I'm a firm believer in having wills and we both have our Living Wills that include medical directives as well as what happens with what we own. We have a very close friend who is the executor of our wills.

That is the law in many states but it only goes into effect after all the distant relatives have been notified and they decline. Each state is different as to the degree of kinship. I recently asked the attorney that is handling my husband's conservatorship probate issues to prepare a will for me because of this. If I die my closest blood relatives are some first cousins that I have not seen since perhaps 1989. There were over 20 of them and who knows how long it would take for things to be settled if the court would have to find all of them. While you are doing this do not forget the POA and other needed documents if you have someone that you trust.

Edited to add that if the person handling things has access to Ancestry.com it is possible that if they would enter the person's birth and or married name and do a search it might be possible for relatives, nieces/nephews/cousins of the right degree of kinship could be found.

liinda Living wills are not normally wills for property or at least they are not in this state. I had to explain this to my stepson this past week along with the benefits of naming transfers on death/joint accounts and beneficiaries. None of which he had any idea. Talk to the attorney that drew these up as that person may need to explain them more fully.

Wills AND Living Trusts.

And an Advanced Medical Directive

I heard a new term when I asked the attorney to draw up all of the necessary documents. He called a Power of Attorney that only goes into effect if you are incapacitated a "Springing Power of Attorney" rather than a Limited Power of Attorney. It pays to state exactly what you want when asking for it. Then before you sign make certain it covers what you want and need. Each area has different terms for the same documents.

I've signed my medical directive, but I have not yet delivered it. However, it is on my dining table, and my brother could deliver it, if necessary. I've had a will since I was in my 20s because my sister is a lawyer, and she made one for me for free. At this point, I might want to revise it, and I wonder if I should do a Living Trust instead. My brother said that he created his will on line, but I have not seen it.

Thank you for bringing this up Alisande. I had the same thoughts when reading Lucille's post. It is a gift to family to put affairs in order. It causes so much distress otherwise, family fighting too sometimes.

Lars not certain what you mean about not yet delivered. Hospitals and doctor's offices here want to see at least a signed photocopy of your medical directive and will take a copy. I made 10 copies of my husband's and used all of them since each time he was admitted they wanted an immediate copy rather than searching their files for it. The person that you want to handle your care should have the original but you need to have copies to provide when needed.

Edited to add that if it allows the doctors to talk to your brother before the person that is delegated arrives if you are at the hospital he will need to have a copy and be listed on that copy or at least the ones that are used here have a line about who the doctors can provide information to. Yours may not.

A springing Power of Attorney is one that isn't effective immediately, its effect is delayed until the occurrence of a specified circumstance or condition of incapacity, whatever is desired.

A power of attorney is a legal agreement, and legal agreements can have any provision or twists and turns an imagination can come up with so long as none involve a violation of public policy or law (which renders the agreement void) or impossibility to perform.

Early in my career, a mentor counseled me to understand that while there are many transactions that require a written contract, no contract can be written to envision every possible contingency or circumstance that may be encountered. The point - an understanding and meeting of minds between the parties of an agreement are far more important, and far more protective, than dwelling over what the words say.

We signed durable powers of attorney naming one of our kids as our attorney in fact. We had the kids decide among themselves who it should be and then in what order they would be replaced if unable to serve. They were made effective immediately and I have no concern about that. If we didn't trust them 150%, they would have been the wrong choices to grant any powers to. To have used something else is and was unnecessary. I advise people to keep that in mind and keep things vanilla as much as possible. If you're concerned about what some particular person granted such power might do, you need to choose someone else

maifleur01, you are right,,,, I should have said we have a Living "Trust." It covers everything. Our hospital has copies of our medical directives. Our executor is always with us when we are hospitalized. She has copies too and knows exactly what we want and don't want in regards to everything.

Linda always have copies of your medical directives where you can grab them. It does not matter if your hospital has them. Different hospitals handle things differently but if you were incapacitated and had a DNR the hospital will not have time to go searching through your past records to find it or any other medical directive before treating you or even providing your spouse any information other than the basics. My husband's hospital had them from when he had knee replacement surgery but could not find them. I had to provide a new copy so that they would even talk to me.

If you have a very simple estate, you can even use the online LegalZoom for a will or Living Trust. It's quite inexpensive. It's not for complex situations, but will do for those who own little property and have few other assets.

Elmer is right about the Living Trust. Anything to avoid the delays and fees of Probate.

Lars, I think that you live relatively near me in CA in an area with high real estate values. All estates over a certain relatively low amount (I forget, it can be googled) must go through probate court. I don't know how you hold title to real estate, but I understand that probate can take a long time to clear in LA County. That's one of the advantages of the trust; assets held in it do not have to go through probate after your death. The trust can provide for someone named by you to handle your affairs if you are incapacitated. It should probably be combined with a will for things not covered in the trust and as an instrument for you to express any other specific wishes you may have. There are some items that go into a trust and some that should not. You might want to revisit this and have a conversation with your brother.

Only thing of my husband's estate that needs to go through probate and a will or trust would not help was the account that had to be setup to pay for his nursing home expenses because we thought we had time to get a POA and had to go the guardian/conservatorship route. The rest was all joint or I was the beneficiary. In this state those do not need to go through probate or the conservatorship final settlement process. I am doing the same thing with my various accounts other than the one that I want to provide for my final expenses and a gift to two long term friends. To do that and make certain that they receive it I am having a will drafted. Trusts work for many and the cost to set up a good one can be prohibitive if you only have a few assets but there are other methods to keep things from going through probate if you have decent advice. Remember that POA end the minute the person passes away.

One of my mother's sisters got into a dispute with the rest of her family when she was young and declared "I'll have nothing to do with the rest of you for the rest of my life!" As near as I can tell she was good to her word. Although she lived in the same city as her mother and three of her sisters, she never talked to them, met them or interacted with them at all. Then years later she passed away, and didn't have a will, so since she didn't have any children and her husband had already passed away, the entirety of her estate was divided evenly between her siblings whom she had disowned. Because my mother had already passed away her share was divided evenly between her 4 children.

So another reason to have a will is if you don't and if you've "disowned" your family, they may end up getting all your money after you die.

In the end she had a small measure of "revenge" in that since the bulk of her estate was mostly a million dollar retirement account from her husband's work, those who received it were then liable for income taxes on the lump of money they received.

sealavender, your summary and suggestions are 75% correct and the remainder a bit mangled.

Living trusts in place of a will, or a will in place of a living trust, both can do exactly the same thing.

Anyone with concerns should speak to a lawyer.

The last time we updated ours, our Lawyer reminded us that if you are prone

to moving around...from State to State, once in awhile, etc., be sure to update

that Living Trust/Will in the State you have new residency. State laws vary....a lot more in some than you would imagine. (This, of course, doesn't mean

visiting or temp residency, but an actual change no matter how long you plan

to be living there...unless you know exactly when & where you will die) ;)

This is probably the most silliest question I've ever ask.

Hubs and I have no will. We own no property outside of a older Buick. I only have a few pieces of old good jewelry...no money outside of a joint checking account that our monthly SS checks are deposited into along with hubs part time job. Not much left after bills and groceries, and ect. Basically we have zero, but depending upon time of month if hubs and I should pass...what happens to our checking account money? Than a bigger issue...young children

Hubs and I have permanent physical and legal custody...but if we both pass....I guess I will have to talk to an attorney dealing with this type of issue. Which I will do Monday.

As for our checking account could I just add one of my sons names to our account? Would that be enough for him to withdraw any cash and close the account? Or must it also be in a will?

I realize I should know this but I dont. And it's not like I own enough to be highly concerned about tops a few thousand in a bank account for monthly expenses...but that few thousand could mean utilities and food are provided that month for these kids.

Even fitting in a will of such limited assets could take a toll on our monthly budget.

Thank you for any advic

maifleuro1, I keep copies in my purse of our Living Trust for both my husband and myself. Before going into surgery I've always told the doctor and anesthesiologist exactly what it states in that trust regarding DNR and then pray they will follow it. Our executor is on our checking account as POD (payable on death) so she then has access to our account. We paid big money to our lawyer to draw up our Living Trusts. Plus we have money put aside in a safe for her to use if needed. She knows how to get to it.

Mama - not a silly question at all, with under aged children in your care you need a will. It will lessen the expenses to the estate and allow you to chose who will be the next guardian of the children.

If the son is not a minor he can be a joint owner of the account and it will then

be his if something happens to you. It has to have both names as Account

Owners. A Joint Checking Account...just like it would be if it was your husband. I don't know the ages of your sons though.

"If the son is not a minor he can be a joint owner of the account and it will then

be his if something happens to you. It has to have both names as Account

Owners. A Joint Checking Account.."

Whoa there. An amateur's advice taken out of context and in isolation is not helpful to anyone.

For anyone concerned, please speak with a lawyer with experience with this area of the law who can assess the specifics of your situation in its entirety. Remember that real estate is also property that needs to be dealt with.

mamapinky you mentioned Social Security. I posted recently about spousal benefits after death. For you or anyone that may be facing this if the deceased spouse was receiving more than the living one SS can be applied for to receive the difference. You will need the marriage certificate and the surviving spouses birth certificate along with current id. If your SS is larger than your husband's now is the time to locate the needed documents. SS has the application on line to look at which explains the needed information.

Talk to your attorney concerning the rest of the issues. You may be advised that you do not need a will if you are planning on giving the jewelry away before you die.

@MamaPinky -- to know about Social Security benefits when someone dies, please click on this link to read a document titled How Social Security Can Help You When a Family Member Dies.

MamaP, another thing to discuss with the attorney would be whether or not your minor grandchildren are eligible to receive your Social Security benefits. Or, you could contact SS directly with your questions.

edit for clarity

Lindsey, we were on the same wavelength with our posts!

Be sure both your name and your husband's are on the title to the car. A friend of my mother's husband died - car was titled in his name. Couldn't drive it (the court actually took the keys!) until it cleared probate. A real nuisance.

I would suggest that the father of the two minor boys also be involved with your visit to a lawyer. A decision on their custody might someday need to be made.

I have one checking account that is joint with my DD. I trust her plus she has no checks! My own mother's account was joint with me and it was very convenient to be able to use that money to pay a few expenses for her funeral and then close it out. But one must be VERY careful with this. Is the child/grandchild TRUSTWORTHY or is there a risk they might clean out your joint account. Think long and hard about this before adding a name.

If you can't answer the trustworthiness question about someone in two seconds or less, it's the wrong person.

To address mamapinky's concern. Since your husband's name is on the joint account unless he is unable to manage the money in it such as paying bills etc. other than for future convenience or to make you feel more secure there is no need to add anyone to the account at this time. If you have concerns about adding a third person just do not.

As you think about making a will and the disposition of your property, think too about your beloved pets. Talk to your family and friends and have an understanding as to who will care for your pets. If the pet has monetary value, or you suspect that there are several who might quarrel over ownership after you die, put your wishes in your will. Pets are property so if you have left all your property to for instance your son, who hates cats, he may end up with your cats. Do him, and them, a favor and provide for a new home for the cats. If caring for the pets entails substantial expense, e.g. a pet on medications or a special diet, or for example horses which eat a lot, you might include money to help with those expenses.

I will add to what Lucille said..... Certainly, out these things in your will, but make your intentions known to all affected before you pass, so that everyone knows. And if necessary, establish a bank account jointly with the people who will take the animals well before you pass. Keep it out of the probate process.

Thanks Elmer....I didn't realize you were aware of the laws in every single State.

Good man!!!

Since the will probably will not be looked at immediately I have to "third" what Lucille and sushi mentioned about pets. By the time the will is looked at those pets may have already been taken to a shelter.

Not certain how common this is but apparently in one of the Minneapolis shelters if you leave money to care for your pets the shelter has foster families that will take them.

"Thanks Elmer....I didn't realize you were aware of the laws in every single State."

I suspect I'm the only one in this conversation with a relevant professional credential and training and experience in this area. My exposure to it was limited and at the beginning of my career but I do recall broad concepts and have experience with my own personal efforts (with a lawyer), of course. That's why I used the word "lawyer" in my previous comments FOUR TiMES and suggested people need to speak with one..

When I volunteered for years at my local humane society, it was amazing how many pets ended up there because their owners died and their relatives didn't take them in. My daughters know I will come back to haunt them if they ever did that to my dogs! They love my dogs as much as I do so I know that would never happen. But sadly, it happens quite often.

There's a couple we know, the woman is considerably older than her husband (maybe 15-20 years). I'd describe them as acquaintances of ours, not more. We go to their house one or twice a year in connection with a group we're both in.

The wife died unexpectedly and quickly last summer after a diagnosis of pancreatic cancer. We had occasion to go to the house about one month later and their dog wasn't around. I asked and the guy responded "He was really my wife's dog, not mine, and when she died, there was no reason to have him here so I took him to the County facility."

Can you imagine? The guy works in the tech world and this isn't the first inkling I've heard of his sociopathic-like behavior but still, I was stunned. I've stopped my involvement with this group, I don't want to associate or even see someone like that again. I'm as angry about it today as I was the day I heard it.