The next big thing for my Mom's move to assisted living
rob333 (zone 7b)
4 years ago
last modified: 4 years ago
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nickel_kg
4 years agonicole___
4 years agoRelated Discussions
Independant/Assisted Living VS Living at home
Comments (7)In the past few years I've gone through a similar, but not identical, situation with my mother. She was a very strong willed and intelligent woman, and the family struggled with her physical decline. My father died in 1980 and she coped with the house for several years afterwards. But eventually it was too much for her. She moved in with me 9 years ago, then into an independent living facility 3 years ago. She passed away just a couple weeks ago. (Guess that explains why I'm sitting at the computer sleepless at 3:30am!) The decision to move from my home into independent living was very painful for all of us, so I'm sympathetic with what you are going through. I guess it was about a 6 month process from the time we first started talking about it until it happened. With 2 parents involved, your process will likely take a little longer. We were able to finally convince my mother that we would handle all the parts of the move that she didn't know how to do, that we would be there often to help with church, doctor visits, groceries, weekly dinners out, etc. Our biggest concern about having her still at home was that she had no social life, no one close to her age to talk to and share with, and no one around for too many hours in the day. We were only here in the evenings and both my husband and I had to travel some for our jobs. It's very important for elderly folks who are on medications to eat at the same time every day so they can take their meds. With our work schedules, even though I changed jobs to be home more often, meal time wasn't as standard as she needed it to be. And she started falling down a lot. No injuries, but we knew it was only a matter of time. Like I said, it was a hard time for us all. She felt like we were kicking her out and we felt like we had failed and could not take care of her. But after checking out a couple places, she found one that appealed to her. She declared at the time that she would be dead in 6 months, but with so many stresses removed she lived 3 years and made many good friends. I won't tell you she ever stopped complaining but her life there was good and the people around her valued her friendship and the support she gave them. Asolo gave you good advice: without having your folks declared incompetent by the court, you can't force a power of attorney. They have to willingly sign it. And under no circumstances can you sign their Will. However, you can write the Will up and ask them to sign it - be sure to have it witnesses! I would recommend you keep it as simple as possible - maybe even just one page that states you and your siblings will split everything equally - that way you have the greatest chance of your father agreeing to sign it. Part of his grumpyness may be fear. It's scary to realize you aren't in control of your own life anymore and in many people that fear comes out as anger. If he was like that before, it will only get more pronounced as he ages. Your parents are lucky to have you there to help them and to try to make things easier for them. Be patient and take it slow. They are used to taking care of you, so it will be hard for them to see the roles switch. Let your parents have as much control and dignity as possible; they've earned it and they need it now more than ever. For my mother, depending on someone else felt like failure to her and there was no way to eliminate that. We just tried - and sometimes failed - to make it as easy as possible. But it was worth the effort. Kate...See MoreMom with dementia upset about move
Comments (66)My mom has had Dementia for a while and she moved from an apartment to a room and board where she wasn’t taking her meds, never changing clothes, showering etc and had a small dog that she loved but was neglected and she would forget to feed etc. i ended up going to take care of her once a week, give her a bath, change her clothes, clean her room and take care of her dog. the Dementia grew worse. She would call the police 3-4 times a day, accused me of stealing from her and that the ppl at her room and board were poisoning her. They finally kicked her out and after I had been looking for months to find a semi-affordable assisted living/memory care facility that I will have to help pay for due to her limited funds, I was able to move her there and had to tell her the dog would join her another day because she said she wanted to live in the street with her dog. She’s not not been there a week and attempted to leave multiple times, continues to ask for her dog and leaves me awful messages that she’s gonna have me arrested, that she hates it there and that I’m dead to her. Doctors are going to increase or change her meds to assist with her anxiety. It’s been draining, and depressing- I am her only child and I have spent so much time taking care of her and all I get in return is vulgar words, messages and accusations - and all the while I am working extra to pay for her damn care while I have a family of my own and the money I pay for her is taking away from my own kids. It’s painful....it’s comforting to see others on here with similar stories of how awful loved become with Dementia.......See MoreAdvice Please About Assisted Living for My Dad
Comments (8)Hi Ingrid. Four years ago I was where you are now. I moved into my Mother's home to avoid her having or at least delaying the need to move to assisted living. Your very best source for information is your local chapter of Alzheimer's Association. They are here to serve caregivers! No charge to you. They also offer an immense amount of emotional support. While I avoided group sessions only because I was fortunate to have a close circle of friends to whom I could vent and solicit advice (they lost their Moms to AZ)but it could be helpful to those who do not. It sounds like you are a distance from your Father; your local chapter of Alzheimer's Association could help you as well as the local chapter where your Father is located. Assisted living facilities are not the only source. A cheaper source are group homes; the latest and affordable alternative. Be sure to scrutinze very carefully. They fall under the radar of all overseeing authorities. However, there are good ones out there. Another source that is extremely helpful are geriatric counseling. This resource can be free to you; and is funded by municipal monies. Your Alzheimer's Assoc. can find out for you. I learned this through my local chapter. I hsd a geriatric counselor assess my situation. They are very good at identifying your immediate and near future needs for your Father and independently, what you, or whomever is the caregive would need; and help to fill those needs. Best of luck. It's a long road ahead; I'm glad I got to spend the time with my Mom. I said my goodbyes each time she reached a pivotal point. My grieving was eased having done so. Warning: siblings can show their ugly side during this time!!! ykes!...See MoreIs teal the next big color trend?? (or is mom just crazy)
Comments (34)I know the common wisdom is that the "Color Czars" meet and decide what the trendy colors will be, but from reading Maria Killam's blog, it sounds like it is more nuanced than that. In a nutshell, the Czars meet and come up with a color forecast which designers & manufacturers then use for their products, but the forecast is based on what the color experts are sensing of where consumers are going. So, they are trying to figure out what people are starting to get bored of and where the trendsetters are going next. I've linked to a post from "Colour Me Happy" where she describes the process. If you want more of the story, read the posts before and after, but the one linked is sufficient for a cursory read. BTW - I'm less than impressed with the newest combinations that they are calling "Pretty Ugly", but that's just my taste. Jo Ann Here is a link that might be useful: Colour Me Happy...See MoreUser
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rob333 (zone 7b)Original Author