In spades!! 100%...I am disgusted by gum chewing bridesmaids, noisy guests...hooting and hollering as a certain attendant comes down the aisle, Elvis singing Love Me Tender during the ring exchange....and more besides! The precautions you need to take is to do all you can to make everything about the wedding, from invitations to ceremony to dht dress of the attendants and family as "correct" and as formal as you can.....and maybe it will turn out 1/2 way between stuffy and raucous! I am remembering one bride with a backless gown with some strange thing stuck on her back. I learned later it was to cover a tattoo. So...if you don't want your tattoo to show, why get one? And furthermore, why choose a backless gown? I'll rant with you!! Linda C

I know what Prepaid Legal is. A best friend got 'into' it, thinking it was the most wonderful thing in the world, and that 'everyone' would automatically 'want' to buy it. Being a best friend, she asked me to 'just watch' the video. She said it was really neat! I did just that...watched it, and then told her it was something that 'some' folks may want to pay for every month for the rest of their lives, but I wasn't one of them. Didn't foresee needing an attorney anytime in the next 10-20 years or so. She soon dropped out of it...finding it wasn't the great easy money maker she thought it would be. I think your friend sounds really hooked on it....determined to be one of the few at the top of that pyramid...What it might all boil down to is his worship of the almighty dollar, and not value such 'things' as friends and old friendships. Sounds like he has set himself up for a rude awakening sometime on down the road. His loss. Like Nancy said...all his 'friends(?) are probably all ate up on that PL crapola. Sue

I agree with Cat about the marriage situation. I think the adult children problem will work it self out. It maybe that they will never be close to you, does that bother you? If you love the man try to work out a solution. I really think in most cases the 'kiddies' are jealous. Just be sure to discuss it with him in a calm manner and let him know how you feel. Try to keep emotions in check and a trip to a professional does help. It does seem that many adult children are not very 'adult' at all. I met DH when I was 47 and we started a romantic relationship when I was 48. He had transferred from the state where his adult children lived and each year he would pay for 4 to 5 of them to come for a week or two vacation. This cost about $5000! For some strange reason it was always the same oldest daughter that came with her children. I stayed out of it and they were polite. Then he retired and I still worked, they expected the same trips, plus send one of hers to France on a school trip, another two of hers wanted to come each year at Christmas, all at our expense. He had been buying Christmas gifts for each grandchild (12) from a list they provided, plus giving all three of his daughters $300 for gifts and $100 each to shop for themselves. Can you spell guilt lol!!!!! And his 3 girls took advantage of it. I was paying the house payments and other bills and the oldest had the nerve to ask him who was getting the house when he died. I told him we could not afford all of this after he retired and he agreed. That's when they started to get nasty with me, they do not even say hello when I answer the phone and my name is never included on the cards. Of course, it was all my fault. I explained to them we didn't have the same amount of money as before. I guess to punish him they stopped calling, send no cards Christmas, Father's Day, or his birthday. This hurt him deeply and he talked to a counselor. After we had been together for 6 years and a Christmas without hearing from them I called one of his sisters and explained what was going on. I asked her if she thought I was out of line if I called them, she said no, that she thought they were selfish. I wanted until DH went to bed (3 hour time difference, we were later) and I e-mailed one and told her how disappointed I was that as big of a family as he has not one of them could call him on Christmas or the other holidays. I said I would send her the pre stamped cards if that was the problem. I had the phone number for the oldest and I called her. I politely and calmly told her the same thing. She started screaming at me so loud I had to hold the phone away from my ear. She said everything was fine until I came along, he was retiring in their state until he met me. They all 3 did send cards the next holiday so it was worth it. They will not come to visit unless we pay for it. It is not that they can't afford it. We moved to a small area and they say there is nothing to do here. Doesn't visit your father count???? When we send gifts we never get a thank you and DH will call to see if they received the gift. The last time I embroidered 4 burp cloths and we mailed the gift. We had been invited to the shower in another state, but no one sent a thank you or even bothered to send a birth announcement. I told him this hurt my feelings and I would no longer make personal gifts for them. If he sends a gift it's up to him. We have discussed the situation and we met with an attorney and had all papers drawn up and the house is in both our names. It finally came to an understanding for him when his oldest called us last year and was telling him she had to put the kids school clothes on credit cards. I did fell a little sorry for her. 3 months later he receives a post card from Italy, she was on a 2 week vacation with her boy friend. His chin fell to the floor, but now he understands his daughter perfectly!!!!! His brothers and sisters treat me very well, but I did let him visit last year alone when his brother was in hospice so he could visit his children without the tension of ME lol!!!!

I think close family members do get asked about gifts so I can understand why you'd be involved :) Weddings are tough - speaking as a gift-giver, I really do think the best gift for a young couple is cash. They will likely (based on my experience) own a lot of their household goods and may be struggling to pay for the wedding (in my circle parents do not pay for weddings). A lot of young couples also don't want a lot of stuff. I now give only cash or perhaps cash and a thoughtful small token such as a craft piece or restaurant gift certificate I think the couple will like. And I understand that gifts are Not to be Mentioned by the couple but let's be real...almost everybody brings a gift. And I'd rather it be a gift the couple wants and can use. None of us want to waste our money on something that will not be used. We set up a registry with the food bank for our wedding and it was a big hit, but we were also getting some help from our parents with the wedding (we paid for most of it ourselves however). I understand the best approach etiquette-wise is still to set up a registry of any sort (household, honeymoon) and close family members will only mention it when asked, or mention cash when asked. I believe most somewhat youngish people that I know around here (40 and under) bring cash to weddings. This may be because a lot of our friends are from cash giving cultures (I have received two wedding invitations that stated No Box Gifts!)