3katz, this same niece explained to me that brides often add things to their registry they don’t expect to get because the store sends them a coupon for anything on their registry they don’t receive. Daisy, I have never received a thank you from another niece for any wedding or shower gift, even though I sat for an hour at the shower detailing who gave what for her. The ironic part is this mother-to-be received 3 sets of the same onesie sets she had on her registry. I will never buy off the registry at Target again. I was embarrassed once when the bride opened my identical gift right after she opened another.

I don't look at registries at all...

This is a gift. Don't tell me what to buy YOU...You don't appreciate it? Then I'm happy for you to give it to someone who will....charity, friend, whatever.

I used to work retail and we would have brides come in all of the time will all of the things that had been purchased off their registries for them. They would return them for the cash. When the store stopped issuing cash back, they would get a gift card and resell the gift card at a slight loss.

Next time someone tries to tell you that internalized misogyny isn't real, think about robo's post, it's quite a vivid example and not as uncommon as we would like to think.

Oh my. If that had been one of my nieces, I would have been quite outspoken regarding her selfishness.

It amazes me how entitled people are. Somehow the definition of "gift" has changed into "obligation." Just because you receive a wedding/baby shower invitation, doesn't mean you have to give a gift. And simply because there is a registry doesn't mean you are restricted in the parameters of said list.

Of course, if you attend either event, that's a different situation, as far as giving a gift.

Gifts are supposed to come from the heart, given freely and dictated as to what to give by the recipient.

So let's suppose that I have a registry and I ask for XYZ cookware, by the piece. I get a gift of a set of another brand which is not at all comparable to what I want. Besides, I do not want some of the pieves that come with the set. So, I am resigned to returning the set (no matter what a PITA that is) and somehow, when Granny visits, explaining to her that I prefer something else.

I would try to be very nice about thanking her.

And yes, at another event, I might share the story.

sushipup1, I wouldn't mention it at another event at all. If you don't like the gift, that's one thing, but to me, to complain about it to others is disrespectful to Granny.

I agree, complaining to a group about a present from the Grandma of your husband to be isn't very gracious.

What sushipup says. I'd be gracious and certainly wouldn't be appalled when telling the story later.

When we got married, registries didn't cross borders as easily as they do now. Some of my favorite gifts come from those who didn't have access to the registry, and who knew my husband and his family but not me.

I remember Maria Shriver saying she would recommend not registering for fine china etc, because you may not really know your fine entertaining style as a couple for several years.

I didn't register for the baby, and he got the most adorable things! He got a set of lovely junior-sized setting of fine stainless flatware, and we still use the spoon as a mustard spoon lol. (One day DH decided to use the knife to cut into a cantaloupe, and of course being more like a butter knife it broke. I was so mad.)

Oh, robo, that is one of the saddest baby/baby shower stories ever.

I always check out the registries, and try to buy off it if it suits me and my idea of a perfect gift for the person and is what I intend to spend. A lot will depend on how well I know them (both for a baby or a wedding), whether we plan to attend the wedding, and a few other factors. If it’s a baby, I try to get something practical and then will throw in something fun too if I can, like a baby toy, cute bib, hat, shoes, socks, onesie, or whatever else strikes me while shopping.

For our friends who recently got married (no registry) and have a small yacht, I went to Pier 1 & bought unbreakable stemless wine glasses, 4 cute unbreakable snack plates and matching cocktail napkins. Another friend bought a beautiful throw for them and had it monogrammed. I know she really loved both gifts, just because they were something new in their combined household.

Sorry Sushipup, but to say returning the other set is a PITA ... that seems pretty ungrateful to me. And re-telling the story? Why? I mean, one, it happens a fair amount, and two, what is the point? It seems mean-spirited. How is it that people forget these are gifts, not commercial transactions.

I am not saying you should keep what you do not want, although some people would say that. It is kind of cute --- grandma was being practical, trying to get the most for her money. The young woman probably wanted less but a certain brand. Not an atypical mismatch. I can totally see my mother-in-law thinking that a set of 50 Ginzu knives or whatever made a lot more sense that 4 Henckel. It would play much better if she said "it was really sweet, she wanted to get us more stuff, but she didn't realize we only wanted xyz", so we had to take it back. No understanding here?

I do applaud you for being honest here when it seemingly goes against the majority here.

ETA; As we are fond of saying in our house, what is the SAT title of the bride's story? In other words, standardized tests often have passages you read, and then you have to pick the title that suits the passage. It is a way of saying you get the gist of the passage. So what is the title of the complaining woman's story ? whatever it is, it isn't very nice.

How about going totally wild and crazy here and not registering at all...????

Then be real grateful that someone thought highly enough of you to give you anything...

Honestly. Complaining about a gift?!?! WTH???

I like the idea of registries as a steppingstone to ideas. I don't think they should be carved in stone. Then again, I'm getting old and crotchety. And these lists didn't exist 30 years ago.

I gave my great nephew gifts I found, and included a gift certificate, and fortunately the registry was a short list, and I knew my niece would be happy with any and everything remotely appropriate.

Although, I do remember my ex-sister-in-law getting upset when the doll house she wanted her daughter (then about 6) to get turned out not to be a Mattel Barbie doll house. And this wasn't even on a silly registry! My parents, evidently, had bought the "wrong" one.

[I am SOOoooo glad my niece turned out well!!!]

I should say that some of my most beautiful and thoughtful gifts that I personally have received have not been off any registry. Including works of art and handmade beautiful items, gorgeous clothing etc! It’s wonderful to be surprised.

Pennydesign, I still think registries are great as a gift giver and receiver, ever since I watched a bride unwrap literally four slow cookers at a shower with no gift receipts...and she already owned a slow cooker! Obviously the givers knew she liked cooking (she did) But to my practical middle-class eyes, what a waste of the givers’ money. They wanted to get her something practical that she could use and in the end she couldn’t use them at all (unless she really liked rotating appliances in and out of storage). As a gift giver, I really want to give someone something they like or can use, preferably both. If I don’t know them well enough to guess what they like, registry or cash makes it suuuper easy instead of playing detective.

True robo, but wouldn't at least one of the guests who attended offer to return theirs? I know I would have immediately...

ETA I don't give gift receipts either. I'm a pretty cranky "guest" I suppose.

It’s definitely your prerogative and no one should reject a gift to your face ever Or complain about it afterwards publicly. But you may find that depending on how well you know the recipient, they may not end up using what you get. So it depends on how much that bothers you or not. It’s true that it’s the thought that counts, but I find many gifts seem to be given without much thought to the needs and preferences of the recipient And instead are all about the taste and preferences of the giver, rarely though to such an extreme as in the story I related above. The need of the recipient is something I always try to keep at the top of my mind.

I am saying this as someone who struggles every single year to buy for my mom and my parents in law. I am a terrible gift giver to them and they never express preferences to me so I’m always shooting in the dark and getting it wrong. So I think many people are a lot more talented at giftgiving than I am. I, on the other hand, am a great gift receiver and rarely receive anything that I do not like or cannot use. Basically I’m very materialistic and love everything. There’s another parallel, with food, I’m a pretty bad cook but I just love eating! So I’m pretty neurotic about feeding other people but I just love when other people cook for me!

However I’ve found myself appalled by wedding registries. It’s as if the person completing the registry checked every box on the list. Like no thought went into what they truly want or need.

My oldest daughter was married almost a year ago ... let me tell you this story from the other side ...

My daughter opted to register at Bed, Bath & Bodyworks, and we made an appointment to go over /set up the registry. She and I talked about it ahead of time, and she was clear in her goals: Her #1 wish was her china and her silverware. I encouraged, saying:

- Register for a wide range of items in a variety of prices so there's something for every person's interest /budget... including a couple large items in case people want to "go in together".

- If you want the china and silverware, don't register for a ton of other stuff, or you'll end up with a smattering of this and that ... and not much of what you really want.

- Register for things like dish towels and bedsheets ... to give people an idea of your kitchen colors and bed sizes ... but don't be surprised if they use those as ideas, not concrete rules.

She thought this all made sense.

When we arrived to create the registry, it was clear that the salesperson's goal was to include every item in the store ... again, my daughter was clear in her #1 goals: china and silverware. We weren't too far into the process when I realized the salesperson was pushing too much on my daughter ... and she wasn't sure how to say, "Slow down. We are getting away from my actual goal." So I asked the salesperson, "If she changes her mind about some of these items later, we can make alterations on the website, right?" The salesperson immediately assured us that we could add more later! I pursued this line of question, asking, "But what if she decides she doesn't want this set of pots and pans anymore -- she can drop them and add a different set?" This wasn't what I really wanted to know, but I was assured this was not only possible but very easy (just use the password we'd already established). I gave my daughter a look that meant, "Just do whatever she says. We'll sit down at the computer when we get home." My girl understood immediately, and we went through the motions with the salesperson.

We left with a wildly outrageous registry ... but that very afternoon we sat down and chopped it down significantly. When she was done, my daughter was registered for the china and silverware she actually desired ... and enough other stuff to offer suggestions to guests ... but not a ridiculously overdone list. Over the course of her engagement, she continued to alter her list ... for example, she and I were at Goodwill and found HER EXACT paper towel holder, so she yanked it off her registry. When her fiance commented that some practical items like a Coleman cooler would be nice, she added them to her Amazon registry.

At her shower she received quite a bit of her china ... it was on sale the week of her shower; that had to be significant in people's choices. I gave her 100% of her silverware ... that had been my plan all along, but she didn't know it. At her wedding, she received zero china ... it was not on sale that week. At both events, she received quite a few non-registery items, and she expressed nothing but joy with every item.

Regardless, talking about your gifts with others disparagingly seems the height of tackiness.

Absolutely. Your niece was wildly out of line.

Just personally I like making sure parents have some of the practical stuff they need and I think it’s nice to let the parent buy some cute stuff themselves to their taste (as I find most guests enjoy getting the cute stuff and leave the practical stuff alone).

Yeah, for baby showers, I like to buy simple, practical clothing in 12 month size ... so that one the tiny things are outgrown, the parents have something "waiting". I often choose things like sleepers or thin one-piece outfits suitable for daily use ... because those things aren't so season-dependent.

My go-to item, though, is dishware. I don't usually get fancy things like the OP described ... rather, I'll choose a nice selection of plastic baby /toddler items from Target: bowls, fat spoons, sippy cups, bibs. Often moms-to-be have said, "Oh, I hadn't considered I'll need these!" I think first-time moms don't think much past breastfeeding, and if these are duplicates, it's okay -- people need plenty of kid dishes.

this same niece explained to me that brides often add things to their registry they don’t expect to get because the store sends them a coupon for anything on their registry they don’t receive.

This is true. Obviously it's store-dependent, but it's typical for brides to be allowed to buy items off their registry for 20% off ... for something like a year after the wedding.

My daughter and her fiance registered for a washer /dryer at Lowe's. No, they didn't expect anyone to buy them major appliances for their wedding ... they didn't even tell anyone that they'd registered at Lowe's. They themselves purchased some small household goods from "their registry" -- I think things like light bulbs and some curtains -- and then they were able to buy their washer /dryer for 20% off. I call that being smart.

The ironic part is this mother-to-be received 3 sets of the same onesie sets she had on her registry. I will never buy off the registry at Target again.

Something similar happened to me! I mentioned above that I gave my own daughter 100% of her silverware at her shower ... my niece was married around the same time, and I gave her the same thing. I've kind of decided that's my go-to for close family: silverware with a note about the importance of eating /sharing together as a family.

My niece's silverware was at Target, and -- as I said -- I bought 100% of it. Then my mother-in-law bought her more silverware ... it's possible (but highly unlikely) that the two of us were at our respective Target stores at the same moment buying the same thing ... it's more likely that Target keeps bad records.

My niece wasn't disappointed ... more silverware isn't a bad thing. But it's the principle of the thing.

I don't look at registries at all...

This is a gift. Don't tell me what to buy YOU...You don't appreciate it? Then I'm happy for you to give it to someone who will....charity, friend, whatever.

Oh, sometimes I welcome a registry. My husband's cousin's daughter is getting married in June ... I know the girl, but I don't know her well. She and her future husband have just bought a foreclosure house and have MANY projects lined up. I didn't even know the two were "handy".

Her registry is full of "projects" ... I already bought two matching wicker baskets, which she says they plan to use as slide-outs for the bedside tables they're planning to buy. I thought telling us how they plan to use the items was brilliant ... and I stuffed one of the baskets with a set of sheets (not from their registry but the right size and color, something I know from reading their registry) ... and I still need to find something else bedrooom-related to put into the other wicker basket.

I'm feeling good about the part of the gift I've already bought, and without the registry, I wouldn't have had any idea what to get for this girl.

If I don't know, I usually go with towels in a neutral color ... everyone needs them, and if you get duplicates, it's okay.

Next time someone tries to tell you that internalized misogyny isn't real, think about robo's post, it's quite a vivid example and not as uncommon as we would like to think.

Okay, I'm feeling bad now. In our family, we just welcomed the first baby of the next generation (a girl, born to my above-mentioned, silverware-heavy niece !), and I'm excited to think that my daughter and her husband may be next in line ... though I hope they wait another 2-3 years and get themselves strongly established first. I've found myself thinking, "I hope they'll have a boy." I'm thinking it because we have -- on my husband's side of the family -- a 100% girl generation. Doesn't mean I wouldn't welcome a girl, but we've had a whole generation of pink clothes and dolls, and I'd like some males in the family!

Oh my. If that had been one of my nieces, I would have been quite outspoken regarding her selfishness.

I'm super close to my nieces, and I would've said something too. Not in public, of course, but I'd have asked her to come help with something in the kitchen ... and I've had laid it out to her.

So let's suppose that I have a registry and I ask for XYZ cookware, by the piece. I get a gift of a set of another brand which is not at all comparable to what I want.

Not a problem at all. Using a frying pan or a casserole that doesn't match your set is not the end of the world.

I wouldn't mention it at another event at all. If you don't like the gift, that's one thing, but to me, to complain about it to others is disrespectful to Granny.

Totally agree. I'd add the word "entitled".

Perhaps my own particular feelings come from that fact that we never had much and we would never consider throwing any kind of party with "payment" in mind. It just isn't me.

I am over the moon grateful for any small kindness, be it a word, a gesture, or a knife and fork. I'm completely blown away by the mere thought that another (ESPECIALLY second cousin's son twice removed, etc.) might be that considerate.

I think expecting anything is just plain wrong.

That girl was down right rude. God bless her husband having to live with her. Grandma probably has been cooking longer than she was alive and know better what kind of cookware to purchase. What is the difference anyway. Cookware is usually stored out of site.

One relative had a $500 knife on her registry. Ya sure, get real intitled princess.

Sometimes I buy from the regestry for a shower and sometimes I don't. Having been in the medical field, for a baby shower I usually buy a humidifier, thermometer, nose sucker, medication dropper and spoon, etc. I had several new mothers call thanking me later. They didn't have to bundle up a sick baby go to the store. It was already there.

My daughter in law does not want a baby shower at ALL, which is a new concept for me. I was looking forward to co-hosting with my daughter or her mother if she wanted.

I'm still trying to wrap my head around the idea. I asked some of my classmates in a class last week, and they said not wanting a shower is not unusual now. I think maybe millennials have strong opinions about what they want, and don't want to get something they don't like.

I told my son I would never give them something they did not ask for. For Christmas both my kids tell me what they want, and that's what I get them. So they should know that.

We offered to get them whatever crib they wanted, so that's what I did. My son sent me an amazon link and I ordered it. Ironically it cost less than we paid for our son's crib 30 years ago, so it's not like they only wanted expensive gifts.

I had planned on making a baby quilt, and had bought the fabric months back, before I knew any of this. Now I hesitate to even make one. It's one thing to buy a gift that they don't like, it's another to go through countless hours of effort.

^^This makes me sad...A gift of time is more valuable than anything. Not enough appreciation for those gifts that take more time than money, now.

I better shut up now :)

linnea - Don't assume that your handmade gift would not be appreciated.

I don't understand how not wanting a shower is looked on as bad thing. I hate showers. I told everyone who I thought might think of giving me a bridal shower that I did not want one. I may have gone so far as to tell them that I would walk out if they surprised me with one. It was not because I wouldn't have been grateful for whatever I received - I most certainly would have. It was because I did not want people buying me gifts. (And I hate showers.) I refused to register for my wedding (yes, there were registries back in the dark ages when I got married). People, of course, bought us gifts because that is what people do. I was grateful for them but also wished they had not been given. Even today, I really don't want gifts.

I have to say, on my niece’s behalf, whom I love, that she related the story only to me, my daughter, and her mother, rather than the entire party. She did make a couple of other comments about other topics that made me think I was out of touch with the 30-something set. But, it also made me reflect on the menagerie of decorated cookie animals I made for her son for his birthday, which took days, and brought to a separate event. I was surprised by her apparent disinterest, but thought she was distracted by hosting. So, maybe Linnea, your decision not to make the quilt is a good one. I think maybe you have it right that the current generation just wants what they want. Are we partly to blame for waiting in lines for Cabbage Patch dolls, etc., and paying above market rates for the current seasonal trendy toys?

"linnea - Don't assume that your handmade gift would not be appreciated."

I agree. Except now mothers are being told to not use blankets and quilts. A colorful quilt for tummy time would be a lovely gift (I think).

Robo,

OMG that boy quilt story is horrible.

As for one of your other comments,

"..I, on the other hand, am a great gift receiver and rarely receive anything that I do not like or cannot use. Basically I’m very materialistic and love everything. There’s another parallel, with food, I’m a pretty bad cook but I just love eating! So I’m pretty neurotic about feeding other people but I just love when other people cook for me!"

There is something so refreshing and likeable about you, Robo!

Linnea,

I might talk to your DIL and say something like "I really would enjoy making a quilt for the baby, but I want it to be something that you will like. Would you want/use a quilt? I'd love to make one but only if you want one. If you do, let me know what colors or designs you like."

As far as not having a shower, I totally get that. Esp. in the way it so often is isolated to women. Personally, i wish all gift giving were more spontaneous and random.

Thanks Mtn!

We got two lovely handmade quilts and I use them for tummy time/playtime and pictures. One is modern and a bit larger than normal and will go on his eventual bed.

We also received three beautiful hand knit blankets. I switch them around in the car seat and did use them for naps when he was younger and less likely to kick/pull them over his face. But it is true that they are not supposed to go in the crib.

Mrs Pete, my comment about internalized misogyny was about the absolutely hateful (IMO) attitude of the grandmother who made a quilt for a boy when she had been told the baby was definitely a girl. I totally understand the desire to want both boys and girls in the family, which is what I read you as expressing.

Also, I'm with rosesstink, I didn't have a shower for my wedding or when my daughter was born, as I don't enjoy parties, getting dressed up or being the center of attention. Also, I'm absolutely horrific at small talk and fitting in. My family is small and not close at all, as is my husband's, I live in the boonies, not a neighborhood and only have a couple of close friends, so I don't have a wide circle inviting me to showers, which suits me quite well.

MrsPete - I think it’s fine to have a hope for a boy or girl! Just don’t express that to the expecting parents and never ever let on that you’re disappointed if a boy pops out! That could really put a sour note on a happy occasion.

It’s the same as giving feedback on a baby name, there’s only one appropriate response, “lovely name!”

lakeaffect - I was scandalized!!!

Penny, my husband and I didn't register for our wedding- it was small- I have since heard that when people don't register they are really asking for cash. I was mortified to think that some people might have interpreted our not registering as a cash grab.

That's a new, even sadder, twist Rita...

Back in the day (ugh) we didn't plan our own showers...mine was a complete and totally unexpected surprise. I'm happy to say that 34 years later, I still own some of the gifts given to me, and I can name who gave those gifts. I was ever so grateful for each and every one of them.

Weddings were always envelope affairs, but I will sometimes buy a gift just to be a little different...less of a "useful" gift and more of a luxury.

One or two times I got a "no gifts, please" request. This makes me usually give one :)

"No gifts please" translates to me "no more stuff please. I have enough crap of my own to find room for". I usually give a gift card to a restaurant on those occasions.

I almost always buy off the registry for wedding, but almost never for babies. I buy China or crystal off of wedding registries. But for babies, well, I think I know better, ha, ha. I can’t remember the last shower I went to, we are usually sending a gift cross country and we send robeez shoes.

I think there is nothing wrong with going off registry and everything wrong with being ungrateful for whatever you get.

Dee: As you sat with your niece complaining about Grandma's gift, were you thinking back to when you attending HER wedding and what gift you gave to her? Honestly, I would never give that niece another gift...

Does anyone actually like to go to showers? Wedding showers were originally meant for young couples to set up their first home. Today's showers are often impersonal and a gift grab.

I purposely didn't read the replies, but the registries for weddings and showers have been a pet peeve of mine for years.

First of all, the gift recipient can look online and actually see what was bought! Where's the surprise?

The husband should have sat his wife down and given her the what-for! How dare she say that about HIS grandmother who went out of her way to get his "lovely" wife a gift she thought the wife would love. Has the wife never heard "It's the thought that counts?"

I think I'm more angry at her husband for not setting his wife straight about being gracious & LOVING to his grandmother.

Oh, this topic really boiled my blood. lol

I like viewing a registry, I can get IDEAS. Often that item or one very similar,can be found elsewhere. Bottom line the gift GIVER gets to decide all the time, every time what they care to GIVE. To answer your question are you out of the loop on expectations WHO CARES. Perhaps those getting married are the ones needing a wake up call. Truly there are soooo few who NEED gifting. Most couples set up household long before a wedding is even dreamed about. The entire idea of showers is outmoded. I can't imagine a bride or new mom who doesn't ALWAYS get items "not on the registry". That's going to happen. It is a disappointment when the gift you chose is opened before yours, been there dong that. But again WHO CARES. That is now the bride/mom's problem. We really do need to remember it is the THOUGHT that counts. Gifts can't ALWAYS be THE PERFECT ONE. The last shower I attended my sister the future MIL bought the entire set of pots/pans. The bride registered for them one by one, as they were top of the line and very expensive. We came with one the pots, and a few misc items. She either kept the fry pan (two is a good thing) or returned ours. It was a typical event--my sister going over the top, out doing the rest of us, but as MIL that is her prerogative. I want to think the chatty bratty you sat next to ASSUMED you bought off the registry--after all in her world EVERYONE DOES. Directed at you-no but conspiratorial probably and that would insult me even more. No way do I want to be in her club!!

One or two times I got a "no gifts, please" request. This makes me usually give one :)

If it’s the thought that counts, what is the thought here? I don’t respect your wishes comes across loud and clear.

My daughter has a friend who recently got married. Her registry included 12 place settings of expensive fine china and crystal and other pricey tableware from Bloomingdale’s. (My daughter got her a $150.00 salad bowl from the registry). The couple lives in a tiny NYC apartment with barely space for a small table, let alone any storage. Her mother also lives in NYC, so it’s not like she’s going to keep them at her mother’s house until she gets a bigger place. She may have received a few place settings, but we are all mystified as to why she would register for these things, as formal entertaining is not part of her lifestyle, or of most any young person trying to survive in NYC. Most Millennials these days aren’t interested in formal china, and there is plenty to be had on the secondary market if they are.

When my husband and I got married he was 40, I was 41, and in with the invitations to the wedding and directions to the venue, we put a card that specifically requested no presents, as we were older, had everything (and more), both owned houses and we wanted to throw a big ass party to celebrate, but we didn't want presents. Most people honored that, but several gave us presents anyway, mostly friends of our parents. We wrote them thank you notes and donated the presents, but I could never figure out why they didn't honor the request, did they think we were joking or that since our parents had ponied up gifts for their kids that they "owed" them? I'll never know, but my advice (or advise) is to honor a "no presents" request for any event, but I think we, as a culture, are far too present oriented.

@hhireno

"One or two times I got a "no gifts, please" request. This makes me usually give one :)

If it’s the thought that counts, what is the thought here? I don’t respect your wishes comes across loud and clear."

Hhrieno, you don't know me and you don't know my friends or relatives, do you? Therefore you cannot possibly have any idea as to why I do this.

Believe it or not, there are lovely people in the world who choose NOT to view this celebration as anything other than that. A celebration. They may actually be in need, but choose to have a small affair where others can be part of the simply joy of the real meaning of a wedding. Or they may be fine, but simply would adore to have one or two luxuries that they may not get for the next ten years because they're fresh out of college living (happily) in a studio apartment.

In either case I think a surprise gift is a lovely gesture and I will continue it.

You are right, I don’t know you and you don’t know me.

I am just pointing out that your disregard for someone’s choice isn’t always viewed as a lovely gesture. I imagine you believe everyone who receives your gifts has come around to your line of thinking, but maybe they haven’t. I hope they accept them graciously but it doesn’t mean aren’t wondering why did she give me a gift when I specifically asked her not to.

I love registries!!! I look everything over carefully and select items that I might have chosen by myself. If I don't find anything that fits what I might buy, then I give money. Easy. I especially like baby registries, because I'm only an aunt and don't have a clue. lol!

The worst EVER for registries was the wedding invitation I received that included a "groom's" registry... at Tiffany's... for things like very expensive gold watches. I didn't choose from that registry. lol!

Recently had a little party for Emmett and put no gifts needed on the invitation just to remind people that it was not a shower (I feel like people are trained to bring presents to any type of party involving a baby). A handful of people brought gifts anyway and they were all nice and appreciated – – especially the wine for mom!

It's definitely circumstantial, but oftentimes giving a gift is more a pleasure for the giver...

Robo, after I had one of my babies a very kind woman gave me a gift of soap (!)...it meant so very much to me, (as did everything). But it was an acknowledgement in a time I really needed it (my daughter was in intensive care for a while)...

BTW I saw a photo of Emmett on another thread...pretty much the cutest bebe ever...!

Penny, your comment about receiving nice soap as a lovely gift reminded me of a quirky story.

My mom is a dear. She is youngest child of 11 of elderly parents. She is one of two girls, the oldest and the youngest were females. Many of her siblings were not born in the US but were born in Poland. Lots of depression era mental quirkiness especially around gifts food money.

One year my brother’s mother in law was visiting for the Christmas holiday. She lived in Osaka and neither my parents or other siblings had ever met her so we were all discussing gift ideas for Christmas. We had to consider weight and pack ability due to her return flight home. Suggestion after suggestion was shot down by my mother but the funniest of all was her reaction to a nice set of scented soaps. “Soap! You can’t give someone soap. That is like saying they smell and they are dirty”

Now in actuality immigrants were given soap because they were considered dirty, lice infested, and smelly. So I know why my mom had the reaction she had. However I really think soap is such a lovely gift., alas I was not able to convince her.

Localeater, my mom always says the same thing...you don't give soap as a gift as it could be misconstrued as an insult. I agree it's totally generational and, now, amusing to think of in that way :)

What was lovely for me was that for many years after I would buy the same soap as the scent of it brought back memories of that special time in my life...

Wow, I'd never heard of baby shower registries, but then when I got married (long, long ago), I also thought wedding registries were tacky. And, yes, we mostly got gifts that I would not have chosen.

Are there now also birthday registries?

I like registries, too, because I know I'm so far out of it. I have no idea what these people want/need! I buy something off the registry, or a gift card to the store the registry is based in.

There's only one thing I like better than registries - the shower being scheduled at a date/time that I can't attend! That's the best of all. I don't mind buying a gift but I HATE attending showers. (I'll go over and stand next to lakeaffect while some of you party hardy.)

Not by me! I almost always buy books for new baby gifts. Baby clothes are outgrown within a few months. Books last for years and years, and can give so much joy. Stimulate a child’s brain and imagination. Promote such wonderful parent-child bonding. . . and memories that can last a lifetime. Both my now-adult kids grew up loving to read. And both have seriously wonderful libraries to pass on to their own children. To me, that’s a very special thing. BTW, I loved, used and saved both my kids’ childhood flatware sets and dishes. They treasure them still and will use them for their own children someday . . . whenever they get around to giving me some (LOL)!