That is quite a novel idea and I doubt that you will be the only person who may have sad episodes. If you do not go, you may always regret it, too. Good luck and let us know about this occasion!

Go. You won't be the only emotional person there, and your presence will mean a lot to your cousin.

It will be difficult, but likely no more difficult than attending his wake or funeral after he's died - so the bonus is you get to share your emotion and stories with him and others. I can imagine that there will be many light hearted, funny stories, so you might be surprised at how much laughter could lighten the mood - it may not be as difficult as you are imagining.

Perhaps there could be a way for people who are too shy or emotional to speak to write their stories ahead of time and they could be displayed on a board for your cousin and the other guests to read? Could you suggest that? Or maybe someone will be acting as the moderator/m.c. and that person would be willing to read stories from people who can't attend or are unable to tell/read their own stories.

I'm sorry for the pain you feel.

Unusual concept. Funerals, wakes, and memorials are not for the dead, but for the living to help them through the greaving process. I can see having a get together with family and friends before your cousins passing, but treating it as the typical wake with a roast might only prematurely start the greaving process for the living and make the end of life process harder for your cousin. But l would definitely go because it is one of your cousins last wishes, sad or not.

Go! The event will be filled with love and laughter......as well as plenty of tears. The memories will bring a smile to your cousin and everyone close to him for the remainder of his days.

LOL this is just a family reunion type event with a guest of honor!! GO. I do not comprehend being ashamed of your emotions. My question is when the time comes for the funeral, will they do a wake and it will be interesting for you to experience the differences.

I went to one nearly 30 years ago. It was an extremely unusual thing at the time, but the woman involved wanted one big, last party with all her friends while she still could enjoy it. She was a very warm person with a huge personality and the party was a great success. The people I knew well enough to talk with said they were hesitant to come for the reasons you gave, but never dreamed of saying no to the hostess. They all said they were glad they had decided to attend.

Go. Yes it will be sad too but know this is a chance to do something for him that he wants. Show him as much support as you can in his final days.

I'd go. Since it's for the person. Funerals are for those left to dealt with the blow, this is to celebrate. Go and keep the focus on them, rather than leaving them to deal with it all on their own. Hug them tight enough for me!

Please go. As many times as I told my Mom I loved her, now that she's gone, it never seemed like enough. Don't miss this opportunity to share your emotions with him and all the family. You won't be the only one crying, or laughing. And your presence will be the best gift to him of all.

I would go. I am sure it will be very emotional, but like someone said, you will likely regret it, if you don't.

One of my mother's friends recorded the message, and "spoke" at her own funeral. I thought that was a novel idea, but nice, too.

You must go, and I am sure you will not be the only person with tears.

Maybe once you get there , the mood will be so filled with laughter you'll forget all about sadness. My dad's wake was full of laughter remembering all the good things. On top of all that ,my niece's water broke and it turned into the funniest ,chaotic wake you've ever seen. I'm sure my dad was looking down and laughing with us. You might miss something like this if you don't go !

I think you would regret not going. Seems to be the consensus here.

If you would go to his funeral, then I would say you should definitely go to this. Let him enjoy seeing everyone one last time. I'm sure emotions will run high for everyone. I blubber easily if I see someone else cry so I have no doubt I'd cry at an event such as this. But knowing it's what he wants would have me there in a heartbeat.

I would definitely go. We just attended a "celebration of life" for a friend that passed away a week after the get-together. It was her wish and although it tired her out, she loved seeing family and friends together for one last time. There was lots of laughter and lots of tears.

Definitely go. And I would suggest you write down most of what you want to say before you go. Kind of a script to read rather than try to just tell the stories. It will allow you to shed a lot of tears privately as you write. And it will keep you focused in reading, and yes, you will probably shed tears as you read it. But keep a few things to say that you don’t read. Emotion is to be expected. And just think, you will have an opportunity many do not have, to honor and hug your cousin at least one more time before he passes from this life.

I was asked to say something at the funeral for the son of a lifelong friend who passed away way too young of cancer. It was very emotional for her of course and for me. She had him late in life, a surprise baby, and we cherished that boy’s birth. It did help me to write it down.

I would GO! Yes! A party is a great idea!

I had a renter, 2 years ago tell me he had 3 months to live. He was 26 years old, a pilot, well traveled. I had no idea that he would spend his last 3 months ALONE. His wife continued to work, she was a nurse. They had just moved here and only knew his wifes aunt, who lived here...no friends close by. I think he would have liked to have had a big party. Just before it was "time" he went home to die and saw everyone...but...by then...he was bald from the chemo and just a worn out skeleton. He should have gone "home" 3 months before and had a BIG party.

Well, amicus, you've heard different viewpoints but the verdict seems unanimous - that you must go!

I agree - go. There'll be laughter, and almost certainly, tears, most likely some of them yours. But at his request, the emphasis will be on the laughter. Later, as you recall experiences of post-death wakes, you'll consider this experience way better. He loves life, and laughter, and wants you all there to share them. Think how those memories of this last story-fest (laughter, hugs, lots of love, previously unheard stories and tears included) will enrich his remaining days. And your memories as family and loved ones, as well.

I rather like the idea of writing your stories beforehand, partly because quite a few tears may stain the paper ... but I hope you'll feel confident enough to wing it when the time comes, for looking at him (and others) while telling will tie a closer link than your mainly concentrating on the page. Possibly make a list of each story you have in mind, with 2, 3 or 4 words, to glance at quickly as you speak.

It's a great idea - go for it!

ole joyful

Go, you won't be the only one crying and laughing and telling stories and giving him hugs. That's what I think is important is the giving of that warm hug that he can carry with him.

When my dad was dying of cancer he eventually went into a coma. One night my mom and all us kids were sitting in his room and we started telling stories. We were laughing and crying and laughing some more. My dad was a great story teller and somewhat irreverent and it would have been fun to do it when he was more alert but we like to think that my dad heard or at least felt us there and talking about him. I used to wonder what the nursing staff thought. He died about 4 hours later.

I've never been to one but I've heard of them. Didn't they used to be called an "Irish wake"?

Please go. There will be a huge range of emotions experienced during the "event" by many of the attendees. It will be wonderful chance to share your love of this man while he's still here to enjoy it. I have arrangements for something very similar should my cancer return and viable treatment options be exhausted.

I think this is a wonderful idea, how lovely for him to be able to enjoy his loved ones one more time. You should go and be assured there is nothing wrong with mixed emotions, including some sadness, during the event. Just go with it and enjoy his company.

Hi b l fenton of vanc isl,

I doubt that the healing staff'd be that surprised or discomfited, for they've likely seen similar activity before.

You were dealing with the reality of who your Dad, with whom you've shared love, has been - and hope he can still hear, thus partially participate. For this one last time.

ole joyful

Oh absolutely go. I am sure there will be lots of tears both kinds, laughter and sorrow. But what a wonderful day for him and everyone that loves him. Just think of it as a reunion. So sorry about his condition.

You should go but try not to think of it as a wake or goodbye. I'd try to think of it as a reunion. I was always glad I went to visit my dad when it was really inconvenient for me. I never saw him again although I didn't know that at the time. It was nice to smile and wave goodbye at the end of the visit.

Yes. I think you should go. You will never regret going but you may regret not going.

Thank you all for your responses, which have helped me decide that I will definitely go! I'm not actually ashamed of showing any emotion. It's more not wanting to get emotional when trying to relate my fun memories, lest it create an awkward 'downer' moment, when my cousin is wanting a 'fun filled gathering,' so to speak. But as many of you have pointed out, even if I do become tearful, most likely I will not be the only one. I also agree that if I don't go, it would probably disappoint my cousin, who really wants to see all the people he cares about, before he passes.

I plan to take the advice of those who suggested I write down what I intend to say ahead of time. I don't want to start to speak, and perhaps get overwhelmed and totally forget the funny anecdotes about my cousin, that I would like to share.

bpath, my family's heritage is Irish and most of us are just the 2nd generation not born there. But while a typical 'Irish Wake' is similar to a 'Living Wake' in that neither are somber affairs, and both involve laughter, story telling, and toasting,...the regular Irish Wake is done after the person has died, but before the funeral. It's held at the home of the deceased, and the revelry is meant to honor the person who has passed, but they obviously don't get to 'participate' in the festivities.

arcy, there will be no other type of wake. My cousins siblings and his wife and children will be with him at Hospice at the end of his life, as well as a priest, as my cousin is religious. But there will be no 'viewing' nor any funeral. He wishes to be cremated, and that the last time everyone (other than those mentioned above) see him, will be while he is still mobile and 'able to eat, drink and be merry.'

I'll post an update after I return from his 'living wake' Thank you all for your support and encouragement.

I know of 2 people who did the same thing. One was for a friend that I attended and the other was for a person in the city who had been suffering cancer for a long time and he didn't have long left to live. His party was to say goodbye and to raise money for his type of cancer. I think a living wake is a wonderful idea and I am sure everyone who attends has some emotional feelings about seeing the person for maybe the last time. Once the story telling starts everyone laughs and cries at the memories. I am glad you are going.