The birth of my kids.

The day I received a letter from my one and only child who was placed for adoption 21 years previous. It was all confidential/secret/sealed in those days and I never, ever dreamed he could (or would want to) find me. I was thrilled to be found (as most birth moms are) but because I felt there was a contract I'd entered into that severed my ties, I never would have looked for him, nor would I have even begun to know how. We now have been reunited for 27 years and I am Grandma to his young son. None of which would have been imaginable or possible if he hadn't had the courage to search for me.

Legal contracts can change many things, but they cannot erase the bond between mother and child.

Long story short. I was talking to a complete stranger. He said he enjoyed watching the sun rise. Walking to an outdoor cafe on the Bay, drinking coffee, reading one of those free tabloids. He was unemployed by choice and was really sad to be going back to work. He did mortgage refinancing, but only worked just enough to make ends meet. We talked for about an hour. Suffice it to say, after talking to him I no longer felt guilty for NOT working a typical 9-5 job, with a boss, at an assigned time....in a profession that is NOT dominated by women.

I spent two weeks thinking it all over. Then quit my desk job.

Incredible stories and courage here! Hugs and love to all of you.

The day the Dr's told me I had lung cancer I thought that was the worst day I could ever have but when we lost our beautiful daughter 6 years ago that broke my heart. Parents should never have to outlive their kids.

The day I was at work and the Highway Patrolman came in and asked me if my husband was driving his truck that day and if so, was he alone....my heart sank because, not only did another truck run a stop sign that killed my husband, but it had exploded and they could not identify him...and the fire was so hot that the log chains and his wedding ring melted. I was instantly widowed at 33, but thankful my children who were 3, 10, and 13 were not with him. Our lives changed forever on that day!

Life changing? In my 7th decade I have had so many life changing moments I couldn't choose one. I see my life as chapters in a book. Those chapters make me who I am. It's been a wild ,crazy ride and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I will share one that defines me. When I was 20 years old I walked away from almost everyone and every principle I held dear. I was driven by fear. For the next 17 years a huge chunk of my being was missing. I married, raised my family and participated in day to day living with family and friends. In July of 1987 an event occurred that forced me to make another hard choice. The most difficult one of my life. I was 36 years old. I had two young children and a DH. My family was all to me. But I got in my car and said goodbye. I wasn't sure I would be back. I went back 17 years not knowing what I would find. I found freedom. Never again will I give up my freedom. I live my life every single day with the word freedom as the undercurrent. . No one can take that away from me. No one's opinion matters, no one can hurt me. No one is owed an explanation. I have freedom. It's what defines me. It keeps me strong and my family safe. It keeps me true to myself. Can't get better than that.

I feel so badly for those of you that have suffered and are still in pain over the death of loved ones. Virtual hugs to you.

Yes, it doesn't "feel" right to like a post that has such pain and suffering. Caring thoughts.

Hearing you have entered a war zone opened my eyes, and I headed back to Oklahoma.

Several. The birth of my daughter in 1980, happy one. Finding out in 1973 that my husband had a child with another woman.

Posted too soon. In '95 a deckhand got furious with my husband who fired him, so got his drug addled gf to make up a complete lie about him. She didn't know us so couldn't tell a good lie but no one ever investigated it and the aftermath cost us $69,000 and took 15 mo.to get charges dropped. Nearly killed me. Set us back to the extent we never really recovered financially and made me much more of a recluse than I ever would have been normally. And yes...there were other life changing events.....almost too numerous to mention.

SO many over the past 74 years, but meeting my 2nd husband at a dinner party was certainly one that no only changed my life but the lives of my two children and my grandchildren. My husband was not a wealthy man - secondary school math teacher - no trust funds. But he came from a wealthy, privileged family. We started going to Martha's Vineyard in the summer and that opened so many opportunities for my children and later for my grandchildren. Since my husband taught in an independent school, my children were able to go to whatever school he was teaching at, tuition free. Their ambitions for secondary school and college went far beyond what they would have been if I'd still been married to their father or alone as a single mother.

I greatly appreciated all those opportunities at the time, but I don't think I recognized how significantly they changed all our lives forever. I just hope that my DH somehow knows just how grateful we all are to him for all the opportunities he gave us all. He was a very lovely man and I loved him dearly.

My brother's (2) suicides years apart. Still haven't resolved my emotions/sorrow/anger about that. On a positive note, my life changed when I met the man I've been married to for just about 40 years. We're good together.

Wow ... so many of us have survived so much. You all have my sincere respect!

Here's a lighter "moment of change": I was fourteen. It was summer. My oldest sister had returned from college bringing, among other things, new, fresh, wildly compelling music. Not at all like the top-40 pop my parents listened to.

So: 1974. Basement family room. Harvest gold shag carpet, fake dark wood paneling. I'm alone. Big ol' Zenith radio, turn it on, wait for the hum as it warms up. Then I turn the dial, all the way right -- dull, dull, dull -- then ... all the way left. I hear the opening strains, "Aaaaahhhoooooooooo" of Bowie's new "Diamond Dog" album. On. the. radio.

!!!

College radio! free form, no commercials, no play lists, no "no play" lists either! Way out in my white bread suburbia! Far out!

That was a moment that changed my life, because I've never gone back to middle of the road/middle of the dial pop. Way too much good music out there to repeat what everyone else listens too. Also, as the saying goes, puberty would not have been the same without David Bowie ;-)

When my husband was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. We worked hard and raised 4 children. He had recently retired and it was going to finally be "our" time. Except now there is no us, just me.

I have tears in my eyes as I read about the losses and trials so many of you have suffered. You are all incredible people and I’m honored to sit at the kitchen table with you.

I was having lunch with an older lady that had cared for her husband with Alzheimer's. I was really struggling with caring for my mother, who had early-onset Alzheimer's and was telling her I just felt overwhelmed and like I couldn't go on. In her very sweet southern accent, she said "But honey, what choice do you have?" She was right, but just that one statement made me realize I had reserves and strength I had no idea existed within me. I will always remember it.

Hearing my mom say, "I love you" for the first time on her deathbed. I was alone with her and it was so traumatizing to helplessly watch her suffer. Scars on the brain......

I think the moment that changed me was having the closest family member in the world to me for my whole life dump me unexpectedly. I was blindsided. I remember asking them "what happened, we were so close?" and their reply was "My life is different now."

How did that change me? I still enjoy life and the good things and people in it. But I don't think I can ever belly laugh with abandon again. I am always even when not intending it, on my guard. There is always that feeling that the solid ground under my feet can give way without notice.

Blue, I'm sorry you feel that terrible uncertainty and hope it will ease in time.

9/11 was one of them. I realized life was so precarious and that I needed to do something meaningful which ended up being teaching.

When I was accepted into a very tough Radio Engineering course during WW2.

We attended classes 8 hours a day, 6 days a week. I was fortunate enough to pass the course (more than half didn't make it.) This led me to Wright Patterson Air Force Base in Ohio where I met my husband, to whom I was married for 57+ years.

We had four wonderful daughters.

For me, it was an event that happened soon after I graduated from High School. I was a poor farm kid with no resources except for good grades earned in school. Upon graduation, my prospects were slim. It was find a way to earn my way through a 2 yr trade school or enter the armed services. I would be turning 18 later in that year and my draft board would be calling me to fill their quota. The year was 1954 and the Korean Police Action was still hot. That would have been my war.

The Principal of my high school found an unadvertised program. It was an experimental engineering training program at Rock Island Arsenal. At the time, the country was in fear of what the future might bring. There was much unrest and uncertainty in the world. The prospect of another world war was possible, and this time, it was feared that nuclear weapons would be used. The Ordnance Weapons Command decided to train a group promising students to become engineers.

This was the turning point of my life. By encouragement of my principal, I used the last of my meager savings to travel to Rock Island, IL / Davenport, IA and take a series of entrance exams. Out of several hundred vying for berth in this program, only 40 were accepted. I was one of those 40. My life would change dramatically.

There was another time during my college days that changed my outlook on life. I was taking a difficult Thermodynamics class and like many others that winter, I had become a complainer. It was a bad habit that struggling students fell into. Whilst at meals or in the lounge, it became a sport to entertain ourselves by complaining; For some, it was a way of letting off steam about course difficulties and possible failure.

And then, I met my professor of Thermodynamics (Thermo, for short). On the first day of class, we settled into our chairs and then the professor entered. I was taken aback. He was in his 30s and stricken by MS. He did not, could not walk into the classroom. Instead, he deftly wheeled in. He was restricted to a wheel-chair. He was the best instructor I ever had. He worked very hard with the students teaching the concepts of the subject and never complained about anything. He put everything he had into teaching the subject. There were times when he was in pain, but kept soldiering on. His life was soon to be over, He passed away a few years after I graduated from college.

He taught me well the subject at hand. By demonstration, he taught something else that was just as valuable and that was: Shut up. Stop complaining. If the job is difficult, dig in and it will get done!

I owe the positive changes in my life to individuals such as these.

My life changed with a medical diagnosis also. At 16 my Dad suddenly passed away so my college plans were in doubt unless I worked to pay my way. Six months later I was diagnosed with a progressive muscle disease and told that within 5 years I would be dependent on a wheelchair. The profession I looked forward to would require much physical ability. So I scrapped further education plans. Got married at 18, had 2 kids by my 20th birthday....and at age 76 still not totally dependent on a wheelchair. My diagnosis has been changed 3 times, most recently just 2 years ago.

Jim, thank you for starting this. One of the best threads ever. Thank you to everyone for sharing. These recollections make me think.

Maybe I should elaborate since being diagnosed with what could've been terminal could be a downer, but it wasn't. I learned how to say I love you outloud, not just think it, really show it! I learned to say I am sorry immediately, as it may be the only chance I had to say it. I learned that stuff is stuff and what really mattered was my family and friends. I mostly found out it's all temporary and how a true friend, daughter, wife, and mother should act. I never would've gotten to that point (even though I've drifted away from it some) had I not faced death square in the eyes. It has a way of making your priorities something you choose on purpose. I live like I mean it now. And I feel freer than ever before. Don't wait for it, be alive!

One day in a room with friends someone jokingly said " you can't make someone like you." Though not directed at me, those words resonated with me for days. I realized I had been going out of my way...bending over backwards to get approval from people who didn't like me and never would. That day, I resolved to direct my energy and time to those who appreciate and like me. I have been much happier since.

Dolly, that reminded me of a quote I found on Pinterest last night, and it applies to me, and may be how you feel as well.

I am so grateful that you all opened up on this. Thank you. I wish I could reach out and hold your hands across the table. KT people are the greatest!

Hard to pick out one; there have been so many; standing up for myself as a young woman in the USMC, dealing with discrimination (on many levels) in the workplace, raising a child, cheating death, watching my parents die....the list goes on.

I believe every situation/person/ we encounter shapes our lives. Hard for me to pick one.

Socks- thank you. I feel your compassion and I appreciate it. In the end I have learned human nature is just human nature for most people. And thanking the stars and all other good things that my spouse has always been at my side and loyal to me. I think that was one of the things that attracted us to each other. We wanted love and loyalty most of all due to our family circumstances.

Losing a father in law, 6 pets and almost losing a mother in law in about 5 years. Hoping "life" starts hormone replacement therapy soon. lol

I feel like I look at things differently and don't need so much "stuff". Stuff isn't as important and I'd give up "things" for my father in law (not only cos I loved him but just to see my husband be truly happy again) and pets to be back. I'm sure there are reasons these things happened when and how they did to teach me lessons. I just wish it didn't have to be such a painful process.

Mine is a migraine story as well. 10 years ago I started taking alternative medicines in order to combat my migraines that were chronic. Every 3 weeks I'd have a 5-day migraine and it would take a week to get over. Plus I was having side effects, so many.! Speech problems, walking problems, hypoglycemia etc. I had been unable to work for 30 years was 70 lb overweight and could not even walk for 10 minutes. And if I did walk for 10 minutes I would be falling over..

After 2 years of continuously taking the alternative medicines my migraines disappeared for 3 years.

They are back but they are so minor I can take a tiny bite of a Tylenol pill for migraines and it is gone.

I am working, I am walking, I am talking and I am thinking. Life is completely different. In fact I now at 60 have a life. :-). It wasn't a moment; it took a long time but it was my biggest best change.

Fun2BHere, I second your post. I just want to reach out to all of the KT friends who have been through such trauma and give you huge hugs! Blessings to each and every one of you!

Many thanks to everyone who shared and commented here. It is a privilege to read these experiences and I truly appreciate having this opportunity.

I thought I had it all. Although I had come from a background of extreme poverty, I worked very hard to get training and a job, lived in a nice middle class area and was financially secure. I was also married and had an adult son. I was fulfilling other peoples' and seemingly my own expectations. What more could there be? But I became intensely unhappy. I had attended university for a short time and really loved it, but quit after realizing it had no practical purpose like all my other pursuits. The hole in my heart just would not go away and one day I suddenly "woke up" and realized that regardless of what other people thought, I had to follow my heart's desire. I quit my job and began attending university full-time. I was so unaware of the academic world that I was surprised to hear from a classmate that librarianship existed as a profession. I finished my undergraduate degree and shocked most people around me when I moved temporarily to a different city to get a graduate degree in library science. However, I am extremely fortunate that although DH wasn't too happy with my relocating for a couple of years, he supported me throughout and still does.

3 events changed my life over the course of 12 years. The 1st was when my daughter was officially diagnosed with autism at the age of 26 months. I remembered crying at the Pediatric Development specialist's office. It took me years to fully accept the diagnosis. The 2nd was in 2014 when my husband (ex husband now) told me he was having an affair while I was hanging a load of laundry in the backyard. My world crumbled at that moment. It took me 4 years to accept that. We had been married for 18 years. Now my kids (age 12 and 14) and I have our little family living in a different house. Both kids adjusted well. Their father never spends much time with them. The 3rd was 2.5 years ago when my golden retriever died in my bedroom. I have had multiple dogs over the last 24 years but the death of my golden retriever hit me the hardest. I have not had another dog since.

Stacey - are you a Librarian now? My dream job.

I wish there was a "thank you for sharing" button instead of just the "like" button. As others have said, it's difficult to "like" a post that describes some truly gut wrenching things. I appreciate all who have shared their stories.

I agree with Olychick and others, I clicked like not because I liked what the poster was describing, but because I commended that person for sharing their story.

Exactly.

The sudden death of my grandmother, the best person in my family, the only one who was loving and not abusive in some way. That killed me for a long time. Years of therapy later, I finally worked up the courage (and self-compassion) to tell another trusted family member how much they hurt me with the way they would habitually speak to me since I was a kid. Being used as a verbal whipping post. Their response? I don’t care, I need someone to talk to, “let it roll off like water on a duck’s back”. I had to write the actual words down right then so I wouldn’t forget and get sucked back in as usual, thinking that they don’t mean it and things will change. That conversation finally gave me permission to stop talking to them and the rest of the family soon followed. “Things don’t have to be this way.”

I don’t want to be confined by my past but it’s very hard to rewire a brain habituated to abuse and “feeling bad”. I realized in group therapy that being offered compassion is very painful for me and I withdraw. (I don’t deserve it.) Being yelled at and threatened and demeaned is LESS painful than being shown love, since it’s much more familiar and acceptable. That was a big realization and even though I’m not “there” yet, I know what’s possible with healthy relationships. I watch friends lovingly interact with their kids (and each other and their families) and it’s foreign and painful and scary but slowly healing. A gift.

There have been many, some beyond wonderful and some tragic, but the first one--the one I felt defined me for years--was the sudden death of my mom when I was nine. She cleaned a rug with carbon tetrachloride on a Saturday night in November, windows closed, and early the next morning I awoke to my dad shouting for me (I was an only child) to go to the neighbor's to get a doctor because she was dead.

I wish they'd had EMDR back then to help me process the trauma. I think it would have helped. All these years later (I'm 74) the experience still comes back to me at times. Fortunately, it doesn't stay long.

Skibby - I worked as a Librarian for several years and am retired now. I loved my job and especially enjoyed helping the public.

One of my moments was when I met my husband. He is my rock, my love, my life, even when I don't want one ;)

This morning I logged on to check my email to find a love note from him for no particular reason.

I know that I'm not an easy person...but he never gives up on me and no matter what happens I can count on him.

first, i would like to thank everyone for your stories. you are brave and i truly appreciate you opening up and sharing some very difficult situations. (((hugs to all))).

thinking back, i think the one thing that changed my life was when i wanted to break up with my boyfriend ( we were both 19 at the time) and he flat out refused!! He was so secure in occupation and i had no idea what i wanted to "do". and i felt i was holding him back in a way & was kind of a failure. looking back it was my insecurity :( i did finish college :)

i thank God that he didn't listen to me because we married, had/have 3 wonderful children and have been married for 30 years! he is my best friend and i am a better person because of him.

nannygoat, I too heard my dad say for the first time I Love You in his last months alive. How sad neither of them could find the words sooner.... But he did show me, I knew. :)

Two events for me. The loss of my 6 week old son when I was 20. And the day in mid September of 2009 when I asked God to save me, and He did. There are no words.... Eternally grateful.

My life changing moment was waking up in the hospital with police guards. My boyfriend had beaten me again, this time I lost my baby and found out I could have no more. That was my enough moment. Thank God for adoption and wonderful husbands.

beth, I appreciate your commiseration. Yes it's very sad and my DD knows with every ounce of her being that she is loved and cherished beyond measure. When you know better, you do better.

((Terilyn)) hugs to all but somehow I really was moved by Terilyn's post.