I look forward to today and the future. There are some months that events are a juggling match to fit it in. Mostly weekends. My kids know to call me as soon as possible to mark my calendar.

Yea, I knew one person who was always bringing up the past. I don't know if it is depressing, but i heared very little about what is happening in the future and I found it sad. Maybe that is why we drifted apart.

Sometimes but not often...I have too many things to do now and too many things I want to get done. I don't have kids and all our parents and immediate family is gone. But now that I'm no longer working, I use my time reconnecting with friends and family with whom I've lost touch due to all the other intervening stuff...now that they're retired too they have more time to reconnect as well. I also spend a lot of time in new activities: dancing, book groups, knitting, retirees group, exercise classes and so on.

The freedom of not working and being my own boss has been the happiest I've ever been. And while we both have good health, we are enjoying every minute of it. People ask me what I do in retirement, and I answer, "What I want, whenever I want."

I spent some time reading about quantum physics for fun (mind blowing stuff) ...I've been on a number of meditation retreats...we went on some wonderful trips pre-covid and still do day trips to hike post-covid and have met some new hiking buddies. I volunteer at a couple of things....all stuff I wasn't doing when I was working.

I'm a seen-ager...everything I ever wanted as a teen, I have now: my own place, my own car, no school, no homework, I can spend as much time with my friends as I want, I can stay out late or go to bars, no curfew, I have an allowance (pension) and no one to tell me what to do. Heck, I don't even have to think about acne or getting pregnant!

The past has helped us become who we are, but the journey of discovery is still and always ahead. Look forward to the opportunity to redefine yourself, not as a Mom or an employee, but just as you and who you can become in this new phase of life. For me, this time has been the best!

Sometimes I allow myself the luxury of thinking about the past. A few days ago I sat in a shady spot beside the barn, looked out over the field, and took some time to think about all that has happened in the 26 years I've lived here and raised our kids here. Maybe because I am content in the present, I can take time to remember all my lost loved ones, especially my husband, and be thankful that I had them in my life.

My father says he doesn't like to think about all the memories because it makes him too sad, but I've had a much easier, happier life than he has.

My elder DD and her family live with me, and although I sometimes wonder what it would be like to live alone and never have to consider others in the same house, I'm thankful to be part of their everyday lives. I try to remind them of lost loved ones, which also keeps the memories alive for me.

"I really don't spend a lot of time thinking about the past. My life is far better now so no need to look back."

Me too! We travelled a lot in the past. No pets back then. Covid has slowed things down, to a stop. Once there's a vaccine.....things should pick up.

I have a great life and a great family. Adult kids that I enjoy now as friends too, and a large extended family. Friends that are important to me. I have noticed that I am not as open to making new friends, though. Could be that I am still busy with work and I am old enough to be my coworker's mother. Seriously, every nurse that I work with is in their 30s. I share my job with another anesthetist, and he is a couple of years older than me and we are both in our 60s.

I have one huge regret from my younger years, and that is that I didn't take school seriously in high school. I just wanted to get out and never go to school again. It took 3 years of working a menial job to realize that was not what I wanted from life and so I went to college. Luckily, my parents were very supportive and actually overjoyed that I finally saw the light. So no, I don't dwell on the past much but then I haven't really lost friends and family yet, just our parents which is still sad but a part of life.

yes I do but mostly good thoughts

I don't spend a lot of time thinking about the past, except fond memories and those are pleasant, not depressing. I find that I'm still a very busy person, I'm never bored and always find something to do.

I'm just grateful for every passing day and for the good life and many wonderful people I've met over the years. I'm very accepting of the fact that none of us get out of this world alive. I lost a friend just a week ago and another one just returned home from rehab after having a stroke. This is all a part of life.

I do think of my DH often...and have days where I think, "Oh, I have to ask....DH

this or that", before I remember he is gone. Think about my sister and my brother and can smile at memories. And, grateful I still have a brother left to talk with.

And, of course, I think about the old days... of being

young, the things we did, being active with the family, etc,., etc. Wouldn't

want it any other way. And, now, I am so lucky and grateful that I am now

living close to our daughter and have had the chance to watch my GS's grow

and watch the wonderful things they have done and are doing. Sure, I

had regrets along the way..and had some pretty tough losses...but don't

know how to change any of that. All in all, I have been very, very fortunate.

Retired and almost 67, no children no marriage. I admit I ended up deflecting that first offer of marriage - a moment of sanity in my early life!

"all your children have left, now retired. Do you now spend a lot of time thinking of your past, missing those that have departed, think of so many people from the past.

I find this kind of depressing"

No. I do miss those people I knew well in the past, since several died in this past year, and when it gets that one of your three or four Best Friends died then - yes that's depressing and I've had to come to terms. I think this may be a part of life forward as I am getting older and so are the people valuable to my life. SO yes, I miss and regret they have departed, BUT I am still living, and still moving forward - and I think those gone would seriously hope I move forward and ahead. Not giving up, despite the occasional depressive time. I am doing these days what I need and enjoy and want to do...

My daughter lives in Houston, about 2 hours (or a little more away). I don't see her often but we stay in touch. The rest of my immediate family has passed on, except for a couple of nieces and nephews that I am in touch with on FB. I do sometimes wish I could go back in time and visit my parents.

I grew up by myself. My siblings were grown when I was born. After I married, my husband worked 24/7. I didn't have my daughter until I was married 15 years. So I am used to being by myself, and don't even notice I am alone, most of the time. My husband is an invalid now. We don't talk much, except about what is necessary.

I miss Ken. The friend I cared for in the last 8 years of his life. He was very intelligent and interesting to talk to. However I knew him well enough that while he is no longer here, I know exactly what he would have to say about anything we would have talked about.

If you dwell on the past and people missing you are missing the ones and things that are here. Everyone has those times when they look back but it depends on if they are looking at the "what ifs" or enjoying those times. The "what ifs" can not be changed nor amends for the most part make up for bad times.

Not really. We're living with my niece right now and she has two boys, just as I do, and they are 6 and 9 (her boys, not mine. Mine are 31 and 33). I see them running to and fro, soccer, school, chores, etc, etc. I don't miss those things even though I liked doing it all, I liked the parents, the teachers, the fullness of their lives. But we're close and so are still part of one another's lives.

But this week, the husband of a girl friend died of a massive heart attack, another girlfriend had heart surgery (she's doing really well) and another friend tripped and has a displacement fracture of her wrist that required surgery. (we're all in mid-60's)

I don't like that part of my aging life as I know that is what the future holds for many of us.

Oh yes.... so did my mother and now I understand that...

As a person in my early 70s, I think I am happier and more content now than I have ever been. Fortunately, DH and I are in good health and no financial concerns. Our son is grown, so no child responsibilities. I had many stressful times in my life that were very difficult to deal with and I am very pleased that things are running smoothy now. DH and I are both introverts and while we have a close circle of friends, our contacts with others has diminished with covid. We are fine with that and the internet has helped enormously with expanding our worlds beyond our home.

I do spend some time now thinking about the past, both of mine personally and that of my elder relatives - but that is in the context of thinking about how to preserve the memories and stories to pass down, since I myself would love to have more information about how my ancestors lived and thought - especially the first generation to come here on my father's side.

I spend some time occasionally just remembering my trips to Europe and Israel, or favorite destinations in the USA - re-experiencing them in my mind.

Sometimes I also think about what I could have/should have done differently when younger, but I don't get into a funk about it, just think about what I have learned and can still learn from those experiences.

But I do not spend time mourning for those who have departed - that is done.

I focus on looking forward, not back.

I also try to be grateful for what I have now, vs. in the past. I'm way more financially stable and am close to being set for life. That is an incredible "gift" of sorts and I treasure it. I look forward to being retired, on my own schedule, and being able to fill my days with things that matter to me (as opposed to what my employer thinks matters to them, LOL).

Of course I miss things and people from the past. I focus on those happy memories and ignore the unpleasant ones.

I've never seen any value in torturing myself. The world around us finds way too many upsetting things to throw at us day after day so I don't voluntarily add to that list for any reason.

I have many regrets and often wish I had of done things differently & in some cases not at all. I only have one older sister left and just lost my twin brother this May. We were very close but he was an alcoholic who tried so hard (often succeeding for a short time) to stop drinking. He lived a very hard and painful life and it was so hard to watch. I have to keep remembering that I must let go and accept the things I couldn't change. I miss him and my parents and my oldest sister, all who past away under horrible circumstances. Hard not to feel sad thinking back.

I think about things in the past now and then (who doesn’t if we‘re honest), but I don’t dwell on it. It is usually a memory of moments in childhood, my parents, grandparents, siblings or friends, or trips we have taken, things like that.

I enjoy this time in my life. Retirement is what I looked forward to and I intend to make the most of it. And I think I am at least most days. I enjoy my friends, both from my growing up days and newer friends.

We are so grateful for 3 happy kids and their spouses and 6 wonderful and thriving grandkids.

Yes. There are people I miss. They loved me and I loved them. They are irreplaceable. I still enjoy my life and am grateful for my many blessings but I do miss my Mom and others who are no longer with me.

It's been a difficult and trying year so perhaps nostalgic thoughts from time to time, to recall past normal times and people who have died, are more likely. Too much of that can be debilitating and may be indicative of the need find someone to talk to for help.

I rarely think of times passed of my own personal life. Nor do I often think about people no longer around. When I do, it's for very fleeting moments and only good memories come to mind.

If you don't have some good and some bad memories, and some regrets, you must not have lived! If you don't miss loved ones, you must not have loved or been loved. (Aren't you glad to be rid of some people and some times, too?)

I don't know which wag said, "Wherever in life you find yourself...that's where you are." We're here now, shaped by our past, but still movin' on. Who knows what tomorrow brings?

Of course everyone has memories. But wasn't the question "Do you now spend a lot of time thinking of your past," ?

Yes, I spend more time thinking about the past than I used. Now that I'm retired I have time available, and the perspective of 6 decades, to give serious thought to: what family stories *do* I want to pass on to my DD? What photos, in those great big boxes of pictures from the past decades, are *worth* labeling, keeping, for DD or for myself to enjoy as I age further?

LOL I've always been the type that if I have a two-page memo to write, would draft five or six pages, then edit it down to two. So that's sort of what I'm doing with my personal reminiscences lately -- remembering a lot of stuff, adding it to a "memory" folder to be edited waaay down before passing it along. My approach drives people like my DH crazy, but I can live with that ;-)

Chisue, thanks. You are always so helpful.

I never had children but my nieces and nephews were always here. I do miss those days because we would do crafts or play games and they loved being with me and they were like the children I never had. They are adults now with their own children who are teenagers. Only time we communicate now is on Facebook. I miss all of my Aunts and Uncles and Grandparents because they were a big part of my life, lots of good memories. I think that I miss the family togetherness more especially coming from a large family. I took care of family members for so long I was happy to finally be myself. haha that only lasted a few years then my brother asked to move in, then my cousin showed up from out of town and couldn't find an apartment. My brother was always reminiscing about our Dad and the neighbourhood we lived in. It didn't help he moved back into the house he grew up in. His memories were unlike my memories because he was 12 years older and I didn't want to hear about them all the time because he didn't have a mother who left her youngest children and moved out and we were left with an angry father. He didn't have the memories of watching and caring for a Mother with Alzheimers or watching their sisters pass away. His memories were only of good times. My cousin brought the memories of her mom, my favourite Aunt and our Grandparents. You can have those fond memories but you can't bring back the past or live in it or have regrets although I do have a few regrets of what could have been but I can't dwell on those. The future is getting shorter as we age and I want to look ahead to see what is next.

For me, various other family relationships are quite different from relationships with children.

One of my 30-something kids (who has kids) not too long ago remarked something like - "Being a parent is so demanding, it's like I need to be concerned about them and be on-call 24x7. I can't wait until they're older. When will the demands and the constant concern I have now end?"

I responded "I don't know, it hasn't happened for me with you yet".

I responded "I don't know, it hasn't happened for me with you yet".

Very well said, Elmer, that has definitely been my experience also.

Not to crow but this kid is very well settled in both personal and professional lives. A smarty, an academic superstar at top schools with personality, good looks (from me, of course) and common sense. Would be fine without any thought or concern on my part but still my kid who I think about often and want only happiness and smooth sailing for. That's mostly what's there.

Nope. I live in the present. I miss people sometimes, but briefly. Like Halloween reminds me of premature twin sons born that day, but only lived one day and four days. And i choose to live in the present and be at peace and quickly move through and past those traumatic memories. I have finally learned how to choose my thoughts.

I'm 72 and was raised by my mother alone. My father died when I was 6. My mother had me late in life. I had two brothers, 18 yrs and 20 yrs older than me. My mother was a strong Irish woman. We were very close. I lost her 38 yrs ago and I miss her every day.

My husband and I retired to Florida from NY. Our son moved down near us. Our daughter lives in Ct. I miss my daughter and granddaughters.

My husband is 16 yrs older than me and has multiple health issues. This isolation due to Covid has taken a toll on both of us.

I feel like a nurse helping my husband, I feel exhausted making all the decisions and plans that need to be made. I feel so very alone. I tend to remember the good times when we could all be together, when my husband was the man I married 50 yrs ago.

I do think of my mother daily. She was so strong, raised me alone with help from my brothers (who are now gone). But she never gave up, she was always so strong until the day she died. I talk to her many times in my head, and ask her what she would do.

I miss my mother, I miss my brothers. I am still healthy and taking care of my husband and son (who has problems).

I feel this pandemic has taken a terrible toll on older people. I was hoping for a change in the Presidency just to help people feel safer going back to normal living.

Jane

missing those that have departed

I do think about the exes who are gone out of my life.

And smile.

LOL Lucille, that was awesome. :)

I do regret being hundreds of miles away from our son and his family. He is a wonderful individual and with his personality and achievements, gives us much satisfaction when we reflect on the time we spent raising him. We can't visit now because of covid and he is facing an especially large challenge now with his wife being extremely ill. He does whatever needs to be done to care for her when there is no other help available, in addition to working, running the household and parenting two children. We hope to join him so we can help but so many unknowns with the virus.

The older I get the more love and appreciation I have for the upbringing I had, my family members and those I’ve loved and lost. It all meshes together into bitter sweet memories because I miss those I’ve lost so much. It’s been 44 years since my father passed and I still think of him daily as I do my husband, mother and sister. I’m really close with my oldest sister and we exchange stories all the time. Dad was so much fun, Mom had her funny quirks and the 5 of us drove our parents nuts. The memories bring me comfort.

It seems to me that if you spend most of your time looking backward with a mix of nostalgia and pain instead of looking forward with gratitude and anticipation, then you have stopped living already. Childhood is a wonderful time where the adults in our lives, if we are fortunate, carry us forward with their love. Once we are the adults and elders, we have to do that job for ourselves and others. Looking outside of ourselves usually helps us find meaning and purpose.

Judy, your OP question is this:

"As you get older and all your children have left, now retired. Do you now spend a lot of time thinking of your past, missing those that have departed, think of so many people from the past"?

Are you asking if we think about only those who have died, or just anything from our past?

I do think about everything from my past, because my past is part of who I am in my present. What I learned from my past helps me decide about my future.

Does that make sense to you?

This is happening more and more!

Well said Zalco.

I once heard or read a comment (don't remember which), something to the effect of, "if you keep looking back over your shoulder to see what you've passed by in your history, you're going to walk into something or fall because you aren't paying enough attention to where you're going".

Recalling memories with the people you love doesn’t have to stop someone from moving forward, sure there are unheathy extremes, but as Vada said, it’s a part of who we are.

As I got older, and in the face of the frightening state of affair in our country and in our world, I have turned an eye toward streamlining my life into a smaller but more meaningful relationship with all material objects people, and aspirations.

It has lead to a complete declutter of everything, both physical and spiritual and emotional.

I am taking life down to it's essence.

All the time, it get quite lonely & sad

When you retire, moving away, as we did, you realize you leave behind friends and family. Being social people we thought it would be easy to make new friends and volunteer in the area's we both enjoyed.

This was true for the first 6 yrs. We enjoyed our new life, new friends and traveled often to visit our family back in NY,

This virus changed everything. Our volunteer work ended, the groups of friends isolated as we did. Travel to see family and friends ended because of air travel.

My husband aged terribly over these 8 months. He is 16 yrs older than me but was always in great shape, involved. It all changed. I became a caregiver, isolated, yet handing everything. His thinking has changed and I'm not sure how to handle it.

I wish we hadn't moved away. I wish we were near our friends and family. I feel nothing will go back to normal. Due to isolation and some depression, I do think about the good times when we were all together. I think of my mother, brothers who are all gone. I don't dwell on it, however, I do wonder how they would handle this.

I just want this nightmare to end.

Jane

Sometimes when I am resting, I begin to go over my past, but I don't dwell on it. I do wonder what would have happened if I had made different choices at certain junctures, however, I can not accurately predict what would have happened if I had chosen an alternate, so I am satisfied with my present. My past is known and can not be changed; Its the future is where I'll be going and that is more important to me than my past.

Why not blame the past. How can you possibly blame the future?

I am concerned about my 3 children. They are not well positioned and a single loss could sink them. I have been helping my daughter with financing to keep her girl in classes. She's a single parent with a 5th grader, and her school is shut down. My daughter must leave the house each weekday to work to have housing and basic necessities. My granddaughter is enrolled in distance learning, but is not a self motivated child fro school work. She's easily discouraged and frustrated. She is an YMCA program that see's to it that the kids sign-in to their classes, but for my GD, its not working. As an example, there's a room of 15 to 20 kids online and if my GD did not understand something, and wished to ask a question, most of the time, it will not be answered. There may be 5 others asking questions and the teacher may answer a couple of questions before moving on. The teacher is under pressure also,

This program is costing my daughter $177 per week. Its money she dose not have and my wife and I have been defraying over half of this cost. There is some unfairness in that she is paying property taxes and their schools are funded by this, bit gets no refund. However, a goodly portion of school taxes goes to paying the teachers who have to make extra preparations for video presentations, other school expenses continue.

They are getting jerked around. Last week, their school management said they would be starting regular classes next week, but Maryland's COVID cases increased, and so this week, they reversed their decision. At first, my GD was thrilled about returning to regular classes only to have that rug yanked from under her a few days later. This put everything in turmoil since everyone had begun to prepare for the change Its not a happy place in her house this week.

We could have been of more help if they lived nearby, but they are 800 miles away.

With stuff like this in our lives, I don't dwell much on the past, but apply, what energy and resources i have left. on the near term.

Jane--your post really resonated with me. This pandemic has really aged my Dad. I have been thinking about moving when I retire but now am questioning/rethinking this plan. Your post confirmed what I've been thinking. Like you, I just wanted this to end.

I do think about those that have passed on, but I don't dwell on it or am I depressed. I have so many fun things that I do around here.

Sue

Eld6161

“When I think about the past, I wish that I enjoyed each moment without fretting. There was always something that I thought was a big concern, and looking back it really wasn't”

Yes, indeed!!!

Judy, I have been looking back a bit these days.

My childhood was absolutely wonderful, and extremely NOT wonderful. I’m trying to figure myself out, and in doing so, I’m finding myself trying to understand the family dynamics that were going on at that time. There was a lot of “stuff” no one dealt with.

This has been helpful to me. To help me begin to forgive both others and myself. It’s sometimes difficult, but I think it’s worthwhile for me anyway

It’s been a trying time, since March. It seems that everyone I know has had a tough year.

Really looking forward to seeing the light at the end of this 2020 tunnel. I’m sure it will drag on a bit into 2021, but hopefully soon.

Annegriet, you have no idea how my husband has gone downhill. He was so active with friends and his volunteer work. Now, he's a different person. Just sits all day doing nothing. No interest in anything. I feel he's given up but I can't talk to him. He doesn't answer.

He stopped driving entirely and shows no interest in going out of the house. His ability to walk has become scary and I got him a walker and cane.

None of these things were happening 6 months ago. He refuses to go to his doctor.

It is scaring me beyond belief. Stay put if you can.

Jane

I don't spend much time thinking about the past. The good things are usually brought up by my children and I am constantly amazed at the little things that they say made their childhood happy. I have a dark period in the past, and when I do think about it, I think how much time I wasted, mentally shake my head and move on. I am blessed and happy in the present, and still look forward to the future. I think the key to not spending much time in the past is to keep busy in the present, and make plans for the future. Always easy to say, and harder to do.