Explain briefly why you ask and that her attitude is hurtful. Also ask if she’d prefer no b/fast. She might think she’s sparing you by eating something she doesn’t want. Asking questions in a casual manner helps. Plus teens are horrid. One last warning: don’t play suffering victim. Just ask yes/no questions.

Lol! My kids are masters at answering a question with a question.

If it bothers me. I just tell them why it bothers me. If they are being rude I explain that too.

My kids would try the eye roll. They sure would get an earful when they did. "who do you think you are, and don't forget who lets you live here! Don't ever roll your eyes at me again." They're adults now. They still don't dare.

Told each kid that parents make rules, kids follow them. The first time a teen "attitude" appeared they were told that impolite behavior wouldn't be tolerated other than the impolite behavior they would experience from us in return 10x stronger. Never happened twice with any of them.

Agree 100 percent with Elmer. It is disrespectful, controlling behavior and not tolerated....there are consequences. We teach people how we are to be treated.....that includes the kiddos.

I find each teen is different. She may not even be aware that she's rolling her eyes. Point it out and ask about it. From ages 15-17 it seemed like my daughter's only goal on this earth was to make my life hell. The Army set her @ss straight! :) (just kidding.. she matured before enlisting)

I would tell my kid, sternly and looking into their eyes that that is simply not acceptable and to lose the attitude. And there’s no way I’d make her breakfast.

Hang on, mom, it gets better. Promise.

Choose your battles. Eye rolling, deep sighs and an annoyed tone can be overlooked. Outright rudeness cannot. Perhaps a calm conversation letting her know that unless she keeps you informed of her work schedule, she'll have to fix her own breakfast and may need to skip a shower. Don't waiver. My guess is she will figure it out quickly. Maybe a calendar on the refrigerator would help.

A couple of times when rudeness really got out of control with my teens I said "I don't allow my co-workers to speak to me like that and I'll be damed if I'll allow a snot-nosed teenager to speak to me like that!" My speech was followed by a mini-strike (no rides, money, laundry, etc.) until an apology was given. Worked pretty well. Sometimes you have to pretend you didn't see or hear anything, but sometimes you have to bring their drama quotient down a peg or two. It's an important lesson for them.

One of my daughters once declared in a know-it-all voice "Lately it's been all about you!" I was pissed! I started listing all of the chores, errands, meals, rides, fundraisers, I had recently done for her. I noted the clothes, supplies, special treats, etc. I had recently purchased for her and that I had done none of those things for myself. I outlined my day which started at 5:30 a.m. and ended in exhaustion at 9:30 p.m. and included a commute, a full-time job and running a household as a single parent. I noted that all of this happened while dealing with chronic health problems and elderly parents. She was stunned into uncharacteristic silence and contritely said "Sorry, mom, I was just being dramatic." It never happened again.

My kids are grown now and they are lovely, thoughtful people. You'll get there, too. Good luck!

I have to agree. Very disrespectful and not acceptable. What’s the easiest fix? Stop asking and stop catering to her needs. Seriously. The time will come soon enough when you beat her to the shower or you don’t have food ready for her and that will be HER problem, not yours. If she balks about it, put her in her place, I hate to say this but, as the parent that’s your job. You can trust that eventually, she will learn how to adjust HER schedule to fit into yours. She will also learn that everything isn’t just about her which to be successful as an adult is a very important thing for her to know.

I know it’s easier to say than to do. I used to want to cater or mother my daughter too, but when things like this become an issue, I felt it was more important to turn it into a teaching moment for her future.

If I had ever rolled my eyes at my parents, that would have been the last time I rolled my eyes! Would not have been tolerated at all!

I would politely withhold providing breakfast for her and would prioritize my own shower over her need for one. No need to lecture - she'll figure it out. She needs to grow up and you need to let her.

Most 15-17 are full of cotton in the brain so playing games isn’t going to lead anywhere. One day they might grasp it, next day-same behavior will be shockingly new. Simple, direct approach with no threats or drama usually works (not that it might not be forgotten almost immediately, sigh). Notice I said usually...

It does get better.

I raised two daughters. They didn't eye roll much, but slammed their bedroom doors. I took their doors off the hinges. I had to! They were slamming so hard that it was cracking and loosening the trim. Worked pretty well, but took about 2 weeks of no doors. As adults, they laugh about going to use it on their own kids someday. I also taught middle school and high school many years. 13-17 year old girls are the worst. The best part is most of them grow up pretty good, but it's hell waiting.

ha! kids... when my dd was about 15-16 she was questioned by a cop for something (nothing big - I don't even remember what it was) and being a teenager and not wanting her mom to know (I worked at the court and knew tons of policemen/women) she gave them the address of a friend (but gave her real name? and we have a very unusual last name). I got a call from the court asking if she'd moved out. She was caught! I went right down to her work (Wendy's) and called her out into the parking lot and explained to her that giving false info to an officer was against the law. And if an officer showed up again regarding this, that I could give her the name of a good lawyer but she'd have to call her dad for the money to pay him or her. And that I'd better never see her name on the court schedule.

It must have really scared her - numerous yrs later she (and her brother) said they'd have much rather faced a police officer than me... and lived in fear of being pulled over by an officer in their teen years. They must have thought I had every officer I knew watching for them.

The girl from court told me that it did confuse her - and then she laughed and said 'I thought something was wrong with this, that's why I called you''. She changed the address to my (our) address. Whatever it was, it never went to anything and I never heard anything more about it. If she'd ever had to appear before one of our judges, I'm sure they'd have made a point to scare her more than I did.

I like the idea of not questioning your dd's schedule and then being in the shower when she needed it. OTOH, it is our job as parents to keep track of our kids and their schedules. Hopefully, after missing one shower, she'll be happy to put it in print for you.

Always, I often ignored the eye rolling with my adult sons unless it was accompanied by rude comments or some other form of rudness which did happen once or twice. I figured if rolling of the eyes was the way a teen felt like they had some control than fine. Now snide remarks and slamming doors, I wouldn't have ignored. But you only had the famous eye roll. Teens can really push our buttons. I think there's a fine line between knowing when to say something in this situation and when to let it ride. Maybe she was annoyed at having to work and your mentioning it reminded her how annoyed she was...lol.

I would ask her when she gets her work schedule to please write it down for you explaining it will help you in planning your weeks timelines. No harder job than parenting.

My daughter went through this stage when she was 13-ish. I shocked her out of it by telling her "You might as well say (f word) because that's what your tone of voice is saying." Your daughter is a bit older, since she's holding down a job? And basically a decent person when you can get past all the angst and drama?

I don't think there's any single best to handle an older teenager. But you do need to do something. Overlooking her eye-rolling and continuing to do things you think are conducive to a pleasant, efficient household isn't working.

Some ideas above might strike you as being worth a try. But maybe also give this link a look, it's quite long but skim through to the part where he talks about speak your piece then let it go. Good luck ... they do grow up, but you're not doing her any favors by trying to make her life easier at no cost to her. She needs to either pay you your due respect, or lose those breakfasts and bathroom privileges.

edited to add: probably time to quit making breakfast for her, regardless of attitude. She knows where food is and how to prepare it and clean up the dishes and how much time to budget to get it done to get to school or work on time. If not, she is capable of learning, I trust.

The eye roll may have been brought on by an annoyance at work. Ask.

Before waging war with your daughter, map out a peace treaty.

It's a constant eye roll when I ask her something and its annoying, not necessary. It's not the first time it's happened. Next time she does it I'll let her know why I am asking what I'm asking...and let her know she's being rude. I may even ask her if she wants to say why she's doing what she's doing (eye-roll) so I can understand better!! LOL

I often think that teens are born with an eye roll gene that switches on about the time they turn 13 and turns off again once they reach their 20's. Hang in there!

i think a direct route of asking "why are u rolling your eyes" would be best. then really listen to what she says ...just get to the heart of the matter. could be because she told you and you forgot? or she is bad mood to begin with and doesn't "feel" like answering you... it could be so many things at that age, so its best to ask directly.

i wouldn't argue or make to big a deal of it... but would let her know its rude in a nice way. pick your battles b/c there will be more of them.

maybe if she writes down, sends u a pic, texts or emails her schedule to you, then u can avoid this confrontation from now on.

i have 2 DD's so been down that road, believe me.

I wouldn’t engage in it. You’re just asking for a fight if you do. It’s much better for you to just go about your schedule the way that you need to and let her figure it out.

"It's not the first time it's happened."

Then that's your fault for allowing it to repeat without comment or consequence.

First, if she's old enough to work she's old enough to get herself up on time to get her own breakfast. But rather than wait until the next time this happens and incites an eye-roll, maybe have a general conversation about her work days, why you need to know if she's working and that you're trying to be considerate of family scheduling for shower, etc.

How far ahead does she know her schedule? Can she give it to you as she gets it?

Full disclosure - We're probably all guilty of doing something for our kids that others would frown on, I know I am in that I made my kids their lunches all through high school. I know, I know....

I have boys and I never tolerated rudeness from them perhaps because I wanted them to understand that being rude to women was a non-starter.

Agreed, not acceptable.

I remember being a teen, and wishing I could figure out how to roll my eyes. I never developed that skill - thankfully. I think I would have been slapped out of the house...

Always1stepbehind, being as teenagers don't really listen and learn, try teaching by sight. Start reacting to them the way they do you. We know how to eyeroll, heavy sigh, etc. Trust me it will sink in!

There are sooo many diverse theories on how to raise up a child. Teens vary and their environment and the dynamic in which they live is equally as diverse. For the most part parents do/accept what they can stand. If you find your offspring behaving in a way you find irritating enough most parents manage to confront said behavior. Describing and incident really leaves out much. We can't FEEL what you did, get a fix on the teens demeanor and attitude. The same incident as described could be simple teen over load angst or it could have been blatant disrespect. What I know is a lot of talking at a teen can be ineffective. My guess is you have already made it known which behaviors in your home are acceptable. What ACTION you take will speak volumes. Boundaries are a good thing and teens love to test and see if they are still in place. Values aren't TAUGHT they are CAUGHT and what you DO at this juncture will set the scene for next time.

Teens....oh I feel your pain! I am sorry. We are in this together. I raised a daughter and although she was a straight A student, super confident and well spoken to everyone else, I saw all the tears, endured all the eye rolls, had to listen to the....tone...you know what I am talking about when you ask a simple question and get a one word answer that has a tone full of disdain that you merely exist. I feel your pain. When my daughter got her own apartment I drove to New Orleans and had celebratory drink...I live SEVERAL states away from Louisiana! It’s rough. I never allowed disrespect or back talking...I addressed it EVERY time. They just know how to push your buttons.

When we went to Japan last year, she was fussy for four days. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t have the trip tainted with memories of a giant argument...which would have happened. I decided for the sake of the trip, and my MIL was on the trip, to try ignoring her, she was 22. I did. I am not recommending this, just telling you what happened. It worked like a charm. She settled down and apologized. Now I always ignore it...but she doesn’t live with me and she now pays her own bills.

She was dating someone in the past with MY personality. I believe in ACCOUNTABILITY. It was fire and gasoline. Now she is dating someone that diffuses the situation with his laidback personality. My personality wasn’t best for her, yes she respected me but it was a rocky ride...for me!

sabbath, I don't mean to make light of dealing with disrespectful teens, but your comment about driving to New Orleans for a celebratory drink made me laugh out loud. Thank you for getting my day off to a good start! :-)

sabbath7, your comments made me think, if our offspring shared our personalities, life would be simpler. Your story made me chuckle, and I do think under the circumstances, you did the right thing on the trip.