Glad to hear alfalfa tea is eternal. I've had a covered container for about a month and was wondering. I opened it Sunday while preparing Bubble Bath's site. Man, I take everything back about that nice "green" smell. Whew! I left it uncovered the whole time I was working and suffered. (Once I start digging I can't stop for anything.) I kept thinking again and again "What is that gross smell? Oh,..." When I got cleaned up & ready to go in, I decided to cover it back. I was sure someone would call the police, reporting a dead body. Bad stuff. But when I mixed it up, it WAS green. Bill, I hope your wife apologized to your son and you apologized to your wife. LOL. Too funny. Sherry

For me it's actually happened twice. In 04/05 and then again this year. This year, I thought I had it all together. I knew about how many plants I wanted to end up with, and that was what I would sow, with a few extra... just in case. I started saving toilet paper rolls over the summer. I had about 150 and thought for sure I had enough, yet I still kept saving them... and I still do. In the beginning of this year, I told my husband I wanted a cold frame 3x4 feet. When he came home with the parts I said "Oh no honey, that's a bit small, make it 3x5." He wasn't pleased, but went along with it anyway, shaking his head. I looked at it when he was done and thought to myself... wow. That's a pretty big cold frame.... By the end of December, I ran out of lasagna pans and kitty litter boxes to sow my tp rolls in. I asked my husband to start getting me the water bottles from work. That was when a little light went off in my head, that I was beginning to get really carried away... but did I pay attention? Nooooo... I started gathering jugs O.J. cartons then! My cold frame was almost full within a week or two after being built and now I'm hiding jugs behind it. I still have all my annuals to sow, along with a few veggies. Not sure where I can hide those, but where there's an addict with OCD, there's a way! Hell, I'm still waiting on the stores here to put out their seed racks!!

Thank you all for sharing your experiences and expressing your opinions. Since I posted this, our friend has decided to take a breather and try to work things out. I don't know if that means weeks, months, or years. I think his recent sense of urgency is based on some changes in their pre-nup that take place in June, so he wanted to finalize things before then. What I'm sensing from a distance is that on the one hand, he is the kind of person who doesn't take marriage vows lightly and really doesn't want to be divorced. On the other hand, he's still young (about 34?), and most likely wants to buy a house together, start a family, etc. And that's not happening. The house they live in is HERS, as she's made very clear to him. She already has 3 kids and is too old to have more. Also, it's very possible that his wife is "manipulating" him to some degree to get him to stay until the changes in the pre-nup occur (which would be to her advantage if they did divorce). She has been married and divorced before and is 18 years older than he is, so I'm sure she could "play the system" better. momj--I agree that big changes are needed to fix this marriage. I think they've been to counseling, but I guess it didn't "take." You're so right about few people being willing to do the work. I was in that situation with my ex, too. Time will tell if that's true for this couple. They have no kids together, but I'm sure her daughter and granddaughter living with them is starting to take a toll. sweeby--Yes, one big fight is not usually the case with most divorces; they've been fighting since the wedding day from what I've heard. I think he's in the wavering stage now, and I'm wondering if he's watching the clock like you did, and will pull the plug at the end of May. But I'm hopeful that they will go to counseling, or she will go alone, and they'll work it out. bill-thanks for sharing your story. I think this guy is like you in many ways, wanting to stick it out for various reasons. Fortunately, there is no infidelity or abuse in their marriage (that I'm aware of). Those issues can certainly make it more difficult to stay, and in some cases even more difficult or dangerous to leave. (I still got phone calls in the middle of the night from my ex two years after I moved to the other side of the country.) seeking--that is such a great analogy! So true! And when it does crash to the floor, all the sweet things and money are gone. One of my favorite analogies is this: a relationship is like holding a handful of sand. As long as you keep your hand open, you can hold a lot of sand in it. But when you tighten your grip, the sand starts to come out. cup--thanks for sharing your opinion. I totally agree that the marriage is more important than the teenage, unwed mother (who recently ran away for a few days with the kid----so irresponsible). I guess she was living there when the couple married, as she would have been only 14. But I don't know the details of why she's still there. Probably just the usual situation of a mother not wanting her daughter living on the street. I can't say whether this woman has an undiagnosed mental illness. I know she's very controlling, but lots of people are. Wouldn't a marriage counselor pick up on that, though? maddie--good for you for having the courage to take control of your situation. I have a feeling that this guy is sort of in your position--doing all the work, paying all the bills, being a good spouse, while "the wagon of love breaks under the baggage of life." We all have our breaking point, and I hope he is able to recognize what his is. donna--thanks for your response. I agree that I/we should stay out of it, and we have been. The only thing I've said to him so far is that people can take advantage of him only as long as he allows them to (and it was months ago that I said that). I think my husband has given him some financial advice, but he's not the type to say "you should just leave." Low self-esteem definitely enters into it; I can tell that much. That seems to come into play for most of us who go thru a divorce. mindstorm--Yes, you're right, leaving is serious. I think that's why most of us do the "wavering" and take a long time to knock the soda machine over. In my own situation, there was substance abuse, infidelity, and a lot of lying, none of which I bargained for when taking that "solemn vow." I had lots of people telling me I should leave, but I didn't listen because I knew I had to be sure it was the right thing to do. What has dogged me for most of my life is that I put up with it for so long and didn't get out sooner. The part of my life that was wasted was the years I spent married to him, not the years since. zobeet--It is difficult to tell sometimes when it's over, and I think one half of the couple is usually more willing to work on it than the other. Some couples stay married in spite of this; some split because of it. In my friend's case, it appears that the pre-nup benefits her more than it does him. I think that's one of the major issues. ---------- Thanks again everybody for taking the time to read and respond. It's been enlightening to hear everyone's opinion. Kathy

Hoakie~~ I feel your pain and am truly sorry you are having to endure this.....but I can see this from both sides. I was widowed and so was DH. Although we were alone quite some time, so we did have our time to grieve. I have "accepted" DH's first wife as a "friend"....in fact, our school pictures look so much alike we could have been twins...we have the same qualities, both majored in accounting, wore the same type of glasses, same hair color and size, use the same "slang", we both had three children and four grandchildren, etc. We chose to put away the pictures of our former spouses, but not our memories....we talk about them frequently and lovingly. We both know that we miss out original spouses and talk about them on their birthdays, our anniversaries, their days of death, etc. It was I that went and planted grass on her grave...and he said no other woman would have ever done that. I buy the flowers on Memorial Day and we go together to the graves of both former spouses. We do still use some of "their" things.....and although it is not my taste (especially the dining room set)...but I did put new upholstery on the chairs and legs on the table to change the appearance a bit....but to this day (8 years later), I always think about her when I dust them, but not in a resentful way. He said I could replace them, but they are much better quality than can be bought these days, and he actually "drags" his feet when we go to the furniture store......to him, it is a waste to spend money to replace perfectly good furniture....so I let it go at that. We did build a new home, so I don't have to live in her space. From day one, he has told me that her things are my things to use however I chose....and if they happen to get broken, so be it. Even on our wedding day, he gave me a beautiful, very expensive pearl and gold jewelry set that he had bought for his wife....I wore it a few times and have just "put it away"...and will give it to his daughter when I leave this earth. Are you not only living in "their" house, but using their things? Did you bring personal items to add to the home? I know this might "bug" you terribly right now, but help him grieve....go to the spreading of her ashes and be a support to him, but don't try to take the spotlight...just be there to hold his hand and try to make peace with the lady she was. This will give you real character and not seeming to be a threat to her memory and his family members. I assume you are not widowed....there is a huge difference between being divorced and widowed...and hope you can understand that. Grief counseling would be good for him and marriage counseling for both of you. You can make this work, but it takes a whole lot of understanding on your part.....bite that tongue if necessary, but for now, make piece with his former wife. Good luck and keep us posted as to how things are working out.