Not to worry - I don't think there was anyone confused by the title of your OP, Joe. The obvious choice, if there are only two plants involved that present little in the way of an imposition, is to entrust them to the care of a neighbor, co-worker, family member, friend ....... don't trust any herbivores though - no matter how convincing they might be ...... and please provide fool-proof watering instructions based on the plant's needs during the recent past. If that's not an option, ask & I'll share how to build a greenhouse with a kid's wading pool that will get you through - a LOT more effort than simply asking for help, though. I even entrust my wife with supplying water to my plants while I'm away. ;-) Al

Robins are birds that I enjoy viewing, but not as they try to build nests under our porch lights which are on both sides of an area right by our front entrance door. For three days my husband has removed the straw, twigs, etc in order to prevent a completed robin's nest. They put the straw, twigs, etc. up, he takes them down immediately. Today after reading these posts, I sprayed the area with ant and roach spray that I use when the ants try to visit too close to our outside walkway. Two robins just came with straw in their mouths, but they flew away. I hope this is a long-term solution. This is the first time that we have had this problem in the nineteen years that we have lived here. I am already tired of the mess on our porch and the potential health hazard presented if the robins succeed in building a permanent nest. We have plenty of trees that the birds usually choose for their nests and are still quite welcome to do so. However, why our porch this year is a puzzle. Thanks to all who have posted for their solutions. To the haters, because one does not want a bird's nest in an area that he/she frequently uses in his/her home, does not label the person as an animal hater. Why should my quality of life be compromised daily upon trying to enter my home for the sake of a bird's nest? The answer is that it shouldn't and will not. We will win this fight and reclaim our safety and keep our good health.

OT, but not OT - I had an epiphyllum in a hanging pot that a dove raised 3 (THREE!) sets of babies in one year. She'd even sit there when I watered the thing (veery slowly, at a trickle, to not flood the 'nest'). That plant never grew so well as it did the 3 years doves nested in it. I think it was the dove equivalent of a king size bed!

They're tough as old boots but don't like waterlogged roots. Plant it in a piece of hollow tree stump, an old tyre slashed at the bottom to let any water drain out, or just in a large very large plastic pot, anywhere it can have excellent drainage. Don't need any soil, throw a bit of leaf litter in the bottom and the fern will be happy. Although an epiphyte that will grow on trees etc, they need less water when grown within a contained area. I live in Qld Aust where they are native, and have them coming up everywhere on my trees. I then transplant small ones into ordinary black plastic pots of very well drained composty material and they flourish.