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Over anxious daughter

8 years ago

My daughter is a wonderful mum to her three young children, although an anxious and sometimes stressy one. I live interstate and see them 2-3 times a year, and have a great relationship with my gc and son in law and daughter. I pitch in and help as much as possible when visiting and don't interfere with parenting. My only problem is that I'm often being disciplined by daughter in dealing with the children, unreasonably....I bite my tongue for a while and then we have a spat! I tell her she needs to chill a little, as does her hubby. It's then I feel like not putting myself in that situation....which is sad because I have so little time with them. Does anyone else experience this and how would you deal with it?! Really appreciated!

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Comments (5)

colleenoz
8 years ago
Before commenting, may I clarify:

What exactly do you mean by "I'm often being disciplined by daughter in dealing with the children"?
Sylvia Gordon
8 years ago
I don't know, she doesn't sound like a loving caring person to me. She sounds like a punitive person who is scapegoating her mother. Just the fact that you use the word discipline to describe her behavior Sims indicative of her stance and of your position. I my own self would be tempted to stay at home and email or Skype to the children and send cards, letters, and presents to the children. I wish you the best.
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colleenoz
8 years ago
Yeah, I've been mulling this one over in my mind and I can't think of anything you could do or say that might change things without causing your daughter to flip out. She sounds like a real control freak to me.

As Sylvia says, in your shoes I would just not visit, but otherwise keep all the lines of communication open. If pressed by her as to why you don't visit, you could just say you don't like to be a bother. Let them come to you.
dowlinggram
8 years ago
You are the grandmother not the mother. It is different dealing with grandchildren than it is your own children. When dealing with grandchildren you must follow the children's parents rules. Think back to when your daughter was small. Would you have appreciated someone telling you what you should do or correcting your child and not following your rules? Of course you wouldn't have. If you have a concern talk to your daughter when the children are not present. Don't put it as an ultimatum but as something to think about.

Have you ever given your daughter praise when you think she is doing something right? I praise my son and DIL for doing what I consider a good job and I praise others when I see well behaved children. Being a parent is hard and you are not often given credit for the job you are doing. A beaming smile is my reward for telling it how it is.
colleenoz
8 years ago
Dowlinggram, for some reason Katherine's reply to my question has disappeared. In it she explained what happens, and your reply has no relevance in this situation. Katherine makes no comment about her daughter's child rearing and only finds out what the rules are after she's "transgressed"- and I must say, they're rules no normal person would have thought of. Then she gets read the riot act.

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