We live in a very large Midwestern city school district. The school district budget is MILLIONS of dollars a year. But, by the time any $ trickels down to our local elementary school, it's pennies. The teachers ar our elementary school are so dedicated and work so hard! There are only 4 families active on the PTA, but most families take part in the fund raisers. Here are some of the things PTA pays for at the school: 1. The biggest item is "teacher wish list". Teachers can submit requests every month for items that the district will not cover. Some examples from last year - a new pencil sharpener for the third grade classroom, to replace the broken one that would not work and to keep the kids from having to go across the hall to the 2nd grade room to sharpen pencils. Yes, the district would not buy a new pencil sharpener - outrageous! New basketballs for the gym teacher, to replace the worn out, cracked ones that would not bounce right - the district would not buy new balls. A series of video tapes for the speech thrapist to use with her kids - the district would not buy. Paper for the laser printers in the office - the district severly rations paper and there is never enough. Special items for the occupational therpists - district won't cover anything beyond what they consider the minimum for any therapists. Extra diapers for a diaper-dependent disabled child who is in a wheelchair, whose parents couldn't afford to keep extra diapers at school, so the techer kept buying extra packs until she finally asked the PTA to buy a case to keep in the classroom. This list goes on and on. Every month, I am outraged at what the district won't purchase for the teachers - basics, not luxury items! Teacher already buy so much from their meager paychecks! 2. The ribbons & certificates for honor roll award - district won't buy them. 3. The school carnival. The PTA puts this on for the kids, it's not a money maker, and the kids LOVE it. 4. The school open house. The district won't cover refreshments at open house, so the PTA buys them. 5. PLAYGROUND EQUIPMENT. The district does not have a single dime budgeted for playground equipment. Every year before school starts, each elementary playground is inspected, and unsafe equipment is torn down, but is not replaced by the district. If the school has a playground, it has to be paid for by the PTA. This is the primary function of most PTAs in my areas, because playground equipment costs thousands of dollars! 6. Teacher appreciation breakfast the day before school starts, a mid-year teacher appreciation lunch, and an end of the year teacher appreciation breakfast. These teachers work so hard, it's the least we can do to have a meal brought in three times a year! 7. End-of-year field day and pizza party for the whole school, on the last day of school. The field day includes carnival rides and games, snocones, and pizza - all free of charge to the kids. Sorry this is so long, but I get irritated when parents complian about PTA selling stuff. If you'd like to know why your kindergartener is selling gift wrap, attend a PTA meeting and ask them just where the money goes. Hopefull it goes right back to the kids, through their teachers or directly!

FD, yes, I am estranged from my mother. That is now, not then, when the situation I'm talking about occurred. And like I said, my dad didn't just out and say "man your mom is one annoying SOB" or anything like that. It came up, in a civilized way, years later, as part of an adult conversation about relationships. Nothing more. All I was trying to get across by sharing that experience was that the "Bio-parents" who are acting as a "Couple" for events with their children are often doing just that.... ACTING. Ulrike, I think you are caught between a rock and a hard spot. Yes, preempting her announcement may be a little embarrassing, but it's embarrassing ON YOUR TERMS. Rather than hers. And yes, it's polite to introduce someone who just barges onto the scene, regardless of how idiotic and bumbling they appear. Drunk uncle John fumbles his way up to you at a dinner party where you are standing with a couple you literally just met..."Mark, Sue, this is my uncle John... Uncle John, this is Mark and Sue. We just met." Sure, now Mark and Sue know you have a drunk uncle John. Most likely they will sympathize with you and admire your tact. Same with Bio-Mom. Just smile, and introduce her "Oh hello BOP (Bio-Obnoxious-Person), let me introduce you to Mark and Sue. Mark and Sue, this is BOP, Jane and Josh's mother. She lives in Richfield and makes a career of annoying us and sucking my husband dry." Except more tactful than that. If you can ;) Don't say she was DH's first wife. That's not pertinent. What is still valid is that she is the parent of her children. If she says "nice to meet you, I was her DH's first wife," she's the one who looks like a ninny, not you. And leave it to Mark and Sue to ask who the heck Jane and Josh are, and why the heck their mother just crashed your conversation. They'll figure it out, or they won't. Either way, it's BOP who just made the awkward impression, not you. I would not expect BOP to catch the hint that Shannon is dangling simply because she doesn't care, she has her agenda and that is to make absolutely sure she gets credit for her mother badge. Give it to her upfront. Take the higher ground. Someone who is your friend would understand the sub-context and keep personal things personal, but someone like her would most likely keep pushing through and ignore the subtleties. Or, because you just met them, be even more inclined to make sure they know the history right away. I also agree that if a person (ANYONE) is invited to an event where they are not directly involved, and they are treated with respect, they should not complain. But Ulrike is not complaining. She is asking how to deal with awkward situations. I think she should be invited to all functions as long as she behaves herself as an honored guest. She is DH's wife. It comes with the territory. Whether BM likes it or not. And, lest I be raked across the coals, I have BM and SM issues, and I am a BM and a SM. Every situation is different and has so many facets it's IMPOSSIBLE to judge the situation of another. Who knows if any of us is really a whack job and the BM's are really the sane ones? LOL. Or V.V.? The only thing I can do is say what works for me in awkward situations.

Reminds me of the time my older son (about 12 at the time) got off the school bus somewhere. Where? I'm still not completely sure! (Now, this is the smart kid, not the one who really is 'dee-dee-dee'. That kid has enough sense to actually ask an adult where the heck he is, and maybe could that adult call his mom? Or better yet, to stay on the stinking school bus if he doesn't know where he is! Nope - This is the smart kid...) So we live on a tiny little street accessible only from a small street, which was under construction for some time a few years ago. Apparently one day, that small street was under so much construction that the school bus couldn't even turn down onto that street -- so they didn't. (At least, according to my kid, they didn't.) I don't know what happened to the other 20 kids or so who also live off this small street, but at some point, My Kid (the smart one) gets off the school bus alone and calls me to come pick him up. Thank goodness he had a cell phone! Him: Hi Mom - Can you pick me up? Me: Huh? Hey - You're late. Where are you? Him: Well... Me: Are you at school? Him: No - I'm on that street. Me: What? What street? What happened to the school bus? Him: Well - you know - that other street. Me: That other street? Him: Yeah - you know - that other street. Me: Near us? Him: I think so. Can you come get me? Me: You want me to get in the car and come and get you, but you can't tell me where you are? Him: Yeah. Me: That could take a while... Him: Why? Can't you leave now? Me: Yeah - but where should I go? You want me to just drive around? Him: Yeah. Me: No. Him: Wha? Me: You got off the school bus and you don't even know where you are? Is that what you're saying? And now you want me to get in the car and come look for you? What were you thinking?! Him: Wha? Me: OK - Look for a street sign. What does it say? Him: A street sign? What do they look like? Me: Wha? Him: OK - It says 'Bunker Hill' (a street, but also our neighborhood - not sure which he means) Me: OK - Now can you find another one? Him: Wha? Me: If you can give me two street signs, I'll know where you are. Him: No - there's just one. Me: Are you on a big street or a little one? Him: Sorta Me: Sorta?... Him: Yeah. Me: OK - can you see any streets that are bigger than the one you're on? Him: Yeah. Me: OK - Walk toward that street. Any more signs? Him: No Me: OK, I'm going to guess. You keep walking toward the big street, and when you get to the corner, stay there. I guessed more or less correctly, and had a nice long talk with "the smart one" about actually plugging in his brain and turning it on...

I’m so glad you found peace Southern Summer ! I know it’s not the way we all visualized our blended families to be, but we had no choice but to separate & RE-gain our marriage back. I know that feeling & I am so glad your husband realized what was happening & found his way back to your marriage as priority & backed you, his wife, his future. I’m so glad to have connected with other SM’s who get it. Have a great day & keep smiling, there is a great life out here for all of us !