My cat would say Send it back but I'll keep the box please. A brown paper wrapping is just purrrfect. I'll get the tape.

Father buys a lie detector that makes a loud beep whenever somebody tells a lie. The son comes home in the afternoon. Father asks him, “So, you were at school today, right?” Son: “Yeah.” Detector: “Beep.“ Son: “OK, OK, I was at the movies.” Detector: “Beep.” Son: “Alright, I went for a beer with my friends.” Father: “What?! At your age, I wouldn’t touch alcohol!“ Detector: “Beep.” Mother laughs: “Ha! He really is your son!” Detector: “Beep.”

A month after Donald MacDonald started at Harvard, his mother called from Scotland. “And how are the American students, Donald?” she asked. “They’re so noisy,” he complained. “One neighbour endlessly bangs his head against the wall, while another screams all night.” “How do you put up with it?” “I just ignore them and play my bagpipes.”

A lamb’s rite of passage – Baa Mitzvah A pigeon’s final blow – Coo Degrace King cobra’s title – Hiss Majesty Existentialist cow – Albert Camoo