I just travelled from London Ontario via Port Huron, then Flint, through MI via I-75 to their UP, WI, MN, and ND to Saskatchewan and later to Edmonton in Alberta in Canada, source of much of the oil and natural gas that the U.S. gets from Canada ... and was surprised at the low volume of traffic on that route - in tourist season. I used the method described above along much of that course, especially at night, when traffic was lighter. I have no idea how many miles I travelled with the engine not running, but it was substantial. And hardly ever did I interfere with the travel of anyone else using the road. Same strategy on the return trip. Last evening I started from near London Ontario and came down through Detroit, then down I-75 to Knoxville TN, then across on I-40 to Lake Junaluska, near Asheville, NC to a reunion of over 200 former missionaries and development workers to Korea, arriving just before the dinner hour. Though traffic was somewhat heavier, especially at rush hour, than on the northern route, I was able to coast dozens of times, without interfering with the rate of travel of people following me. Sometimes on a long downhill slope with rather light gradient, I'd re-start for a short speed-up of travel, part way down the hill, then coast again. I really appreciate the great effort that was expended to build that highway through the rocky hills/mountains of Kentucky, Tenessee and North Carolina: through the Great Smokies. More than I did earlier ... and I think that's an added benefit to my increased awareness of the importance of conservation of our resources, especially petroleum, plus reducing global warming and pollution. This profligate lifestyle that we've self-centredly carried out for three generations or less can't continue. And now, we have the gall to tell the rapidly industrializing countries, especially China, India, Brazil, etc. that tey've got to take an important role in decreasing pollution ... when we have three cars in every driveway, and they have about 1 car in 200 driveways (or is that 100)? Where do we get such gall? Many of us in the U.S. and Canada claim to be Christian. I wonder what God has to say about such heedless, greedy selfishness? ole joyful

I think many things are happening at the same time. Yes , your SM does picture you the way you were at 18, pot smoking etc.etc.. Over the years of you 'fixing' yourself, she didn't see this improvement so off the bat she will be defensive of you returning into her life. BUT it also sounds to me, that she did have pent up frustration over he years, maybe at you, maybe at your dad and its all surfacing now. I dont believe you are bad, that you did anything wrong. I think the JR has fixed view of you when you were in your 'bad' time and sees no change. PLUS she maybe going through her own issues now..you nver know maybe she is depressed or going throuhg menal pause. or having marital problems with you dad that you are unaware of. BUt its obvious her anger has focuses on you and your daughter. I also had a 'evil ' stepmother wheni was young after my mother died. The second SM was great. Just like JR. Friendly like a school teacher and friend. I'm friends with her too. BUT i also went through a bad stage in my life and also had a falling out with my sm. There was a 7 year lapse between my sm, dad and me. I didn't call and if i did they would be angry and hate me...etc... It took a few years for both sides to rekindle a relationship and alot of coffee talk etc... So do not be discouraged with your SM. I think she feels resentful about your daughter because you were with a man who was violent and in most cases woman choose to end their pregnancy because of that. Were you on drugs during that time as well? did your sm or family know this? She is fixed on your past, she needs to see and hear all the good stuff , all the change you have made. In the end, ifyou truly value you relationship with her, i think baby steps are in order, the way i did with my SM. I liked my sm alot. I was hurt to tears for many years by her when she turned around and also said hurtful things like you are going through. Though i never did drugs i was a loner and aggressive etc..etc..Misunderstandings did occcur between me and her and as i said it tooks years to rekindle a relationship. My advice to you is to not let this consume you. i think speaking to both your dad and her will help. Sure, you had a kids she doens't agree with , its wont make your daughter disappear. She is a woman has to accept that but you daughter should not be punished for your 'poor' judgement. i think that is very important for you to convey this to JR. Basically saying, yes i F up in the past, but my daugther should not be crucified for my wrong doings and solo parenting. Maybe you sm does have an issue being called grandma...dont knw..But you both need a break from one another and you both need to take baby step to rekindle a relationship, IF that is what you want. You could also cut her off....but are you will to also cut your brothers off...and your daughter from her grandfather? You cannot force JR to love your daughter. That is her own issue here. BUT dont expose your daughter unsupervised anymore there if she shows little concern for her either. Visit as a family but for the meantime, dont leave your daughter for those one day breaks for yourself. Depend on someone else now until things can be resolved. And nivea, i know how you feel about father's lack of involvment...my father first marriage with 1st sm was very much like that....marry a woman to 'raise ' me but he had no concern of me...And we had a family meeting and he admitted that he married to have someone for his kids. We told him our mother is long gone and he should marry someone for himself. So..second marriage was MUCH better....i've had my ups and downs with her but now having my own family i see i have more respect and understanding with her position and we've rekindled a friendship.

Well, SS is in crisis mode again... Bimbo GF broke up with him and said some pretty terrible things. (Probably much too close to the ugly truth.) He quit his job and isn't working, so has much too much free time on his hands and is using it poorly -- drinking in bars, picking fights, driving himself home. He's also abusing his sleeping pills and anti-anxiety meds. And of course, everyone's worried sick again. And frustrated again. And angry again. And torn between his 'Crying Wolf' antics and 'What if he means it this time?' He still hasn't said anything to indicate he'd commit suicide, but his behavior sure is headed that way... He called two nights ago looking for Hubby, who was out of town. His speech was slurred and he was nearly incoherent -- sounded awful. I couldn't reach Hubby, so called his sister (SD 29) to alert her and suggest she call him. (She'd already been called by 4 other people.) So SS gets in his car and tries to drive home. Gets lost! Pulls into a gas station and ends up beating up some poor guy who commented something along the lines that SS didn't look like he ought to be driving... (SS has actually fought professionally -- sure hope the poor guy he beat up is OK.) SS does somehow make it home and SD rushes over to try and sober him up and talk him down. Turns out he'd also taken a bunch of pills in addition to heavy alcohol consumption. But crazy BioMom is already there with equally-crazy StepDad -- and they're feeding SS more drinks. (Great judgement, Mom! That's how you handle life's problems -- drown them!) But somehow, everyone survived the night. Anyway, I just got off the phone with SD (Hubby's still out of town) and the current plan is to have a major 'family intervention' with SS when Uncle gets into town right after Christmas -- and possibly even Baker Act him if he pulls another out-of-control stunt before then. But everyone's tired, frustrated and burned out from all the drama... And there's nothing like Christmas to bring out the melancholy if you're so inclined.

This is an old post, but found it and wanted to share two things that happened to me. Sorry, this is long. I had a friend and neighbor for 30 years, but I had moved 20 miles away. We kept in touch, but I hadn't heard from him for awhile, or contacted him, so called one day, and his phone had been disconnected. He was in his 60's at the time and not the best health. I thought he had died, and no one had told me. So I went to see about him. I knocked on his door and he came to the door, and he looked terrible. Always was a slim build, but he looked like he had lost more weight, and he had a long beard...whereas he had used to always be clean shaven. To make a long story short, he was very depressed. I had been just about his only contact, being very much a loner. He hadn't picked up his mail or paid any bills...so phone was cut off. He wasn't even aware of it. He had no edible food in his house....a couple of moldy burritos in his fridge, and wine bottles stacked like cordwood in all the cabinets. I picked up his mail, got him to write checks to pay his bills, bought groceries for him....and wine and cigarettes, since that was what he mainly existed on, and by going to to the liquor store for him, it kept him from driving. I straightened up his house and did his laundry. I promised I would look after him until he died. He had been diagnosed with emphysema years prior, and his family doctor had chastised him for smoking. He had said he would quit...even bought some nicotine patches, but never used them. He didn't quit smoking and he never went back to the doctor. How long could he possibly last? A few weeks? A couple of months? He lived 8 years!! Every day I went to see him, and brought food for him...which he seldom ate, I didn't try to make him do anything, but every day I asked him if he wanted to go to the doctor or did he want me to contact his family. He always said no. I think he lived so long because I am very healthy, and I haven't been sick in years, and he never left his house the last four years of his life. I took care of everything for him...his yard, house, even getting someone to come in and cut his hair. Once in a blue moon, he would shave. I was there every day, sometimes twice a day, and a couple of times, 4 times. I slept on his floor a couple of times when I thought death was near. Remember...it was a 40 mile round trip to where I lived. I furnished him with books and magazines and movies to watch. Got him interested in talk radio to give him a little diversion. In other words, I did everything I could to make him happy. He was a very intelligent man and a voracious reader. We had many long talks over the years. We both knew he didn't have long to live. I asked him if he would contact me if he could, after he passed. He didn't believe in an afterlife and told me so. Still, every so often, I would ask him again. I think to shut me up, he finally agreed. Still, I would sometimes remind him. I was with him when he died. He went quickly when his time came. I went in the kitche to get him a Gatorade, which he had said he wanted, and came back...two short breaths and he was gone. After he died, I dreamed about him several times. In one dream he was taIking to me on the phone, and he asked me why I didn't come see him any more. I hated to tell him that he had died, and the niece he didn't like was living in his house. But, I did tell him, and he said, so incredulous...like he had never considered it. "Are you sure about that?" It was exactly like something he would say if we were having a conversation before he passed. For several weeks, I didn't dream about him any more, and then I had a dream and he told me he had something to tell me....but before I found out what it was, I woke up. I tried to go back to sleep, hoping to finish the dream, but I couldn't. I finally got up and when I walked around the foot of the bed, there was the letter K (his name was Ken). It was made out of dozens of little drops of water. I was home alone. My husband was away at work for two weeks. No water in the room. No pets. Completely alone. I can't even say I was shocked. I knew it was Ken. I knew he would contact me if he could. I started to not even take a picture of it. He was a very private person, and he wouldn't have liked that I took a picture and showed it to anyone, but I did, and sadly I lost it when I lost my phone. So you will have to take my word for it, and of course, you don't know me, but it is the truth. So here is the second one: My husband had a terminal illness. He had asbestosis and pulmonary fibrosis. We lived on a bayou, and flooded badly during Hurricane Harvey. Lost just about everything...8' of water in the yard and 4' in the house. He could no longer work, and since I have horses, he wanted me to have a place that made taking care of them easier. So we moved 175 miles away, to east Texas. He passed away about 18 months later. I asked him to contact me if he could. Unlike Ken, I didn't have to talk him into it. He said he would. (However, I did remind him a few times}. About two weeks after he died, my niece sent me a gift...it was a clip with his name on it, the year he was born, the year he died, and the words...."Your wings were ready, but my heart was not." I knew it was a clip of some kind but not what it was for. A couple of days later, someone told me it was a visor clip for your vehicle. Oh. So I was going to go out and put it in my truck. But I couldn't find it. It had been laying on the kitchen counter. I looked everywhere for it. Under the furniture....never found it. I felt terrible. I had moved away, and would probably not see my niece again, but if I did...I wouldn't have it. I felt terrible. I even considered ordering one just like it, in case I did see her again. Six weeks passed. Covid restrictions let up here....I was glad to be able to be out and about again. I went to the thrift shop that had just re-opened. I had indigestion. I knew I had a bottle of Tums in my truck. It has bucket seats, and I thought the bottle had fallen between the console and the seat. I got down and looked under the seat on the driver's side. Not there. I went around to the passenger side, looked under that seat...there they were. Took two and went in the shop. Came out about an hour later, opened the door on the driver's side, and there was the clip. First thing I saw when I opened the door. It wasn't there when I went in...I would have seen it, especially since I got down and looked under the seat. You may think I had taken it to the truck and forgotten about it, but if I had done that I would have put it on the visor, and I didn't even know what it was for until someone told me, and then I couldn't find it. So those are my signs. I had asked my husband for something specific. I live in the country. There are milions of butterflies and cardinals here. I wanted something to be sure. It has given me a lot of comfort. I still miss him terribly and sometimes the grief catches me by surprise and is so painful again, but this tells me, he is okay, and he is near.