I think if the grandparents were only invited the week before, then likely the party is just an impromptu occaision to get together and enjoy the new baby. In this case I think it would be foolish to give up a vacation with plane tickets bought and paid for, but certainly not worth getting miffed about either. So it didn't work out for the grandparents this time; they can stop in for a visit as soon as they get back. Even better, they can invite the young family to their home for dinner and a visit; being parents of a young child can be exhausting and they'd probably welcome the opportunity for a relaxing visit with family. Blessed are the flexible for they shall never be bent out of shape! Corrie

I gave my dad a new, silver pocket knife--he always carries one (a small one), as well as a handkerchief. It's one of those "my dad" things that I've always liked about him; he was always prepared. And just a week before the wedding he'd lamented that his was getting a little dull. And I think one of the decorative panels was cracked or something. So it was something he needed, and it was small and personal; I just got a slightly fancy version of it. My folks didn't pay for the wedding, but they DID a lot. I wanted to say thanks. I don't remember what I got my mom--maybe a beaded evening bag I saw that I realized would match the dress she was going to wear? Sort of "spur of the moment" thing. I didn't have a really formal thing, and i don't think my sis got them presents, so they weren't expecting anything. I just happened to get two very SPECIFIC ideas that were unique to them. I didn't worry about getting a present for my in-laws. I didn't give the presents out at the rehearsal barbecue, co my ILs didn't even know about them. Plus, I was very specifically saying "thanks for ripping up your schedule, your home, etc., for this wedding." My ILs didn't do that much. They flew out for the wedding, and were helpful where they could be, but that was about it. They did throw a big reception back in their home town, but I didn't feel like they were doing much for US; that reception was really for THEM. So while I was gracious, and grateful, it didn't move me the same way my DMom & DDad's organizing and cleaning and prepping did. I'm not a fan of generic sorts of gifts--picture frames, etc. Those do feel like a "shuffling around of the money" thing.

This is the first time the boys are going without the whole family to visit GM. It really wasn't double UM fee was $100 each so for a few extra $$ I got my own ticket so they wouldn't fly alone ... Mainly because BM is trying to convince everyone that SS11 is bi-polar and has anxiety too. I didn't want there to be any confusion about him so I thought I would go to and save some stress all around. As for what BM is doing to her children ... granted my SC can be stubborn when they want to be and they have lots of sibling rivalry at her home ... it has basically stopped here there is no competition here (IMO) at mom's they have to compete for her attention so it seems the one who can behave the worse gets the most attention. The boys were fighting with each other over the XBOX at her home so after she hollered and screamed at them for 45 minutes she began flailing her arms and hit both of them multiple times. (gee I wonder why they hit each other when they get frustrated) SS11 was pushed out the door with only sweatpants on in 22 degree weather after he threatened to run away so she told to get the f&*( out and stay out. She told the boys your dad has custody of you so if you never come back here I don't give a F^&* ... SD screaming she wanted to come here and BM told her no daddy has no rights to you if I say you can't see him you won't. (mom has sole custody of SD) BM screaming she doesn't even know why she had children if she knew they would turn out like this she would have never had any kids. SS13 was told you're my first born I thought I could love you more than the others I should have never had you. SD during all this had an "anxiety attack" mom told her to take a fu&%ing pill and get over it. They had an I hate you more contest. Screaming at each other who hates who more ... Most of this occurred on a wed night between 8:30PM and 10:30PM. They called here multiple times through the course of the 2 hours. And because hubby will not make waves or even call her and tell her to stop they continued to call .... no action on his part ... even though I was prompting him to go get them, get her on the phone, or call the police he took no action. When they came home this Sunday at 3:30pm from mom's all 3 were in the same clothes they had on friday when left for school... all came in starving I asked didn't you have lunch no mom left early this morning so we didn't get breakfast or lunch she came home and got us to bring us here. I said I know you all are quite capable of making yourselves something to eat they then rambled off how there wasn't any milk or bread nothing easy only oven food ... and they are not allowed to use the oven with out an adult around. We have had DSS involved in our lives since July when mom called because we didn't take SD's anxiety issues seriously and we didn't allow her to contact her mother.... DSS meets with mom bi-weekly because of her parenting skills and we meet monthly with them because hubby has sole custody of the boys. In Aug 2 days before they went to court .... SS11 was flipping out because hubby wouldn't him play xbox so he put him in his room he called his mom 2 hours later (big ordeal) mom came and picked SS11 up and took him to the police station to file an abuse report against hubby because he physically put SS in his room. Then she filed an Ex-parte order saying SS11 was "terrified" of his father and shouldn't have to return home ... judge granted hubby sole custody of SS's. So we asked SS11 if he wanted to file a police report against mom he said no ... I said well why did you against daddy he said mommy said he wouldn't get in trouble and she said he wouldn't be able to hit him anymore ... I said so its ok for mom to hit you but not daddy? he said yeah she's my mom she can hit me. I said no one should be hitting you when they are angry. No bruises but emotional abuse doesn't leave visible wounds. So after I calmed down and talked with hubby again we decided to sit the boys down and told them if you do not want to go there don't ... no one has the right to put their hands on you (but she's our mom she can hit us). Hubby and I decided next time they call here like that he is to send the police there and also head out and pick them up ... if there is any hesitation on his part I will just be his wife I will step back completely from them and uninvest any emotional attachment I have to them ... (this was my decision) I have to save myself before I can save them.

Another big dinner planned for Jan. 1, which is also my sister's BDay. I will cook some special things Wednesday and Thursday--my son and DIL couldn't make it for Christmas (he had to work), so they will arrive on Thursday, stay overnight, then leave on Friday afternoon. My best friend's mentally challenged sister will arrive early on Friday morning, and stay until Sunday evening. DD and SIL, who live with me, are planning a day trip with their two young sons on Friday, and my younger DD will be here Thursday for the belated Christmas mini-celebration, stay overnight, and return for dinner on Sunday. I think that's what's happening. ;) Yesterday was like a late spring day, and today is looking just as gorgeous, but a little cooler. I spent all last afternoon outside, hosed down door mats, mopped mudroom, and washed dog bedding, and took a walk along the fence line. Today I have been trying to catch up on human laundry. DD, SIL, and grands are getting ready to leave for Christmas celebration with SIL's family, so this afternoon I will go out and enjoy the nice weather again--maybe take a walk and visit with my favorite neighbors.