I understand that you're disturbed by this, and I can absolutely appreciate that. However, some people garden so that they can enjoy the beauty that their gardens bring them. Or they savor the fruits of their labor in the form of fruits and vegetables. Caterpillars that destroy their gardens are considered the enemy, and they have the right to protect what they have worked so hard to produce. A lot of people in this very forum have asked, when trying to find an identification for a busy caterpillar ;" is this a 'good' insect or a 'bad' one? I've never known quite what people mean by that, but I assume that it has something to do with the beauty of the adult moth or butterfly. The 'bad' ones are likely to be removed and tossed to the birds or drowned in a pan of soapy water. I'm not a butterfly raiser, so I make sure that I do not bring in any important host plants to my property. I have a neighborhood full of birds! But, on the other hand, whatever caterpillars I do find are welcome to stay. I love to watch them. Since the gardens are full of moths and butterflies, I think I've made the right choice for me. I'm just glad that those who responded didn't suggest a long list of toxic chemicals to douse her plants with. It seems reasonable, in my mind, to suggest the hand removal of an insect that is destroying a plant she has been looking forward to having in her garden. I hope that you see my point, even though you may not agree with it. ;-)

I'd tell her she better go and snoop herself. Why would she send you instead of doing it herself anyway? And, why would he leave a prescription for Viagra laying around/wouldn't it be at the drug store or in his wallet? What could you tell from the "phone records" without doing a little more research? Don't they have a trash service at his office...or does it just not get taken out if he is out of town? Why wasn't your friend waiting with baited breath to see what you found if she knew you were going to be snooping? Guess I have more questions than answers to give you. Anyway, offer to watch her kids, and tell her she better go take a look herself.

I feel the same way about my husband's exwife. I am custodial stepmom of 3 chlldren. My husband has always had custody because the exwife decided one day she no longer wanted to be married or a full-time mother. Before I came along she constantly dumped 99% of her time on my husband, he of course never said no, she had full control of her old household only she lived in a differnt place and had her own life. It was a very unhealthy situation. My husband just never stood up to her, he struggled to keep a full-time job and take care of 3 children. I give him tremendous credit because many men in his situation would not be able to take on that responsibilty. Well, then I come along, we get married and all of a sudden she begins to take a deeper interest. Mainly because I would not allow her to control my household and my husband began saying "no", She always used us as her babysitter, whether it was a work meeting, an exerecise class or a European vacation. She has been nothing but a major PIA, she wouldn't pay child support when my husband enforced the order she opened a full blown custody case, suing us for full custody because she did not want to financially support her children. We also have a screwed up schedule. During the school the chldren visit their mother Mon&Tues 4-8pm with alternating weekends. During the summer they visit her Mon-Wed 4-8pm with alternating weekends. The exwife wanted some crazy, they live with her 3days one week, then us 4days, and the next week it was the reverse. Mind you, she only had a 2bedroom condo. All three children sleep in the same bedroom. 2 girls 13&10 and a 8yr old boy. The master had enough sense to reconize that the living arrangemnents were not appropriate and would not grant anymore overnight visits except for the already standing 2 weekends a month. The schedule is crazy. The exwife is crazy. She teaches the children it is ok to lie to us. She is NOT supportative of myself or my husband. She has harrassed us to the point that she is not allowed on our property, she can not contact us by phone, she may only communicate via email, unless it is an emergency related to that day's schedule, then she may leave a message on our cell phone. She would call my husband at work and pull him out of meetings with the CEO of the company for some nonsense question. HE would get numerous calls on a daily basis. I never saw 2 divorced people talk on a daily basis. We have insulated ourselves as much as possible but everyday there is some new issue. She never returns clothes that the kids wear over there, one day she sent my ss home with no shoes on. She won't take the kids to baseball games and then tells them we did not give her the information. I could go on and on. But your words say it best I HATE HER!!!!! If I had hindsight my posting would be alot differnt. I would be like that one woman who used to be involved with a man with children. Trying being involved with a man who has custody of his children. The rewards have been few and far between. I have lived this from the first day I moved to where my husband lives (I moved from a different state). So the entire two years of my marriage have been filled with this crap. My husband's relationship with his children has also suffered terribly. I was divorced for 11yrs before I remarried and never experienced one ounce of the trouble I have in this life, and it isn't even my divorce. The best advice I can give you is stand your ground. Say NO, she is responsible for her custodial time. It took my husband a long time to be able to say no, it is very easy for me. I know that he is still uncomfortable with saying no but I help him, Remember you can't let her control your life. Good luck, God Bless. I understand, it's one hell of a way to live.

Yes, I did Kat. Didn't want to come home, usually on vacation you want to get home after so long, well, not this time. The most peaceful thing I did was swimming in a natural hot spring. The ocean pouring in through a gap in the rocks and warm spots of water. We swam and I floated on my back, so peaceful except when I thought about what was swimming in there with us-lol. I also spent nearly every day walking around coconut island and the Japanese gardens in the morning, and took a book to read in the shade of a big tree. One fun thing we did was go to the lava flow at night. We had gone during the day earlier in the week and couldn't really see anything but heat rising off in the distance, even though we were only 75 yards from the flow. So, we went back at night hoping to see the glow from the lava, but it wasn't flowing that night. So, my friend, Esther, decides to drive to the crater (Kiluea's). It takes us a while to get there and it starts pouring rain and the wind picks up. So, the temp drops and it's raining and windy when we get to the crater. Esther is very tiny and was wearing shorts so she stayed about 2 seconds to look at the crater. I stayed longer and tried to take a picture, then decided to take a movie of it. Then I had to run to the bathroom and ended up in the men's room! I have no idea how I did that because I looked at the signs outside, and there were urinals when you first came in but I didn't see them. I just had to go so bad. Then a man came in and used one of the urinals. I wonder if he saw my purse on the floor and what he thought about the "guy" with with red and yellow flowered purse! LOL! We also went to the Hilton on the other side of the island. The place is so beautiful, lots of oriental statues everywhere, a boat and train take you from one end of the resort to the other. We ate at a restaurant for lunch overlooking the dolphins. After spending a few hours there we went to a luau overlooking the ocean in Kona with the sun setting behind them. Beautiful.