#1- I can relate. I have a son like this. No advice to offer. My son got better with age.

#2- get a different gift

#3- I asked myself what would I do to support something my child felt passionately about. Would I drop off once a week one hour away to build house for habitat for humanity or something. Well one time, of course. Two times, sure. But every week, that would begin to be a drag and we might need to say how much is Uber and you earn money so you need to pay if it is so important to you because the time cost for me is too high.

1 I once read drink a glass of water before bed if you wanna get up on time and 1.5 glasses if you need to get up early.

2 I like the ideas to either layer or save for a future year.

3 Unless you are trying to pressure her to get her license and she is resistant, I would facilitate once every weekend that worked with my schedule. In high school I saw my boyfriend every weekend and I think that’s pretty normal.

1. One of my boys was the same way. There were times when he was away at college that I found myself wondering if he was able to get up in time for a big exam. He also had trouble remembering where he had placed his keys and wallet. He managed to survive college and law school and now he has trained himself to get up ------usually. I even researched a vibrating bed mat on a timer. His brother suggested a shock mat like my brother had to keep his dog off the couch.

2. Get another - you want yours to be special too.

3. I'd help out occasionally if they had something planned but not to just hang out. I'm sure that's the old fashioned response.

1. Don't have any first hand knowledge. Do recall years ago the deaf using something that vibrates to "shake' them awake.

2. Yes to saving this necklace and giving it sometime in the future for a birthday or Christmas.

3. Mmmmm. This is a tough one. Have never been in this situation. Meeting halfway means you are always involved.

Since the beau gave her a necklace, I am assuming this relationship is going on for a while. What have you been doing so far? Since you like him, it might be time to figure out a plan.

1. LL Bean Moon Clock I'm on my second clock. The clocks puts out a glowing light to wake you up and after a minute or two the loud alarm goes off.

2. Exchange it for something else. If you wait to give it to her for Christmas, maybe her boyfriend broke up with her and broke her heart at the same time, then the necklace would bring back bad memories. lol OR wear it yourself.

3. That's a tough one. Lot's of driving for both parents. Even when they turn 16 I'd simply HATE for my child to drive that distance on a regular basis to see their boyfriend/girlfriend.

1. Having just participated in a Gen Z workshop for college advisors yesterday (I'm one) this will sound harsh but trust me: this is your child's problem not yours. Let your child solve it, and if a phone alarm works, so be it. I believe your kids are HS age so this is a very good minor exercise for both of you to work that independence muscle-child's and parent's. In a few years, you won't be there to monitor alarms and your son or daughter WILL be responsible for getting where s/h needs to go, on time. Start helping both of you now by letting him/her figure this one out. You do not want to be the mom who is still taking on the duty of getting your offspring up to go to college classes with daily calls and reminders--and believe me, we see this and a whole lot more amazing/appalling hover parenting tricks with the Gen Z kids.
2. Either exchange it or put your gift away for another occasion. If as is 99.9% likely the romance doesn't see a one-five-fifty year anniversary your daughter may like to have a pretty necklace. If not, you can save it for another giftee.
3. Hmmm, long distance romances and parents driving-I'd accommodate to the level at which it doesn't become mom or dad expected to be the Uber driver. In other words as long as it isn't a hassle why not drive them? But as soon as you begin adjusting YOUR schedule or feel resentful....remember that independence muscle? Maybe this is another chance to give it a bit of a work out and let your daughter and her BF figure it out as well.

Tough love online advisor signing off now...;)

1. What about actually rewarding the kid for getting up on time, and ignoring it when he doesn't?

2. Get something else.

3. Make a deal for once a month or something similar. A slight accommodation (subject to your schedule) prevents the "never" reaction "You NEVER do it for me!"

My HS age daughter had sleep issues and once she fell asleep waking her up was nearly impossible. I was sympathetic because of her sleep issues so I spent a lot of time cajoling her to get up. If your sleepy child doesn't have any issues that might be impacting sleep I would just let them suffer the consequences of oversleeping.

New gift :)

The driving your child to a date issue is complicated. Would you have an issue with driving her to meet him if it was just a 10 minute ride? If not, I would try to be somewhat accommodating. If you don't like the idea of them meeting or don't like the places they propose, that is another issue.

1. I have no input beyond the helpful suggestions that have been provided, but it is clearly a "her" problem, not a mom problem, they have to figure this out for the rest of their life, so let them start now.

2. Tough one, but I would probably give it to her and explain that GMTA, etc., and if she wants to exchange it for something else, I'd let her.

3. We live in a rural area with no public transportation, and our school district is far flung, some kids live an hour from our house, so we have always provided rides to and from, starting in grade school and up to when our daughter got her license at 16.5. She started dating a boy who lived 45 minutes away as a sophomore and we shared schlepping duty with his parents. Yes, it was a PITA sometimes, but the 45 minutes to or back from his home facilitated a lot of conversation, and permitted us to get to know him in a way we would not have, as they spent most of their time here outside, in her room or in the den watching TV. He even spent the night here (and she there) quite a few Saturday winter nights, I involved him in meal prep and table setting/clearing, right alongside my daughter.

Frankly, I don't understand all the "I won't aid and abet a teenage romance" comments here, I think it's an opportunity to get to know the boyfriend and show your daughter that you support her choice of how to spend her free time. I'm not saying be a doormat, and of course we said no sometimes, as did his parents, but overall both of us said yes a lot, and I'm glad we did, it showed our kids that we understood they are growing up and accepting their romantic relationships are a sign from you, as parents, that you acknowledge and applaud that growth.

I have a nineteen year old son in college, and a 16 yo daughter who just got her license & first “real” boyfriend, so I am currently in the thick of all this.

1. Both of my children are TERRIBLE about waking up. My son had an early class last semester and I honestly thought he’d fail out the first week bc he’d never make it to class. But...he managed to make it work and got to class and did very well. He uses his phone for an alarm.

2. Dd’s bf gave he a lovely, sentimental necklace for Christmas. It has a heart charm, and two other charms, one with her initial and one with his. She never takes it off, lol. I would do something else entirely, maybe a bracelet? Or nice earrings? Obviously at this age relationships aren’t permanent, but if they are still a couple on her birthday your dd more than likely will not want to replace his necklace.

3. Do they go to school together? Are they involved in an activity that they get to spend time together? How much longer until they can drive? It’s too far to do it all the time...but I would certainly help them with the logistics of this. I would do that with any close friend. As you know...you’ll blink and they’ll be in college. I wouldn’t mind having that forced time in the car with dd and her bf...teens are fun and funny. :)

For your sleeper: that's me. I can sleep through anything. My coworker's gave me an incredibly annoying alarm clock (it used Bugs Bunny's voice exhorting me to get up) and put it on the top shelf. I'd turn it off in my sleep.

I can also sleep with it light in the room. That's something I suppose I trained myself to do.

One thing that really helped was a cat who jumped up and slid down the door jamb with his claws gouging it, because he wanted breakfast. That worked! Another thing that helped was having a baby, but I don't recommend that for your kid. They do, however, make those "training babies" for high school family Ed classes, or even the old tamagotchis. There's also a ball that makes noise and romps around the room until you turn it off.

The thing is, like me, your child learned to sleep through the morning wake-up call, and has to learn not to.

1) I so understand..my DD has something that screams "Heavy Freddy!!". After a year I learnt it actually says "Seven, get ready!". Try to agree on a different alarm/music maybe? ..also suggest something else if alarms don't work anyway. Maybe to leave you a note when they do need to wake up? My family does it..the part of the family that's able to sleep through alarm. They leave me a note when to wake them up.

2) Tough. I'd buy something else..save this one for another occassion

3) I have two kids with my teen love..))(now my ex) Well we met when I was seventeen. And we had a very very good public transportation..)))) Took him minimum an hour to come and meet me..big city..as for myself, once I took a train to surprize him at his "dacha" lot..the problem was I had no idea where was the lot, except for the name of the station, didnt even know whether the lot is to the left side of the track or the right. I did find him and family after another hour walking around hundreds of similar empty lots..his family was indeed surprized..lol.

So I'm not sure young people in that age need a lot of facilitation..I'd help them a bit sometimes, but won't redo all my schedule to do so. Maybe just special occassions? They can write letters too. I wrote every other day when we were apart. And soon, they'll be driving themselves (I'd hate it's an hour drive, frankly. Hour is long. Is there any public transportation where you live?)

1. Look with her on amazon for an alarm that might work. One for the deaf community sounds promising. I agree that for the kids who keep hitting the snooze button that they need to deal with the consequences, but obviously that isn't the case here.

2. Different gift.

3. As a parent of two kids who went to boarding school, facilitating visits is my wheelhouse. I would help out as much as I reasonably could. Once or twice a month easily. I would also look at it from the perspective that they are friends, not just dating. Boarding school makes for very comfortable relationships. Students see so much of each other that the pretense of always being "on" just goes away.

I use this and it works like a charm. I'm deaf but I wake up promptly when it lights up. https://www.amazon.com/VEHOLION-Sunrise-Simulation-Rechargeable-Brightness/dp/B0734GZR6T/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1548861986&sr=8-4-fkmr0&keywords=wake+up+without+a+noise%2C+is+there+something+like+a+wrist+alarm

About the necklace, I would show it to her and get her opinion on it. Yea or nay.

As for the boyfriend rides, I would do the ride for my child. Actually I met my husband when I was 16, he was 23. We've been married 60 years so you never know lol.

1. I have no original idea but the idea of using an alarm for the deaf is worth checking out. This is tough, especially when you think ahead to her being on her own at college.

2. Yes, get something else, but keep the necklace in reserve in case they breakup.

3. I would do this on occasion but not make it a habit. The kids need to take some responsibility for having a plan for something they plan to do to make it worth the parents’ time and effort. Have you talked to the boy’s parents to see how they feel about this, and do they agree? I think it’s nice when you have some measure of control, but then they will be driving soon enough, and you will not have as much.

I'm just jumping in with a word of caution.

1. I slept like that when I was a teenager. My parents treated it as a matter personal responsibility. I was always extremely responsible. The reality was it was related to clinical depression. I ended up in a deep (and totally unnecessary) hole, that took years to pull myself from. Please see a trusted medical professional to make sure that there is no underlying medical condition.

2. Get a new gift.

3. It's always right to help out love, even that which will end soon.

3. Do the teens see each other at school? Or school functions? If they are seeing one another most every day, I would not drive the one hour every weekend.

If they never see each other, I would probably figure out a way so they could spend some time together on weekends.

Remember they will soon be driving themselves, you won’t be the chauffeur forever. I would also make sure my child had her learner’s permit as soon as possible and then use the trip to see the boyfriend as her driving lesson.

1. I say if the phone works, then keep it. It is not ideal, and I would have the stipulation of using the do not disturb function to make sure sleep is not interrupted with midnight texts, etc. I would also tell my child that I would be periodically checking to insure this function is turned on. I also like the idea though of telling the child that this is a problem that you would like them to work on and begin researching ways of dealing with it.

2. I think you already know the answer to this one, save it for later.

3. I would likely help some. I would not bend over backwards and turn my life upside down for it, but if my daughter had a buddy that far away, I would at least on occasion help them to see each other. Relationships at this age are not likely to be life long, but they can be important learning opportunities and I would like to be involved in that learning opportunity. I was very grateful that when my daughter had her first crush this year, I was driving her to and from work so we could discuss it some. Doing so enabled me to pick up on the developing feels, to be available when things were not turning out the way she hoped, talk about expectations, etc. The greatest thing to come out of it was being reassured that she had a good head on her shoulders and perspective of it all.

Good advice on ways to wake up above.

Save what you bought for another time. Yours might be nicer but the special one right now is from an admirer.

Twice a month. Meet in the middle. Be glad she is close to you and not sneaking around. We think we know all that they do but we don’t. Our parents didn’t. Keep open communication. Encourage trust.

Running, I have to disagree about letting the child take responsibility. Some people simply cannot wake up to alarms, no matter how hard they try. It's good that Mtn is helping to address the problem before the kid is on his/her own.

Mtn., first make sure your child is falling asleep okay and at a decent hour. If not, that explains why it's hard to wake up.

I read on a website a good clock to try is a clock that puts out light first, like the one I suggested. Out of all the years I've been using my clock, I think the alarm went off twice.

I ama sleep like the dead person. Sometimes I’d wake up inside my head and be silently yelling at myself to get up, but my body wouldn’t do it. The only thing that made a difference was light. Once I had responsibilities like school, family and work, I just forced myself to overcome it. In high school, I missed the bus a lot. In college I learned not to sign up for early morning classes.

The necklace, I’d get something different. Have you seen that ad for Aldi’s where the girl gets a tattoo of Kevin ‘s face? Your comment reminded me of that. Mom sarcastically says “I’m sure you’ll love Kevin forever”. Still, don’t compete, however unintentionally, with the boyfriend.

Drive an hour there, an hour home then back to retrieve her? I guess I’d do it once in awhile if the BFs parents would, too. That’s a lot of driving. But stil — young love!

Part of the young love thing for me is that if the parents choose to live in a neighbourhood with no public transit, that's very limiting for teens and I think it somewhat obligates (terrible word, I know!) the parents to help problem solve with the kids. Ideally the kids don't want to stick around home all weekend.

As a teen I grew up in a neighbourhood with one cruddy bus and let me tell you, I spent hours and hours on that bus! I think it was a 90 minute trip into the "big" city and I did that on a very regular basis. I also used to walk about 45 minutes to meet my best friend - we lived a 90 minute walk from each other -- we'd meet in the middle at a terrible coffee shop and THEN take the bus 90 minutes into the city. Gosh the free time we had!

My one BF in high school (yes I was a nerd) came to our house at least every week. My parents liked him a lot and felt sorry for him as he had an emotionally abusive stepdad (my bf was First Nations and his stepdad was super racist), so he probably spent more time with us than usual. He was in cooking school and my mom STILL talks about his cooking.

Boyfriend and girlfriend relationships are very common and important for sixteen year olds. I am sure she “likes” him because of who he is and their feelings for each other, and the hour driving distance is not something she can control. I can see where it causes time consumption problems for parents but I would be accommodating to help them spend time together. That is just what boyfriend/girlfriends do. I would just make sure she understands that you can’t plan every weekend around this, but that you understand they want to see each other if they truly have a relationship. I feel confident this is not her forever beau, but right now it is important to her and she probably thinks this is the love of her life. I have read a lot of your posts here and it is obvious you are a great parent and very much involved with your kids ranging from everyday childcare and family life, education, vacations, holidays, etc. Welcome to the world of your kids dating!

Like most things with teenagers, this will pass:).

1. Seems like you've gotten lots of advice here already. I will say my middle kid was like this and I worried about him going off to college, but he worked it out. I'm pretty sure he didn't sleep through all his classes since he had a double major and graduated with honors. Now that he's a working man, he gets up around 5:30 every morning!

2. Get a different gift. Funny side story. Some of you may recall I asked for advice a while ago for DD's 18th bday, So I ended up getting a Tiffany bracelet with a heart charm with her initial on it. THEN she says she saw "something at Tiffany I'd like for my birthday." Crud. I said, ummm, we'll see, just send me a link to it but no promises. Well she sent me a picture of a necklace that is almost exactly the same as the bracelet. So...I'm giving her the bracelet and telling her she can exchange it if she wants to. She's also getting a new phone. Don't ask. Insert eye roll.

Side side note: tomorrow is her birthday -- my "baby" will be 18 and this little voice in my head is saying "you're done!! you did it!!" Although I know I am far from done, it is an interesting (both happy and sad) feeling.

3. How'd she manage to find a boyfriend an hour away? Does he at least live in an area where you might find something to do if you, for example, drove her there and went off to grab lunch or shop or something for a few hours? I would be willing to drive sometimes, but I would not be going to pick her up at midnight after a "date."

"Running, I have to disagree about letting the child take responsibility. Some people simply cannot wake up to alarms, no matter how hard they try."

No Oakley, failing a physical issue (depression or narcolepsy etc) people who cannot wake up to alarms will find a way when they fail out of college, lose their job, are left behind for important or valuable activities or otherwise get penalized for not getting out of bed and doing what they need to do.

Life 101 coach here: believe me if the consequences are severe enough, people figure out a way to fix the problem. If they absolutely cannot wake up to an alarm-and given the level of detail on options available now I don't believe that is possible- they will find an online wake up service or an online come to your house and tip you out of bed service ;) or whatever they need. When you have to get it done, you get it done.

Does she just sleep while the alarm blares away, or does she turn it off while still half asleep and fall right back? My husband has a co-worker whose alarm will not shut off unless he solves a unique daily math problem (ya, geeks!). By then he is awake enough to stay up and start his day. I think he programmed this himself, but sounds like something there's an app for (or should be!...it could be foreign language translation, naming author of a quote if math is not your thing...if only I was a geek myself!).

Save the necklace for later or return.

Drive only when it is convenient for you. It will be a good time to have your daughter "captive" for some conversation. Car talk is good due to the lack of eye contact...can lead to some good discussions.

I’ve not read the responses because I like to answer this stuff straight from the gut without influence if for no other reason, to see where my thoughts land in the mix, sooooo....

1. Alarms - When my DD was young she had the same problem. Slept like a brick and she was not very nice when anyone woke her up. (She’s still like that today, I’m just thankful her DH gets to deal with it instead of me ha ha!)

My solution was based on an article I had read that said that because their sleep is so deep, a single alarm sounding off isn’t sufficient. So I set up 3 alarms to go off at 3 minute intervals. Each alarm had a very loud and different sound and I also set up snooze so basically something was sounding every couple of minutes until she woke. I also made it so she had to get up and out of bed to turn any one of them off. It worked, she was not happy about it, but it did do the trick.

2. The birthday present. The beauty of jewelry like that is it’s timeless. Whether her relationship with this boy lasts or not, the memories she’s making with him with be with her forever. I would let them have that moment and find something else. You can always give her your gift at another time.

3. The long distance relationship. To me this is more about supporting your daughter’s choices and trusting her then about the relationship itself. If you allow her to “date” and he is a good person and treats her well then why wouldn’t you be supportive and help her? The benefits of doing so are so much better than if you don’t (which will most likely come back to haunt you eventually). And, trust me, if she is really into this guy, your refusal to help her isn’t going to stop her from seeing him, she will find a way. Wouldn’t you rather be involved and let it be you or his parents who facilitate things than another kid? Honestly, I see her need for your help as ideal and more of an opportunity than anything else.

1. Learn to play Reveille on the bugle.

2. Save yours for another time and get a new gift for this birthday.

3. Really, this is up to you. Well, all these are, but if it is convenient on any given weekend, then fine and if not, then oh well. They will adapt.

1. The alarm clock that uses light for a gentle wake-up, and if that doesn't work then default to the cell phone.

2. Give something other than the necklace.

3. Meet the other parents halfway and allow it on weekends that suit your family's schedule.

Mtn, you seem like a really caring, sensitive and thoughtful parent, all qualities that will serve you well as you navigate the teen years!

re 3. What does your daughter think? If you meet half way, what's the driver doing while they're meeting? And what are they doing?

Also, when are these meetings supposed to happen? Weekdays, weekends, evenings?

My kids went to private school, so friends were always at considerable distance.

I'd do/did whatever I'd do if the other person was a girl friend or related to any kind of socializing. Most of the time they were too busy anyway.

You guys are really the best. So helpful and thoughtful. I will be back with a more detailed response as time allows. My unpaid tutoring gigs are getting to be a real drag!

Jmck said:

Does she just sleep while the alarm blares away, or does she turn it off while still half asleep and fall right back? My husband has a co-worker whose alarm will not shut off unless he solves a unique daily math problem (ya, geeks!). By then he is awake enough to stay up and start his day. I think he programmed this himself, but sounds like something there's an app for (or should be!...it could be foreign language translation, naming author of a quote if math is not your thing...if only I was a geek myself!).

I need this! I can sleep through every noise and alarm, unless it requires my intervention. Like, someone is throwing up (cat or kid), the phone is ringing and it's my parents' facility, or a thunderstorm when my kid is on a camp-out (DH and I looked at each other, figured that by the time we got to the campsite 2 miles away the storm would have passed, the ground would be so muddy that by the time we found him everything would be a mess, and the camp counselor probably dealt with this every year anyway, so we went back to sleep. Turned out, they had moved everyone into the brand-new yurt with a floor, and the kids slept through the storm. Of course their abandoned tents and clothes were mud-soaked.)

But that's the thing. The kid needs a reason to get up. Find it.

The kid needs a reason to get up. Find it.

I think question 3 is the answer - you want a ride this weekend? Get yourself up, on time, all week.

I’m not sure that the kid in the #1 question is the same as the kid in #2-3. Mtn?

LOL on the cat suggestion. Works every day for me, but I'm a morning person. My one brother was like that, he could sleep through anything. He works swing shifts a factory--hopefully he can retire soon, but most of his life he worked second or third shift, so he made that work for him.

LOL made me think back to HS boyfriend where neither of us drove. His mom drove him to us. My parents would not allow me to drive but yet were not thrilled to drive me to his house, which was about 20 min away not accessible to public transit. I was and still am a pretty savvy public transit user.

Chiming in with the same advice as I. A. Lokin for the sound sleeper. Has this kid always been a sound sleeper? Rule out any possible medical issues (low thyroid, depression, e.g.). I got myself a sunrise alarm clock and it didn't help much. Currently using 4 alarms on my phone but I place my phone a few feet away from my bed forcing me to get up to hit snooze. (And have the do not disturb function on.) I haven't made it past the second alarm since trying this technique. Good luck! I know I was a royal pain for my mom.

About waking up..I'm a morning person, not a very sound sleeper, and I never use alarms. But. I also have this..inner clock. For example I need to get up at night because I have an early flight. I just tell myself before going to sleep: "Wake up at 3.00 am". Even it being the time when I sleep the soundest-I will wake up at 3 am, or ten-five min before. It's an extremely reliable method, for me. I use it my whole life.

So I wonder..how many people checked whether they have that inner sense of time that will wake them up better than any alarm would? Maybe it's something to try? Worst come to worst-the result will be same as with alarm, not much success. But what if it will work?

Again, thanks everyone for your insights and advice. Invaluable to have a panel of experts at my fingertips. : )

A few comments/replies.

First,the easy one. It is seems that "return the necklace" won in the popular vote and the electoral college. I didn't want to muddy the waters but I was also a little hesitant because the piece was pricey and though it is lovely, the chain it is on is way way way too delicate (read: cheap) and that kind of annoyed me. So, off it goes.

Next, the alarm issue. A few things to clarify. My inquiry is not "my darn kid won't get up for school in the morning!" When called, she gets up promptly and gets ready on time and there are no issues (for this I am so thankful, having friends who struggle regularly). But she literally sleeps through the alarm clocks we have tried and through Alexa. It's bizarre to me. It can blare indefinitely. This is not about turning off alarms and going back to bed. And the situation does not matter .... ie whether she is getting up for something really fun ,or something ordinary, or something she does not want to do. It doesn't really have to do with "having a reason to get up."

Is she getting enough sleep? Eh, IMHO teens are all sleep deprived. She has a fairly busy schedule and demanding classes. We try to impose an 11pm bedtime and she is up about 7am. That is not "enough" for teens (who could easily sleep like newborns) they say but it is more that most get and it'd be hard to find a way to get more,

So we get her up currently. She was the one who asked me about an alarm because now she wants to get up earlier to blow dry her hair sometimes, and we are not always up. Plus we would like it to; it would be nice if DH and I could just sleep until she needs her ride to school. Based on the advice here, I think multiple different alarms including a vibrating one might work.

April - I can do that, too. Which has always puzzled me. Why would we have innate clocks that are so accurate? It is one thing to get up the same time every day. It is quite another to tell yourself a time, and automatically get up at that time.

Tartan, She is a moody teen (is that not redundant) but I see no signs of depression. Has been an unusually sound sleeper her entire life, and also is the "can fall asleep on a picket fence" type. Good idea to mention it to her Dr. though.

Gscience, 3 of 5 of us are allergic to cats. Maybe I can train the dog? LOL. I am a night owl, but this kid is not. Oddly, she is the only "morning person" in the house. When none of us are on a schedule, she is the first one up.

Nosoccer, They have been friends for several months but the getting together is still new-ish so there is not a clear pattern. They have both been very appreciative and don't ask much IMHO. Sometimes one or the other family has something to do in the area. The first few times, the Dad literally drove the kid the whole way, kept himself busy for 3-4 hours, then drove the kid back. Nice Dad. Once, we drove her, then we saw a movie and had dinner. These are weekends only; between sports, volunteering and h/w, it is hard to fit it in at all. Yes, that is the thing about private school. Most parents don't drive more than say 45 min to a school, but that still means friends can be 1.5hr apart!

Bonnie, First, thank you! That was a nice compliment. I've heard good things about the light alarms, but I don't think it would work. What about when you are getting up and it *is* light. Honestly I think it is most of the school year. Moreover, none of my kids have WT in their bedrooms, and her bed is parallel to a very large bank of windows. She gets a lot of sunlight . We would not contort our schedules for the meet-ups. Fact is we have a lot of free time anyway and the ride doesn't bother us and there is plenty to do. I am torn between letting her enjoy this time and a general feeling that serious BFs are a very bad idea in HS. Oh, and college. Probably grad school, too. ; )

Cyn, I go back to bed after I wake her up. So nothing that would wake *ME* up, please. : ) I like your approach re the beau. Play it by ear.

Lukk, I am very fortunate that she is not difficult or unpleasant for humans to wake up. I am! Multiple and varied alarms might be good. I also should enable the "drop in" on Alexa as a back up. I like your take on needing us as an "opportunity." It is a good point. TBH she really has not asked much yet but I am just trying to decide on groundrules before we establish a precedent. It is a generational issue too because my parents (who were great) would never have done a thing in such a situation. OTOH my brother took boyfriends and girlfriends on vacation with his family when they were all in HS. Of course he met his wife in HS so may have more respect for "young love."

JMCK, hilarious about DH's coworker. Good point about car rides and talking. I have found one other benefit. It is something else one can use for a reward/punishment. LOL.

Running, LOL. You are right. She wants to control when she gets up, and a traditional alarm isn't working. Maybe I should experiment w letting her have the phone to wake her on vibrate plus those annoying nuclear-warning-ish alarms. I hesitate because at bedtime I always had my kids bring their phones to me. I am shocked at how late kids text each other, snapchat, etc. If I don't have their phones on DND, I hear them buzz into the wee hours. This was true even in middle school! And with very good students. Crazy.

Oakley, I think I can return it, if not I will save it. I would hate for her to do all that driving too. In fact, I am totally dragging my feet on the whole driving thing. Only if and when she pushes it. My son, the eldest, is an excellent driver and I never worry/ied. My middle DD has made no progress in a year because she is never home. I am dreading the "baby" driving because she is more impulsive. And come to think of it, I would not be thrilled if he had a car and could drive her either. I haven't forgotten being a teen in a car on a date. Sheesh.

Sueb, I have seen enough to know that kids do really learn how to solve their own problems! OMG, Tiffany has some really cute pieces. I love the single "love" earring. That is so funny you both picked the same thing. I am always very pleased that I can still pick out things they like! I gave my other DD a bracelet and I had no idea it was the super-hot "it" thing to wear on her campus now. Go figure. He is the friend of a friend, I think they played on the same team. Thankfully yes, we can easily entertain ourselves. I think we will just have to see how it evolves, but I am heartened to see that most people think it makes sense to be at least marginally helpful.

Tuesday, thank you for your thoughtful and kind post.

Robo, That is a fair point. There is nothing to walk to where we live. Several neighbors are on 10-30 acre lots, and several are vacation/weekend homes. Of all 3 kids only one ever had a friend whose home they could walk to. We usually drive them to friend's homes, or into a cute/active downtown that is 5 min away. How nice that your parents provided such a warm environment (and why does it not surprise me, knowing you? : ) )

Dedtired - Yes, young love is wonderful. I am happy for her, even though as an adult and parent there are a lot of reasons to be a wet blanket, LOL. I can't remember the last time any of my kids was late for school, thank goodness. I credit my DH as the driver, if it were me their track record would be less pristine. When I was in college, I took my my classes in the evening!

Oakley, I think she would like more sleep. But IME teen sleep appetite is nearly insatiable. She does report having trouble falling asleep sometimes, and in that case she uses Alexa for guided meditation. DH and I like that too.

Jterri, I think 2x a month is very doable. His parents are very nice and very accommodating. I actually like his Mom a lot and could totally see spending time w her.

Maire - that is so funny about the dog mat! Yes, i struggle with what is an old-fashioned response to this! Like so many parenting decisions, you want to evolve with the world, yet be true to your own standards.

Tishtosh-

I like this point : telling the child that this is a problem that you would like them to work on and begin researching ways of dealing with it. She asked me, but I will give her some ideas and then put the ball in her court. Everything works better when people think it is their idea. I also agree that these relationships are important learning opportunities. Especially at an age where so many kids let external influences define who they are, a true friendship or caring relationship helps kids define themselves.

Maddie, other than perhaps at a party of a mutual friend, their paths would likely not cross. The only thing worse than driving my 16yo an hour would be her driving an hour, LOL. My son drove himself to school (12min or so) for 1.5 years before he did any substantive driving. I'd love to keep that paradigm. We will see.

Oly, thanks for the link. Times like this I am glad she is on a different floor and "wing". LOL

Yeo, I do think less is better. But no matter what I can't see how it would be more than 2-3x a month, given schedules. Come to think of it, the incessant contact over the phone is in a way, "worse." People can become very close that way, they are part of each other's day all day.

Lascatx, if none of the things mentioned here help here, I think we should discuss it with a Dr. Good idea. A family member supported such a relationship -- and I think it made for a weird and confusing situation. I think the parents were too involved and too invested in the relationship -- and the kids too. As mentioned above, my DB did this, and I felt it was odd. It gave the relationship too much weight and sort of tied the kids together too soon? I'd like all of my kids to meet many different people and in a perfect world not settle down until well into a career and having lived on their own. That'd be my ideal for them.

Arcy, we do wake her, but that is not ideal. It is never safe to make him forbidden fruit but I wouldn't slice him up and serve him on a platter to her either. LOL that is perfect. Yeah, I am not looking to play "on the porch with the shotgun" but as someone else said, his location is out of her control and I would/have facilitate other social relationships

Whew, last time I procrastinate on GW! That took a long time!

Recap:

1. I will tell her some of the suggestions and have her choose what she wants to try

2. The necklace is going back

3. If asked, we will help, along with his parents, facilitate their getting together ~2x a month

Mtn, you're truly amazing!

I want to write so much, as I relate to so much, but I won't as not to hijack the thread, especially as I write too much even when I don't want to.

To cut all my musings short right from the start lol-I think it's a good plan you came up with.

If your DD does guided meditations, that is an excellent place to suggest a wake up time to yourself.

Great thread. Love this group. mtn, you’re an amazing and thoughtful parent, to seek input, synthesize the suggestions in light of your kids’ traits and circumstances. I try, but get too lazy and/or overwhelmed.

How do you wake her? Can you just open her door and say time to get up or do you have to touch her? If she responds to your voice, how about this product:

https://www.alzstore.com/reminder-rosie-voice-control-medication-alarmclock-p/0044.htm?gclid=Cj0KCQiA1sriBRD-ARIsABYdwwG5aHH3aiYHSdRhb2R1y7NistO3nIDyehEGg-nC_lBoNUQahnca_pAaAimCEALw_wcB

Mtn, I have not read all the responses WRT to alarm/waking up WWYD, but it made me recall something I read about or saw on TV years ago when my kids were young. It was some sort of warning about how kids sleep through smoke/fire alarms and that a study showed kids were more easily woken up to a recorded sound of their mothers’ voices. That really stayed with me all these years b/c my husband’s family home burned down when he was a teenager. It made me realize if our smoke alarm ever went off I needed to immediately ensure my kids had woken up as well (fortunately I’m a light sleeper b/c dh sleeps though most things!). I know a smoke alarm is a little different than what you are having issues with but the two problems might be related in your case.

I just googled it and found there was actually a more recent study about this very subject, even though it’s been at least 10 years since I originally heard about this. I thought it might interest you, even though your daughter is older than than age that was studied. Perhaps you could try a recorded alarm with your voice? I’m not sure if that is something already mentioned.

Here is a link to one of many articles I found: Sleeping through alarms

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXfP_NbUaRE

4kids4us said exactly what I was going to say.! Plus there's a study! So I will just second what she said or third or fourth or fifth it Record your voice and have that be her morning alarm and see if that works!

I am late to this thread but have a few random things to share:

Brava for your daughter wanting to control her own wakeup schedule. And brava to you for providing her the tools to do so-- without solving the problem for her!

I have a long history of sleeping through alarms. In college, I slept through a fire drill-- never woke up despite the fact that the alarm was outside my door. I have had multiple alarms located around the room so I had to get up-- they worked marginally better than single alarm. I did have good luck with a phone service that called me (wakeupland.com) These days, I naturally wake up around 5:30... but I still sleep through the 4:30 am alarms.

I believe REALLY strongly in no phones in the bedroom-- especially if she struggles with falling asleep at times. I have had great results since I cut out electronics after 9:30.. obviously not possible with homework but the key is, that I walk away from emails, task lists, shopping lists, etc at a designated time. It also means there's nothing to tempt me down a rabbit hole when I am in bed. News sites, homework or texts from friends are not conducive to a good night's sleep-- so this is a long way of saying I would not recommend giving in on the cell phone as a wakeup device. That does contradict my suggestion above for a wakeup call-- but I used a landline for that-- not a cell phone.

I would take a very casual approach when support the travel to-from bf-- for all the reasons you've outlined. Part of relationships (young or old) is to manage them around other priorities-- family, school, sports, work/volunteer etc. I think that reinforces that the world does NOT revolve around the bf or the relationship-- this will hopefully carry forward to college, grad school and the rest of life too!

I SO don't get the parents taking bfs/gfs on vacation -- it would never never have been an option when I was a kid and it wasn't just the times (some of my friends took bfs/gfs with them). Family vacations are for bonding, reconnecting with family. That said, many of my friends take their kids' gfs/bfs with them. I can see a weekend camping trip or similar.. but that's pretty much it. If they aren't going to survive a week apart, how are they going to survive college.. work.. moves for new jobs, etc. To me, it goes back to a relationship needs to navigate all the other priorities.

Mtn, I saw this news article and I thought of you.

https://www.cnn.com/2019/02/04/health/teen-sleep-exercise-screen-time-study/index.html