Speaking of Tatoos........
9 years ago
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I feel so uncomfortable..
Comments (33)It has been over two years since this post was written. Here is a quick update. We tried two assisted living facilities, we did a nursing home, we did three group homes, and during this time she's had a big hospitalization, so there was the acute care and a rehab hospital. We hired four different in-home aides to help. One ripped us off for about 40 thousand dollars. You read that right. Forty Grand. She'd take my MIL to the hairdressers or out to lunch, only she was stopping at the bank for my MIL and would take a few thousand each trip. She cleaned my MIL out from her savings. And, she took some antique linens, some jewelry from my MIL and me. She took some Polish Pottery from my china cabinet, and basically, had a field day at our expense. (Yes, there are police reports. Only no prosecutions as my MIL is the primary witness and she is useless and the aide swears that it was all given to her as gifts.) One aide was horrible and we canned her after two weeks of paying her to sit and drink coffee and do nothing, the other two were okay, but not worth the money or time. As soon as my MIL would say she didn't want a shower or whatever, they felt compelled to honor her patient rights. The facilities, to a last one all failed. My MIL was a horrible fit for each one and ended up turning me into the state, the county, and to adult protective services for abuse. I have had five intense and complete investigations due to my MIL's claims (proven to be lies after investigations.. oh gee, she'd lie?? I call her "The Patron Saint of All Holy Liars), and all of them proved my MIL has progressive dementia and that not only am I not abusive to her (or anyone), but that I am the standard bearer or the gold standard of in-home care giving and wouldn't it be great if everyone was as good as I am. Yea, why doesn't everyone give up their lives for the demented aims of the demented. So, my MIL is still here. The granddaughter is going to be 4 years old soon. I spend as much time as I can with our granddaughter and make every effort to make the basic care for my MIL but to stay away from her as much as possible. My MIL is worse than she was, but is stable and healthy here. She is quite happy to see her son everyday and she gets on the telephone with her friends and goes on and on about what a horrible woman I am. I don't cry as much, I don't complain as much, and I don't lash out for a life much anymore. I have come to accept that I am worthless and will have to either wait until she finally dies or I get the balls up myself to walk out on my husband and kiss this dream good bye. Because.. this dream is a nightmare. Oh yea, a couple of her friends have come here to rescue her from me. They believed her stories. One even came with her adult daughter my age and a traveling caregiver to help with the transfer to take my MIL with them and out of my evil clutches. When they saw the truth, they were shocked and ashamed. And, they LEFT HER! I would have been thrilled to have had them take her! But, they said they wouldn't be able to give her the care she needs.. BS! They saw what a wicked old crone she was and didn't want her in their lives. We've never heard from them again!! So, two years down the road and my life is as bad, if not worse. She's either not fit or been kicked out of every facility we've tried. I could tell you the graphic accounts, but trust me on this.. you don't want to have to read it. It is hard to find any happiness in life at all. And, I know that she is going to be here until I die. Not her.. me. And, my death is something I look forward to now. Amazing how much life can change in two years.....See MoreDo you have a tatoo?
Comments (76)Maureen, I have tremendous sympathy, empathy, an understanding for those who are not of the beautiful set. I don't know exactly why I am coming across as someone who dislikes the non beautiful! One of the finest and most popular people I have ever known, a very good friend at one point in my life, had the worst skin I have ever seen. The worst. But he is a great guy and his tremendous personality overcame any physical defects. He had no trouble getting dates, he is just a wonderful, funny, caring, outgoing person. Of course not all acne is related to diet but I know my skin cleared up when I avoided certain foods and I do most certainly believe that what you eat will show up in the way you look. Most people want to eat all the processed food and white flour, bad fats, bgh dairy, insecticidal laced vegetables they want and not think it will effect how they feel and look. Personally, I'm trying to follow a modified paleo diet. Only with some success! I am craving scallion pancakes.... So, as someone whose been through the trenches of mean girls (Never Been Kissed, seen that?) I have no sympathy at all for someone who doesn't try and better themselves if they would indeed like to be more than what they are. Not so the cool people will accept them but so they can themselves be empowered. It's a place of influence. Everyone needs to come to a place where they are secure in their choices and why they make them. If you are happy with the clothes you wear, I'm happy too! But if you are choosing dowdy clothes because you have a bad body image or don't want to call attention to yourself or think it's shallow to care about clothes, then I would encourage you to make a change for something better. One person I admire is Joni Erickson Tada. She is a quadriplegic and has been since a swimming accident as a teenager. She is so personable and influential to so many who are needy, yet, she always is gracious and, I might add, perhaps trivially, well groomed. She hasn't chosen to give up in that area although she certainly could....See MoreShould I give dh a chance or give dh the cold shoulder?
Comments (17)Don't give him cold shoulder. Lay it all out. Specifically. I don't like it when you _____________ because I feel _____________ when that happens. Then tell him what you will do. Example. My 7 year old (yep, because that's how old your dh is acting!!) keeps not appreciating what I do for her. Not only that, but acting like a little brat prior to us doing fun stuff. I finally told her today that I am tired of feeling like this. I told her I cannot control what she does, but I can control how I react to it. So the next time she doesn't listen to me about eating in the living room or whatever, I'm not going to get all upset. We're just not going to do the fun stuff we had planned. Then I won't feel that she's taking advantage and martyr myself. End game. I think she got it. So, what will you do when DH does something like that? DH: I think your tattoos are hideous. You: I apologize for my husband. That was innappropriate to say to you, a guest in our home. Would you like to come with me to the patio for some tea? DH: Rush Limbaugh is an idiot, I don't see how any smart person could listen to him. You must be an idiot. You: It's obvious we have different opinions on this subject. Aren't politics a heated subject!! By the way, Aunt Jen, this is a lovely coffee cake. How did you make it so fluffy and light? By doing that, it takes the attention from him, lets him and everyone know that you won't stand for it, and lets him off without the humility of being kicked or told off. Just smile, and cut him off at the chase. Diffuse while in the heat of it, then when you get him alone have specific things to tell him, without anger or blame....See MoreVery Upset
Comments (25)Everyone here is so on the defense. I can assure you that I am NOT the BM of smashley's SD. I am a BM... but not her BM. I am also a SM, of one very happy, very loving young boy that adores me. I was honestly just saying, that I knew someone that called herself that. I can see there is no OT conversations here, so I shall refrain in the future. SMASHLEY- What I can say to you is this, in my experience, it is common for a BM to air their dirty laundry on their FB page. It's almost like they can't refrain from expressing to the world that THEY gave birth to that child and they don't want ANYONE to confuse SM as the BIRTH MOM. And anything SM does that is even the slightest bit questionable, WILL be turned in to something that it isn't. And there are many SM's out there that do the same to the BM's. No self control at all. My exhusbands girlfriend is quite frustrated that I am a happily married, responsible mom of 2 girls, that has my head on straight and my priorities in line. Therefore she makes stuff up like "they aren't even your kids" etc etc... even though we were married for 3 years BEFORE I got pregnant, and my girls are the spitting image of their dad. Wanna know what I do? IGNORE IT. I completely ignore ALL of it. My SS's BM likes to talk trash about me to everyone she knows (and a lot of these people are MUTUAL aquaintances) and the future SM of my girls... can't keep my name out of her mouth to save her freakin life. I just don't care. I am a GOOD mom, and a GOOD Stepmom, and that is alllll that matters. Seriously, I know it is hard to ignore at times. And it is frustrating as hell... but it is part of being the "bigger person" that everyone always talks about. And in STEP FAMILIES, that saying will become more and more a part of your everyday vocabulary. Be the bigger person. I say, either ignore her email all together. Or respond in a mannor that is mature, and reassuring that you are in NO WAY speaking poorly of this childs mother. That is my advice....See More- 9 years ago
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