How do you cope with the things you don't like about where you live?
yeonassky
4 years ago
last modified: 4 years ago
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What do you do with gifts (decorative) you don't like?
Comments (34)My mother is one of those people who loves to give gifts, but unfortunately, has no sense of what the other person likes. She orders junk out cheap catalogs, re-gifts (for instance, a make-up case where an eyeshadow or two was used), or wraps up prizes she won at bridge tournaments (keychains or BBQ tools marked "Delta Dealin' Regionals"). She is well-to-do, (maybe because she doesn't spend much on presents? ha) so she's not giving inexpensive items out of necessity. She just doesn't get it. Christmas is tricky--but my family chuckles. (My husband got a Humane Society calendar this year, the one they send for free if you've donated. He also received a plastic Thomas Kincaid corkboard/keyholder thing in a busted box that he immediately took to a "Dirty Santa" party.) But then I am left with boxes saying "As Seen on TV!," useless kitchen gadgets, hideous plastic decorative items and heavy sense of guilt for wanting to get rid of it all. "Gosh, it may not be much, but she chose it with love and wrapped it with me in mind. I can't just put it in a yard sale." I was wringing my hands over my quandary, as my closets slowly filled with unwanted items ("but my MOTHER gave me this!"), when a wise friend had a talk with me. She reminded me that when a gift is given to me, it is now mine to do whatever I like with it. It is not Mom's, with strings attached or say-so about what should be done with it. It is MINE. I own it and I have the authority to decide where it goes. And it is perfectly okay if I think it should be donated to Goodwill and be enjoyed by someone else who might love it and think they found a treasure, instead of sitting unopened and disliked in my closet. So I no longer feel bad about "recycling" her unwanted presents. The only time I've ever spoken to her about the issue was when I had to gently ask her not to give me clothes anymore, since her taste was so different than mine. Now I thank her And sometimes she does hit the mark and I am delighted by her gift. You cannot control someone else's desire to spend money on your presents. They enjoy shopping for you and they like thinking they found the ideal gift, even if it's expensive. Of course, if you don't like it, it makes you feel bad that they invested in it, but every so often you might get something you want and then the cost doesn't bother you, right? I think you're being very gracious about trying to decorate with this item to spare your mother's feelings. But it's not up to her what you do with it, because she transferred ownership when she gave it to you....See MoreWhat do you like about where you live?
Comments (31)I am near both Monica_PA and Softball_80...southeastern PA. I love the rural area I live in...adjacent to several hundred acres of preserved reservoir land. The surrounding county is lush with many, many farms. All with alternating crops (for erosion reasons) makes for beautiful landscaped fields. I love that it takes me 10 minutes to get to work, grocery store, hardware store, vet, church, and 4 out of 6 family members. I love the availability of affordable fresh food, gardening supplies, reputable tradesmen (everybody knows your Mom and Dad, so don't even think about it!), faith-based businesses (no deposit required...pay for your oil change next time your by here...etc.) I love that I can go to the beach, the mountains, fishing, hiking, Philly, New York, Baltimore or DC for a day trip. Most of all, I love my house. I hope I never have to leave it....See MoreResearching refrigerators, what do you like (or don't) about yours
Comments (19)I over planned and bought too early. It was an error. Appliances sat around in the garage for months and I lost warranty time because that counts from date of purchase usually. When you buy too early everything is months old by the time it's installed. Take the list of must-haves to a big appliance store. Shop those features, take pix and make notes on prices. When you get down to actually designing the kitchen and know space requirements for various pieces that's the time to get more specific with actual picks since you will need exact dimensions for the cabinet order. Meanwhile, there is plenty of time for the inevitable learning curve. There is one no matter how many suggestions you might get. Now to answer your question: I have a built in Miele refrigerator. What I love about it is the amazing lighting, the sturdy build quality (no clattering or chattering doors when they close) and the door storage. I have a bottom freezer that's excellent and very cold. My fridge doesn't stick out much from the cabinets -- I don't care for that look. No big grill either. It's super easy to clean -- everything comes apart in just the right way and goes back in a minute. Very quiet and very reliable. But bi fridges are a huge cost commitment. I extensively researched bi fridge styles and didn't want storage loss with FD. I don't care for the taste of fridge water -- I have an excellent filtered water faucet which gives me terrific quality water that I know is OK. That's used for all drinking and cooking. No way to do that with a fridge door dispenser. Just a thought if there will be kids in the house....See MoreTween - how do you say you don't want to be BFFs when someone asks?
Comments (32)Different people use the word "friend" differently, so a lot of this is semantics. I tend to extend "friend" much more broadly than my husband, who has zero people he considers friends. But the lesson is what is necessary to be successful in group situations--manners and civility, which seem to be on the wane in today's society, but I don't think that is a good thing or something I would want my kid to emulate. I have this argument with my husband all the time, knowing what is and is not appropriate to say in group settings. I grew up in a small town, I learned early on to avoid gossip and trash talking anyone, ever. You never know you might be speaking to their cousin or brother-in-law!! :) My grandmother survived in her tiny village in Poland during World War I because she could get along with all sides in the conflict and smuggle resources into her town to keep people alive . . .Hence I grew up with an emphasis of not making enemies although also was taught to have principles and to stand up for them . . . just do so in a way as to not alienate those around me . . . easier said than done . . . Look at all the people who are suffering because of snarky things they have said publicly. I am in the camp that says best to err on the side of civility which is not the same thing as agreeing or supporting things that clash with your values. It's just a matter of knowing how to chose your battles. A good life would not be a constant battle ground, but it is for some people. I would definitely want my child to learn to find some ways to develop inner strength/peace/serenity or whatever the right word is. It's a life long struggle. My Mom's mantra was the "Serenity Prayer." But of course no matter how many times we discussed this concept, it never totally went away because that's life. However, my mother was quite successful professionally because she learned to overlook certain things and just keep moving forward, not get bogged down by drama. As a teacher and person who gives public program and raises money, I had to learn to never, ever speak ill of anyone, it just isn't worth it, life is long, people and circumstances change, one never knows. On the one hand. But on the other hand, if the hitting bothered your daughter and she asked her friend to stop and she didn't, they you daughter has every right to distance herself from that behavior. I would just advise your daughter not to rush to put people in the "friend/not friend" category. Just treat all people with dignity but also you can detach from the drama that troubled people might bring into your life. This is not the strong suit of a teenager, but a good skill to develop. Otherwise, your life could be much more stressful if you don't learn techniques for tamping down interpersonal drama in your life. One has to be able to do what my Mom advised, not make other people's problems your own. You have to be able to be in this world, experience the drama, but not get pulled into it. A good technique is to focus on projects and actions, not personalities. A tough balancing act, one that teenagers have to learn to navigate and it can be tough even for adults. Trust is tricky. There's a whole other dynamic too, being liked vs being a doormat vs being mean and unlike-able. It's just a balancing act we all have to perform . . . Detachment has not been my strong suit, and I've often wondered if it is possible to develop more of it or if it is just in your genes . . . vs passion . . . and then when to hold it and when to play it ???...See Moreyeonassky
4 years agolittlebug zone 5 Missouri
4 years agolast modified: 4 years agoyeonassky thanked littlebug zone 5 MissouriElmer J Fudd
4 years ago
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