I once put a broccoli seedling on my railing and went to gather some stuff up before I went outside to plant it. I came back to find my sweet little girl cat (right now purring in my lap) helping herself to a nice fresh salad. Grr! Cats like broccoli?? Most humans don't like broccoli, and cats are carnivores! I took the seedling back up to put it under lights where it could grow another leaf or two before I planted it. It's doing fine, actually. So's the cat. I did not kill her. She's too cute. I just yelled at her. My spare room is a cat-free zone. That's where my quilting, my plants, my crocheting, and all those other delicate items stay, and the cats aren't allowed in. My thoughts and sympathies re: the Virginia Tech shootings. I have a similar back yard. I'm from Colorado.

Hi everyone. I am so touched by all of yours thoughtful comments and suggestions. You're like my invisible friends whom I can turned to during this difficult time in my life. I can't really share with anyone in my circle of friends/family at this stage since I want to protect my wife's just in case we are going to work things out. ( For those who want to correct my English and have bias, please take your comments elsewhere. It's not welcome here. The last thing I want to do now is to correct my English. I just type away hoping that it makes sense). So far I haven't taken any action. I just want to think it through carefully and consider all of my options. I am actually very upset but I want to give myself sometimes to cool down and to collect myself so that I can sit down and talk to her in a respectful manner so that I don't hurt her pride. It's amazing that there are so many thoughtful and observant contributors on this forum. Marco keenly identified that I am actually Asian. And yes that is how things work in our culture. Case and point: Her parents ask to meet me first and talk to me before they give the OK to take their daughter out for a coffee on our first date. Not like in our culture here where one doesn't meet the parents until both are serious about getting married. For those who replied and took the moral high ground of respecting privacy, trusting and all that. Give me a break. I am glad you happen to have good marriage and you never have to think about snooping around. Like 'Jenny alabama' & 'labmoma' said one will be curious to find out what's going on especially when your spouse is behaving cold/distant from you and constantly deny and often refuse to talk about the subject of the heart. I can't recall when was the last time she look me in the eyes lovingly. And as I said am a very passionate person. This is where I got an uneasy feeling but didn't confront her on the wedding day. I wanted to make it the happiest day of my life. This is where it hurt me second to the recent event. During the ceremony she didn't even look me in the eyes as she repeat after the pastor and exchange the ring with me. During the entire day she seem to be pre-occupied with thoughts and didn't seem to pay attention to me. Am I too sensitive of a man? I asked her about it later she told me that she was nervous planning for the rest of the day. My thinking was, what else could be more important than spending those precious moments with your spouse in front of God as a witness. And now I am thinking maybe she didn't want to look me in the eyes because she ashamed of facing God for making a decision not from the heart. Yes this is what I get for trusting too much and thinking that how can I go wrong with an educated catholic girl. Of course I respect others' privacy and I think I have placed enough faith in her for the past two years. We agreed that because of the long distance in order for our relationship to work it has to base entirely on trust. I even mentioned to her about the anonymous emails and have never question her. I didn't call around to check her out then knowing that I could very capable of doing that, since it's a small town and I do have relatives who live in the city. She came up the explanation that made sense to me at the time that it was co-worker jealousy. Right before she came over some of my relatives did give me some vague warnings that they just recently heard over the grapevines but they don't want to tell me everything because they don't want me to be unhappy or talk bad about my wife. It's hard to hear that your wife has been around the block. I do find comfort in reading 'bnicebkind's' reply. Yes she does miss home naturally from being apart from her parents and friends and adapting to a new way of life. I do my best to understand and comfort her. She talks to her sister who live in a different state on the daily and call her parent on weekly basis. I find that this might be what she is going through: "Bushduh, sometimes after marriage (and especially after a baby) a woman may start thinking about a past boyfriend, and become obsessed with the fantasy of "what if". It does not always mean that if she actually had the opportunity to be with him again, that she would really want him, but sometimes women fantasize about that person, building him up in her mind to more than he ever really was in real life. Perhaps he was more romantic or made her feel beautiful, or wanted/loved in a way that marriage and the reality of real life cannot measure up to. The "reality" of marriage, responsibility, laundry, and dirty dishes, make some women yearn for the carefree life of a single woman just wanting to be loved, and the romance and excitement of it all. Real life with all of its responsibilities of being a grown up intrude on the fantasy. " Thank you 'bnicebkind'. I wouldn't have the experience and the insight to think of this. As you can see this forum helps me alot. Back home her mom cooks and if needed she simply swing to the corner cafe and get something to eat. Now she has to go to school and go home and cook. She certainly not ready to do that day in and day out. I offer to help cooking and I do the dishes. The problem is most people from a third world country form their perceptions though movies and think that the US is a piece of heaven. I have never promised her of heaven but did tell her as much as I can about how impersonal and busy life here is. Yes money is tight because I am looking for a job. But we live in a nice home. Some how she had a vision in her head that when she come I'd take her traveling before settling down to work/ or go to school and I'd take her on a shopping spree. So she was kind of disappointed when that didn't happen and I only took her to sight seeing locally and shop just enough. I am sure if I were to be well off go out eating often, travel, and shop without thinking then she's not as sad as she is today. But if she can find happiness in little of what we have and build a life together with me then we're in for the long term. I sure hope that it's a phase that she is going through. But for now I have a lot of doubt that is the case. For the life of me I can't understand writing to someone else about missing, hugs and kissing them while being married. But there is more...there is a little details I almost forgot to mention. She actually writing to two guys, one from her home country and the other I don't know(could be here in the US) with similar tone of voice. I am not sure what this fact tells me. Either she is as manipulative as others have warned me or this is how she deals with missing her home. Until we have the 'talk' then I can better judge the whole situation. I hope I am not naive then and accept one excuse to the next. I hope I have a clear vision to see though it and decide once and for all. Like Marco said: "Life is too short to be with someone who doesn't love you back." Thank you for reading my lengthy writing...please check back with this posting regularly and give me some insights.... Bushduh

Some cats go their whole lives stir fryi without tartar building up on their teeth and never require a removal but some have on-going problems with it and need repeated cleanings. It has to do somewhat with diet, but probably more with the chemistry of the saliva in a cat's mouth. Here's the glitch. Not everyone is adept at looking at the teeth and gums and identifying the calculus. If it isn't yellowed, it looks just like part of the tooth. Vets and vet techs can ID it in their sleep and also check the health of the gums. You, or cats, can actually loose teeth with no cavities at all if they get advanced gum disease and it's usually caused by the build-up of tartar. Also, unless your cat is more cooperative than most, doing a really good oral check on teeth is a battle royal. I don't have issues with people who have healthy low-maintenance cats who only see a vet on an as-needed basis. But if you do that, it's pretty important you have had enough background that you can spot a potential problem before it blooms into a full-blown emergency. There is nothing sorrier than an elderly cat who has had to have most of their teeth extracted because they got bad before the owner noticed. Un-noticed dental problems can literally feed toxins into the bloodstream of an animal and impact any one of their organ systems.

The under-door and scent-swapping strategy is too incomplete for my liking. I prefer and have had excellent success using baby gates to fill the doorway between the newbie's room and the rest of the house. Baby gates allow the newbie to become acquainted with the sights and sounds of the household and its residents from the safety of his side of the gates. The gates allow full visual and auditory contact but restrict physical contact. The newbie and resident animals can approach each other, talk to each other, hiss and growl at each other, charge each other, and/or extend friendly greetings toward each other - all without significant physical contact. It's a great way to let them get whatever they feel they need to get out of their systems before they actually have physical contact. Once the baby gates have worked their magic, which may take hours or months depending on the feline personalities involved, I implement Stage Two of the integration process. If the resident cats are passive toward the newbie, I put the newbie into a cat harness (NOT a collar) and long, light leash (a long piece of kitchen twine will do), and take the newbie into the rest of the house for a visit. With the harness and leash attached, I can control interactions between animals and put an immediate stop to any aggressive acts. If one of the resident animals is inclined to behave aggressively toward the newbie, then the aggressor gets a harness and leash, as well, and is controlled by another household human. In my experience, it is important to have this sort of physical control over these first integrative excursions. Sometimes all it takes is a single aggressive encounter to permanently set the relationship between cats. I learned that lesson the hard way. I don't believe in the "let them work it out" theory when it comes to cats. Domestic house cats are not pack animals, and they don't possess the innate skills to work out social "pack" structures like dogs do. Almost all felines are innately solitary and instinctively defend territory. They need a little guidance to learn how to live in a more social feline society. Laurie