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Wedding etiquette for uninvited.

So, my niece, who has had a tough life, is finally spreading her wings and getting married. She sent out Facebook invites and it appears she is not making a big deal out of the wedding. I am not on Facebook, nor did I receive a snail-mail invite. I am not particularly close to her, we live thousands of miles apart, but I admire her grit and determination from pulling through less than ideal circumstances.

As such, I would like to support her decision to go for a bit of happiness. Her (Facebook) invites states that in lieu of gifts, please donate to her or your own favorite charity.

Is there any protocol here? Should:

#1. Send a "congratulations on your engagement" card with a note about donating to a charity in her and fiances honor.

#2. Wait until after the wedding and send a card and note about a donation.

#3 Forget the whole thing as I wasn't invited.

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