are no jobs and it's unemployment or working at the Fast Food place by the highway offramp, or wants to stay living in a swamp where homes flood every year because that's where Mama lives, or wants to stay on the same gang and drug infested block solely because that's where the family is, isn't making a rational decision.

Sorry to not have answered more thoroughly. Living here in coastal FL, I often think we eventually may be forced to move because of rising sea levels and hurricanes. We live in a mandatory evacuation zone. Not sure where to, tho. Family that's not here is in CA, WI & NY, so those would be a choice for sure.

Of course we'll do what is necessary in the best way we can.

Floods are a minor concern in my area and only affect a small percentage of occupied areas. Many of those areas have slowly been abandoned over the decades and turned into green space.

Tornadoes are the major natural disaster possible in my area but thankfully so far I've not had one within a few miles of my home. You can't really escape them in the plains but some areas seem to be more prone than others.

When we moved out of the city to the sticks it was for several reasons. The KC suburb we were living in was slowly deteriorating as were the quality of the schools. We had good timing and were able to get a good price on the old house and built the new house on 5 acres for only 65K more than the previous house sold for.

When we move again it will be to our lake property 125 miles to the south. That will be strictly for leisure purposes like fishing and boating. Hopefully in just a few more years.

My uncle & mom were talking years ago, uncle saying "but why would anyone want to move so far away from where they grew up, away from friends and family?" Another time, a friend was surprised I felt zero emotional connection with my high school. Another time, someone was bemoaning that they loved the beach but 'couldn't bear to leave their home town' (for that family, I always thought it was a shame they didn't move to a beach town. The parents could both easily have found good jobs, the kids would have loved it, it wasn't a gazillion miles from their family ... but oh well, their choice.)

Maybe similar to how "introvert/extrovert" is a spectrum we all fall on, "stay home/leave home" is a spectrum. My and my DH's direct family were all toward the "leave" for better job opportunity side. Not that we didn't value and love family, but we could do so at a distance, writing letters, phonecalls, and in more modern times, texting, skyping, etc. And now that we're retired, many of us decided to move to the same town -- but that's a choice based on the pleasures and advatages of living in this particular town, as well as living close to family members as we age.

Well, I live in a "crime ridden drug infested area" and would love to move BUT: it's the area I grew up in. My house is paid for. I have a real yard. All amenities are close by: grocery stores, gas stations, schools (no longer need...), fire halls, bus routes, etc.. I know if my next door neighbours house burns, odds are much smaller mine will because back in the 50's houses were more spread out. Now you can walk into your neighbours single dwelling house without stepping foot outside if your doors are facing each other, they're so close. One house burns, two more go with it (happened a few days ago actually). My yard is huge compared to todays standards. And if all the good people leave, that leaves this area in worse condition. Why run? Why not fight back as most of my community is doing. For the most part the people here will give you the shirt off their backs because we all know what it's like to have nothing.

I would love a brand spanking new house, but the way they go up now I wouldn't trust that it would stand a strong wind. I've seen what hail damage can do (Calgary had THE worst hail storm last year and homes are still damaged because insurance companies are dragging their feet). I couldn't stand to live in an area where all the front "yards" are driveways into the garage with a house attached to the back. All of them are two levels so there's no backyard privacy. I would feel watched by my neighbours all the time. No thank you. LOL While I see pro's and con's to moving, the con's outweigh the pro's for me.

Moving is expensive. I'd like to move to be nearer my kids, but that won't happen.

Lucille, are you thinking of moving?

We moved into this house in PA exactly 5 years ago today. We had been in California, Jim all his life, me since 1969. 5 years ago, facing Jim's retirement, we realized that all the elder generation had died, and the few cousins that Jim had were not that close, either physically or emotionally. An 3 acres were just too much to take care of. My son lived in PA since college in the late 80's. Jim has health issues (macular degeneration and mobility) and moving to be close to family was a great solution for us.

In January 2016, we sold our Monterey county house and moved without having a home to move into. Stored 98% of our things in a PODS (after major purge) and drove cross country to a short term furnished apartment. Left things in storage until we found a home and could move in. Now we are 2 miles from my son and his family, even tho we don't see them all the time, and we have wonderful neighbors from the day we moved into this house.

I miss old friends and the weather and the scenery and the familiar places in Monterey. But we are making this our home.

Lucille, are you thinking of moving?

Yes. My son is returning to Texas but plans to live away from the coast (and floods and hurricanes). My only grandchild is his daughter. Once he has settled in I am thinking of moving nearby.

It's quite a luxury to choose where you land. The people I know live where they do because that is where they are employed. Once retired hopefully people managed their savings in such a way they get to FINALLY choose. We are currently in process of this decision. BUT now we have offspring having families that sway the decisions...I guess this is what vacations are for--to be where you truly want to be even if just for a week or so. 😎

I haved lived a cumulative total of 45 years in the same town. I have lived in other parts of the US but always have come back home. We are business owners so there's that. I love our property and plan on retiring here. BUT if our daughter and only grandchild moved away, we would definitely have to rethink things.

I often think of moving but right now it makes more sense to stay. My house is small and easy to maintain, My one son is only half an hour away.

The area where I live is getting very built up and traffic is getting worse all the time. A lot of what was familiar to me is gone. Friends have retired elsewhere. My neighborhood has a lot of young families, although there are still a number of people my age. However, once they move on I will feel marooned here. At this point I have to stay here because of elder care issues. I wouldn’t mind moving closer to the area where my son lives.

Our first apartment in Hartford CT was in a sketchy area. Rent was $65 a month for two bedrooms although the one bedroom had almost no heat! Ah, youth. You can live with many inconveniences when you’re young and broke.

"The people I know live where they do because that is where they are employed."

I'm not sure if you're suggesting the order of the process or the outcome, but I think far more people choose where they want to live (with available employment often one of the more important considerations) and THEN look for employment that will allow them to live where they've chosen.

I moved away from Texas almost 50 years ago. I left Texas because I was tired of being harassed and called names by rednecks, and yes, Austin has rednecks. That's where I was living when I moved to San Francisco. I chose SF because I had friends who had moved there and to Berkeley, and I thought the SF Bay area was very beautiful. I also met many creative and interesting people in SF with whom I had a lot in common, and I felt very comfortable there. Finding work was difficult, and almost everyone in SF in the 1970s was overqualified for their jobs. People with master's degrees would be working in restaurants, for example. I did mostly freelance work there and therefore could travel easily when I wanted to, providing I had saved enough money. Some jobs I had there paid extremely well and some paid barely above minimum wage. I stayed there for 12 years, which is when I began to get tired of it and also became tired of doing freelance. I rarely spent the winter there and generally spent Augusts in Vancouver.

Then I moved back to Austin to get another degree, this time in Interior Design, as I felt that that was really what I wanted to do. I got my first degree without really having a plan for what kind of work I wanted to do. My mother offered to help me with expenses if I would move back to Texas, but I did also work while getting my second degree. I was in my mid 30s when I moved back to Texas and went through severe culture shock at first. People in Austin mainly considered me an oddity. Austin has a motto of "keep Austin weird," but I was too weird for Austin and moved away as soon as I had finished my degree.

My next move was to Los Angeles, and I chose L.A. because I liked the design style there, there were plenty of job opportunities, and I also liked the weather. I had originally wanted to move to Vancouver because I thought it was the most beautiful city I had been to, and I got along extremely well with the people there. However, there are a lot of problems with immigrating to Canada, and then I thought I might get depressed during the winters.

We now have a second house in Cathedral City, which is adjacent to Palm Springs but more affordable. When my brother retires, he wants to sell both houses and buy a bigger house in Palm Springs.

The worst times of my life were when I lived on the farm in Texas. I feel no need to be close to my family there - I like to keep my distance from them, although I do like to see them on occasion. I did like living in Houston, but that is partly because I was at university and in a very nice part of Houston, next to the Museum District.

When I first moved to Houston, my father gave me this advice: "If you say something awkward, just say to people, 'I'm just a simple country boy.'" I said to my father, "No one is going to believe that." I seem to thrive in cities but get depressed in rural situations if I am there too long. At this point, Palm Springs is as rural as I want to get, and I'm still not ready to leave Los Angeles for good.

Seriously Lars you should write some short stories and sell them, you are really good at description and entertaining as well.

We've talked about really moving away. Thing is....as long as we have 4 rentals in the area, we need to be close to them. The neighbor just sold her house for a $400K profit. That's a motivator to sell and move. ♥

DH and I have lived in this city almost all of our lives. When he was working, DH's company wanted to transfer him to a different city but he refused. Our city is not considered by many people to be a desirable place to live because of the weather and isolation. But we both love where we live and have everything here that we want including a wonderful neighborhood and great cultural events. Our son has moved to a different part of the country and would like us to move there too although we will likely stay put. DS's company transferred him there and they could easily transfer him elsewhere, including back "home." A tragedy to us though is not being able to visit him because of the pandemic.

For both DH and me, our parents were both born here, we were born here, our kids have no intention of ever leaving (their partners were also born here and their parents are still here) and we all love it too much to ever consider moving elsewhere. My DH was offered a transfer a number of years ago. It would have been a big promotion and more money. The writing was on the wall in that if he said no his career would be stalled. He said no and got another job.

I think life is too short to live in a place where you feel insecure or unhappy. If you don't like it, move. When it comes to money, I've been fortunate in that work always came looking for me, and I'm extremely frugal at heart so even when I was making only $2/hr, I somehow managed to survive. There's always a way to make it work.

My area is not subject to natural disasters, so we are good with that.

When we bought the house, we deliberately looked for an area away from any subsidized housing, which is difficult in Hamilton as they spread out the low income housing so as to avoid creating entire neighborhoods into ghettos. We have lived near community housing before and wanted to avoid the problems.

That said, I feel like what used to be middle class housing is slowly “downgrading”. By that, I mean what used to be considered a good sized house is now seen as too small. Middle class wants a McMansion. I have noticed a creeping number of houses being turned into rental units...and renters don’t have the same pride in their housing as an owner.

Now, the weather is the real deciding factor for moving. We are going somewhere warmer to retire. That is...as soon as we can travel to start looking for our perfect place.

Picking up and moving is not scary. It’s an adventure.

To use a comparison with a matter that's much less important and quite trivial but I think similar as far as people's attitudes are concerned, it's like people who say "I've never tried eating X or Y but I know I wouldn't like it". Or, "I've never visited such and such a place but I know I wouldn't like it, it doesn't interest me".

I'm not sure why or how people would think "I'm perfectly happy living where I am, I have no interest in anywhere else" if they haven't tried living in other places and trying different experiences. If life is too short to live somewhere you're unhappy, it's also too short to think that where you are is the best choice for you when no alternatives have been tried.

Elmer,

I guess it’s similar to people who order the same thing and restaurants all the time. Some people like to stick to their old comfortable favourites because they know they like them.

By contrast, other people (me included) look at the menu and think “what haven’t I tried before? or what haven’t I had in a long time?”

I didn't realize that the only answer to the "Would you stay or would you move" was to move. The premise of the question was that one was living in an area that had negative characteristics to it and so what would you do. There are for me, no negative characteristics where I live so why would I move? And even if there were, again why would I move.

Perhaps I shouldn't have taken part in this thread.

"I guess it’s similar to people who order the same thing and restaurants all the time. Some people like to stick to their old comfortable favourites because they know they like them."

Maybe. I think the situation you describe is that some stick to what's known and familiar because of a lack of interest in or fear of trying what's not familiar. Which, of course, is a shame because if there are previously untried choices, that person could very well be missing out on experiencing something they'd like better. The attitude leads to the rationalization "why would I change or do something differently, I've always done it this way, always lived here", or whatever, etc.,

I’ve lived other places than where I live now. Enjoyed them all. However, I like where I am right now the most. I’ll stay here and perhaps visit the others from time to time. Who knows? Maybe I’ll find somewhere I like better. Then, I will move. Life is very good where I am😊

I'm confused by the question. If there's a problem with where you're living (crime, climate, distance from family) , then, sure, move. If there isn't a problem, then what's the cost vs benefit of moving? I say this as someone who has been on the move my entire adult life. I now live in a place that fits all my needs and most of my wants. So no, I wouldn't

“I think the situation you describe is that some stick to what's known and familiar because of a lack of interest in or fear of trying what's not familiar. Which, of course, is a shame because if there are previously untried choices, that person could very well be missing out on experiencing something they'd like better.”

How long have you stuck with your wife? What number marriage is this for you? Regardless of how happy you feel, is it a shame you’re not trying someone new?

Of course I’m not actually looking for answers, just illustrating that there may be reasons to stick with something that makes you happy, even if there’s possibly something out there that could make you happier.

I‘m not ignorant to the fact that there are other areas that I‘d love to try out. But I also know what keeps me here at this point. If I were sad about it or somehow felt trapped here, that’d be a shame. But I’m not.

Answer to the OP: If I’m not happy where I am, and I have the means to move, and it’s practical to move, then I’m not sure what would hold me back.

Related, and because it was alluded to in the OP: I‘ve always been a bit defensive about criticisms of white flight, having “flown” as a child. I mean if you’re gonna freak out because some of your neighbors are brown then maybe you’ve got issues. But if the look and feel of your community changes and no longer appeals to you or feels like home, why stay?

But if the look and feel of your community changes and no longer appeals to you or feels like home, why stay?

I agree. I sold my first house when the neighborhood changed. The huge apartment complexes a block away had changed to weekly rentals with fights and theft and there was rising violent gang activity. I no longer felt safe.

There was nothing really *wrong* with where we lived for 30 years, in a nice 'starter' home with nice neighbors. We bought it to be our 'family home' when our DS was an infant. It would have been suitable for us as retirees, too. BUT...we could afford better: A nicer (new) house even better for elders, on a larger and more private lot, in a more upscale neighborhood, in a more affluent town. We could locate farther from the bustle of the city once DH no longer needed a one-hour-or-less commute. We were still in our lifelong 'comfort' zone and close to our DS and his family. We only moved 16 miles farther north along the lake. Our sole regret is not having made the change several years earlier. The only thing holding us back was inertia.

Lucille,

Weekly rentals? That does sound like a flop house or some seedy hotel.

Id do the same as you. That’s a neighborhood I would no longer want to live in.

Something I don't think was covered here is whether your current home is still the best 'fit' for you. This is also missing in conversations about 'aging in place', reverse mortgages, and adaptations like stair lifts or elevators.

It's missing on the Building a Home topic, too, where people tie themselves in knots to design a home that is appropriate for all stages of life. That's very difficult to do -- and, like a lot of 'remodeling', a waste of money...if moving is an option. Even *location* is hard to determine to suit us at different stages of our lives.

Few 'family homes' are optimal for the elderly. They may even be dangerous.

"It's missing on the Building a Home topic, too, where people tie themselves in knots to design a home that is appropriate for all stages of life."

True. People also tie themselves in knots when having to make simple design or decorating choices "I'm pulling my hair out, I don't know what to do and I'm ready to leave town for a few days. I can't decide what faucet I need for the powder room sink and I'm ready to just leave it unfinished with holes in the counter and no running water. Help!"

That kind of drama and indecision is why I stay away from those forums.

We are making the move from our single home to a townhouse that is near our daughter. We have been in this house for almost 40 years and hubs is having a very hard time with leaving his comforts.

I, on the other hand, am anticipating a new way of life in a different place and closer to family. I am going to "retire" from suburban stupidities and the care and upkeep of many a useless household item. I am no longer going to be the keeper of all things and the chief cook and carpenter.

It is a natural progression of neighborhoods that eventual end up with older people who sell and an entire new breed of folks will move in.

I have an immediate neighbor who is a total threatening jerk, or worse, and I am anticipating not having to think about his sorry self every morning. He is totally deplorable, in the deepest sense of being so. I have never disliked and felt so threatened by anyone so much in my long life.

Besides, hubs has some old age medical problems that are getting more pronounced and I no longer have anyone near that I feel close enough to call on in case of an emergency.

Our move will only be about 40 minutes from here and we will still be in the general metro area.

As a kid, I used to say, "If I were meant to live my whole life in one place, I would have been born a tree." I never doubted for a minute that I would leave the tedious little town where I happened to be born. Perhaps because my parents came from very different parts of the country, it seemed normal to travel, explore and try living in different places. I think there's a Likert Scale where people can be mapped according to whether they need "predictability" vs "novelty." Most people probably fall somewhere in the middle.

DH and I are starting to have the “where to live” conversation, now that our younger child has graduated from college. I kind of want to see where the kids end up. I don’t want to be far from my brother and my aunt, both of whom I will be helping out as time goes by. My aunt won’t leave the area, and I don’t see my brother moving out of the city, either.

I’ve lived in this town or the three neighboring towns all my life, Except for my college years and staying in one of those cities for 10 years after graduation. I looked for and found a great job so I could back here, because all my family was here. Now that the family is smaller, it‘s just being so comfortable that keeps me here. Our town is lovely, being near the Great Lake keeps the temperature somewhat moderate. I can’t imagine not living near a body of water.

DH, on the other hand, immigrated from Canada. His siblings and parents all still live there, and they are there for each other. He has no ties to where we live now, and not much desire to move back to Canada. We love going back to visit! He can do his job anywhere, he works from home and his clients are across the country.

But, DH and I have such different “wants”! I even suggested that we have two homes, and spend time at both. DH wants to be away from everyone and everything. I like close-to-town.

Rationally, our state is a terrible place to be a resident. It has insurmountable financial issues that they are trying to tax and fee their way out of. It is losing population. Financially, there is no reason to live here.

But the ties are real, I do love our town and having family members within 30 minutes.

Chisue, if you ever sell your house, let me know!

I was in the same boat, but we have made the decision to stay where we are. Now that we are snow birds, I’m no longer here 24/7.

My only con to staying is that we longer fit into this neighborhood. All the homes when sold are being replaced with houses triple the size. This means young families, that we don’t have anything in common.

We no longer have the sense of community that you have with peers at the same stage of life.

But, with both DD living in the city, DH’s SIL , plus all of DH’s properties, we would have to have a home base near here. We could never replace but we have.

Bpath, I can’t figure out why you would want to move.

Eld, I would love to stay! When we were buying our house, we commented that our young children would be spoiled into thinking that all towns should be like this. I wish they could be!

So....it’s DH that has the hankering!

Do not expect if you move to where family and friends are for things to be the same as you remember them. Both you and they have changed. The closeness that you remember is gone. If you do decide to return either purchase a house etc. that you can walk out the door with no regrets or rent living arrangements for a while. I have seen too many do this expecting things to be the same as they remember only to be disappointed.

Eld, yes, it’s mainly DH. He has no sentimentality at all.

But, I too am concerned about the ability of the state to function. Yikes!

It's a tough decision to make as one gets older. Most people don't enjoy the logistics planning and physical discomfort of moving a well-established household.

We live in an expensive area (HCOL; high cost of living). If one doesn't have a very solid financial situation, it's rough. This is NOT an area to be poor; and what is "poor" here can be a comfortable lifestyle elsewhere.

A self-employed friend of ours, who lived nearby, had this "stay or move" issue but could never decide. She was barely making a living here, but had managed to establish a small practice; make friends in her neighborhood; live comfortably but not extravagantly.

Then she suffered a severe health issue pre-pandemic. She is still physically struggling through convalescence, and has not been able to work for almost two years. She finally had to sell her home to avoid bankruptcy.

We've suggested (starting a decade ago) she find another area to live - possibly even another state. Her "social circle" of friends have now died or gradually moved elsewhere. She is not emotionally close to any of her family.

She's made a few half-hearted attempts over the years to look elsewhere, but never really put any effort into it. Head said move; heart wanted to stay.

The profit from her house was helpful short-term but she's still relatively young. It won't last forever (forever being about 15 yrs in this HCOL area). She currently lives in a senior living apt complex, no longer close enough for us to see her regularly (post lockdown).

Now she's isolated from everyone she knew. All we can do is stay in touch via email.

One could say that if she's going to be alone and in a new situation, why not find a place that is just as nice (if not nicer) that costs half as much? Especially if she has any more health issues that come up. But it's that head vs heart, along with some amount of fear.

Logic says one thing....but if people were always logical the world probably wouldn't be in the situation it is now.

"Chronic hurricanes and floods. Extreme cold weather. Toxic Superfund sites. Oil leases in your back yard. Very high cost of living. But also" living in crime ridden drug infested areas, the 'projects'. Extreme racism, indeed all sorts of prejudice."

Yes move! I would have moved out a long time ago living under those conditions, ...or even with just half of those conditions.

ETA - but before buying I'd wait for the current crazy panic buying bubble to pop.

Amen to the thought of waiting until this bubble pops! I wish we had that option, but have had to buy a replacement property now, to meed 1031 rules. OTOH, we are on the upside on the sell. The nation is feeling say to flush right now, with pandemic aid and relief that the plague is contained. (Not that it is.)