I kindly disagree. These things are still a fixture, no used to, to it. While we live in an ever-changing world, so much of it becoming electronic, there is one thing that is certain-restaurants, coffee shops, etc will remain in place. Woe! It will only become worse. Because, after all, this generation who never learns anything, including how to cook, they need restaurants. By the way, I don't think they don't ever learn anything. My son knows how to do cursive writing and how to cook.

Our favorite third places to visit are those that serve brunch. That is the time, and those are the places made for lingering.

(I edited it all later on because houz* kept screwing with my spelling corrections or word additions. Hope it's cohesive now).

Starbucks or other coffee place, lunch with a friend in a restaurant where they don’t care if you spend 2 hours, the park bench, library with outside patio tables.

I believe people gravitate to "gathering places". Years ago I'd go to a local auction house every Monday. Same local bunch would hang out.

We used to go to the ARC Thrift Store every Saturday morning, 8am. Same local bunch of maybe 5 would be there.

Now, here, the ladies have started a FREE book & video store @ the community lodge. Every Monday the locals gather, hang out, sit and look at books they might want to take home. Once a month a ladies crafts club, mostly quilters, meet for local gossip. I've stopped attending. Gossip is just mean & the age group and interests were not a good match. Same with the walking group. The lady leading it was a "pill". :0)

We have both a breakfast/ lunch place and a coffee shop, both independent. The lunch place has been around for decades, although it changed locations by about a block at one point. The coffee shop has changed hands a couple times and I wonder if it will make it this time.

I do think people will always find a place to gather. Book clubs seem to be filling that need at the moment. I’m sure there are other groups that get together regularly. Some use the meeting room at our library.

I wonder if coffee shops and luncheonettes suffer because of groups that sit for a couple hours over one cup of coffee? I bet they do.

Patrick Larkin obituary - it seems like he would have been an interesting person to talk with.

https://www.taosnews.com/stories/patrick-larkin,59267

I remember there was an issue in a NYC McDonalds a few years back where seniors allegedly congregated and stayed for hours, and McDonalds said that interfered with business. I have seen several senior centers in a couple small towns where seniors who know each other hang out and are welcomed.

If I have one, it would be the farmers' market. Right now I am dividing my time between two houses that are 120 miles apart (I'm in the second house right now) and I am thinking that I may need to find a place here to meet new neighbors.

I don't drink coffee (or like the smell of it), and so I do not go to coffee shops. When I lived in Venice, I used to go to a neighborhood bar that served hamburgers and hot dogs in the patio every Sunday afternoon, and so that was a nice place. They also served food at happy hour. I like bars that have patios, and that is common in southern California and also in Texas, at least when I lived there.

While studying interior design, I was taught that fast food restaurants had deliberately obnoxious interiors so that people would not linger too long. This included garishly bright and uncomfortable furniture.

Lars, that explains something. We used to have a McDonalds that was a popular spot for seniors to go have a cup of coffee and an ice cream in the mid-afternoon. It was a cozy McD, with (fake) books on bookshelves, and sometimes classical music playing. Now they’ve remodeled to be less comfortable, unfriendly design and colors, and it’s now dead in the afternoon.

That's an interesting term, one I hadn't heard before. My only familiarity with the concept of a casual spot to meet is usually a park table or bench somewhere where old men with nothing else to do know they can linger and run into others. When I've seen this, abroad too as in the central squares of small towns, people seem bored and lonely. I don't think coffee stores or other businesses necessary want a portion of their seating space to be a regular clubhouse for an unofficial group.

I don't know anyone of my friends who does this sort of thing. Maybe when I'm older I'll see it more? I think people are too busy and engaged with many other things such that idle time isn't plentiful. And also, perhaps various different sports or exercise things, interest groups and social activities that people are into fill this need?

My son and I have frequented coffee shops since he and I were young! It's got nothing to do with age? The one down the street from us, in the city where he was born, had puzzles and games to play. Seems like an invitation to linger? Actually, before he was born there was a coffeeshop like it in Louisville, a girlfriend and I frequented. Then, we move to a larger city, and we still went there to color pictures together. After we moved to Nashville, we would go to Starbucks (which still has drop a book/take a book in it) to ponder the deeper more meaningful things in one's life. And met regulars every time, who were equally young and younger. It's a great place to study, meet other kids on campus, interview incoming candidates, I've seen it be an ESL location, and prayer groups. You name it, every age, every reason in the book. They come in droves and no one is nearly as depressing as you've described the Europeans, snidely. I'm glad I don't live there if that's the case! (I've re-read it. I've said nothing rude. I disagreed, but rude it aint??? ETA after folks liked this, so if you don't agree or like it any more, it's understandable)

rob, there's no need to be rude and impolite. The weak effort to be critical using my former user name, a cartoon character which some think is can be used as a pejorative, is unnecessary. Elmer Fudd is fine.

You're talking about places where people go to hang out and spend time. Sure, we all did that in college. In adult life, who has the time until retirement years come? And few even then.

Yes, I have a 90 year old relative who can walk to a Starbucks and spends an hour every morning with others similarly situated. In some respects, it's good. In others, it's sad, it's one of the only socializing things this person does.

Edit - I can reread and edit too. Check out the bolded comment, that was what you seem to have missed.

It is hard to socialize when everyone that would be your age is dead or in a home so I for one am glad that there are still these places where people of all ages are accepted. A comment about McDonalds. I recently took a trip and at one place the tables that used to be able to hold four people have been replaced by smaller two tops. It did not stop people from pulling up what few movable chairs to that area for Sunday morning conversation.

If there are moveable tables for two and moveable chairs, different conformations can be arranged.

Gatherings can work, absent too serious disapproving glances/stares (or worse) from staff.

Edited (less complicated at the library): A week ago, following our regular monthly 2 meeting of a group of about 20 people interested in investing, subscribers to what many of us consider Canada's best family financial advisory magazine, about half of the group repaired as was our wont to a local Wendy's for about an hour of conversation. I got a burger, and being a senior ... the coffee was free. A scarcity of in-shop customers, so no disapproving glances from staff.

A rural neighbour hauled me to the meeting on the far side of the city in his recently-acquired electric car.

This morning attended the former Senior Men's Coffee Hour group, some years ago renamed "ROMEOs", as in "Retired Old Men Eating Out" at the village church (who wouldn't touch my suggestion then that it should be "ROMDO", as in "Retired Old Men Drinking Out" with a ten-foot pole), where usually about 15 - 18 guys gather for an hour of fellowship. Got an update on our minister, who had hip replacement a couple of weeks ago.

We take turns bringing snacks, and each month the guys with birthdays get a cupcake with a candle. I hold mine at arm's length: blow it out and one gets labelled "Blowhard!" ... and if unsuccessful, "Huh! Bit off more than you could chew, did you?"! Laughter in each situation.

Have enjoyed both groups for something like 20 years.

ole joyfuelled

When my kids were in school (80s/ early 90s) I used to eat breakfast almost every day at little breakfast diner. There were many of us regulars and a lot of shenanigans. If those walls could talk. LOL If one were looking for someone you could drop by and see them or leave a message. I would get phone calls sometimes when I was there. No cell phones, on the business landline.

There were a lot of those little cafes and diners back then. Some still survive but the vibe has changed. In these days of electronics and less face to face conversation.

Out city is making it more difficult for these places to remain also. It's become a place of more and more urbanization with land and existing properties being taken over to build multi-storied apartments. In 20 years those apartments with be the next urban blight and the pendulum will swing again.

I don't have one specific place where I go to gather. My friends and I mix it up, either by going to each other's homes, attending an event or activity together or meeting for a meal in a restaurant.

If I were to pick one place that we meet most, it would the house we have in town. It's central to everyone's locations, and since no one lives in the house full time, it's always clean and we don't disturb any other occupants of each other's homes by hanging out there. We're getting together at the house later this month for a tea party. Last time, we had a bling party there. After the tea party is over, I think we're going to gather at the house for a movie night as our next get together.

dawn, I think the discussion was about public places where individuals would show up on a "drop in, nothing pre-scheduled" basis. Not prearranged get-togethers in a public or private setting with a group of friends who do that from time to time. .

Another venue occured to me. Something that's on the wane but the neighborhood, roadside,and downtown bars often were like that. Not bars in restaurants but standalone bars. "Regulars" would come by daily or most days to meet up with other regulars and drink and talk This is a habit typical of some alcoholics. That's a social phenomenon of yesteryear.

In small towns all across the country if there is a bar it may be the only place to purchase food. Many small towns do not have grocery stores. The food quality can range from fair to wonderful. If you want food that you did not cook yourself you can drive 30+ miles or go to the bar. Even people who have never drank alcohol go there as they are the only place that is open in many of the towns passed 3 in the afternoon. Casey's General Stores with their made from scratch food is taking over from the bars but the bigger ones have an area to sit. I have not eaten anything other than their brownies which when good are really good.

You seem to have missed when I said

" Not bars in restaurants but standalone bars. "

Also

"Regulars" would come by daily or most days to meet up with other regulars and drink and talk This is a habit typical of some alcoholics".

Also, this isn't typical of a small town setting:

" neighborhood, roadside,and downtown bars "

Elmer I am talking about bars who serve food not restaurants. Most common is a bar along one wall and a few tables along another with a small galley kitchen in the back. Drive down the street in a small town and you may see one or several. Some sell food others do not but by no stretch of the imagination are they what most people would call restaurants.

I don't but I am sure many do at the local Starbucks. Each surrounding town has a Dunkin Donuts, but I there was only one that seemed to be used by a group. I happened to be there when they were told that they could no longer linger. The lot was small as they took up 3/4 of it.

In Brooklyn there was a Dubrows. I think there was one in the city as well. It was very large and it was a gathering place for older men. It was very sad to see them gathering outside the shuttered store when it closed.

I imagine some use the McDonald's as a place to meet.

I said "Standalone bar". Also "Meet regulars and drink"

The world is more than what's in your immediate neighborhood. This isn't the first time you've tried to cast everywhere universally based on what you experience yourself. Review what the topic being discussed was. Done

I've never been to a McDonald's, and so I have no first-hand experience of their furniture. I've been to In-N-Out, but that was so long ago that I do not remember it.

Yes, I know what the discussion is about. Note that I said, I don't gather at any one particular place on a regular basis (such as making it a practice to have coffee at McDonald's every morning with a group of regulars) and then I shared how my friends and I do gather instead. I don't believe there is a right or wrong way to gather with other people

So would this be like going to Starbucks and working on a presentation on your computer on your own while you have a coffee? Or is it a place you go specifically to see people you would not make a concrete plan to see, as in, Do you want to meet for coffee tomorrow after drop off?

I don't have a third place. I remember decades ago there was a gathering of men every Saturday morning at a local donut shop. There was no set group of men, just whoever showed up to shoot the breeze.

Don't some towns have VFW halls where people gather informally for pick-up games of checkers, chess or dominos and to visit?

maifleur01 We have bars with grills in the back here. No one would argue that they are not first and foremost bars. They are not restaurants with bars, they are bars with kitchens. In fact several are the type of divey places that I doubt Elmer would enter. Some have limited hours that families can enter but others do not. Some don't even have kitchens open during the week but will do weekend BBQs outdoors. Others will make you a sandwich or burger even when the kitchen is officially closed if they know you and like you. ;-) I live in the same general region Elmer does.

I don’t know the term ‘third place’ but there have been and still are several places around where people gather on occasion or even regularly to meet with a regular crowd or just enjoy a respite alone. Even our small local community has one.

Once a week, between 11 am and 1 pm a group gathers at a local cafe to play music. People bring guitars, banjo, fiddle, bass, etc and just play and sing at our small local cafe during lunch. Sometimes it is just 4-5 people and other times it might be 10. The owner is a wonderful lady who serves the community as well to those in need. Long story but the small restaurant does well and has good food for breakfast and lunch.

DH meets once a month with a group from his retired military reserve unit for breakfast. The usual place they meet has a separate room for group tables.

There are 5 newer independent craft breweries around here with outdoor kitchens ( beer gardens), game rooms, ball games on TV's, etc. Regular revelers keep them extremely busy every evening. Since we're retired we have the liberty to visit the same places between 4 -6 PM to enjoy a casual food with a local brew IPA, cider or root beer and other human company.

When visiting our family in Windsor, The Coffee Exchange near the river is our favorite place to go for a brewed-by-the-cup premium coffee. There are no strangers there unless you prefer to be a snob. If you show up after dinner hours it's standing room only.

There's a closed group in town known as "local roots". People born here, raised here, live here, work here. It's been going on since the town was incorporated in 1801. They meet at McDonald's the second Tuesday of every month for coffee, conversation and laughter.

Where I live I always see groups of older men sitting at the entrance of stores waiting on their wives to finish shopping. I guess they are old school where only the men drove and had to take the wives everywhere or maybe they think they are "protecting" them in some way. I hope I never have to ask DH to take me to the stores, I hate having to hurry up with my shopping when he is with me. When I was a kid people sat on the front porch and socialized with the passers-by and neighbors. But that custom gradually went bye-bye over the years. The front of the house has become a blank forbidding fortress with video cameras to record any living thing that has the audacity to enter the viewfinder's range.

I live in a small town on the ocean, a very beautiful town with charming shops and scenery. We have three small coffee shops that regulars visit most days as well as the rest of us on occasion. We have a bar that has been there for as long as I've lived here which is fifty years. It, also, sits by the ocean. We have breakfast shops, upscale restaurants that people travel to experience it. So I'm all set for life. I have the old and a bit of the new, doesn't get better than that.

watchme -

A little known fact about the term "bar and grill". The "grill" term is thought to have come from the iron cage that swung in place in front of the booze shelves, to lock in the contents when the establishment closed. Not from the kitchen equipment.

The "bar" part is of course what you lean against when drinking. So, a drinking establishment would have a bar and grill, if serving spirits.

Yaya, that sounds lovely!

I live in a city that's demographic is about 70% Asian population. So while we have most of the larger chain restaurants, the majority of our smaller restaurants are Asian cuisine. People here regularly frequent restaurants for Dim Sum. (A casual meal, usually enjoyed anytime from morning until midday, with a huge variety of items to select from, via serving carts that are wheeled amongst the tables. Choices are typically presented in small serving sizes, to afford tabletop space for sampling many items.)

Restaurants that serve Dim Sum are very popular places to meet, so no prior plans are usually made by locals, as one just knows their chances of bumping into friends, is quite high. Traditionally, Dim Sum is the one meal that Asian restaurants usually NEVER have any qualms about allowing customers to sit there drinkng tea, after they've finished eating, despite new arrivals lined up to wait for a table.

Not growing up in that culture, I feel uncomfortable if there is a lineup of people waiting, and tend to urge my family to not 'dawdle.' But if DH's father is with us, he will take his time drinking as many after meal cups of tea as he wants, as Dim Sum customers traditionally know that no one is expected to hurry, line ups or not. I can't say if this is typical in all cities, but in mine, the restaurants are very traditional.

No, I guess I missed, out, ha, ha. Never went anywhere to meet up with friends at any age.

Sue

Nugget Markets are unique to Northern California. They are an upscale supermarket chain that is family owned, and have been around since the late 1920s. There are a dozen locations. They have an area within the store with tables and chairs, as well as a counter-with-bar stools along the wall. You can purchase food and non-alcoholic drinks (smoothies, etc.) and sit there and eat. The stores have free public WiFi. When I was still working, I would sometimes use my lunch hour to go to the Nugget Market in West Sacramento to buy groceries. UPS has a major hub in West Sacramento, and it seems that a lot of the drivers meet there every day to have lunch (and take up most of the tables). When the weather is nice, there are also tables outside.

Panera Bread Bakery-Café locations (they're nationwide) also provide free WiFi for their customers and don't seem to have a problem with groups of folks meeting in their cafés. It is not uncommon to find knitting/crocheting groups in them.

I live in a small rural town but we do have a local bakery that we gather in for coffee on MWF at 9:30. Sometimes we have 5 or 6, other times, we might have 12-14.

I would love to find a place like you are describing. I guess Starbucks, Panera, and the like do offer that. I don't have a place that I can go to and run into people I know. I have been known to frequent the library. When I feel the need to get out but not really sure where I do sometimes go to a starbucks nearby and read while I drink my coffee. This starbucks also has games and books . The Panera, now that you mention it, does have groups meeting there as described by Lindsey.

All in all it's a nice thing.