You did the right thing. It came from a good place.

I had a similar situation with my cousin. Although she did have the lump removed she did not want radiation or chemo.

I gently asked if she would like to talk to my sister (a survivor) and she snapped hostilely, "I don't want advise, just support!" So I said, "Okay, consider yourself supported."

Steve Jobs tried to cure his cancer naturally at first and delayed treatment that might have helped. Look what happened to him. Should be a lesson for her.

I wonder if she may have seen a loved one go through treatments (including chemo) and not be successful?

If this is an early diagnosis she may still be in denial.

I probably would have said much the same thing you did.

Knowing that she's intelligent enough to know and understand what treatments are available by Breast Cancer Specialists I would then try to support her on the path she has chosen to take.

Good luck to her.

I'm all for using complementary therapies to assist medically approved therapies, but using alternative therapies alone seems ill-advised. Why is your friend unwilling to use traditional medicine?

I can understand her thinking is probably very shifted right now because of..can be many reasons, including some sort of denial

I'd say the same thing I guess, I'd add-you probably did -I'd add I love her and want her to be healthy and get better and if a surgery whatever it takes (and it is) then a surgery it should be, along with other things she read are helpful. One should help a miracle a bit to happen..I don't know whether I'd say that-would depend on how close a friend is-but I sure would think it like that. The miracle part.

I'd feel extremely sad as well

But you know. A person undergoes all sorts of things when going though heavy stuff like this. As he processes all that. It might change. in her mind ; it might change soon too.

Continue to be by her side..you're a good friend..just be there-and you'll feel the moment you can say something again-and might be accepted

Is she involved with some sort of naturopathic doctor? Some of these practitioners believe the body can heal itself from cancer, and that is simply not true.

OTOH, my niece works with dialysis patients as a Registered Dietitian, and she has clients for religious or cultural reasons do not wish to pursue a particular treatment that can work for them, like a kidney transplant. So, maybe these factors are playing a role? There isn't a whole lot you can do about this.

You did what you could. I think I'd just say a prayer to the Universe for her to find health and let it go. Sounds as if she's made up her mind as to how she's going to treat it if those closest to her are supportive.

Unfortunately we can't always make people see conventional sense. I know when my Dad had cancer one of his cousins convinced him to take these capsules that contained some extract of blood-I can't remember the exact deal but it was more mumbo jumbo but my Dad was desperate to try anything (he was also going thru conventional treatment but his cancer was terminal).

Please know that you've done what you could do. Maybe you can just send her a note that says you wish for the best for her and be done with it. Who knows, maybe she will conquer, but it's not up to any of us to determine her outcome.

Apparently she is going in for regular scans, and the tumor has shrunk a bit since she has started this diet. She was told that it has shrunk "marginally", but is convinced that it is half the size that it had been.

Of course, I only know what she is telling me. I'm not sure how early it was detected. It doesn't sound like she had been having regular mammograms. First she said that it had been a couple of years, then 3 or maybe 5. She's 58, so I think it's possible that she may have not had a mammogram since she was 50. She can see the tumor just under the skin above her left breast. I think that I would want it OUT! I wouldn't want to look at it every day.

She is not working with a naturopath and isn't opposed to western medicine for any religious or cultural reasons. I am encouraged that she is getting regular scans, but she seems to have bought into the whole western medicine is only out to make money, and is hiding the truth from us conspiracy cr@p.

Of course not all cancers are the same. I would be alarmed about it too, but what else could reasonably be done, other than making your feelings clear? This is someone else's life.

Wondering why, if she's already getting pushback from others who are even closer to her, maybe even expects it, she chose to share? Might she be trying to convince herself?

I deal w/ this with my mother, who is quite prone to magical thinking when it comes to health & medical issues. She gets very angry with me when I express skepticism & sometimes downright rejection of some things, but I feel better about being honest.

"Make the true words sound kind" is my favorite motto these days.

I would have told her that while I didn't agree with her choice, I understood it was her life, her body and her choice. I would have then told her I will be supporting her through thought, prayers, positive thoughts to the universe, whatever your belief system is. I would send her occasional texts, notes, cards, etc. just to check in and tell her you are thinking of her.

It is sometimes very difficult to try not to control things that are out of our control. In fact, the older I get the more I realize how very little we each can control. Thinking of you. I know this must be frustrating and sadden you.

My MIL did this sort of thing, She had been a believer in Western medicine for many years. December 4 is the first anniversary of her death.

One of my best friends went in for a hysterectomy at age 52, it was cancer. She was a registered nurse with five children. She refused the after surgery blood thinners and left the hospital. I did all I could do, she told them she would give herself the heparin but she didn't. I brought in a psych nurse to speak with her. No go. She said she was no going the route my sister took (breast cancer) and she died at home with just my sister and me in the room. Oh her cat was there too lying on her chest, he jumped off when she took her last breath. We will never understand why she did this. Still sad about it.

My sister-in-law went the naturopathic route and died far too young. We miss you still Mona.

Maybe you can show her that there is good evidence that natural things work best with regular treatment combined. The drug and chemo side effects wear off but the cancer doesn't wear off or go away with just naturopathics.

Steve Jobs tried to cure his cancer naturally at first and delayed treatment that might have helped. Look what happened to him. Should be a lesson for her.

Yes, I did mention Steve Jobs to her.

I totally understand that we really don't know what our reaction will be until it happens to us. My friend admits that she encouraged a friend of hers who had lymphoma to go ahead and get chemo, and now that friend is doing well. But, she told me it's because lymphoma is one of the few cancers that chemotherapy works well against. Unfortunately, she thinks that researching on the internet for a few months makes her more of an expert than her oncologist who has studied for years.

RNmomof2 and yeonassky, I'm so sorry to hear about your relatives.

einportlandor, I'm glad that you are doing will now, and hope that your good health continues.

I feel for your friend. She is doing what she thinks is best, and will (most likely) wish she had gone another route when there is nothing that can be done. That's what happened to my SIL's mother who decided prayer would cure her breast cancer. Then when it had progressed, and she wanted medical treatment, it was too late.

By any chance is her cancer advanced or is it in earlier stage if you know this.

I have no idea how advanced the cancer is. I fear that the fact that she wasn't getting regular mammograms may mean that it's more advanced, but she didn't say.

That's a scary diagnosis and your friend may feel very helpless. Perhaps taking matters into her own hands gives her a sense of empowerment.

I was talking to a FM vendor and she told me that she beat ovarian cancer by drastically changing her diet, meditation and prayer. She was selling gluten-free goods made with wholesome ingredients. She is 14 years post-diagnosis and amazed all her doctors.

I would never take away hope, but wouldn't give false hope either. Since she is a distant friend, it may be easier to support her choice.

This is more common than we would think. A friend of mine's sister did the same thing and died in her early 40s. He siblings stopped talking to their parents out of (misplaced) rage that they did not magically force their adult daughter to get proper treatment.

I am so sorry you are fced with this. I hope your friend finds her way to the best possible outcome by using two approaches instead of one.

I wonder if I have the same mom as Carolb? My mom also says, “I’m the only one that knows my own body”!

I think you did what you could. And you didn’t avoid a difficult conversation because the issue is just too important.

I deleted my comment, after having time to read through the wise commentary above, it was repetative. Your friend is in my thoughts and I really hope that whatever she chooses to do it’s successful.

I also think you did the right thing expressing your concern about her non-traditional choices, but I wouldn't bring it up again unless she specifically asks you for advice or input. She may change the course of her treatments and she may not, but i would let it go and just be the supportive sounding board, which I know you will be.

lukk, I thought is was helpful to see how you and your husband navigated the waters between alternative and traditional medicine. It's one thing to say I hope your friend finds a way to satisfy both desires, but quite another to hear from somebody who successfully did find a balance.

This is a bit uncanny, but I decided to check out sciencebasedmedicine.org to see what they say about these alternative treatments, and their lead story is about women who refuse treatments for their breast cancer. https://sciencebasedmedicine.org/why-do-some-women-refuse-treatments-for-breast-their-breast-cancer/

My dear cousin always did a lot, and I do mean a lot, of research on just about anything. When she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer several years ago, she knew it was probably fatal, and it was, taking her life within 6 months. But she altered her normally healthy diet anyway, following a more alkaline diet because that was what she read was supposed to be conducive to helping kill cancer. She also went to Houston to a cancer clinic there and then went thru chemo treatments for a while.

Like others who have said, I don’t think there is more you can do now other than be supportive, and encourage her, when you can, to be more proactive and aggressive in her treatment. My good friend even had both breasts removed, choosing that over a lumpectomy, because of the presence of BRCA genes and family history.

Thanks Rita, I appreciate that. I’ve posted about it quite often, so I felt it was probably redundent.

Have a family member who did the natural thing and went down to mexico for treatments of some sort. Didn't work. And this is after her own mother died of the same thing at a young age too!!!

Rita-That is a tragic story about your friend. I'm sorry for her and her siblings.