Assuming you and your husband have done the serious due diligence with respect to your financial ability and stability, then besides the obvious understanding that both will be expensive, both will also require a large amount of patience, persistence, communication skills, and a good dose of design aesthetic appreciation, then building a home versus remodeling one does offer some distinct opportunities IMHO. These typically are: lot and structure orientation, internal layout, infrastructure efficiency, functionality, personal optimization, and aesthetics. Remodeling usually is preferred when the home is of historical importance, is of an architectural style that one finds particularly desirable, is in the exact location/neighborhood you absolutely want to live in, or has the layout you want already but just needs some updating to freshen up.

My wife and I have done three major remodels (complete gut to studs and remodel of our previous 3400 sq-ft home, a remodel and addition, and one very large landscaping/outdoor living project), and we just finished our full custom forever home. All of our experiences have been good to excellent, with the exception of the first phase of the landscaping one. It really depends on the chemistry between you and your project's builder/GC. As to budget, all the projects have come in at budget. The time you spend up front in the planning, design, and financial administration side will dictate how you end up budget wise. Leaving significant decisions until construction is underway can cost you dearly, as just about anyone on this forum with experience will tell you. Absolutely no regrets building, or with any of the remodel projects. Be committed when you make your decision. Half-hearted or a decision replete with reservations will not make the experience enjoyable. Best wishes on your future project.

I mentioned we do love it. It needs some updating and work, it’s 18 years old and still has everything original except the bathroom. When we moved in we had 1 kid, now have 3... so space and layout has become an issue. That’s why we are conflicted on staying and putting in a lot of money and trying to make it work or building.

There is a third option: buy an existing house that better meets your space needs. It will likely be the least expensive way to go.

We live in a small town. There are no options. It took us 5 years to find our home we live in now.

The homes that are listed right now are smaller and need work...and there are only 9 listed. Half of those are pending.

We can’t beat our current location. And we own land next to our house.

In my case, I ended up moving 2 hours away - basically, I retired, and so I COULD move from my area.

In my case, I didn't want to stay where I was: I would have to knock out exterior walls to build the kitchen and dining area I wanted. And I also wanted to farm upon retirement - I didn't have much sun for vegetables, and while I could keep a few hens, I wouldn't be able to have the full panoply of chickens, quail, and other livestock I want. And I also hated my steep driveway that curved 90 degrees at the steepest section. (I lived in Connecticut - we do winter.)

So, basically, you do need to decide about the pros and the cons of what you currently have, and what you might have. In my case, it made more sense to move. In my case, it made a lot of sense to build - although had I found something ideal already constructed, I probably should have snagged that!

You'll have to take into account a lot of pros and cons. I chose western Massachusetts - for friends, and for the fact I liked the countryside, and because it was only 2 hours from the old home - which meant I could check up on building. I chose to build - okay, when I bought the land back in 1997 or 98 it was a romantic ideal, and the land was cheap, and I didn't really have any true plan then -- but it was well-situated after all. I chose it because even then I wanted to farm eventually.

I don't regret doing this, although I learned a lot on the way. I didn't pay more than I expected - probably about 15ish percent above quote - but I knew to expect that. Things took a LOT longer, though. Both permitting and my builder getting sluggish as time went on. But, I am here now, and I absolutely love it. The best thing I found is that I was able to make my kitchen close to 90% of what I wanted it to be, here. Something that would have been impossible, even with a general remodeling, back at the old home. And I have chickens, roosters, quail, and raised beds for gardening.

I’m building and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I get everything that I want for slightly less than tract homes in the neighborhood.

we’re going to be at 10% Avicenna quote but I’m fine with it.

If you can afford it, go for it. I would have loved to build our house. We went through the investigation phase and it ultimately turned out to be too expensive for us. We couldn't cut our main level down without completely changing what we were going for (I wanted a more closed floorplan with 2 living spaces, one for TV and one for the fireplace, piano, and conversation, and the builder said we'd need to cut a living space which was a non-starter), so we decided not to proceed. But I will carry those plans with me until I die and maybe someday if I come into an inheritance or something I can actually build it...but probably not before I retire and am ready to downsize! For reference, our quote came in about 25% higher than comparable (non-custom) homes (I WISH it would have been less than tract homes - that's amazing), and I imagine things would have come up during the build that would have pushed it even higher. We were using a higher end builder, so we could have probably gotten the price down with lower quality, but we weren't willing to sacrifice on that either.

Our thought process... we were also getting ready to invest a significant amount in our old home. We also disliked its proximity to the highway and the steep yard in front and back. We never even considered building but we entertained it since we had access to a nice spot. At first we thought $330,000 would get it, but not even close. The build ended up around $400,000, but we were able to self fund 75%. We are comfortable with the debt and it doesn't mess with our retirement plans.

I'm in the middle of building (well, hopefully closer to the end than middle, lol). I'll try to answer a few of your questions.

I have zero regrets about building, but I also wouldn't do it again. It's been quite a learning process, I've really enjoyed watching my dream house coming together, and I've had fantastic people working for me. But it is stressful, too. When I was getting bids I thought: once I sign the contract, I'm done - I'll just let the builder do his thing and hand over the keys when it's done. Nope. I have constant decisions to make, stresses about getting materials, watching what's going on and making sure it's matching what I want, etc. Going into it as a single woman with absolutely no knowledge (other than what hours on google taught me) about construction, bank loans, or anything else related, living in a rural location, didn't help. I can't tell you how many hours I spend researching something that my builder thought was a straight-forward question he asked. Do you want X or Y? - Uhh... I don't even know what X or Y are, nevermind which I want...

We've had some things come in over budget, some things under. It's currently looking like we're going to balance out pretty close in the end. I did pay for a few things out of pocket - as I hadn't asked for them in the bid (my builder is fine with that, I just buy it and hand it over - some builders will not be) - but I got a custom pantry door, and some nice looking vent covers for the HVAC vents, which I just bought on my own and then gave to him to install.

Price-wise we are definitely over the going rate for houses of my square footage in my area, but I am getting SO much more in that square footage - a lot of character and detail that doesn't go into the tract builds that are mostly going up around here.

It's taking longer than it should because COVID has supply chains all screwed up. We waited months on my fireplace - and that was after having to change fireplaces because the original wouldn't be delivered until sometime next year! I had to change my rock around my chimney from the original plan, and change my appliances - all because of things being out of stock or with significant delays getting shipped. Eventually that will sort back out, but who knows how long it'll take.

But really nothing can beat something designed exactly for you, and your lifestyle. You don't need to try to fit into something existing, you just make it how you want it from the beginning.